New Mom Looking for Input on What's Normal

My first baby didn't like the car seat, stroller, or swing for the longest time. For the first couple of months, if he didn't have a pacifier in his mouth, he was crying. I said I would never use a pacifier, but after 5 days of crying, I gave in and the pacifier was the key. But he was just not a very happy baby until he got older and more mobile. I think he just didn't like being stuck in a newborn body! :) He is 4-1/2 now and is a little man on the move, extremely energetic and full of ideas. By the time he was a few months old, he was a very happy baby (maybe because the eyesight was improving?), and has been a happy boy ever since, but he has never liked having to be still. He did like the stroller once he could be propped up enough to look around, but even then he still needed the pacifier sometimes.

I say to try the pacifier if you have not already. It takes some time for them to really take to it, but I would keep trying. It was a life saver for us!

Those first few weeks are the worst! They're still getting used to a totally different world then the one they were in for 9 months. My daughter is 12 weeks old so i can relate :) Even now she'll be happily playing and suddenly without warning decide she's done and cray like mad. We never know if she'll like the sling, stroller or none of the above when we try to go out. She's not too bad in the car seat but she can see and play with her 2 older brothers sitting next to here which I really think helps.
My favorite place to refer is Dr Sears' website www.askdrsears.com and also his book "The Baby Book".
It does get easier :)
Congratulations and best of luck!

Hi J.

I mean this in the nicest way - your expectations are too high! You are expecting your baby to do things too soon.
He is less than 2 weeks old! I know it probably feels like he has been around longer, but the poor little chap is still adjusting to being in the outside world. It takes a good month or even more for babies to settle into life outside the womb. Up until 4 months, you cannot "spoil" a baby, so hold him and bond with him as much as possible. A baby under 4 months of age needs as much human contact as possible, so if your baby is only happy sleeping on you or your husband, then let him. Do you have an infant carrier? Go walking in that with him strapped onto you. Your baby's nervous system is very under developed at birth and that is why he cries alot. He needs to smell you and feel you (like in the womb) to feel comfort and secure. As he developes, you will find that he will do better in the carseat.
You can put him in his crib from day one. What I did with my daughter is I took a section of the bumper and ran it width wise in the crib, making a smaller more cosy area for her. Once she was rolling over (4-5mos) I then put the bumper back how it is supposed to go. The smaller area was cosier than the enormous space of the crib and made her feel secure.

I hope that helps. Take a big breath and slow down with him. It will all fall into place :)

A little about me:
I am a Mom of a 10 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter. I have had a childcare business for 11 yrs and specialize in infants and toddlers. Please feel free to call me anytime you need some advise. I love to help. ###-###-####

P.

You've gotten stellar advice already, I won't add much to it.

Just to ditto:
- Yup...everything sounds normal.
- Feeding on demand...yay!!
- Overstimulation (keep an eye out for it)

Haven't read yet:

- Mommy facing stroller? <grinning> as in does yours face you or out into the world? Even as adults most of us like to be able to see the people we're walking with, and we KNOW if they're behind us. A lot of babies will instantly calm down & enjoy the ride in a pram type stroller...where as they'll be in full panic in a forward facing stroller. (Nothing really to be done about the car seat facing backwards away from you). The other advantage, of course, is that you can tell in a pram-type if the sun is in their eyes, if they're starting to sweat, licking their lips, etc.

- Checking for lumps, bumps, and pokey/scratchy-things. Boy did I feel terrible when I realized that the reason my son "hated" his car seat was that there was a strap that was bunched up under the padding that was sticking him right in his kidneys. Oy.

- Too hot/overheating. It's almost instinctual that we want to cover them up. But for summer babies...we've got the double whammy of avoiding sunburn, while keeping them cool. Babies can't adjust their own temperature yet unless they're skin-to-skin with mum (they WILL duplicate YOUR temp if they're skin to skin with you). They've also got something called "brown fat" (vascular fat) which keeps them warm until they have the ability to shiver. Make sure in the carseat/stroller/bed-if-they're-not-asleep-on-you...that he isn't overheating. As general rule of thumb...if you're hot...they're reeeeaally hot.

- The baby that just HAS to be different ;)

* Our son was the exact opposite of most newborns; he wanted his space unless he was actively being held. He HATED slings/kangaroo belts/swaddling. LOVED Sleeping either on me OR alone in a crib...but hated bassinet type beds. Big open spaces comforted him. Being confined drove him up the wall. I guess he had had his fill of being confined. :) Silly little guy. And poor me left with tired arms and all this really cool stuff that I couldn't use.

* Our son also was a marathon burper. Read: half an hour to an hour. Turns out, it's not that uncommon, but all my friends/family/people I knew only had to pat for a few minutes. My son was a fake-out burper. One tiny burp straight away, a MONSTER burp half and hour to an hour in. Anyhow...I always like to toss that out there. We had major gas/colic-like/reflux-like symptoms for about a week until we discovered it by accident. (Read sleep deprived, and having a conversation while burping, and wasn't paying attention to the fact that 45minutes in I was still burping unitl ....WHOA! How did that much air even FIT in there???

