OCD, Husband & Dog Rules...and My Plan

I'd put my husband in the yard & let the dog stay in the house! LOL

Seriously, OCD is an anxiety disorder. You know that this will get more severe over time and the behavior will escalate, right? He needs to see a therapist that specializes in anxiety disorders/OCD.

Wondering how nice it must be to sit back & give directives for everyone ELSE to do!

Place the responsibilities of his arbitrary new rules squarely where they belong: on his shoulders. Let him wash the dog paws 20 million times every day!

I hope he gets some therapy/meds for his OCD.

I do not see where he is being OCD.

Just for an exercise, what if we summarized it like this:

1) Everybody's moving - there's tons of stress.
2) The family dog left a ton of muddy footprints b/c it just rained here.
3) Husband jerkily made note of it.

Maybe he's just very upset that his family is disappearing and doesn't have the tools to say that?

I'm the ocd person in our house, so I can relate to your hubby. I'm not sure if he's ocd or not (none of us should be diagnosing him!). I will say he seems to have pretty rigid and possibly irrational rules. The hallmark of any disorder is whether or not it disrupts your daily life. Only you, him, and a therapist can decide that.

Anyway, if he's not ocd but just stubborn and controlling, you guys need to have a talk about who can make rules and how they must be enforced. That's just a communication and respect issue and you have lots to contribute.

If it is ocd, rationalizing won't help. Whether he's ready to admit it or not, he knows many of his rules are irrational, but he can't help it. Funny, because we got a dog last fall and I have the wipe feet of thing as well. I just use a wet paper towel. (But I have a chemical thing too so I don't want to use the baby or disinfectant wipes all the time).

For us, it's a constant compromise. My DD and DH know about the wipe the paws thing and they are fine doing that. There are many of my ocd quirks that they 'indulge'. But there are certain things that I know make no sense and so that's all me. For example, I have a crazy routine for washing dishes and cleaning bathrooms. They couldn't possibly do it right without me standing over them, so for the sake of family harmony, I do those things. So basically, they allow some 'quirks' and not others. And that's ok. This is my ocd, but it's our home and our family so we have to negotiate and compromise often. It's still about communication.

I would suggest conversations like that. Telling him you understand he gets upset about some things and feels better having rules. And some are ok, but some may not be. So first, he can't announce rules, you all need to discuss them. He can say what he likes, and you can discuss how the rule might interfere with family life and decide if they are doable and who will do them. But again, if he is ocd, he will feel compelled that the rule is a must and there will be no talking him out of it. You have to decide how his anxiety can be quieted around this. And if it really severe, you do need to have him consider seeing a therapist.

Good luck to you, and feel free to pm me if you want to talk more.

Does your husband even really want a dog? It sounds like she is "your" dog, and he's just finding ways to make it harder for you to have her.

Was this a mutual decision to get a dog? If so, then he needs to step in help out with the dog. If he wants all that stuff done, he can do it (or at least, do it half the time).

When we had a dog, we wiped her feet with a towel every time she went outside when it was wet/muddy. I don't know if you have a fence in your yard, but for us, our dog was always on a leash for potty breaks. Dealing with muddy doggy paws around infants/toddlers was one reason we did not get another dog when she passed.

The way I view your relationship....your husband is treating you more like you are his daughter. You need to stand your ground...because what is the next subject he will try and control. If he's not sympathetic about you "giving" your dog away...then I suspect he has alot of deep issues. My daughter just got new puppy...Wire Fox Terrier...I bought for her the new rug that is advertised that there is no need to wipe paws anymore. It is a "As seen on TV item". And it works miracles...it catches all the little pieces of grass and junk that is normally tracked into the house....let alone absorbs dirt and moisture from the paws. Don't ask me how...but it does. Even if it didn't work...I sure wouldn't be submissive to his little tantrums. I always kept the upper hand...I wasn't gonna be walking 3 paces behind him. Marriage is an equal commitment.

