My 5 yr old son started to become friends with the neighborhood kids last year. Most are age 7 - 15 and are siblings of a couple families. My son is an only child. They live within a 2 house radius.
In the beginning they would come by and ask invite him to play. One girl was over our house everyday. Over the last year I noticed they weren't that outward toward him - asking him to participate in outdoor games - he's a little shy. If he did run over to play with him, I noticed he was usually off by himself. Now, they run away & hide if they see him coming. He has noticed this & I don't know how to console him. He's crushed. I live on a culdesac, so there aren't many groups of kids.
On the upside, he has a friend he goes to pre-school with and lives on the hill. We have him over 2 days a week after school. I've asked about how my son is at school and they say he's fine with friends - he's been in school since he was 2. He is good with his cousins. As far as our friends, we have some that have kids & he enjoys playing with them.
I am friends with one of the local mothers. Should I try and find out what's up? I know I can't make them be friends, just to know why. Not for my son to know, but me. Is there something he did, or is it just kid stuff?
My son is also mourning the loss of his grandmother (2 months ago, so he's sad already. This friend issue isn't helping. I don't know how to help him. I've tried to focus on his cousins, friend and his new friends at pre-school - the positives in his life.
Thanks in advance for your help.
I figured it was just "kid stuff", but being new to it, and also not noticing the kids "shunning" any of the other kids in the neighborhood over the years, raised an eyebrow. I will keep on focusing on the positive. Thanks.
You might want to look into Friendship Island, a game by Discovery Toys that teaches social and emotional awareness. Children explore issues related to making friends, being a good friend, and resolving disagreements. It's suggested for ages 5 and up. www.toysofdiscovery.com
It's probably because they are older and don't want him tagging along. And honestly, I don't think a 5 year old should be playing with kids as old as 15. In fact, if a 15 year old wants to play with your 5 year old, I'd be concerned.
He's better off playing with kids his own age (the 7 year old is fine).
Continue to invite other children over from school for play dates and he'll be fine.
It is simply the age difference. 5 is YOUNG. I am not so sure he should be hanging out with kids that age anyway. Concentrate on kids his own age where he has a chance to stand up for himself and understand what is going on. Don't put him a situation to feel like he isn't wanted. It's that he is 5 that he is not wanted. Not because of who he is.
I applaud your efforts in getting your son involved with the local children but he is really too little to play with them unsupervised. There is such a great emotional, physical, and developmental difference between a 5 year old and a 7 year old. That is why schools don't put these groups together.
I would encourage play dates with his pre-school friends, relatives, and the like. This will help boost his confidence and help him feel better. It is also important for him to learn that not everyone is going to be his friend and he should be everyone's friend. This is an important life lesson.
Dear Mom, being an only child for five years I found to be quite miserable. To make matters even worst I waited five years between having children myself. In essence, my two daughters & my sister and I are five years apart. I am the oldest. Having said this, I believe that a five-year gap between siblings is just like being an only child. The siblings grow up with absolutely nothing in common. One example is an adolescent with older friends having the younger one tagging along behind, while they are still playing with toys. I've heard that relationships formed between siblings follow us into adulthood? I have found this to be true as well. On the outside, children with brothers and sisters pick on and tease the only child. I believe partly out of resentment and maybe even jealousy, because they have to share everything? Other children with siblings see that the only child doesn't have to share everything with anyone else? Therefore, they form groups and this is where they exhibit this attitude of isolating themselves from the only child as a punishment. Either they want them to commit a lot of wrong deeds as an initiation. Or they isolate from them completely when they refuse to do so. Okay, now just imagine after enduring all of this from the outside? And, not having to share anything with anyone else for five years... Then here comes a crying little one requiring everything that once was solely ours--and usually getting it )-: The good part is that it's a learning experience. Learning to laugh with others at ourselves is totally different from us being laughed at--teased & picked on. Another good thing your son might be learning at a very young age is how to handle rejection. The golden rule is it's okay to be rejected by the worst and accepted by the best. In essence, please pass these words on in your own way... "You can't be a friend to anyone else until you can be a friend to yourself!" my oldest daughter passed this one unto me. I hope you don't mind my honesty. Keep your head up!