It sounds like you're doing great. Congratulations! And good luck :)

First of all, congratulations on being a new mommy!! I too had been around children my whole life however when i had my son (he just turned 2) it was like I was mommy stupid. Taking care of a child every day, for their every need is different than anything I had ever done. Plus, its YOUR baby so it makes doing the "right" thing that much more important to you.

When it comes to the stroller/car seat/sling he will get used to them. Everything is foreign to him right now and he is adjusting to so much. I used to walk my son because he cried as it would help soothe him. If people give you dirty looks, know that it is their problem and not yours. Doing what makes you and your son happy is #1!! Everyone has their own opinion about how to raise kids so listen to what others have to say but most importantly... trust your instincts!

When my son was born he also liked to sleep either on myself, his dad or right next to us. I was afraid that I would roll over on him however that never happened. If you want him to sleep next to you in a bassinet or moses basket, put him in it every day and he'll get used to it. Again, right now he is adjusting to so much. When they are this little you can never hold them enough or give them enough "Kangaroo" love! (a term used since Kangaroo's keep them young in their pouch for quite some time. Again, trust your instincts and try to not feel silly about asking any question you have.

Also, sometimes on this site some of the moms can be kind of harsh... IGNORE THEM! Take the good advice and ignore the rest!

Sending you many happy thoughts mommy!! :)

Oh, reading your post reminded me of my son! He's now 2 and has been an easy going kid since about 6 months. But, the first 3 months were HARD CORE. LOL. It's the '4th trimester' where they are totally helpless and would have been better off staying in the womb. "The Happiest Baby On the Block" had some simple great tips. Here's what i remember worked best for us:

- get yourselves a giant yoga ball...when he's crying and overtired, swaddle him and hold him in your arms and bounce on the ball. It was the only thing that stopped our son from crying.

- a company called 'kiddopatamus' or something has a velcro based swaddle. LOVED THEM.

- in the stroller, if you're out, pushing it back and forthe quickly helps sooth.

- at night, what i did was to put him in a little cheap bassinette right next to my bed after he fell asleep. That way he was in his own bed, but right next to me.

- know that it will get a lot easier soon.

My son ated the car...HATED it until he was about 1.

Congratulations and welcome to motherhood!! Sorry things haven't been quite as easy as you'd hoped or expected and I really hope they get better soon.

Your baby sounds very normal to me. Many kids don't like the stroller or car seat and prefer to be held most of the time instead. Some need time to adjust to the feel of it, being strapped in, etc and will cry whenever they are put in. I know that makes it hard to go anywhere, but I think the more you expose him to it, the more comfortable he'll become.

Babies LOVE to sleep on their parents and generally will prefer it to the crib or anywhere else. If you really want him in his bassinet/crib, try a tightly wrapped swaddle so he feels safe and protected. You can put him in the crib at any age - even now. You can buy a pre-cut swaddle or use a good blanket to wrap him up tightly and it will help him sleep.

Crying in the middle of playing is probably the result of overstimulation. You might notice him start to turn his head away before he starts crying to indicate that it's too much for him.

If you haven't seen the Happiest Baby on the Block video (or read the book by Harvey Karp), I highly recommend it. He has some amazing tips for getting babies to stop crying - and they really do work!

Good luck and congrats again!
K.
http://oc.citymommy.com

You hit it on the head when you said you are expecting too much. Your baby is too young! He's teeny tiny and doesn't even know whether it's really day or night. Just give it some time.

For now, remember a calm mommy makes for a calm baby. Try and just relax and he will to. The stroller and car seat are fine, but remember, he's been used to be in his cozy, cramped quarters of your uterus. Now he's out and strapped into things, it doesn't feel comfy even though it's the safest way. He'll get used to it and he'll fit in those things better as he grows. Holding him until he sleeps is also fine. The time flies so quickly when you get to just have them fall asleep on your chest...enjoy it!

Last, go with your instincts...most of the time, they lead you the right way when it comes to parenting...

Good luck and congrats!
-M

It sounds like you're doing a great job and are a very caring mother. I'm not extremely experienced, but have two young children and am pregnant with our 3rd. I think the key to newborns is to try different things until you figure out what's making them fuss. Sometimes it's nothing other than them wanting to be held or rocked, just like they were 24/7 in the womb.

Have you heard of the Dunstan Baby Language? The website is http://www.dunstanbaby.com/

And here's an excerpt from a site, briefly explaining:

According to Oprah.com:

After testing her baby language theory on more than 1,000 infants around the world, Priscilla says there are five words that all babies 0–3 months old say—regardless of race and culture:

* Neh=”I’m hungry”
* Owh=”I’m sleepy”
* Heh=”I’m experiencing discomfort”
* Eair=”I have lower gas”
* Eh=”I need to burp”

This can be helpful to figure out exactly what is ailing your baby without having to go through the 'list' of what to check for and what could possibly be making baby upset. My sister actually did made a 'list' that they hung on the fridge, because sometimes you've done everything but one obvious thing, like burping them or checking their diaper. When it happens multiple times a day, it's easy to overlook something obvious, so that could be a good idea too.

