Night Weaning a Co-Sleeping Babe

You've gotten some really good suggestions here- I'd like to add "wear a restrictive nighty" and don't be adverse to getting up to rock him back to sleep or get a sip of milk from the fridge. have him walk with you to the kitchen to get a drink so it's a bother, too. when we night weaned one of my girls, we said "goodnight nummies" at bedtime

L.
http://mrshannigan.blogspot.com

I personally didn't have this experience but my friend did. She was co-sleeping with her son and night feeding. He had some tooth decay and the dentist said they had to stop feeding at night immediately. She was pretty freaked out so I found this info online and she followed it and it worked within a week. Good luck!

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I've weaned 5 co-sleeping babies, so far, so I guess I qualify as experienced, nowadays.
We move baby over, next to Daddy, so that he/she doesn't feel, smell, etc. the boobs at night.
HTH:
AD

I co-slept with my second son, he was nursed as well. And honestly, I was unable to ween him at night until I kicked him out of my bed. It was time for him to move into his crib anyway since he was moving all over the bed at night and we were afraid he was going to fall out. That and, no one was getting any sleep. Anyway, what was suggested to me was to give him a bottle at night. That didn't work, and they shouldn't need to eat at night anyway. Does he take a pacifier? That's what has worked for us. That and moving him to his crib. He still isn't sleeping through the night btw, but... we're getting there. And he doesn't nurse at night anymore, which is good.

I had this same problem with both of my children. The only thing that worked for me was to sleep elsewhere until the child could become accustomed to sleeping all through the night without waking to nurse. For example, I would nurse as usual throughout the day and then nurse her to sleep. After she was asleep I would go into another room to sleep and my husband slept in our bed with her. Of course she woke up and cried but he was able to sooth her with rocking, singing, and pacing (you know the drill). The key is to not go in and let the baby know you are available. I was not a "let them cry it out" mom either but I felt that my husband was there to help her get through it so it was not as if she was frantic and alone, just frantic with daddy :) You could go away for the night if you feel you may give in but I thought it was best for me to be there in case daddy really could not bear any more crying and needed a "time out". It took both children about 4 or 5 nights of this until they could sleep all night with me without nursing (I will warn you the first 2 nights can be rough so do not attempt this until you are ready to follow through). Good luck!

My Sister-In-Law did the same thing with her youngest and he
was still sleeping in parents' bed at the age of 7. You are certainly not the first person to go through this and it seems to be more and more common these days. But there is no research, that I am aware of, that concludes that a child is better off sleeping next to their parents. If you want to spend the next several years sleeping with your son then do it. If not...then...well...yes. Let him cry it out. Again, I've never heard of a child dying or being emotionally scarred for life from crying himself to sleep for a couple of nights in a row. I know you didnt want to hear that but really...there is no other option other than trickery and trickery is mentally sick, in my opinion. I had an impossible time trying to get my son to FALL asleep without rocking him to sleep every night. One night, I went to work and my husband decided that he was just not going to put up with it anymore. He put my son in his crib...the tears and screaming began and went on for several minutes. That was all it took. He is now 10 and that night was the beginning of freedom for us and independance for him. Just go for it!! You will be glad you did.

L.~
Just something to think about, we found a Co-Sleeper that attached to our bed. So our baby was near us at all times until we were comfortable moving her in to her own room. She was right near me if she needed me and she slept well because she could hear us breathing, smells were the same etc. Once we moved her to the co-sleeper, she quit nursing at night permanently.
Hope you got the advise you were looking for.
T.

Hi L.,

I have a now 6 year old who co-slept. He moved around a lot in his sleep, and nursed every 2 hours or less. But there was nothing we could do to make him sleep in his crib. At a year we weaned him, and it got a little better. He still slept with us, but on a twin bed pushed up against ours, occasionally sleeping near me or dad. At 18 months we moved that bed into his own room and he slept through the night maybe a third of the time, either coming to join us, or needing one of us to be with him in his room. At 2 and a half he finally became the perfect sleeper in his own room, falling asleep by himself, staying in bed for the night, no crying. Unfortunately, I think it just took him that long to be ready. All of the books we read, and advice we tried before then didn't help much.

The night time weaning part went pretty well. I wore turtle necks to bed, and when my son tried to nurse, we would turn on all the lights in the bedroom and spoon feed him yogurt (from a cold pack beside the bed). He looked startled, but accepted. After a couple weeks he rarely wanted to eat at night.

Good luck, I know you'll figure out what works best for you and your family.

