Niece Always Asking to Sleep Over...

Simply: "No, that doesn't work for our schedule. I know you want to sleep over often, but it's not possible. Please stop asking daily. I will let you know when it will be possible." If you are feeling generous, you can say, "You can stay til dinnertime" or whatever, but I think it's perfectly fine to treat her like any other friend of the kids and limit how much she is there. Many was the day where we said "no, but you can play/sleep over at x's house if the parents are OK with it."

If she has a hissy fit you can simply say, "Exactly. You need to improve your behavior if you want to be a guest in someone's home."

You don't even need to get into the whole business of who gets up when for what. It's not something you want to do.

Just say, "I'm not a fan of sleepovers, so no."

I have a rule at our house that I'm not to be put on the spot. Meaning, other kids aren't allowed to ask to come use our pool, or to sleepover, etc. The invite has to come from us.

We have a friend of one of ours, that will say "go ask your mom if I can sleepover". Ugh.

So I say no to that. The invitation has to come from us, or at least my kid has to be involved in wanting the sleepover. Then I think about it - but it has to work for my family. Weekends.

As for your niece's attitude - we just have rules at our house. No upsets. If kids can't get along (if she had a hissy fit here) - they don't get invited back. I don't make it personal - but my rules apply to not only my kids, but visiting kids.

I don't think you sound nasty - you just don't feel like dealing with this - totally get it. So just decide if you want her to sleep over ever, if not - just say No sleepovers guys - doesn't work for us. If you'd be ok but on your terms - then have one on your terms and see how it goes.

Good luck :)

It is likely she is craving the structure that you provide for your children. She isn't asking for asleep over, she is asking for help.

I would try by first explaining the rules of the house to her. You cannot expect a child to follow rules she doesn't understand. Then explain what the consequence for not following the rules are. In this case, no sleepovers for a set period of time, 'time-out', or returning home early.

When she breaks the rules and then asks for another sleepover, just remind her that she broke the rules and will have to suffer the consequences. She will either shape up or you will have a good reason to tell her 'No'.

I' pick something in-between "never" and "every day". And tell them in a concrete way, so that they won't ask daily. For example, "I've decided to allow a sleepover with Niece once a month during the summer. So let's pick the day in July, and the day in August."

It seems sleep overs have crept into being a regular thing in some places.
I swear I can count on one hand the number of sleep overs I went to - most were when I was a teen (like 15 or 16 yrs old) and one was due to being evacuated during an emergency weather situation.

I also object to psyco analyzing the situation and just assuming the kid is seeking structure.
I'm not a family counselor (I'm guessing you're not one either) - if your sisters family needs one - they need to seek professional help - and not try to dump a kid into your household.
You did not get your sister pregnant - her kid is not your problem.

There's nothing wrong with saying "No. You may as well quit asking because it's not going to happen.".
If the asking keeps happening then ask her "How many times do you need to hear 'No' before you believe it?".

I wouldn't have a brat over (I don't care if she's a relation or not) and I certainly would not be rewarding bratty behavior of your own 8 yr old.

Do you see your niece every day?
How is she asking you?
It might be a good time to take a break from the niece and your sister for awhile (no FB, no texts, no calls, etc).
There's no need to live on each others door steps.
Get busy with your own kids (go to a park, the zoo, a hike, etc) and be too busy for contact - at least for a few weeks.
Let the niece/your sister develop her own things to do where she is not expecting you to entertain her/them.

M., your reasons are solid. Don't feel bad for saying no. Practice what AV wrote below - a lot. Then do what's best for your family. Period. Stop analyzing your sister and that relationship. At 10 your niece can understand and learn to respect your "no' and families schedule, etc.

I do wonder, what is up with the 'giant attitude' that seems to run in your family....your daughter is developing it, your niece has it.....we have lots of kids and cousins, and we don't have this issue. There are healthy parenting tools to help teach you better ways to talk to your kids so that they will listen...please google or use the search bar here on this site and look at the slew of parenting books that have been recommended in the past. My hunch is that your strained relationship with your sister, is a familial learned dynamic which you do NOT have to repeat and recreate in your own family. Good luck with that.

And Reverend Ruby, I respect you, but take a big ol' witch chill pill....this is not about witches and misusing the name unintentionally.

I would talk to the niece and flat out tell her what your concerns are. Tell her you don't like how she acts up and doesn't listen and whines and cries and whatever she does. Tell her like it is, she's old enough. Then tell her if she thinks she can behave and not get your daughter worked up about stuff, you'll let her stay over. BUT...if she spends the night and you have issues with either of them, she will NOT be staying over again.

I did this with a neighborhood boy. Told him straight up what I expected when he was over and if he couldn't handle it, I would send him home. He did great! So just be honest with her and give her a chance. If she can't handle it then tell her you'll try again when she's older and can be a better listener. Good luck.

Just make it a Friday or Saturday night thing and see how it goes. Agreeing to one night doesn't mean that you agree to every night, and let the girls know that if there is any bad behavior from either of them, it will be the only sleepover this summer. If it goes well, then you can allow another one a few weeks later when it fits your schedule but let them know that if they pester you in between, there won't be another one.

If you set high expectations for their behavior and this is something they really want to do, they may rise up and meet those expectations. And if not, it's one night and that's it. Not really a dramatic all-or-nothing scenario - give it a try and see how it goes.

There's no reason to have her sleep over all the time. Perhaps once in a great while, on a weekend night, but the moment she misbehaves she is sent home.

However, if it's a significant strain on your family, simply say no. It's okay.

How sad for you & your children to not be close with your niece/cousins.
That's a shame.