Not quite the same scenario, but our 80lb Lab mix steps into a small plastic tub of warm water, and has her paws toweled dry each and every time she comes into the house. Black lab, beige carpets, you get the picture. The dog doesn't mind, and waits patiently for us to do it, and won't go beyond the foyer until her paws are wiped. She's also never on the furniture, never in the bedrooms, and really patient with the baby.

Sorry that you and your hubs are having a difficult time negotiating what rules apply as respects the dog. Sorry too that you "gave the dog away," whether under false pretense or otherwise.

Good luck to you and your family as you go in your separate directions.
F. B.

i would tell him point blank to start taking the dog out.

My husband is like this with our 2 cats - one of which was his, though he conveniently has "forgotten" about that.

I don't think it's OCD. I think he's being a control-freak, which really isn't the same thing.

My husband has gotten better with professional help. It was hard to get him to go to counseling - and he's really going about something else but it all ties together - so I told him "If it's OK for me to live like this, then it's OK for our friends to know about it." He thought I was going to make some sort of Facebook announcement and I said "No, nothing odd - but you know, there are places for it in casual conversation." He's in counseling now. It hurts that *my feelings* were not a good enough reason, but he's going.

I also simply stopped responding to him in any meaningful way when he was being controlling. I didn't do what he asked. I might say, "Oh, that's an interesting idea" or say cheerfully (the cheerful is key), "What a great idea! I'm sure you'll be great at that!" It's been tough, but it's getting easier. And he's getting better. And you know what? I am gaining some great boundaries too.

Best of luck to you.

Have your Husband, do the dog duty.

Because only HE, will do it the way he wants.
No one else, will do it perfectly, enough.

Why should everyone in the house be a "hostage" to your Husband's pickyness?
He's a grown up, HE can do it.

You call him borderline? I call that full blown control freak! I don't know of anyone who washes their dogs paws before coming in the house. Yeah, if you go walking in the woods and he is muddy, but a quick trip in the yard? Have a door mat that the dog and everyone else walks over, and that should catch most of the dirt. Perhaps use your wonderful teaching technique (it is really all love and consistency isn't it?) and teach doggy to wipe paws. I would tell my husband that he cannot simply make decisions that affect everyone. If he is the one who wants to dog paws washed I would make him wash them. Otherwise, restrict the dog to certain areas and leave the bedroom for the non-pigsty area. Plus, if he finds it such a pigsty then perhaps he needs to start doing some cleaning. Alternately, suggest in your loveliest voice that you agree it is a pigsty and that is why you hired a weekly cleaning service.
As for your little plan - what if he decides he is fine without the dog? We have 2 cats and I would LOVE to get rid of them, just not a cat person. So if someone said "either the cats leave or you wash their paws" I would say goodbye to the cats (to a good home).
Sounds like some long conversations are in order.

No idea. No one in my house seems to care if the floor is clean, except for me.
We have a GSD and I don't clean her feet when she comes in from outside at ALL. Ever. But, it doesn't snow here, only rains a lot (during hurricane season). But our yard is grass, so no trudging through mud...just wet grass.
Good luck to you.

Sorry, can't talk to the OCD-ness of your husband, except to say I'm sorry he's the way he is.

As for the pupsters, I have 2 currently (both are in the 60# range) & have had as many as 3 at the same time. We have a small barn & horses, so you can imagine that there's a little bit o' dirt here & there. ;) Sorry -- unless it's really, really muddy I don't wash or wipe my dogs' feet when they come in. We Do have small rugs by our doors that catch most of the damp dirt when they come in, but I don't do anything special with them.

When it's cold, they go out, do their thing & come back in. When it's nice, they may hang out in the sunshine a little longer. Today, it was about 70 outside. I just left the back door open & they came & went as they wanted. Works for us.

They are dogs, though, and not people so they stay on the floor -- NO critters on the furniture at my house!

I can answer your first question - we keep a dry towel by the door to wipe the dogs' feet (we have three, ranging from 10 pounds to 60 pounds) if necessary (not every time!) If it is a particularly muddy day, I will leave them outside and go get a bucket of warm water and another towel and was their feet down that way. That's pretty rare, though.