If you find an answer aside from letting him cry it out in the crib, let me know! I had the same problem. The ONLY thing that worked was me literally suffering for 2-3 nights while letting him cry it out. Yes, he vomited one night, banged his chin up the next, and I felt like a horrible mom, but we tried everything and were at our witts end (we both work full-time). But he's 19 months old now and has been sleeping through the night (aside from a month long bout with teething) for 3 solid months in his own crib. He wakes up around 5:30 AM and we gladly invite him into our bed. OH - WE SWEAR BY THE BINKY! What would we do without that thing. I'm afraid for the day I have to ween him from that little golden item!

Both my sons co-slept with us and I had to night wean them from the "boo" before they were weaned from the bed, so it can be done. They were just a little older than your baby, but once I'd had enough of night nursing I would just keep telling them that the "boo" was sleeping and we would have boo when it's morning. As long as they were still in bed with me and got to snuggle mama, they became OK with it. A few tears at first for no getting boo right away, but as long as you're consistent and kind, they become fine with it. Just remember to treat yourself to a little extra coffee or a nap, because even a week of sleep deprivation isn't very fun! ;)

I just started reading, "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and am hoping to find the same answers.

Hi, here is my experience with night weaning my first child. After initially getting her to sleep through nursing, later when she woke up and wanted to nurse, I had to pat and rub her back to get her back to sleep. She did fuss and cry and at times tried to pull my shirt up! She would eventually get tired and fall back to sleep. My husband would also help to rub and pat and soothe. I would say this took about three nights, but after that we had much more restfull nights!

Hi L.,

I am the mom of a 12 year old girl who loved to nurse and I had the same situation you do now only with a less involved dad. I tried all kinds of things. The crib idea didn't work for me either. I finally decided she was a cuddle-bug kid and just taught myself to sleep with her nursing every few hours. We got her a "big girl" bed (junior size) when she was three and made it really fun for her to take naps there, be read to there, and gradually sleep there. She quit nursing on her own when she was ready.
I know this sounds like a long and sleepless road, but looking back I wouldn't trade a single night! Also, I have a very secure, courageous daughter. Best of Luck, L.

I weaned my daughter at 16 months after she had bitten me a few times and had prepared myself for this in advance by going from 5 feedings a day to 2, in the am and night. I am convinced that this helped make the transition so much easier because she literally only tried a couple times to feed and it wasn't a big deal at all. Thankfully, mostly for me, I was struggling with it at first, lol!. We still co-sleep with her as we have moved back to Portland to be close to family and are currently living at my Mother's house. It sounds to me like you already know what to do as you've been there, done that already. We did have a few little night tricks, a turtle that has little stars on his shell that project stars on the celing...we'd use that when it was time for night night to give her something to look at and we'd play music softly. That really seemed to work for her, she would ask for him when she started getting really sleepy. Also, I gave her a sippy cup with water in it...she had never used a bottle so I stayed away from those all together.

Not sure if any of this is helpful but wanted to let you know that I read your msg. I'm expecting again and it's good for me to know that this next baby girl might not be so easy to wean as the first one. I wish you all the best!!

A.

You are right infants should never have to cry it out, that is old advice from our grandparents age and has been proven to be wrong.

There are studies that support Co sleeping. Proven ones. Try Reading.
"The Fussy Baby Book" By William Sears MD and Martha Sears RN
"The Vital Touch" by Sharon Heller PH D
"Touch" by Tiffany Field

All of these books talk about the human need for touch,closeness and some the need for more then others. As americans as a society we say we need to be seperate. The baby needs to be as self soothing as possible to fit the mothers schedule not the infants.
Some infants just need to nurse more often as he gets older though offer soothing options instead of nursing evertime he awakens. Such as rubbing his tummy,cuddling with out nursing, singing a song, but the key is to be boring not rewarding at the same time. He should not have to ever cry it out. Provide a comforting Sleep ritual for him and for yourself. Make it gradual and on his schedule not yours. Offer him at this age other ways to communicate with your such as teaching him infant sign language, Great book is "Baby Signs" By Linda Acredolo, Ph. D. and Susan Goodwyn, Ph. D. 10 months is a good time to start with this.
If you are worn out ask for help from others to give yourself a break, sounds like your husband would be very willing to help give you what you need.
FYI: All these books I have found on half.com
I co slept with both of my kids and I loved it and was well rested most of time because of it but I started to put them in there own beds for 4-5 hours when they were two. By 5 they are in there own beds and are good sleepers now at 6 years and 11 years.