Dear K., I do understand your concern. So many of us get our hearts broken by neighborhood kids. Remember children are fickle! The parents may not know anything about what is going on. I would not involve them. If you want to ask the "friends" themselves, you may not get anywhere but you could try. I really do not think your son should be playing with 15 year olds. In any event it is good he has some friends at pre-school. These are his age. It is also a good lesson in life that we can have many acquaintances but few are really friends! I am so sorry about your loss.I am sure he is grieving as you are too. My best, Grandma Mary
that stinks. don't you just want to go shake thoose other kids silly! but, you can't. you can tell on them though. you may not be able to force them to be kind to your little one and i agree that a 15 yr old can't be expected to play with a 5yr old but you can talk to the parents of the other kids about there unkind behavior. it would probably be better if they just left him alone then to run from him and leave him out. i think keeping him busy with more positive friends and activities is a great way to handle it. other friends, structured activities after school, ect..if he is busy and entertained chances are he won't give the other kids a second thought. good luck!
and btw...whaaaaaaaaat r u talking about there below me??? i was an only child til i was 9 and my sisters are my best friends one 9 yrs younger,one 11yrs younger, and one is 22 yrs younger!! and i still don't get what that has to do do with the question anyway.
You said most of the kids are a bit older... so, they probably just notice an age difference, and don't want to play with him because he is younger. Just a thought! It is never easy when we see out kids hurt, but if he has other friends his age, I wouldn't worry... just focus on his positive relationships!
I used to give my son toys that other chidren liked to play with and I would sit outside with him. rRemote control cars and things to ride on that other children were forced to watch him play with ands after he had a great time I would take him back in the house. As time past and he became more confident children would ask him to come out and play. Watch him carefully usually large families or families with multiple children resent only children. Take him to museums and places that will allow him to have positive social groups.
hi K., first of all, i totally agree with eveything jc said, sounds like those kids are too old at the very least, i cant see how much good can come of it. ,,, so, a few weeks ago, my 6 year old, michael, came home upset because a kid in his class told him he hates him, and he has absolutely no idea why. michael is very quiet in school, i asked him what he did to this kid, he said nothing at all, seems genuinely bewildered. we dont even use the word hate in my house. well, my husband and i were both really very surprised by how upset we both were. how could somebody possibly not like my little angel, GASP! i felt like mrs seinfeld,lol... anyway, what we did was to just use it as a teaching opportunity. we talked to him a lot about it, casually. told him that some kids just might not like you, not everyone likes everyone. told him to be sure that he does the right thing, that he is polite. discussed how he should handle it if the kid starts to give him problems, how to calmly stand tall and stick up for himself. told him that sometimes kids are mean to other kids because they feel bad about themselves or something in their lives, and/or maybe he just doesnt know how to be a friend yet. or maybe he just doesnt like you, and its really not your problem. let me know if he bothers you, stand up for yourself if you need to, but dont worry about it otherwise. you have friends and they are the ones who matter, the kids who treat you well. this conversation did not take place all at once, btw, little bits here and there, and i really tried to be casual about it. and i did ask the teachers if anything was going on, they said not at all, they are aware of what was said and will keep an eye, but so far nothing. give your son plenty of opportunity to play with other kids, and have conversations about what it means to be a friend. i even threw in a casual staged phone call so he could "overhear" me talking about how i dont really bother with so-and-so (no one he knows) because she doesnt treat people well. helps him to learn how to treat others and how he should expect to be treated. also, he has gotten friendly with our neighbor, the kid is ok, but has been mean to my younger 2 kids a few times. i told michael that first of all, nobody gets left out, and secondly, if this boy is mean to anyone in our family, you should try to teach him to be nice, he just might not get it yet. and if he still cant be nice, he cannot play here. set your standards now, and give him the confidence to have standards too. its just the beginning.
K., it could just be the age difference. If the girl is 7, she is more mature than he is at 5 and she just might be getting into the "I don't like boys" stage. So, you just might have to explain to him that it might be because of the age difference.