Continue to go with your mommy instincts. Don't be in a rush to do anything you're unsure of. Just take it a day at a time (sometimes a few seconds at a time!) If it's something more than regular newborn fussiness, it'll make itself apparent with time, experience, and getting to know your individual child and what's normal for them and what's not. And don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You're right...sometimes you just need to get out of the house, crying baby and all!

Good luck,
N.

Going to a Mommy & Me class as well as breastfeeding support group were such lifesavers when my baby was little! The instructors have changed, but I went to the groups at St. Joe's in Burbank. It was amazingly helpful to meet with other moms who were going through the same things, or who had been there recently. Not sure what the schedule is, but give them a call - all the ladies are very nice!

Congrats, and good luck!

http://www.providence.org/losangeles/services/babywise/de...

i'm sure you've heard of the "4th trimester" if u haven't that's when after the baby is born they normally, like your son..want to be on u all the time..just wear him..get used to it..you'll be doing this for the next 3 more months..not as much the last month..also babies can only be up max 2 hours at a time..then nap..so u should begin wind down at 1.5 hours ..nurse then get him to sleep ..same times every day..i thought my son hated the car seat too til my friend told me about the 2 hour thing..then she told me to get "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" so true..you'll see..if they get the proper sleep they're way happier..i thought my son was high needs ..he just needed to be taught how to sleep..i did sleep w/ him on me ..but he was a big baby 10.2 lbs.
i would sleep upright like how u can sleep in a hospital bed..i put comforters/pillows etc behind my back and sat upright w/ him laying across me so he could wake and nurse at his convenience ..he's now 3.5 ...i dread naps..b/c he wakes cranky and cries..but he is a happy little guy...good luck..get the book also SLeepy Planet is good too..if you're in the pasadena area i could give u my copy...i'm done w/ Sleepy Planet but i'm hanging onto the other.

D.

Your newborn is normal.
A newborn is still getting used to our world.
They are still bonding as well.
They need to be held and comforted.
And yes, babies often just cry, for no "logical" reason that we adults can fathom.
Sometimes they are gassy too... infant gas drops helps this.

Babies ALSO cry or are not happy... because they are 'over-stimulated." A baby will cry, in order to shut-out extraneous stimuli. If you observe closely, you will get to know these cues in a baby.
My daughter was also sensitive to noises and being too hot. I knew that, as I got to know her as a newborn.
A newborn, is in a whole new world and sounds/tastes/temperatures/smells affect them. And, in this way, that is how they survive and "know" who their Mommy is. Its normal.

Your baby is very young.. this is normal. Babies cry. That is their only way to "communicate" and express their needs.
MANY MANY babies, sleep better on or with their Mommy. They need the comfort... they are no longer in a tight/cozy womb... and being held, close, to their Mommy feels right for them.

Yes, do NOT "expect" too much, too soon. EVERYTHING with a baby, has to be "age appropriate." They do things in their own time. When there are expectations that are too much too soon, it will only lead to frustration... mostly for the Parent.

Even their body and digestive system, their biological system is STILL developing, outside the womb. It is NOT easy for them either.

You want to be sure, you are feeding ON DEMAND, 24/7, day and night. They NEED the sustenance and calories, to sustain their rapid growth and developmental changes.
Make sure you are producing enough milk and that he is latching on properly... otherwise, he will NOT be getting enough intake. *Many babies cry, because they are simply hungry.
**Also, keep in mind, that MANY babies go through spurts of "cluster feeding." Meaning, they NEED to feed even every hour, all day. This reflects "their" intake needs, and it is their way of telling you they need to feed.
-make sure you feed on demand, NOT on a "schedule" or a baby will NOT be getting enough intake. Get to know what a baby's "feeding cues" are. The "rooting" gestures. You can look it up online.

MANY babies do NOT like car seats, slings, or swings. Bear in mind that at each age-juncture, these will vary. Both my kids as babies, HATED the car seat. It is common. Normal. YOu just deal with it. A baby will cry, and as you are driving, it can't always be avoided. They grow out of it. My son, HATED the car seat for his first 3 months. Normal.

I would NOT leave him in a swing, to sleep. He is a newborn and they do not have the neck/spine strength to just stay like that for a long time. A baby's "head" is VERY heavy, in comparison to it's body. Also, if using a swing to put him to sleep... it can become a "habit" that later, you may regret.

What you can try, is "swaddling" him.... look it up online, to see how, and perhaps buy sleepers that "swaddle" the baby. For my daughter, this is the only way she would sleep. For my son, he did fine in a Moses Basket. Each baby is different. But, I also co-slept with them. We have a floor futon in our room, and this is where I slept with my kids.

MANY MANY babies do not like cribs... it is an open expanse that they are not used to, after being in a womb.

You can also try "white noise" to put him to sleep. Some babies like this, as it replicates the noise that they heard in the womb.

And yes, this is what it is, with a baby.

A great book is: "What To Expect The First Year", which you can find at any bookstore or online like at Amazon.