L.- I sympathize with you! I'm still nursing my 19 month old, and loving it! After she was about 9 month sold we put her to sleep in our bed, then moved her to her crib. When she'd wake up before 2 am we'd just tell her there that her "milk" went night night and so did mommy and daddy (thanks Dr. Sears). If it was after 2 am, I'd go ahead and nurse her (I was too tired to fight it). After a couple nights she just stopped waking up as much. Remember, there are sometimes setbacks, but stick with it! Anyway, you could try rolling over and letting Daddy deal with it (if he's present) or just wear LOTS of clothes to bed *lol* and keep your face next to baby insted of your boob. Offer snuggles with either parent, or a drink of water. Offering choices seems to help. Check out askdrsears.com for more great advice on sleeping. This is just what's currently working for us.
blessings, and good luck!

What worked for us, at about the same age, was slowly cutting down the time of feedings.
If he usually fed for 15 minutes I would allow 14 he first night, 13 the next and on and on.
Finally after we had cut down I would have him sleep next to his father so if he woke the boon was not readily available and I would have his father help him soothe back to sleep.
Also bulking up on solids about an hour prior to bedtime helped my son he less hungry at night. But to this day (at 21 months) when he is teething or going through a growth spurt, we will still wake at night to feed, and I allow it. But only when I can tell he is actually hungry and no just wanting to soothe.

I've enjoyed reading the advice here for my own situation with a co-sleeping 8 month old. Night weaning has been on my mind for the near future. We're utilizing bits of "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and it's helping.

Regarding Cry It Out Method...I too am not willing to use it. I want to suggest a book: "The Science of Parenting". It's a very interesting book that talks about the effect our parenting styles have on our children's brains. I think every parent should read it!

Take care all you great mamas!

Get the book " On becoming Baby Wise"- problem solved.
Then get "The 7:00 Bedtime". g

I recommend "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. William Sears. I got it from my La Lech League chapter and it's helping me understand more about my little guy's nighttime needs.

Best of luck!

I spent so much time with my first listening to everyone else telling me I had to get her out of my bed and that I had to make her “cry it out”! I totally regret all the trying and the misery it caused us all with no result other than a baby that was more terrified I would leave her.

What worked well for us was having baby sleep with Daddy on his side of the bed instead, and a body pillow between me and baby. The smell is what gives him the biggest urge to nurse. My daughter would sleep twice as long next to Daddy instead of me. Also, shower right before bed to get as much of your natural scent off as possible and wear multiple layers on your top. A nursing bra, a tank, and a shirt. Never wear a nursing bra to bed that you wore the previous night because the “mommy milk” smell will be very strong to him. You may also have to change your sheets more frequently because as you nurse him in bed, your bare breast was on the sheets.

Another suggestion for weaning is when he begs for the breast, offer him something very appealing instead… like a bottle of watered down juice. If he likes it enough, he won’t protest, but then he’ll be full when he’s done. The easiest way though is to get out of the picture and let Daddy take over for a week or two. As long as he doesn’t know you are nearby, he will be fine. You may have to leave the house completely until he is asleep (or make him think you did). At first, only refuse the breast when you put him to sleep at nap and bedtime. Don’t fight with him too much in the middle of the night. Once he gets into the routine of never getting the breast to fall asleep the first time, he will naturally stop requiring it as much in the middle of the night because he will have learned a new way to fall asleep.

Good luck! Remember, when he is older and you look back, you will not care how long you nursed him until you weaned him, but HOW weaning went will stay with you forever. If it becomes too traumatic for everyone, then consider waiting longer and trying again later. Just give it a really good try first.

I'm at this point myself with my 13-month old, so I'm anxious to read others' advice. It's reaching a critical point in 3 weeks, when I have to make a business trip for work and will be away for three nights. The good news is that baby rarely wakes up in the middle of the night anymore. The bad news is that she still nurses herself to sleep and again for quite a while first thing in the morning.

Our current plan is to do what another mom suggested - no nursing in the bed itself, just in the rocking chair. After a few days, we'll switch to Daddy cuddling her to sleep after she nurses. Keep your fingers crossed!

Hi L.,
We had the same problem and crying it out was NOT an option for us either, although we tried that several times out of shear frustration. All the books make you feel like you are doing something wrong too, if you don't cry it out. In the end, we used a combo of methods. So here was our plan, my husband put her to sleep at night, since I always did it, it would change the pace. We placed her in her crib and let her cry, but we held her and told her that is where big girls sleep. He stayed by her crib for 2 hours the first night. The next day at nap time, I did the same thing, placed her in the crib and hugged her. Then it got to the point where we were doing it 30 min, then 15, then she slept on her own. I have to say though, she stills gets up at least once most nights for a snuggle, but I can always get her back in her crib. Good Luck, and remember this soon shall pass!

