Needing Advice 5 Yr Old Will Not Go to School

Hi C., Have you tried helping out in the classroom? My 7 year old son is big on comfort zones. It is very easy to tell when he is out of one. He is my youngest, so it was easy for me to volunteer at the school to help make it one of his comfort zones before he went to school. I helped out in his classroom once a week for half a day until he was so comfortable that he didn't notice me leaving. Good luck, S.

Keep him home til he is 6. I had to do the same thing. If not, he will have to repeat the kindergarden. I had to have my oldest repeat kind. I kept my youngest home til he was 6. He does well in school. He is just not ready. Make visits intermittently to the school so he can be ready next year.No nead for medication.

He sounds like he is afraid. Maybe if you take him out more to see other people. Go take him to the stores and if you see people you know let him see you assosiate with them. Talk with them. This I feel will take time for you and Dad to get him to see. I too had a son like that. He is on meds. He is afraid of crowds and don't like being around them. He had trouble with his speech too. He is now older and still have these troubles but he continues to try. I tell him to focus on one thing in his mind and deal with it first. I hope I helped. Take care

My neighbor had a similar situation with her daughter. It might be anxiety and medication can help. If you've already ruled out physical concerns with his pediatrician, I would recommend consulting a pediatric therapist. Good luck.

C., Maybe you could contact some of the mothers of the other children in your son's class and set up some play dates. After a couple of dates, when he seemed comfortable, you could add another friend (mother and child). Maybe if he met some of his class mates in an informal situation with you present, he would feel more comfortable about going to school and meeting those same friends there. It would probably be fun for you too! G.

Hi i have worked with many children ho didn't want to go too school.LET them no you have fears to.thank back to when you here young and left home to go too school and you made it.go to the school and visit with them in class and let her see you play with the children.Invite your child to play too don't force it .if that doesn't seem to help tell her to give it a try and if the child doesn't work you can home school the child but let him are her inter act with other kids that do go to school and here all the fun they are missing out on.

Your son is NOT ready to leave you and go to school. He is not ready to leave the "nest." Is he in Pre-school, Kdg. or 1st grade? AND DO NOT medicate him to send him to school. Did the school suggest medication to YOU? Unless he is a behavior problem in the classroom and diagnosed with ADD; I WOULD NEVER agree to medication! Do a lot of you in the home always complain of feeling bad, take a lot of medication, or need to lay down a lot? He is probably watching someone who does this. Maybe he has been babied because your other children are older. Has he just been around you and your family; or, has he had a chance to interact with others? Maybe he is just overly connected to you. His not being ready to leave the nest does not have anything to do with his intellilectual level, or that he is not smart. Give him some more time and allow him to mature more before you send him to school. Most schools will test children before they go to school; and, if they are not mature enough to leave home they suggest holding the child back. IT IS BETTER to hold the child back now than when he gets older and is in upper grades. DO NOT do everything for him, do not talk for him; nor, allow anyone else to baby him or talk for him; teach him some independence. Good Luck!

Learning social skills is something that must be learned through experience. Does he have a play group or a friend you could ask over to the house? Start small. He may just be introverted. Or maybe he is being bullied at school. Have you gone to unobstrusively observe him to see what is going on in school? Get a school counselor to help observe too. Maybe you will notice something. Is home schooling an option for you?

C., I am a Special Education Teacher, and mother and wife. I am not sure where you are located, but I can tell you it is highly illegal for your child's teacher to suggest medicating your son; based on the information you gave. Your son is apparently going through serious anxiety stemmed from separating from his family (which is understandable). I went through something very similar with my daughter. She cried everyday, and would make herself vomit. The good news is, it will get better. But as you know, the only way he is going to "adjust" to school is by attending on a regular basis. I am not sure removing the items in his life that bring him pleasure is a good idea, this may only heighten his level of insecurity. Instead I would focus on what we in the field of special education call "Positive Behavior Support" which means you shower him with praise and rewards when he does go to school. The definition of a reward is not an expensive gift. A reward is something your son enjoys and something you know he values. Here is the catch, this must be something he is not getting on a regular basis now (hence, remember I said you are not removing items, you are adding), but it also must be something reinforcing to him. It may mean you have his favorite food for dinner that night, or he may want to watch a movie on Friday night after he has been to school all week. You have to decide what motivates your son, but please include him in this decision. And remember, the reward must come quickly; at his age you can't drag this on for a month, he needs to be reinforced often, I am not sure once a week is enough.You may have to reinforce him every day, then work up to a week. I hope this helps. K.