In time, you will get to know HIS cues and needs. And then go according to that... instead of 'making' or expecting the baby to go according to what you think. I don't mean that in a mean way... but just as a good hearted way. ALSO, do NOT compare your baby to others... each baby is different... and they have their own time-line as to things.
BUT, make sure you are feeding on demand... that is very important. Most babies, as newborns....sleep a lot. ANd if they are "over-tired" they cannot sleep well. A newborn... even after being "awake" for even 2 hours, will get tired. Even a bath, at this age, is an 'activity."

All the best,
Susan

Do trust your instincts. They develope more every day. Your baby will change every day. Both of you are working on communicating with one another. As the communication increases, the crying may decrease...or at least you'll know why he's crying.

You'll hear lots of pros and cons to co-sleeping, crying it out, and just about everything under the parenting sun. You'll figure out what kind of parent you want to be and you can change your mind about that too.

Take it one day at a time or even one moment at a time. Everything changes within a blink with children. Within a blink, he'll be showering by himself and walking around with headphones on. I blinked with both of mine.

Welcome to the motherhood club!

HI J.!

Congratulations on your new arrival. It's wonderful, and exhausting, no? :-)

You could be describing the first bit of my son's life, too. Here's what I learned: my son was ROASTING hot in his car seat (and i think the stroller, too) I'm surprised we didn't cook some brain cells! (He is an October birthday). So we quit bundling him up so much. He also just hated being in the car, at first. That did change, eventually.

It took me until about 16 weeks to teach him to fall asleep on his own. I just wasn't in to cry-it-out, so I held him for EVERY nap time, though thankfully he'd sleep OK at night once he was asleep. Then we went to Target and got a glow-worm toy, that is soft-bodied with a plastic face that glows and plays music when you push a button on his tummy.

We'd put him down, play the glow-worm until he fell asleep, and then gradually backed off, just playing the music until he was relaxed enough to go to sleep on his own. It did take a couple of weeks, and I'm not sure it would work with such a newborn, but you could try.

The best advice I got (which is still true 4 years later) is that things will always change. That means that if you're in a rough patch, it WILL get better!. Unfortunately, it also means that the good times often shift too!

The first couple of months are often really tough, as you all figure out how to live together and communicate. It will get easier, and it sounds as if you are off to a great start.

One other thing to watch, if he seems pretty fussy, is just to weigh him regularly (once a week) on a baby scale, to be sure that he is getting enough to eat. I thought my kid was colicky, but it turned out my milk supply had dropped, and he was hungry!

best of luck to all of you!
C.

Just give it more time. Those first several weeks out of the womb are a big transition for babies. My second is 3 weeks old and he just stopped sleeping on us at night last week. It was the same with my first son. When I am not nursing my baby at night, he sleeps in a bassinet right next to my bed. We transitioned my first son to a crib around 2 months and started by putting him down for naps in the crib and eventually moved to night time too. Babies this age love to be held and be close to you. It's normal since they were just all snug and comfy in your belly. The first weeks are h*** o* you and that's normal. I'm sure you are a great mom and whatever people think when you walk by with a crying baby doesn't matter. You do need to take care of yourself too so that you can continue to be a good mommy. Congratulations on your new little one!

Hi J., My daughter was the same. I never was able to use a sling or even a swing, could use the stroller only for short periods, and the car seat was a screamfest until about 4 months (and then only with a toy/binky arrangement to entertain her). I felt trapped in the house and scared that it would never change!

Additionally, we held her for sleeping (including naps, so we had to hold her for the entire nap) until she was about 7 months old (but put her in bassinet at night after she fell asleep). (We did the "sleep training" at 7 months and it changed our lives for the better!) We transitioned from bassinet to crib around 4 months. It was not a big deal at all actually. Just started putting her in the crib instead of the bassinet.

Now she is 15 mos, rides in stroller and car seat with no problem, and goes to sleep in her crib with no problem (when she's not teething, that is).

One suggestion for the bouts of crying - my daughter HATES having a wet diaper for even one moment, but I didn't figure that out until she moved out of the newborn diapers to the ones with the wetness indicator and started to see the connection. (Sometimes I can't tell if the diaper is a little wet.) If I had known that from the beginning, I think maybe some of the crying would not have happened.

Hang in there and do not worry too much! Just listen to your baby and go with the flow and things will work out.
-R.

Oh I miss those days, my baby just turned 4. My best advice is to do what feels right and what comes natural. Personally I don't think I put my son down for the first few months, he did not like sleeping in any of his stuff only in mommas arms. Some people say not to let them sleep with you but it's wha felt natural and where he slept best. As far as the stroller and car seat maybe something is uncomfortale to him, check it out also check out his clothes sometimes the tags irritate them. Congratulations and God Bless, you have recieved the best gift in the world.