Hi L.,
I have three boys and co-slept & nursed them all. I nursed my children down to sleep and then left the bed until I was ready for sleep a couple hours later. Each of my night-weaning experiences have been a bit different because all of my children are different.
With my first son we night-weaned by using a rocking chair and music + dancing. It was a lot of work but my husband was involved. When he woke and wanted to nurse I would get all the way up and only nurse him in the rocking chair. I detached him from the breast earlier and earlier until I just rocked him some nights. Eventually my husband took over.
My second son was nursed down too but when we went to bed he slept ON my husband. I was told by a LLL leader that the smell of a man can mask the smell of milk so they wake less. My son didn't wake at all!!
With my third we are not quite at the night weaning stage (he is only 1) but right now he only nurses 1-2 times per night. When I am done nursing him each night I snuggle close. He is my last baby!

Good luck!
J.

I'm going through the same thing with my 10 month old (who hasn't slept more than 2 hours at a time since birth and I'm getting pretty tired), and what seems to be working is not letting him nurse to sleep day or night anymore. We nurse when he's alert and awake during the day, in the evening before we get him ready for bed, and then either lay down beside him (with a full tummy) or rock him to sleep. With my older son, we kept a cold bottle of milk by the bed, and when he woke up, he got that instead of the breast, and was nighttime weaned in 3 nights. He seemed to figure that if cold milk was all he got, it wasn't worth waking up for.

I co-sleep and nurse my 17 month old son. I just night weaned him less than two weeks ago. He was only waking up once or twice to nurse at night, but I thought he was old enough not to. I make him nurse a lot right before going to bed and then refuse to nurse him at night. I'll be honest, he cried hard- but only for a couple of minutes. It also helpes that he loves his pacifier. When he woke up to nurse, we just soothed, sang and played his glo-worm for him. On the 4th night, he slept through the night. We're on night 11 now and he's woken up to nurse only one night since night 4. I think that he was waking up to nurse because I would nurse him. Once he knew that it wouldn't happen, he stopped waking up for it. I don't know if this will help, but it was what worked for me. Good luck!

Hi L.,
I still co-sleep w/ both mine- 2 & 4. My 2yo is still nursing, but only at bedtime and after the sun comes up. Still a bit of problem for me since I'm a night owl and she's a morning bird. But basically it took about 2-3 nights of some cries and me holding and comforting her, but 'no nursing until the sun came up'. Now sometimes she still will ask in the middle of the night and I tell in the morning and she rolls right over. Both my kids wake me by letting me know the sun is up. Hope that helps, some crying, but not alone.
T.

I've been doing the same thing (transitioning my little one from my bed to the crib) but she is 5 months. She's doing quite well and hardly crying at all. I make sure to do something soothing for a while when she is just starting to look a little sleepy (before she's out and out TIRED). Normally I'll breastfeed her or give her a short bath or massage. I lay her down when she is barely awake but very drowsy. She's usually asleep within 10 minutes - sometimes she does cry if she was already tired. Mostly it's great. She sleep from 6:45pm to 4am, I feed her in a rocking chair, lay her back down and she's up between 6:30-7am daily.

I found these principles in the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth. I had received that recommendation by many others on mamasource, who also found that his principles of healthy sleep had their child sleeping well after a week. He does have a cry it out method and a more soothing/less cry method, but you choose your own comfort level. It took about a week or two before she was sleeping really well. Best wishes and good luck!

Hi L.,
My daughter is 4 1/2 and although she has her own room (with a cute little bed and fixed up exactly the way she wanted it), she has never slept in it. We do family bed and we love it - I think it is a great way to maintain the bond especially since I work full time. When I weaned my daughter (at 18 months) it was difficult because she was used to nursing throughout the night (she never really took a bottle so she was not eat while I was at work and then nurse all throughout the night). I stopped breast-feeding almost cold-turkey and I think that helped. It also helped that my husband was able to assist by being the one to pick her up and walk her at night when she would wake up wanting to nurse. It only took about a week before she quite waking up to nurse so it wasn't that bad.......so....no real suggestions....sorry :(

Thank you for asking this question!! I am trying to wean my 2 yr old and am only nursing to go to sleep and when she wakes up at 2am and 5 am, still nursing first thing in the morning, but trying to end that by suggesting other things to drink, eat or do to distract her and get her to think what it is she really wants. She doesn't bite but my boobs are tired of being clenched to get the small amount of milk that is left. I have found that books by Drs Sears make me feel better about how I mother. We love co-sleeping, however I would love to have some intamate time with my husband on occassion and it is hard to do with his wierd work schedule and having her with us all of the time, so I am thinking about getting her to sleep in her own room, though my husband is worried that "she will be too cold" as his way of keeping her close, as I said he has a very crazy schedule and he is very in love with his precious angel and sleeping is one of the few things he gets to do with her. I just checked out a book from the library 'the no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers'. It looks like it covers many sleeping situations, hopefully self soothing will be one of them. Good luck with getting your boobs back!
Jeni