My second child was the exact same way. He had speech issues too. He cried every day for the first three months of kindergarten. I felt like the monster mom every time I dropped him off at school. I had to tell him that it is against the law for mommy not to take you to school. You have to go to school.

Keep dropping him off at school every morning and help him with his social skills--give him suggestions on how to make new friends, ask him who the nicest child (not the most popular, the nicest) in the class is and plan a play date. You can also plan a birthday party and observe how he interacts with the other children and give him suggestions to help him with his social skills.

The thing that really helped my son make friends was team sports. He played soccer first, then t-ball, basketball, he cried until I let him play football, inline hockey, track, baseball, and wrestling. He learned to make friends through team sports. There is hope. My son is 16 years old now. He is a social butterfly and a pretty decent quarterback, left fielder, and wrestler.

A lot of kids try this. The trick is to not fall for it. He's fine when he's finally there, but are you anxious about it? Kids pick up on that stuff and will use it to get what they want. Absolutely no need for medication.

Keep him at home with you! Maybe something is going on that you don't know about. Lots of children can be abused and never say anything about it, but they want to avoid the bad situation. Or, maybe he just likes being with his family. There's nothing wrong with that. I have six children that I have always homeschooled and none of them are a menace to society. Our oldest is doing dual enrollment at college, and he excells above all others in the class. Don't believe lies about "not being socialized". Just love your little one. Maybe he'll be ready for school next year.

Do not medicate your child for school. then he is a zombie and gets nothing out of it. Whats the rush? He is only 5, how about letting him go next year. Lots of boys aren't ready at 5. I have 3 boys and a girl and my daughter was ready at 4 she couldn't wait but my boys were not at all. I waited til 6 and the extra year seemed to help. I homeschooled one of mine til 2nd grade because he was like your son but in second he was ready to go. we had a wonderful couple of years just learning to read and stuff. now mine are 21, 18, 15, 13 and they are well adjusted, smart people and I really am grateful for the couple extra years with my sons at home. We are close and I think about us sitting around the living room reading and learning the abc's and it is a fond memory. Medication is not the answer...Let him be who he is. comfort him and let him know you are on his side, your his advocate.

First of all I woud like to ask has he been in any type of day care institute? and if not this is the problem he does not know how to interact with other children because he has not learn to be with other children especially when its time for him to start school. I would suggest that you get the children at his school and schedule a play time with him and the school kids so he can fill comfortable with them. and the excuse of being sick is something that you allow him to get away with. and you have done so for so long that he plays that same toon with you because he knows it works. Good luck

Sounds like anxiety. Try setting up a few playdates with kids in his class, one on one, so that he gets more comfortable with the kids. Maybe if he makes a friend or two he'll look forward to going to school instead of dreading it. There could be something bothering him about his new routine, maybe going to the cafeteria really freaks him out or he's afraid he'll have an accident. Talk to him about his day and his fears. I would say he really needs the playdates though if he's only used to being around adults.

I have a 5 yr old boy as well who started K and he recieves speech. He has come a long way in a year! In the beginning he did talk much to other kids because I think he got frustrated when kids would constantly say what what I can't understand you and I think that effected his self esteem. Now his speech is better and we can't shut him up!! Is your son learning in school? If so I don't think medication is the way, we have talked about medicating my son because he is too hyper but will wait till he's in 1 or 2nd and only if his learning process is hampered. Is there a reason why he doesn't want to go to school? Maybe a kid is mean to him, he is having a hard time adjusting, the teacher? It's tough but there must be some reason behind him using that as an excuse. Good luck I hope I helped!!

C.,

I am a curriculum coordinator for a school system and I have taught in the classroom for 11 years. I am also the mother of a 8 year old and a 6 month old. My advice to you is not to give in to him when he is pretending to be sick. Take him to school everyday and drop him off. Do not walk him to class this will only make things worse. Separation anxiety is common for 5 year olds. Let him know you love him and that you are counting on him to do well in school and that if he is really feeling bad or has a fever the nurse will call you. Tough Love is the best advice I have for you.