Make sure your producing enough milk. I found out early by pumping I did not have enough milk for my baby. So I fed him formula and pumped and when I got enough breast milk I fed him that for one feeding and then went back to feeding him formula. SH has some good advice too. She was one of the first ones to respond to your questions.
Sue

My daughter is just 19 days old and I have had a similar experience. I'm nursing exclusively on demand which can mean every hour on some days. She falls asleep easily and will stay asleep as long as someone is holding her. When I try to move her to the bassinet, we have a 50/50 chance of keeping her asleep. Swaddling (with only a diaper, no clothes) has helped. Also, there's a rule of thumb that if you can lift her arm and it falls w/out any resistance, then she is truly asleep. If she resists at all, she's probably not fully asleep and will wake when we put her down. I believe that the first 3 months are really the 4th trimester. They want to be held, cuddled, swaddled and swayed - just as they were in our bellies. I'm confident that it will get easier for both me and baby as time goes on. Good luck.

Hi J.,

Congratulations on starting the greatest adventure of your life, Mommyhood!! My 18 month daughter could not fall asleep at first unless she was laying on my or my husband's chest and would cry if we put her in her bassinet or crib. I found online a toy bear that had a heartbeat sound (and some white noise machines have a heart beat sound too). We put the bear under her bassinet and it helped a lot. She liked the sound of the heart beat and I would put her in her swing and car seat and put the bear close by until she started to feel more comfortable in them.

My angel hated the sling at first, but after a few walks she started to enjoy it and I got to go out and get some exercise. Start with short trips in the sling and then slowly go further on each walk. I would walk and put my hand on her tummy every once in a while for her to touch my fingers. Some days that was the best way to get her to nap. You'll do great! Every baby is different and soon you'll start to notice what makes your darling happy. Good luck!

Sounds exactly like my son! Hated car rides, tolerated the stroller for a little bit, then screamed to get out, swings never worked,... my theory was he didn't like being restrained and away from a warm body. He liked the sling for a while, but would often tire of it... possibly not liking the restraint. Sleeping was rough, waking every 45 min... he never once slept in his crib. We co-slept, but in the first couple months he often slept on my chest and I slept slightly propped up. That's just how he slept the best. He also would only fall asleep while nursing or on one of us, and would usually wake up when we tried to put him down. We soon found out that he was not a back sleeper, and woke up a lot if he was on his back. He slept best on his tummy, which was scary at first but we adjusted and made it safe for him.

His hatred of the car seat finally went away once he turned one and we turned him forward and he could see what was going on. I sat in the back with him for the first year and nursed him (while he was seated, I could reach) if he got cranky. His sleeping got better, although he's still not a great sleeper and wakes often at night to nurse.

Walking in the stroller is great now... just keep it up and go short distances at first. He will get used to it.

Make sure if you co-sleep to keep him on as firm of a surface as possible. They make little co-sleeper that fit in the bed that have a bumper and a firm mat underneath. Or try sleeping with him on your chest, he might sleep longer that way.

As far as transitioning him to a crib, I don't know... we sold the crib because he just didn't like being alone and I don't believe in letting him cry it out. But we've set up a bed next to ours and he's transitioning to his own bed now (he's 20 months).

Everything sounds normal, especially for me! Not all babies love car rides or stroller rides... and if someone gives you the stink eye over it, give it right back! You're doing great and it will get easier. Sleep deprivation goes hand in hand with a new baby, so just roll with it. Take naps when he naps and take up any offers for help. :)

J. - My twins didn't like the stroller or car seats either. When we went on walks in the stroller one or both would cry part of the time. I often had to take one out and carry him/her, usually him, and push the double stroller wiht his sister in it. No wonder I have good biceps! They still don't like the stroller that much but are better about their car seats since I turned them around. Obviously, you can't do that for awhile.

Regarding sleeping, from everything I've read and heard getting babies to sleep in their cribs is a must and the sooner the better. You'll have problems later on if you don't. And setting the policy now is SO much easier than trying to do it later. Luckily I didn't have too much trouble on that front. My twins would sleep much better, or I should say quieter, with me and I did it every so often (I liked it so much too)but I slept so much better without them. So I resisted the temptation and put them to sleep in their cribs most of the time. They've turned out to be good sleepers and I think its got to be partially because I took all the advice about making them sleep on their own. Babies learn to put themselves to sleep when they awake thoughout the night which is often. It's a tough thing though. Good luck.

Hi J., first of all congratulations on the new baby. Yes, he is perfectly normal and so are all of your feelings, at least I hope they are because I had them all when my daughter was that age. No worries, she's 2 1/2 now and it gets easier every day! My daughter also hated the stroller, carseat, swing, etc. I would try walks but they were a nightmare, but if you can handle the crying don't pay any attention to the neighbors, they all know what it's like if they have kids. And the car is tough because driving with a crying infant is distracting, but after a while he'll get used to it and you won't even remember this stage. I promise!