As for your second question, I have no earthly idea. My husband and I have a policy of mutual respect, and I think we (usually) each hold up our end of the bargain. I'm sorry - I don't mean to be mean, but I genuinely don't know what I would do if my husband spoke to me the way you describe. I hope you are able to get better advice than this! ^_^

ETA: All 3 of my dogs were rescued, too. They are my fur-babies!

Can't help on the OCD issue. As far as dog goes, ours always goes out
on a leash except in the dead of winter. Then we just open the door he runs
out pees and back in. If muddy we clean his feet off with towels. My husband takes him on a hike 2x a day.

Have him do it or try doggy snow boots. I wouldn't stand out there either!

yes that is super controlling and no I don't wipe my dog's feet every time they come in from outside, and mine are diggers.
Don't have an OCD hubby, but I do have an OCD friend and she does not wipe her dog's feet when they come in either .
Honestly he sounds like he needs therapy and it's more than borderline OCD.

I guess I'm the OCD spouse because I hate sleeping on sheets with mud on them from dirty paw prints and I don't like my carpet getting fouled up unessesarily. We take our shoes off when we come in from the outside because I don't like the ouside getting tracked all over my floor. My husband wanted to get a dog but I knew I would be the one taking care of it so I told him my reservations and he was a little sad but decided it was in the best intrest of our marriage to forgo getting a dog.

I know dog lovers say that kids are just as messy, but here's the thing. They're not. Kids can be reasoned with and taught to clean up after themselves. Dogs will be messy toddlers their whole lives.

My parents taught me to take my shoes off whenever I came into the house but back when I was growing up we had only one dog and he never came into the house. Fast forward 20 years and now they have three dogs and let them run in and out of the house without wiping their feet. I am so used to taking my shoes off at my own house that when I go to theirs, I also remove my shoes. After walking around on their floor for a little while I noticed the bottoms of my socks were FILTHY because of all those little paws tracking filth into the house. I kept my shoes on after that.

Do I have OCD because I don't want to live in a dirty house? I don't think so. I don't want to live in a dirty house because I don't want to live in a dirty house. There are things that can be done to minimize the filth, like wiping paws and making sure the dog doesn't go out willy nilly to race all over the extra muddy parts of the yard, but unfortunately I'm not willing to put up with all the extra work. To me, the cons outweigh the pros of having a dog and I gave my pro/con list to my husband. Since I know he wouldn't do what he needed to do to take care of this dog he wanted, I put my foot down about it.

My kid can lie on our carpet without getting dirt on her clothing. Our beds are sans hair, drool and mud. And that's just the way I like it. I don't think your husband is going to be too terribly upset about the loss of the dog.

i think it's reasonable to want clean paws in the house, especially if your dog gets onto the furniture. but i think it's unreasonable for him to keep adding new rules arbitrarily without discussing them with you.
we wipe the dog's feet if we've been out for a walk on the slushy/muddy roads. if he's just been around the yard to pee, we don't. i think everyone's got their own comfort levels and situations for that.
on the other hand, giving the dog away without letting your husband have a say is pretty much the same thing.
it sounds as if y'all need some help communicating better and understanding each other.
khairete
S.

Here is my two cents.

You guys are a unit, a partnership and decisions should be made as such. He can toss out anything he wants to install as a new rule but it should be discussed and agreed UPON before it is set down as law in the house and it should be a compromise dead set in the middle between what each of you want/need and is willing to live with.

my dog is no where near trained like that.. he barks to go out and he will sit if u tell him thats about it.. but seriously if my fiance was saying the stuff that ur husband was saying i would flat out tell him hes nuts.. its a dog sh*t happens things get dirty thats just how it is i actually have to clean the fronts of the living room couch cushions because if its raining and he goes out to pee he runs in and rubs himself all over the couches.. or hes missing some teeth so when he drinks water it goes everywhere.. stuff getting messy is part of having a dog... my fiance is a little ocd with the way our room is and how the inside of my car is .. and gues what.. if it looks clean to me and he bitches.. i let it go in one ear and out the other