Loving and devoted mother of 2

Maybe you can go to school with him a couple of times at first and see how it goes. Really, send him to school. When he is out of school, take him to the park and play dates. Try to meet with some of the mothers of children in his class and set up play dates with them. Maybe once he has friends, it will open him up to friend circles. I wouldn't do medications. Your son has just been too secluded most of his life and being thrust into a huge social environment. It's natural that he will take time to adjust. Don't let him stay home, though. That's not helping it much, just making it worse. All you can do is try to ease the adjustment as much as you can for him. Good luck!

Allow me to share my experience with my own child that is somewhat similar. Hopefully it will help you. My own son has a combination of medical problems. He has a condition known as GERD (gastroesophagel reflux disease) as well as asthma and we recently found out he has a very low level of autism. When he started school it was a real fiasco. However, before he started school we had discussed our concerns that there would be problems with the principal. He placed him in with a teacher who was more experienced than the other two kindergarten teachers. It also ended up that she has a child of her own with Asperger's autism. So she knew better how to handle the situation. In our school there is also an assistant in with the teacher and this woman has helped tremendously as well. My son has come to like school, although he does have his days. We are working with a special needs coordinator within the school as well and it is helping tremendously. The teacher's assistant, the teacher as well as the special needs coordinator are all working with my son to help him with socializing with the other children. He has really come a long way since the beginning of school.

My advice to you would be to discuss the situation with his teacher as well as the principal and maybe even speak with the special needs coordinator to figure out together what may work best in helping your child to feel more comfortable. I know how hard it is to send them when they are so uncomfortable there. Maybe all of you could work something out that will help him.

I also have two older sons who are much older. My husband and I have been married for 21 years. Life can be chaotic sometimes here but due to finding out about the slight autism and trying the different things suggested through websites I found on autism, things are so much better now.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

As he had an evaluation to see if he has Asperger's Syndrome. Not that it means anything it just would help in finding ways to help and empathize with him if you had some information about other children with his characteristics, that is how i discovered by child has aspergers. Mine heads off to school fine now that he is in 2cd grade and his teachers claim that he is distant but learns well. And can be very interactive but only with his teachers and one other child. However if anyone asks my child about school he will say its fine or good. But he always adds the disclaimer that he hates it anyway and will be glad when he is finished with school forever. He lives for the weekends and endures school. I just try to find good things about school even if he grumbles and to say positive things about school randomly. I listen to his concerns and tell him he is allowed to feel and express negative feelings about school, but I am also allowed to express positive feelings about school.

peace love and empathy

kwaller

C., You have many posts with varying opinions, experience, and options. We can not know your little boy from your post of course! So you have to take each person's comments with a grain of salt, take what you need, and pitch the rest.
I find that rarely is a child of such an age faking if it's gone on this long. I believe you should look into some of the other conditions the Mom's have offered. Or just reexamine your little mans disposition & personality he just might have different needs than the 'norm'. Also I don't think anyone mentioned but sometimes just waiting ONE year and he'll do much better. Yet, it's already Feb. so I wouldn't do that.

Believe him. Believe it's THAT hard for him. Sometimes that is what a child needs. I'm not saying, give in, it may not be what he needs. Find out what he needs, could it be medical that he can't not adjust to such a crowd? I was a painfully shy child. I remember this boy in 1st grade he wet himself every day. He looked like bambi facing the end of riffle every day. He wasn't ready for school, he stopped coming after a while I always wondered what happened to him, and I'm 40 now. lol

What else could he do? He's a little kid, with a very small voice. They find what works and go with it. He needs to know you believe it's so hard he needs to be home.

Then take him for testing. Then consider homeschooling. RESEARCH it! I thought it was for fanatic's. lol I really did. I've been doing it since 2000 now. With all 3 of mine. ha! They are wonderful. You wouldn't believe how often they are praised as amazing, in social settings. My older two just passed their 8th and 5th grade testing with flying colors. We've had many challenges, and every one worth the effort.