The sleeping thing changes over time too. By the time he's 3-4 months old you'll be surprised by how much easier it is. At that age, my daughter fell asleep on us after feeding usually, and it was tough sometimes to get her in the bassinet so I would just wait until she seemed to be in a deeper sleep. The problem is, at this age, they need to eat so much that they don't really get into a deep sleep, but that changes quickly so just hold tight! Don't worry about him rolling over on his tummy, either, since he won't be physically able to do that for a while anyway. With my daughter, after about a month or so I started letting her stay in her crib for a minute or two when she would wake up as long as she wasn't crying, to get her slowly used to being in the crib alone. My husband would usually rock her to sleep after a bottle at bedtime, and by about 4 months we had her to the point where the rocking was only minimal and we could put her to bed awake. So, it just takes time but I promise the first 6 weeks are the hardest but then they start getting easier and you'll find yourself in a routine. But please, DON'T feel like you are having thoughts that aren't normal, or that we all haven't felt! I promise you! I felt that way too, but now I can look back and realize everyone with kids felt the same way. You're doing a great job! Trust your gut. I spent a LOT of time online while my daughter slept when she was that young trying to figure it all out. Good luck and keep doing what you're doing. Lots of things are going to make you feel helpless and like you don't know what you're doing, but once you deal with it the first time you'll be a pro. : )

Make sure to offer both breasts at each feeding and alternate which breast you start with. ONCE he falls asleep, quickly, before he gets too comfortable on your chest, lay him in his bassient or crib. So, he should be swaddled already as you're nursing. Something to try, make sure the crib sheet isn't cold when you lay him down, he's used to your warm chest. You can put a heating pad on low under a blanket, then remove both before you lay him down. I know it's summer, but feel it w/your hand and chances are the sheet may be startling him awake after being on you. Read Baby Wise and The Womanly Art of Breast Feeding, go to the Le Leche League website and find a group nearby, they have TONS of info, not just bf. Keep up the great work.

Congrats on your baby boy! I have a girl who is seven months, seems like she was born just yesterday, time flies!
In my experience it took some time to get her used to the car seat, sling, and stroller. As a matter of fact, she would always cry for the first two minutes or so when putting her in anything. It changes, he will get used to it. Of course if he is crying the whole time, then something else might be an issue. Maybe his digestive system is not yet developed and thus not comfortable in a laying down position. My daughter would also wake up when motion stops if she is in a sling or stroller, even car seat. She would wake up at every red light. Trust me, it will pass! We would use the car seat at least twice a week and she got used to it.
As for falling asleep, I know how you feel. For the first month it was complete torture, she would only sleep in my arms or on my chest/my husband's chest. We had a cradle next to our bed, she hated it and we ended up not using it. I ended up co-sleeping with her for the first 5 months (I breastfeed) and my husband was in a separate bed. At 5 months we put her crib in our room next to our bed. I now feed her in bed and then gently carry her into her crib. Half the time she wakes up, but I am trying to stick with it so she gets used to her crib.
As I've learned, there is really no right or wrong way to do something because every baby is different. As long as what you are doing is safe and you follow your motherly instinct, don't worry too much. For me, it did get easier as time passed. Our baby cried non-stop for the first two weeks - then we found out she has a milk protein allergy (she was spitting up with pinkish specs). Once I changed my diet and continued breastfeeding, she was happy as ever. The first two months are the hardest, and when she cried the most. So stick with it and follow you intuition to meet his needs. These first months is when the baby learns if he can depend on you, you are his life line and the only one to tend to his cries. I wish you all the best, welcome to motherhood!

Dear J.,
Didn't have time to read the other responses, but I would suggest two things. Have you tried walking with him in a baby sling or front pack so his head is against your chest and he can hear the heartbeat? Also they sell machines of somekind that mimic the heartbeat to put in the crib with newborns. Thought that might help since he is so new.
Congratulations on your little blessing.
H.

I really like the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child". It gives you information on the other types of sleep training so you can choose which works best for you. Theirs seems to be right in the middle between Cry It Out and always going to your child, which worked for me and my kids.

As far as the crying in the carseat, stroller, etc....some kids just don't like them. My son would fall asleep the second I strapped him in, my daughter rarely ever falls asleep unless she is in her crib or playpen. Neither of them liked their bassinett.

We put both our kids in their cribs at nighttime as soon as we came home with them. My son, who is adopted, was placed with us at 3 weeks. His wonderful foster family had him sleep in a crib from Day 1, we just continued the schedule and patterns they used. He was always a noisy, fidgety sleeper so he had to be in his own room with the door closed or hubby and I wouldn't get any sleep. My daughter has always been a very quiet but light sleeper. She slept in our room in her crib until she was about 6 months old. She's like me in that when it's time for sleep, she doesn't want anyone bothering her. At almost 2.5 years old, she will tell me when she is tired and asks to be put in her crib with her blankie and babydoll. Then she will sigh in relief as soon as you lay her in her crib.

For my personality and our family's lifestyle, being on a pretty tight nap and sleep schedule is what works best for us and for our kids and their personalities.

My kids have always been the "early to rise, early to bed" kids. That's just how they are. For my son, from about 3 months to age 1, he took three 3 hours naps during the day and then would sleep from 7pm to 7am. From age 1 to 2, he took 2 2 hour naps and slept from 7 to 7. From age 3 to 4 he took 1 3 hour nap and slept from 8pm to 7am. Now at age 4.5 he rarely takes naps, and sleeps from 8pm to 730am.

