Need Support After Late Miscarriage

I lost a baby at 17 weeks after having a healthy baby girl prior to this. I just had another healthy girl in 2008. It's hard to determine why this stuff happens--there could be a lot of reasons. The doctors weren't able to determine why my baby died.
I hope you're getting the support you need. Please message me if you're interested in joining a support group for prenatal loss. I went to one and it really helped me a lot.

Never been ther, Just wanted to say keep the faith and no matter what be strong and it is healthy to talk about his/her passing. you have taken the first step in healing, you have asked the world for advice.

My sympathies go out to you, I know that it is not easy to deal with. I had 2 miscarriages, however both were around the 8 th week. Both were after having my son, for the most part a non eventful pregnancy. Even though mine were earlier, it hurts still real bad even to this day, a year later. Many people will say well "you should be thankful for your other healthy children" or "it happened because that is natures way of dealing with a child that had a abnormalty or other problems"...these comments never seemed to comfort me as I suppose they wouldn't comfort anyone, but people don't know what to say. All I can say is that your angel baby was wanted and loved at the moment of conception and the pain of losing him/her will decrease in time but you will always hurt for the loss of that child. After my second miscarriage I went through a major depression and things were not good but now I am feeling much happier and healthier and I found myself pregnant again! I am currently 7 months and am extremely happy. I'm telling you this because I wish for you to love and remember your angel baby but I hope that you will somehow move forward in a positive light and not let the loss get you so down, as it did for me. It really can pull a person down hard and fast. I wish that you keep positive and remain healthy and live life and before you know it, you will find yourself pregnant again someday! I also truly believe that your angel baby is with your grandmother as I find comfort in knowing that mine are with their grandmother too! Take care of yourself and smile because life is sooo precious!

I had an almost identical experience with my first pregnancy. I had some spotting at 6-7 weeks and they thought I was going to miscarry - but ultrasound revealed a viable fetus with a heartbeat and they told me chance of miscarriage was less than 5%. All continued normally until I was around 14+ weeks - they didn't hear a heartbeat but didn't worry and did an ultrasound - after the tech scanning for what felt like forever and then getting the dr. who also scanned forever... I knew. The fetus had stopped growing at 11-12 weeks - but I hadn't miscarried - they call it a "missed abortion" b/c your body doesn't "abort" the dead fetus. There were no chromosomal abnormalities upon testing - the doctor thinks it was a placental failure to implant correctly that stopped nourishing fetal growth. I had to have a D&C and I had a really hard emotional and physical recovery - but I did go on to have 3 beautiful children with absolutely no further problems. I got pregnant 4 months after my loss

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Hugs.

Dear S.K.,
I am so sorry you are going through this as well as your partner (don't forget they have experienced a loss as well even though your experience is physical & emotional).

I had a miscarriage at my 12th week. My husband & I were traveling with our 13month daughter in Spain and I started bleeding. Eventually, I had to be admitted into the hospital in Spain and had a D&C due to my pregnancy having hit the 3 month mark. Prior to this I had recieved an ultra-sound because I was spotting and the ultra-sound showed all well with the egg implanted and living.

Every woman needs to find their own solice and comfort through this experience. For me, the comfort was knowing something was terribly wrong with the embryo and my body did exactly what it shouild have done. I found comfort in my first child, comfort in the many women who spoke to me of their own miscarriages whom I never knew had miscarried before my own (many- it was the unspoken club I had joined). I found comfort in my friends & family. I found comfort in talking about it out loud rather than hushing it up inside. I found comfort in my husbands tears knowing he had wanted this child like I did. I worked through my guilt (had I caused it, did I not want the baby enough, was I being punished, and all those lies our mind tells us at low times). But a big comfort came in speaking with my mid-wives and being told I had 1 healthy child and I could try again after 3 months, which I did. I was very nervous through-out my second pregnancy but in 10 months our son was born, healty, grumpy, yelling, and crying and I knew without a doubt that I cherished him as much as his older sister.