WHO the heck started this your child needs to be in a room with 30 crazed kids the same age to be properly socialized is a sad excuse for researcher, and the way it's been so ingrained and everyone believes that just drives me nuts. Children become properly socialized after you find the definition of it. So please do not think you have to force him down this road of public schooling for that bad advice.

http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig/zysk1.html

http://homeschooling.about.com/od/socialization/a/socialc...

Here are a couple articles to broaden your the field of viable options for your child. I was very close minded to the option till I moved next door to a family that does it. It's been those nearly 8 years now, we are still friends. Her oldest is soon off to college, and her other 3 are brilliant wonderful human beings. Very well socialized, even cool kids.

I'm not saying Home school. I don't do that, I don't believe all women have what it takes. I wish they did, but lets be realistic. The self sacrifice is huge if you do it their entire school years. YET, guess what? Another option is do it till he's ready, and then put him back in. Grounded older more sure of himself. Many I know have. One Mom she does each child different, some have been in and out, some only home, some only public. Each child is different and if your son can't fit into the cookie cutter institutional setting, maybe you don't want to see what forcing him to do that will change in his wonderful human being self.

I think our children need to know they can TRUST us, they can trust us to believe them, love them through, and make the changes they individually need us to make so they can have the best parenting and childhood experience we can offer.

So I say, Mom stopped being over whelmed and delve into all your options and learn what your precious man needs from you to feel safe in this world and learn what it's all about.

I hope this helps,
~P.
www.momentsbypaula.com

C.,
He's 5 years old! Medication is what you hear? From whom? If his teacher says he's a delight, why pressure him? He can repeat if necessary, until he is ready to interact. I'm sure you know that boys mature a tad bit differently than do girls. I think dwelling of his shyness is a bit overthinking what's going on. Do you think this is a game he plays? I didn't quite understand that position you wrote after reading that he "can't play his games and stuff, the days he is sick and has to lay down" With responce to the little you have written, I think most children without close siblings tend to be shy and feel more comfort at home. It takes time, and he surely has that, do you? I wonder what medication needs to be given for "shyness"? At 5 some children have a problem speaking perfectly, in time, with or without speach class, he just may become the little boy you think he should be. For right now, he does sound delightful.

This may be a difficult decision, but you may have to hold him back a year. Meaning take him out of school and wait till the next school year begins and re-enroll him. He may not be socially ready for school just yet. I may have to face that myself this coming school year. My oldest child is about to turn 5, and he has been at home with me since birth, and i'm afraid he may not just be ready for kinergarten. Or maybe i'm just not ready to let him go! Sit him down and ask him easy but pointed questions as to why he doesn't want to go to school, or why he thinks his tummy is upset all the time. It may just be his nerves, or it may be something more serious, like the other kids picking on him and the teacher just doesn't notice. I hope you don't have to take him outta school, but it may be your only choice. Good luck and God bless!!

God bless you for not jumping on the 'medicate them' bandwagon!

Try having having him ask one of his little school friends home to play a few times. He will get to know them better and it will give him a reason to look forward to going to school and seeing them.

Remember, you are the Mom, so he is not in charge. Five-year -olds love to try to take charge whatever way they can, and this may be part of it, too.

Blessings,
Suzanne

Hi, C.,
My brother and sister-in-law went through this with my nephew. What they did was to enlist his help along with his sister and they drew hearts. Then they cut out the hearts and put everyone's names in their own heart. So my brother had 3 hearts with each of their names, my nephew had 3 hearts with Mom, Dad and his sister's name, etc. My S-I-L would make sure everyday that my nephew had all 3 of his hearts with him. If you really make this a big deal and the whole family makes it important to them also it will help tremendously. He can go to school everyday carrying the hearts of each person he loves and that comforts him.
By the way, she got this idea from familyfun.com. It is full of ideas for Moms and Kids.
Hope this helps and good luck. I think this will work.