My daughter from about 3 months to age 1 she would take 2 2 hour naps and sleep from 630pm to 730am. From about 16 months to now (she's almost 2.5 year old), she takes 1 2.5 hour nap, and sleeps from about 8pm to 8am.

My best friend calls me the "Nap Nazi" because I would leave in the middle of playdates for naptime, or would schedule everything around my kids nap schedule. But hey, that's what worked best for us. Every so often I will forget the sleep schedule for special occasions and my kids are fine. It does take them a day or two afterwards to recuperate and get back on schedule though.

I also never felt comfortable having my kids sleep in bed with us when they were infants because I was afraid one of us would roll on top of them or they would fall off the bed.

Both my kids also loved being squished up in the Maya Wrap ring sling. It looks so uncomfortable for them, but the tighter it was and the more squished and covered up they were, the more snuggly they felt. Both would instantly fall asleep once put in it.

I also wanted to say that once my kids hit the 3 month mark, they both hated being swaddled.

In time you will get to know your child's innate sleep schedule. Follow his cues (they go over this is the book I mentioned), find a schedule that works for you, and things will get smoother in time.

P.S. Congrats on being a new Mom!

Congratulations! It's hard at first! Have you tried a baby backpack, instead of the sling? Like the Bjorn? (Bjorn's the best, the cheaper ones are worthless, imho). You wear it in front on your chest at that age. My daughter hated the sling, too, it was like she was lost down inside it. But she loved the Bjorn and I wore her constantly.

Also, try a co-sleeper instead of the bassinet or pack n play. You can find them almost brand new (since you only use it for a couple of months anyway) on craigslist. They slide right next to the side of the bed snugly. That way he'll be right next to you and be able to smell you and feel your warmth. Helps with breastfeeding at night, too, so you don't have to physically get out of bed to pick him up.

Don't worry about establishing good sleeping habits at this age, seriously. Forget the crib right now. Like a previous poster said, this is like the 4th "tri" mester!! Consider attachment parenting techniques, too. I love the Dr. Sears books and his "Baby Book" was my bible for the first two years or so.

Best of luck, J.. It does get better, I promise! But the first 3-4 months can be intense :)

I can't believe your son wasn't born in early June because he sounds exactly like my gemini son, happy one second, red-faced and crying the next. He would not let me put him down. If had him in my arms, he would cry if I sat down or stood still, unless I was nursing, which he wanted to do 24/7. I couldn't even put him down to have a meal. He wouldn't sleep on his own and we still co-sleep to this day (my son is 4).

It's a tough situation to be in. I imagine you must be getting very little rest. But what you describe is completely normal. Lots of babies cry for no apparent reason. I totally feel your pain because that was my son exactly. I can tell you that life will get better. Your baby will eventually grow out of this over time. Once he starts talking clearly and crawling/walking around on his own, this phase will be over. It may take some time, but it will get better gradually.

I can give you this piece of advice in the meantime. Try not to worry about what other people are thinking of your parenting skills when you are out in public. You know that you are doing the best you can, and you are not doing anything to injure your son. That makes you a good parent and that is what matters. One cannot possibly know what another person is thinking. So when you get stared at, imagine the best, i.e., that whoever is looking at you is just empathizing rather than condemning your mothering skills.

Also, realize that newborns and even older babies cry. What's more, they cry for reasons we cannot possibly comprehend. It's normal for babies to cry. When an adult or older child cries, it's because something is seriously wrong. But this is not always true for babies because babies play by a different rule book. When a baby cries, sometimes, it is just noise. It is not your job as a mother to completely pacify your baby's crying and keep him happy all the time. Assuming the babe isn't hungry, dirty, wet or sick, it is okay to let him express his emotions in the only way he knows how, i.e., by crying. You may want to just be there for him and comfort him like you would a friend who is crying. You know, be a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. It is also okay to let him cry by himself once in awhile when you need a break.

Congratulations J.. Everything sounds normal and you have some good advice so far.

On another note, please make sure YOU have done the research on vaccinations for YOUR child. The AAP recommended schedule of shots for children is too many, too soon and you have the right to make the choice of whether or not to have them and to space them out. Here are sites and books that I always recommend for people to start their research:

www.909shot.com
www.tacanow.org

Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders, by Dr. Kenneth Bock

The Vaccine Book, by Dr. Robert Sears

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Childhood Vaccinations, by Dr. Stephanie Cave

Evidence of Harm, by David Kirby

Hi J.. I bought the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and book. It was wonderful for both my girls. My eldest was colicky and my youngest had ear infections and that book saved my sanity! It talks about swaddling, motion etc etc. I highly recommend it. FYI, my youngest hated the car. She didn't mind the seat or the strollere but hated the car so it was rough for a little while. She didn't like binkies either and wasn't able to soothe herself. Fortunately when she was several months old we found that she liked a silky blanket and they worked wonders. She's 3 now and still has it. I guess getting rid of it will be the next hurdle :-)