I'm so sorry you had a miscarriage. Religions seems a strong part of your life. You may find comfort in your religious community. There may be a support group based around your religion that you can explore. Or just finding comfort in your own quiet conversations with God. You can & will move past the pain, sadness, and hurt because you already are trying by reaching out to a community around you and opening the conversation of your sufferring rather than suppressing it and bottling it up inside. Tears are good. They express your emotions while also helping your body chemically. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient. And again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Regards,
ann m.

S.K.

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of your baby. I was actually surprised at how strong my emotions were when I first miscarried. I knew it was a loss but didn't expect it to be so intense.

I have had 3 miscarriages, all before my two boys were born, but the first one I was nearly 13 weeks. We had seen the baby kicking around and moving on the ultrasound so they assured us the risk of losing the baby at that point was very little. Still statistics don't matter if you're on the wrong end of them;).

One thing that surprised me was that because you're further along, your hormones may take a similar journey to return to normal as they would after the birth of a child, but with the loss your feelings of loss and sadness may be amplified. I went to see my doctor because I was having such a difficult time moving on and finding peace.

I know everything tells you this, but know it was nothing you did to cause the miscarriage. Most of the time, there is something else going on your body or the baby's.

A Place to remember ( http://aplacetoremember.com/ ) has some good resources and some nice remembrances for babies lost to miscarriage, stillborn or shortly after birth. It really helped us to have a little naming service just my husband and I and we gave our baby a name and dedicated him/her like we would have if we had been able to baptize the baby. Some people really appreciate these steps and some do other things but finding some way to acknowledge our baby was important for us. We also have angels for our christmas tree for each baby we lost. They are just plain angels, but they are important to us.

I did go on to have two healthy boys and am pregnant - about 15 weeks - with our next child. I feared at one point I would never have any and I can't say I am totally relieved until I hold my baby, but know lots of us will be praying for you.

God bless!
M.

I just wanted to say that I have been there. I had one beautiful, healthy 3 yr old girl when I miscarried during our second pregnancy, although I was only 8.5 wks along when it happened. But I went on to have another healthy, beautiful girl 2 yrs later and we are expecting baby #3 in May.

So find comfort in the fact that it wasn't anything you did or didn't do. Sometimes God's plan is greater than we can ever comprehend.

I pray that you make peace with your loss and in time find the strength to try again. *hugs*

I am so sorry to hear about your loss... I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family. One of my girlfriends recently went in for her 16 week check up and found they had lost the baby... they were completely crushed. She also had two perfectly healthy daughters with no previous pregnancy issues. This link provided a good starting point for finding some grief support for her:

http://www.peacehealth.org/KBASE/shc/shc08.htm

My heart is with you! Stay strong honey! It will never stop hurting, but time truly does heal all wounds... Bless your baby, and bless your family!

Hugs!!!! My 5th loss was 2 days before 2nd trimester, after hearing heartbeat at 11wks. After not passing it naturally, they finally did a D&C along with genetic testing. The baby had a Trisomy 7, absolutely fatal, but sometomes making it full-term and dying during birth.

We then went for genetic testing/counseling, to learn we were fine, it was a fluke, and to keep trying.

Wishing you the best!!

I have not miscarried, but I have several friends who have. I just wanted to offer my support and prayers. I hope that you are able to find peace after your loss. Talking and journaling may help in the grieving process. Good luck.

Hi, I feel your pain, like one or two other comments I lost my baby girl "for no reason" at 18 wks. She still had a heartbeat, but I was leaking fluid and dialated. I tend to think it was Turner's syndrome... I had a friend lose her baby at 18 wks from that. It's been about 2 months since it happened and it does get easier. I still think about it all the time. Luckily I have a 2 yo healthy boy. My pregnancy with him was textbook, then I had to have ER c-section - he is stubborn! I know we are going to try again, but I think it is best to wait until you are emotionally healed, it takes longer than physically healing.
Good luck to you.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a disappointment and empty feeling. I also had a late miscarriage. I had heard the heartbeat at 7 weeks and went to my 12-week appointment and there was no heartbeat. I never had any bleeding or any other sign anything was wrong. I was just starting to feel "safe" and had gotten out my maternity clothes and had told people. It was really hard. I got pregnant about 2 months after my miscarriage and now have a healthy 18-month-old. My best wishes to you and your family.