You have alot of great advice here. But ill share my story about my son and maybe it will help. Last year we tried to send him to kindergarten the first day the teacher sent home a letter saying that he was in no way ready fro school, told me to take him out and get him medicated. Well we taleked our son and after alot of fighting witht he teacher we left him for a couple of weeks. Even tho she said is behavior was better and he was making an effort she still didnt want him there. Long story short we finally removed him. I did not medicate him tho. We worked with him all year on his behavior we "played school" every morning til 12 then later on moved the time up a lil every month. He loved it. But when it came time to start school this year he was anxious, and scared. Was afraid his new teacher wouldnt like him. I sat him down and had a "grown-up" talk with him. I explained that sometimes in life there were things that we had do and sometimes these things were hard, and maybe a lil scary. I explained to him that these things still had to be done and that we were to rely on our family to help us with these tasks. I told him that talking about why things are scary and why they are hard sometimes helps them get better. Sometimes talking to our children like adults helps them. This year my son had done wonderfully. He has made friends, he loves his teacher and his doing amazing at school. He never wants to mis school not even for snow days. Just help him find the fun in everything. Explaint hat this is something he has to do. And they best way to get thru it is to find something he enjoys about it and to latch on to that.

Maybe you can make a pros and cons list with him about school and help him figure out a way to find the good in the cons list. Hope this helps. Things will get better but medication is not always the key.

I honestly believe that some 5yr olds are not ready for the pressures of kindergarten. I think this is why some states have the option of keeping your child out an extra year til the parent feels the child is ready for school. Could you possibly invite a child from his class over for a playdate? Maybe if he had at least one child who he was friends with he would be more confortable? Could you get involved at the school,, like being a playground mom or helping with PTA or something? Maybe you could get a better feel for the problem if you were at the school some. and maybe just having you nearby might give your son some confidence. If these things don't seem to help maybe you could look at a private school with a smaller class and more personal attention. Or you might look at homeschooling, even for a year or two it might help your son get the education without the stress of a formal school setting. It would also allow you to control the social situations he is in and gauge how you can best help him. Good luck!

I have to ask you to please consider Homeschooling. It isn't the way it used to be and there is so much more to offer these days.

You can go to the HSDLA.com and see your states laws and also look for support groups in your area.. There are so many things that are FREE you could get away with not having to buy curriculum right away till you learned how he learns best.

If you need more information please feel free to contact me.

We simply love the freedom of homeschooling. You will see first hand especially since you are already a SAHM how much he will flourish and learn.

There are some children that do much better one on one.

I will share all I know and I see there are some other HS mom's on here that have offered some tips as well. Don't hesitate to contact me or anyone else..
I will tell you that legally you should still get all of his therapies even though you might consider to homeschool.

Knowing you will make the best decision for you and your family.

I also had a very shy little girl that did not want to go to school! She was never in day care so it was very unfamiliar to her. She did try the "I'm sick" routine many times and sometimes it was hard to tell if she was really sick or not. I spoke to her teacher and let her know what was going on in the mornings at our house and she was very understanding.(she had been teaching for 36 years so this wasn't her first kid like McKenzie) We agreed that if she wasn't running a fever or showing any obvious sighn of illness, I would lovingly reassure her and send her to school...usually crying. It was very hard to watch and some mornings I would go to my room and cry while she brushed her teeth. But then I would put on my happy face and play some cheerful christian kids music on the way to school and tell her I would see her in just a few hours! After a few weeks of never giving in and being cheerful no matter what, she got the message and it started to get easier. She still didn't talk to many people but did make one friend in speech and we made it through kindergarten! Yea! Now she is a happy, social 3rd grader who gets in trouble at least once a week for talking in class! Go figure!!! Good Luck!! K. M.

Sometimes boys at that age are anxious,besides being shy and very immature compared to girls...I had a hard time with my son Michael to go to kindergarten....Anyway I would always talk with him and explain to him that no one is going to know what you are like if you don't talk w/ them...Tell him he's a great kid...and I would have to explain in detail what to say or do in any given circumstance..Punishing does not help...
He needs constant reminding that you love him and will help him at any time with anything..but he needs to talk with you all the time..role playing...your teacher said this....tell him exacting how to react....ex. if the teacher says something and you didn't hear her...instead of saying nothing....raise your hand and if she still doesn't see you..you use your voice and say excuse Mrs....
I didn;t hear you.....Have him say it to you.I know it can be exhausting talking all the time with your child...but you will be surprised how then they start asking more questions....I remember picking my son up at school and he was in time out situation and he knew he was in trouble and he said mom, I don't have to go to my room and be punished and I said absolutely not Michael, only if you talk about it with me and he said ok, mom and did..
I would not want to medicate it at all...Spending time with him and talking about anything and maybe having him read a lot to you and complelmenting him that he has a great voice etc..I hope this helps a little..

