One Year Old hitting.....please Help

My 18 mo.old has also picked up this habbit. Ofcouse my son went through it too. I would take their hand in mine and make a very sad face and talk in a sad voice and say, "Oh no! Owwee! Please don't hit. Be niiiiice." And when I would say nice I would stroke their hand over my face, arm, leg, whatever they just hit. And then I would let go and say, please be niiice. again. Usually they would repeat the petting motion, which would let me know they understood.

My child does it too. I tell her no then tell her be nice and show her how by gently touching who ever she hit.

I had the same problem with my son when he was 1-3yrs old. I believe it's because some kids are not able to communicate with words as well yet (hense the "it's just a phase"). My son could do almost everything but his verbal skills weren't as high as my daughter's at the same age. I tried to explain to him to use words and not his hands when he gets frustrated or exicited. I would then give him words to use like "I'm angry!", clap when excited, or something like that.

Either way, when his verbal skills grow, you should see less hitting. Hope this helps and good luck!

My 18 month granddaughter has been going through the same thing. Her momma would hold her hand down and tell her "don't hit, it isn't nice" and as soon as she let go, she would hit again. She hit me and I said "grandma will hit you back!" I got the cold shoulder for a bit, until I told her I wouldn't ever hit her, because hitting isn't nice. So that didn't work, although she doesn't hit me. She started hitting my dog who started growling at her in warning. The dog wouldn't bite her, loves her to death, but was letting her know she didn't like that touch. I decided it was time to get this handled before she did end up getting bit. I started putting her on the couch for a minute and half each time she hit or was ornery to the dog. After the time out, which she hates but will sit there, I hug her and explain to her that hitting the dog or people isn't nice and if she did it again she would have to sit on the couch for time out again. This seems to work with her. During her time out, her momma and I just visit and ignore her so all attention is taken away also.

I would try putting him down, for just a minute every time he does it. Be very consistant with what you say and do every time. "You hit, you sit." It's simple enough for a child of almost any age to understand. You should also let your friends and family know how you are trying to handle this, so they react the same way when he tries to hit, or does hit.
good luck

My daughter did the same thing, and i tried lots to get her over it....it is a phase, but there's things you can do to help. My favorite author/family psychologist, Dr.James Dobson has a great technique that helped with us. Take both of your sons hands in your own, make eye contact and tell him "no" and also why we don't hit. Hold his hands and the eye contact until he starts to squirm...it should really hit home! It re-inforces the point. Hope that helps!

1) look at his environment. Does he see hitting on tv? in movies? other kids?

2) Tell him what you DO want: take his hands in yours and tell him "hands are for holding, or patting gently".

3) If he does it in excitement, channel it a little. Tell him to give you a "high Five" - a great alternative to hitting.

4) Never hit back or threaten to. You are the adult, the model of good behavior, and that is very confusing to a child.

5) If he does it when upset, teach him a few signs for what he needs - water, food, help... When he is a bit older you can tell him "We use our words".

6) It is normal to have to remind and teach him over and over again - expect that so you won't feel so frustrated or worse - punitive.

Hope that helps! My first boy had limited exposure to other boys and he never hit and was gentle (although spirited).
My nephews taught my youngest boy to hit for fun, and I really had to work with him. Using respect and calm teaching, I succeeded.

He's probably frustrated because he doesn't have the words yet to explain his feelings. I have two boys--one was a biter and hitter and one wasn't. Although it could very well just be a phase for your son I found that my son who was a hitter has always had a more volatile personality than the other one and once he stopped the hitting phase he would yell when he got frustrated. We are still trying to teach him to deal appropriately with frustration without yelling even at age 8. There is a children's book called "Hands are not for Hitting" that we would read to our son. It comes in a board book edition for the younger set. As they got older we also had a rule, "If you hit you sit" and would put them in a chair for a time out. At only one year old it could also be just a game for him--trying to get a reaction out of you. I struggled with this too, but the more you react the more they want to do it so it's best to try to stay calm, tell them "no hitting" and redirect them to another activity or area. Although it can be frustrating it is very normal behavior for a one year old!

Hi C.,
My son will be 4 soon, and I remember the "hitting" phase. It is a phase -- and will probably work itself out by the time he's 2. It's especially common with boys. All you can do is be consistent with the message (i.e. hands are for helping, not hitting, etc.), tell him hitting is not ok, suggest to him other things to do instead (i.e. use his words if he's started talking), hug, etc.
Anyways -- bottom line is, it's completely normal, and he WILL grow out of it!

C.,

The best solution is to teach him what he CAN hit - the sofa, the floor, a pillow. Our 2-year-old really likes to hit, but the redirection really helps. When she hits a person or animal we say "Stop. That really hurts me (or the dog, or grandma). Would you like to hit the chair instead?"

Sometimes we hit it with her and growl and act really tired or frustrated. We even let her help us find appropriate things to hit or kick. That way she is included in the resolution.

There are 2 great books: "Hands are not for hitting" and "Feet are not for kicking" that help teach the child to redirect their outbursts.