I read your request and felt for you.
I was in your place a two years ago this past Thanksgiving. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I was so upset. I had a DC two days before Thanksgiving. I didn't tell the Family I was pregnant yet, and went for Thanksgiving, surrounded by babies, and cousins. It was not my first pregancy. Actually my 4th (I had never had a miscarriage). I was so upset, I cried for weeks. What I learned is, things happen in our lives, out of our controll. Thru this we learn to appreciate the wonderful thing in our lives.
There is hope in the end. I have a wonderfully happy and healthy son, who is now a year old. So yes we tried again, and prayed.
So hang in there, I know its hard right now, but have faith, you will make it thru. If you need anything, I can just listen. Just email me. My thoughts are with you.

S.K. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. I miscarried at 8 wks with my first pregnancy, then had a healthy baby with my second pregnancy. My third baby died when he was 17 days old. After he died I thought I could never go through another pregnancy again but 2 years after my son's death I delivered another healthy baby. Thank God!
There are many good books out there that deal with pregnancy and loss. Go to Borders or another large book store and they should have a decent selection. Reading other people's account of their loss made me feel less alone and really helped me with the healing process. I think until you go through something like this it is hard to comprehend how great the loss really is but reading other mom's stories really helped me. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

I'm so sorry for your loss, what a heartbreaking story. This has not happened to me, but I have two friends who had late miscarriages; one at 12-13 weeks (she did have heavy bleeding and cramping as it was happening), then another good friend who, like a previous poster, went in for the 18-week ultrasound and to find out what the gender was only to find that the baby had died somewhere between 16-18 weeks. She had just heard the heartbeat in the office a week before. There were no chromosomal abnormalities with my friend... she does not know exactly why this happened to this day. The vast majority of babies are born and fine after that initial first trimester and hearing of the heartbeat, but that is no comfort when the opposite has happened to you. The good news is that both my friends went on to have other children and had no complications. The fact that you have two healthy kids already is obviously an excellent testament to the fact that you can do it again if and when you choose. I'm so sorry for this - take time to grieve and process what you are going through.

I'm so sorry to hear of your recent loss. I know from experience how difficult it is. I had four miscarriages before the birth of our healthy son. Although mine were earlier than yours (3 of the four were missed miscarriages) the baby making it until 7-10 weeks, I thought I was safe after we had heard the heartbeat. We know that at least two of the four had chromosomal abnormalities. I have two friends that have had missed miscarriages around 14 weeks, and one of my friends now has a healthy baby girl. The fact that you already have two healthy girls is a good sign, because that means that you probably don't have any significant chromosomal problems that prevent you from having healthy children. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars on tests to make sure we were "chromosomally compatible" and all of the tests turned out completely normal. It's so hard to hear that it is probably just "bad luck," but if you're willing to try again, there is a good chance that you'll have another healthy baby. My husband and I had pretty much given up hope after having four m/c over the course of four years and didn't think we could handle another loss, and then, surprisingly, we became pregnant with our son and everything worked out. Best of luck to you. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I know how heartbreaking and confusing it can be.

S.K. -

I am so sorry for your loss. My miscarriage was at 10 weeks (after having a healthy son). I wanted to pass along my condolences and empathy for the hurt and pain you are experiencing. It's so easy to beat yourself up over the reasons why this precious miracle ended so soon, but it won't help you heal. Will the doctors be able to run a test to see if it was due to a chromosonal abnormality or some other reason? Though you will still be hurting, that might give you some sense of closure. Sending you lots of support -- know that you are not alone. My thoughts will be with you. Take care.