C.,

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you won't medicate your 5 year old just to get him to comply with the norm when he is obviously having issues doing so. There are so many other ways to deal with social/emotional issues and you have gotten a lot of good feedback from many sources here. It's of course my opinion, but I think this country has gone medication happy over anything and everything that could possibly be "wrong" with a person. This is not a healthy or holistic way of dealing with issues- we need to look deeper to find the root causes, not just medicate for symptoms that we're too frustrated to deal with. Your son sounds like a beautiful, sweet sensitive little soul. I can only imagine having a son that is quiet and withdrawn- mine was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago. I actually gave him the medication that was recommended by his teachers and his doctor and it caused him to become depressed and suicidal at the age of 7! I immediately talked to his doctor and weaned him off the drugs. It was really scary! We have worked hard and faced many challenges, but we are learning how to effectively deal with him as a whole person, not just as a collection of symptoms. He goes to counseling to talk about his feelings and we have made a lot of changes in our family routine to accommodate his personality and needs. I hope you don't mind me sharing my experience- it's not meant to scare you, but to help you realize that medication is not always the answer, even when your child is "diagnosed" with a certain problem.

Listen to your son and his feelings- he is only 5, and a child that age is not quite ready to make the transition from mommy being the center of his world and security to going to school and being on his own. That's huge! Some kids are ready at that age, or maybe they've been in daycare since they were babies so it's no big transition, but regardless, your son is telling you that this is not the case for him. He is struggling- he needs love, support and understanding, not medication. Whatever sacrifices you make now to accommodate his needs will be well worth it in the long run when he has a solid secure relationship with a mom he trusts to care about his feelings and help him deal with them in the most loving supportive way possible.

Dear C., I can sympatize with you because I had the same problem. I was so desperate that finally I got the idea to pretend I worked at my sons school. I would get dressed and take him to school and walk him to his classroom and then I would walk down the hallway like I was going to another part of the building. Of course I really didn't work there but just thinking I was somewhere in the building seemed to ease his mind. I was a very involved Mom and volunteered a lot so he would see me on accasion which helped him also. And I did eventually get a job as a kindergarten assistant when he was in the 5th grade. I know this sounds dishonest but I was desperate and was willing to try anything. I even carried a brief case bag to make him think I was carrying in paperwork. Good Luck, L. R.

Hi, my name is J.. I have a little guy that turned 7 in Jan. He as ADHD, anxiety disorder and sensory intergration dysfuntion. He has a hard time in Pre-K and K separating from me to go to school. I made a big deal about how cool school is etc... I went 15 minutes earlier to ease him into the classroom. Still every now and then he has trouble but then does fine about 10 minutes after I leave. Sounds like your son my feel nervous since he might have some communication issues (assuming with the ST). I suggest helping him ease in the day,talking to the teacher about maybe having a "buddy" pair up with him to socialize more and also ask his ST how to help with communcation and peers. I know we so often want to rescue our children when they are upset but letting him stay home when not sick with just feed into his negative feelings about school. My son with his anxiety may have a minor incident at school which he views as major and then say I don't want to go to that school anymore. I validate his feelings try to decrease his irrational thinking of the incident and explain that there are always going to be some stuff in all schools. He does fine as long as I stay confident and not anxious. Hope this helped. Feel free to email me at ____@____.com

C., it sounds like you have an awesome 5 year old, son. Especially, based on what the teacher said, "he was a delight to have even though he does not really talk to anyone." He is certainly telling you something if he cries about going to school. But my, C., he is 5 years old. We are generally encouraged to push our children out the door, even earlier than 5. Some children are different and need a little extra time with their family. That is ok... Some private schools recommend and start first grade at 7 years old.