Congratulations! Those first few weeks are rough! I have a 2 year old, and a 3 month old. My 2 year old...wow...she did not like to be swaddled at all. She did not like the carseat or stroller (she still hates the stoller). I don't think she liked being confined. When she was born my husband and I spent the first 6 weeks taking turns with who she was going to sleep on. We slept on the recliner in the living room so we would not roll over. She would nap in the PaknPlay but wanted to sleep on us at night. But at 6 weeks old, she went to her crib and has been there ever since. I just think babies like the closeness when they are first born. My 3 month old slept more in the PaknPlay and did not really want to sleep with us. She has been in her crib too ever since about 6 weeks. Now with the carseat. My 2 year old was not happy with the carseat until we turned her around at 1 years old. We lived in Japan and the traffic there was bad...we would be in traffic for 2 hours and she would cry the whole time...until we got her turned around. So, that might take awhile. My 3 month old seemed to like the carseat ok, until this week. All of a sudden she crys the whole time she is in the carseat. But there is nothting I can do. Walks in the stoller are the same, since it is the same seat. I am going to try and put her in a forward facing stoller to see if she likes that...I just hate not seeing her. But, maybe she will be happier. It is all trial and error...and you have gotten some great advice and heard some similar stories on here, I hope it helps.
Great job Mommy! It is so hard at first, hang in there!

Hello! First of all - don't stress! He is little and didn't come with instructions, so you are both figuring it out. For the sleeping - try putting a hot water bottle in the crib or bassinet you want him to sleep in - he might be falling asleep on you nice and warm, but then wakes as he moves to a "colder" area- it isn't giving off heat like you are.

I agree with you on the not wanting him in bed .... it also makes it harder to transition later once it is a habit for you and him. My son loves his crib - but we did have to play with positions - we used a positioner and put him on his side because he didn't like his back at all! Now that he is bigger, he rolls back and forth from side to back, but you have to find out what he likes best.

As for the carseat, it make take a while for him to adjust, but be sure to put him in just after he eats and is changed, so he is definitely happy - that way it might be easier for him to start liking it. He is probably accustomed to being held and snuggled, and car seats and strollers don't have that same affect. For me, I had to consciously tell myself to put my son down rather than just hold him all day - that way he could self sooth a bit, and now at 4 months, I can get things done around the house and he is good to hang out for a few minutes on his playmat or in his piano seat.

You are going to be a great mother! Just remember to relax and do your best - he will react to your stress levels. You will work out a system and schedule and all will be well. For now - enjoy snuggling him and watching him grow!

Dear J.,
You are not alone! My daughter is now almost 9 months but was exactly like that and I felt exactly like you! How big is your baby? My daughter was 6 lbs 12 oz and she also needed to be held to sleep (which we did by laying on the couch with her side by side or my husband would sleep in the recliner holding her). She cried every time I put her in the car seat so I too couldn't go out for walks or long drives and she hated the swing too. I thought she was a high needs baby but found out that this was more normal than I thought. I later found out that small babies get dizzy with movement like in cars, strollers or swings but love the closeness to the mom so the sling, bjorn, Ergo or Moby is a great thing! In the car what seemed to help was "white noise" I bought a white noise CD and cranked it up and that seemed to calm her (not the most relaxing for you but it is way better than your baby crying). Once the baby gets a bit bigger and more alert, the mirror also helped. Not much advice for walking in the stroller. I would just start her off in the stroller and then when she would get upset I would strap on the Bjorn and finish the walk and she would usually fall asleep in that. At home, I would wear the Moby and she liked the vibrating bouncer. We had to sleep with her until she was 3 months old as she slept the longest this way. The best swaddler is the Miracle Blanket and she ended up eventually sleeping on her own in that around 3 months and was out of it by 4 months or so. It does get better! Hang in there, I know it can be overwhelming when you feel like you don't get a break or you are doing something wrong because your baby is crying. You're not! Hope these little tips help. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know! C.

My DD hated the sling at that age, too. But she loved my wrap. Have you tried a moby?

Congratulations on becoming a new mommy! Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp really helped us a lot. The book is good for detail, but the DVD is good for showing you exactly what he's talking about. I'm sure you can get it at your local library.

Your baby sounds totally normal and it sounds like he liked the constant noise of your vacuuming (and probably your movement). We used a white noise machine with our son and it worked like a charm. Also, my son hated the car seat until he was five months old. I did a lot of poking around online about how to combat this and it seems most babies mellow out with the car seat at about five months. I also put up some pictures for him to look at (just printed 4 great big symbols on plain paper and taped it to the back of the seat) and found some music that he liked.

One thing I remember my brother-in-law (who has 3 kids) telling me when we first had our baby and that I found to be totally true is that the first two months are the hardest. Everyone is adjusting. It really does start to get better after that. You will have tried different things and found some that work best for your baby and things will start to settle down. I highly recommend the Happiest Baby book/DVD though for some ideas.

You might also want to join a local chapter of MOMS Club (momsclub.org) or other type of moms group where you can get together with moms with similar age babies and share tips (or just commiserate!) It was a life-saver for me, being new to the area and to being a mom.

Congratulations again! Happy mommying!