~I can't imagine speaking about my neices & nephews or even my sister as you did here.

"I'm sorry, you talk back to your mom and you don't mind her when she asks you to do something. So I don't really want you coming over until you're doing better at using good manners and speaking to adults in a better way".

Even though it is summer, we don't allow sleepovers during the week. My husband gets up very early for a long commute to work each day and although my office is in my home, I do keep regular office hours.

I think it is a great chance to have your kids and your sister's kids hang out together, but not to the point that it starts interfering with your regular daily life.

I would also ask your sister to take some of the duty on her end - for each sleepover you do, she takes your kiddos (well the 8 and 2.5 yr old) for the evening so you and your husband can do something.

Good luck!

Please do not refer to witches in the negative.
My religion is Wicca I am a witch. The Wiccan Rede "Do What Ye will, Lest ye do no harm.

I think maybe your niece is crying out for help. Something is going on at her house she can't talk about. Her behavior maybe a cry for help. She wants to trust you with her secret but she needs to be sure first.

Maybe, if you're planning a picnic, or a day at a park, or grilling hot dogs for a summer lunch, you could invite your niece to join you, and give her a taste of your family life, your structure, your boundaries rules for good behavior, and the fun that can be had when people are respecting each other. That way, she can feel included. Be clear, tell her you'll be bringing her home at 6 pm, and be consistent. If she is disrespectful, tell her that she'll go home a lot earlier or that she won't be invited next time, and be consistent with that, too. (Same goes for your 8 year old!)

But at 10, your niece is old enough to comprehend some social etiquette. Speak directly to her and tell her that there will be no sleep overs. Be clear and firm. And then if she continues to ask, simply ignore those requests. Don't ignore her - offer her an apple if all the kids are having apples for a snack. Include her in the conversation. But when you hear the word "sleepover" just tune her out. She'll get the message eventually.

And make sure that your girls know your rule, very very clearly. No sleepover will ever happen unless one of your girls has asked you privately (not in front of her friend) and you have checked with the other parent. And it will never be spur of the moment. And it will NEVER happen if one of their friends or relatives beg for it. Then make sure you're consistent with that.

I would let her do it twice over the course of the summer. Figure out a night this month that works and let her look forward to it. Tell her if she is to sleep at your house that she has to follow the rules. If she cannot follow them then she has to go home. Tell your sister this is the house rule for sleepovers so they do not get out of control...and that you really will bring her home if necessary...and that you have the same rule for any child who comes over. Tell your niece the rules and be prepared to drive her home if needed. If this happens tell her, we can try again next month and perhaps things will go better. If your niece is begging constantly stay firm with once a month and remind her she has other friends and to ask them instead. Or to have her invite over one of her friends to HER house for a sleepover. I let my son have a sleepover in April...He slept at a friend's house one night last month. Now in July I am ready to let him have a friend over. I don't enjoy sleepovers bc the kids end up staying up a little too late. So, I don't allow it very often.

i would figure out how many times i could handle het sleeping over and set the dates. let her know she can only stay those few nights and thats it. be nice but firm. she will get her way and get to sleep over, you will get your way and only have to do it as many times as you are up for. pre plan the event and don't give in to other nights, just gently remind her when her night to sleep over is.

Granted... you have your own hands full with 3 girls. However consider....

If she is having trouble at home, maybe she is reaching out in the only way she knows how to you and longs for a stable home. Maybe your home is the only stable home she knows?

I never had issues with sleepovers. We only did school night sleepovers if I was helping out another parent who might have to go out of town or something.... not just for fun.

When my daughter was younger, not 1 weekend night went by without someone wanting to sleepover. We had 1 child that would have lived here... Her home life was upside down. When she was here, it was stable, she didn't deal with her psycho mom and absent dad. She was always very respectful to hubby and I and we treated her like our own.

There is nothing wrong with her going home at 9pm or whenever is close to bedtime either.

It is important to have your family relationships priority and work on your own personal relationship with each of your daughters. Maybe you are looking at this in a negative way but maybe your niece is looking up to you for guidance.

There is no reason to yell at other people's or your own children. Communication can and should be established so that everyone knows that yelling does not work and is not acceptable.

If you can't help your niece out in some way, then see if you can find some sort of counsel for her so she has an avenue to communicate with someone.

If you don't want her to sleep over then just say sorry we don't do sleep overs.

You don't sound like a big witch. There is not really much of an upside here. You and your sister have a strained relationship, so anything you do to try to make your niece behave, she is going to have a problem with. Your niece is not your responsibility to teach to behave. It's your sister's job. And no, you shouldn't be yelling at your niece. (You shouldn't be yelling at your own cildren either. Yelling might make your kids do what you say in the short run, but not in the long run.)

Tell your niece that you are sorry, but she cannot come and stay. Tell her that her crying and having hissy fits and being disrespectful is not allowed in your home and she has to learn not to do that around you and your family before she can come for sleepovers. When she says "But I won't do it anymore" tell her that you will see how she treats her own mother and then you will decide. It might give your niece a reason to thing twice about how she acts when you're around, and eventually help her grow up some. Meanwhile, don't cave in to her. She needs to learn that there is a consequence for bad behavior.

Personally, I'd plan it for a ck venue to night.
At the beginning of the evening, I'd sit them BOTH down and tell them they have three strikes, then they're out. "Out" meand niece will go home and no more sleepovers for the rest of the summer.
"Strikes" are back talk, disrespect, failure to follow rules.
Then stick to it.

But plan a few things-rent a movie, out for dinner, skating, ropes course, etc.
Even the best kids can get testy if they're bored.