Have you considered homeschooling him? At the kindergarten level, I am certain he could definitely benefit from homeschooling. There are home school groups everywhere now-a-days. And most groups are very encouraging and accepts each child where they are at. It would probably be great for him to get out with other children of different ages, especially since he is used to hanging with you guys. Your son sounds like my daughter was on the other end of the spectrum. She just was not ready to sit, and sit during the required times. Even though she was learning, she did not want to talk about what she had learned. She was also taking speech as well. It was a lot of going back and forth to school for a 5 year old. I started homeschooling her and it made a big difference. She is now 8 years old and an eager learner, fantastic student and a joy to teach.

Just let your son be who he is. I bet he is really keen. While we are all babling, he is probably quietly listening and knows more than you may think. If not home schooling, why not consider a half-day program. We can not expect our children to respond as all children at 5. Consider his birthday, was he born early in the year or nearer to the begining of school. My daughter was born in August and that made a difference with some of the others. Consider some of those things.

Man, I cried and made up excuses about going to work sometimes... (smiles) It was just not me. Didn't realize I had to keep making the donuts over and over. I won't mention my age.

You probably have a little genious on your hand.

Peace and Smiles

R. S.

I have a couple of suggestions. One thought is that because he is quiet maybe he is not bonding with the other students. Could you plan a playdate on the weekend or one day after school? Some way to encourage a friendship. Know some names of the kids in his class so you can ask your child about them (What are their favorite colors? What did they eat for lunch? What sports do they like? etc...). Another thought is to see if you could find a time when you could volunteer at the school. Maybe a time to come in and read to a small group in his class or help with lunch, if that is okay with the teacher (Be sure to get guidelines from the teacher for how she would want this to work). But if being in the room is not helpful or possible, maybe volunteer in the office. Run copies, cut laminating, something that puts you up at the school. There needs to be an understanding that you will not take him home, but you are close doing important work. You have to be sure to set boundaries about what happens if you go to the school. But sometimes being there and involved helps to ease the worry. Good luck.

Hi C.,

I am a social worker and your son may be school phobic...this is a real diagnois...I would suggest you get him tested by a school social worker...there are specific test for anxiety, depression, shyness, and aloniness....a school counselor or psychologist can help...good luck...

vmitchell

Your a stay at home mom, this is easy, go to school with him for awhile, he will meet friend and tell you when its time to leave. This is your youngest baby, have fun, you might enjoy kindergarden again. He will remember this and laugh when he's grown, about good old mom going to school with him. Ask him to pick out your clothes, make fun lunches for both of you, just make it fun, their only little once. Kris

Does your child have ADHD or something else that would cause them to think he needs meds? Have you thought about homeschooling? Depending on which state you are in there are different rules.I do it and you can teach about four hrs a day.You can go through a umbrella school and send your grades to them. There is all kinds of curriculum out there to use and you can test every year.Just a thought. Sometimes children don't like being around other people and it takes them longer to open up.Hope this helps.

Hi C.,
Please trust your child and keep him home another year if you can. Boys mature more slowly emotionaly and it's often best to just do some gentle 'schooling' at home.
Good Luck!
L.

It is not well known but in most states it is not a law that children have to go to school until they are 7yrs. old. Depending on the birth month of your child he may just not be mature enough to deal with the separation and formalized education. Also you want to consider that if you push this issue too much that you may have issues with school all throughout. In order for him not to manipulate you year after year you may consider letting him know that if you pull him out of school he will have to do some school work at home. You can structure his day so that for an hour or two each day his focus is learning and you could join other mothers in crafts and outings. I know many people who have put their children (especially boys) into school too early only to hold them back a grade later and then deal with other more difficult issues in the upper grades. Also this is a perk for mom. Even though we do enjoy the break some, you will get to spend more time with him which is priceless. I do hope this helps.

If you are a stay at home mom, maybe you should try homeschooling. I homeschool my 3 children and it is so much easier than arguing with 2 of them to get up and get dressed. My son had seperation anxiety so I started going to his preschool class with him. I ended up staying there everyday the whole class time. Well, there was no sense in me paying for something I could do at home. He just wasn't ready! It doesn't sound like your son is either. And that's o.k! Are there any schools in you area that offer 1/2 day kindergarten. Although I homeshcool now, my oldest daughter went to that and it seemed much easier for her because she wasn't away from me as long as a normal kindergarten class had her.