Hello, and let me tell you that I feel your pain and hope you are getting all the support you need.
I just had a miscarriage 4 days ago and at 14.5 weeks. The days before, I went for an anatomy ultrasound and was told that my baby is perfectly healthy and that all of my tests are great.
12 hours later, lost my baby.
I cannot seem to find a reason to go on and do not know what to do and how to heal and how to support my husband. He is great at supporting, but nothing is helping me. I think I am getting suicidal and need help.
Can anyone please help me? are there any support groups in Philadelphia and meetings?
My friends are not really helping me, they are telling me that I should stop feeling sorry for myself and pittying myself. They are not supportive and I am avoiding all contact with friends. I can only stand my husband and parents at this point.
Doctors are not giving me any answers and I am diabetic and ofcourse blaming myself for losing my baby and hating my fat sick body for rejecting my baby. Doctors are not telling me what could be done differently the next time we try, therefore I dont think I will try again. I do not think I awill be able to handle another loss of my baby.
Please help me........

Hi,
I am the mom of 5 kids.....i have also experienced the loss of babies through miscarriage. My first was between my 3rd and 4th and that was at 8 weeks. Then i had my daughter....born on time and healthy. No problems in my pregnancy except for gallbladder problems. Thought we were done and moved to Ohio.....then got pregnant with number 5. Everything was going along fine. Went to my check up at 18 weeks and had planned to schedual my ultrasound to find out what the baby was. (already had 4 girls :)
They went to find the heartbeat and nothing. Did an ultrasound in the office....no heartbeat. Did see a perfectly formed little baby. Had to be induced and deliver my baby....it was a perfectly formed little boy. It was so hard!! i really struggled after that and really wanted another baby. We now have 5 children with our last being a boy! Had a healthy pregnancy....physically but it was very hard emotionally and mentally for me.
Miscarraiges are so hard but you can have a healthy, normal pregancy after that. You doctor should be very understanding about any fears you might have when you get pregnant again. You might ask for some additional blood work and ultrasound to make sure your hormones are where they should be (sometimes if they get out of wack, that can cause a miscarriage.). I went to my docs often with my last preg. since i lost the other baby so late, i was really wanting to make sure i was really feeling the baby.....or maybe i was not feeling it enough....or maybe too much...or whatever. they should be willing to allow you to come in and have some peace of mind.
Not sure if all this helped you or not but i do understand your pain....it is real and it is painful.
Many blessings,
G.

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been in a similar situation, but I wasn't quite as far along. I was around 11 weeks when I found out the baby had died around 9 weeks. Like you, I had already seen the heartbeat so I just knew I was close to being out of the woods. I just assumed everything would be ok since I have a healthy 3 yo boy. It's hard to say why these things happen- but it's not your fault. Just give it a little time, and when you are ready, you can try again. I can't say that you will ever get over the loss- it's almost been a year for me and still think about the baby I lost every day. At the same time, I am so happy for the beautiful son I have. Just hold those two girls tight and let them help you through the worst of the grieving. They won't understand, but they are your blessings, and will give you hope and peace.

Yes, at the time of my miscarriage, I had one healthy child. That is definitely a challenging situation to deal with, but let me assure you that there is definitely a reason for it. I'm not sure that hearing that helped me just after my miscarriage several years ago, however -- looking back, I do realize that there is a reason for everything.

I now have a lovely 3.5 month old healthy boy in addition to my older son! Don't lose hope as God is in control and He knows what is best for you.

It will be okay - - I promise - because I've been there. Talk about it, because it's healthy. And, again, know that it's in God's hands.

Hi, S.K.
Does the hospital have a grief support group for mother's who have had
babies that were stillborn?
Maybe that would be an avenue to look for support.
Find you a caring friend that will allow you space to grieve over
your loss.

D.

The statistics mean nothing, I lost at 18 weeks. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been 10 years 3 children later but the hurt still stings. Yes you should be able to have another after all my loss was my 1st and I have 3 beautiful, healthy little girls.