My 17 mo old does the same. Most of the time I think it is because he is overexcited, but I don't want it to continue. He is a foster child, so I am not allowed to swat his hand, but with my biological children, I gave a firm "no", moved the hand away and gave it a quick rap with two fingers, right on the top - for effect more than pain. It didn't take too long for them to realize this was inapprpriate behavior, and an undesireable outcome for them, and stop. With this current baby I say "no" and frown, then remove his hand and redirect him to toy. This method is taking longer to change his behavior, but my frown gets his attention. Eventually, as he gets older and understands more words, I can talk him through it as well.

SAHM of seven

Actually, I would ignore him when he hits/slaps. We were having the same problem... except our little boy (20 months) was only hitting me! So, I would take the hand he hit with and tell him the same things you were saying. He thought it was a game and/or fun as he'd laugh and smile when I'd say "no". Even though I did not have a smile or give any indication I was having fun. One night I got a very hard head-butt to the chest, so I got up and left the room for about 10 minutes. We had his check up a few days later, so I asked the doctor about his hitting (I too figured it was a phase). She recommended ignoring him and the behaviour when he's doing it. That seems to have worked for us, as he no longer hits me. On the rare occassion he does, I just ignore it and he stops. Whereas in the past when I would pay attention to the behaviour, he would continue to hit.

M.

I believe it is just a phase. All three of my sons have done it. My 19 month old still does it once in awhile. Because they can't tell you how they are feeling, they slap. What I do is grab both of his hands when he does it and tell him that hit hurts mommy when he does that and make a sad face. I also change whatever we are doing and get him interested in something else. The other thing that I do is show him how to give mommy a hug instead. Hang in there.

Rather than focusing on the "no hitting" part, say no, and then show him the right way to touch. You can also use the sign for "gentle" which is petting the back of your hand gently - it reinforces the type of touch and can be soothing at the same time.

With little kids it's important to phrase things in the affirmative - if I were to say to you "do NOT think of pink bunnies hopping through purple marshmallows" what's the first thing you think of? Our kids work that way - you say "don't hit" and they think of hitting. Instead, say "touch nicely" and they focus on that.

And it is just a phase - he's learning about how people react when they're hit. And with all things they learn, it takes repetition.

My daughter does the same thing... started around 1 and now is 19 months and still does it just not as often. She is starting to move on slow from hitting to pulling on shirts or pants if she wants something or upset when I tell her no.

I would keep reminding your son that it is not nice to hit and hopefully he will retain it some day. I know that he is young but I started having my daughter sit in a 'time out' corner around 14 months when she hit. I would get down to her level and tell her that it hurts when she hits and that she had to sit here for awhile. She would get up after a few mintues but in the cases that she was upset it really helped calm her down even if she did not understand/remember why I put her there. Sorry I don't have any other advice.

I know this sounds strange, but have you hit him back? I used this for both of my girls... they were certainly surprised when they felt the sting on their little arm or leg (I hit them where they hit me and, of course, softer) and both were angry about it. THEN I told them that hitting HURTS and shed a few tears... they understood "hurts" - everyone understands pain. They never did hit anyone again after that.

I also summed the experience up with, "I love you even when I'm mad at you for hitting me. I promise not to hit you again if you won't hit me first."

Also, I never ever hit my kids otherwise. Kids who are spanked will always become bullies. So if you decide to hit him back, make sure that this is the only time you hit him or he won't learn the lesson you are trying to teach.

The consequences of hitting are never clear to a toddler because they don't understand concepts like 'it's not nice'. They don't know what "nice" is...

Once out in the world, if he hits another child he will either: 1. get hit back, or 2. lose a friend. Either way, you can mirror the first of the two and still remain friends.

I think it is a phase that some kids go through. We too used the "soft touch" approach. Whenever our daughter would hit us, we would show with voice & facial expression that that hurt us, then take her hand & stroke our cheek & say "soft touches" are much nicer, etc. It didn't take long for her to grow out of it, & it's good for them to learn how to do 'soft touches' for when they have younger siblings, playmates, or pets.

My daughter went through that phase and still occasionally hits. We always say "Gentle Touches" and show her how to touch appropriately. Now when she hits I say, "Use your gentle touches" and she'll stroke my face or arm or whatever she was trying to hit. Good luck.

C.,

Your family is right. It is just a phase. The more riled it gets you, the longer it will last. With my first baby, it seemed like it took forever to stop (about a year.) With my second one and third, I knew it was coming and it wasn't nearly as bad.

Sometimes you know he is going to do it and you can head him off or distract him. Just don't make a big deal out of it. At this age, there is no positive or negative attention, it is just attention to him. I wouldn't even say "no" and talk to him about it, just block his arm, hold it down firmly for a second and pretend it didn't happen. When he consciously does it out of anger (age 2 and up) then you can say no, give him a time out, talk about being nice, whatever. But at this age, it is just another way to get mommy's attention.

Good luck,
S.

We have tried a few things for our now 18 month old. When it started to be a behavior a few months ago we would calmly but seriously say "no hitting, that hurts people" and then we would distract him to something else. That seemed to stop the hitting from getting worse and right now he is not a frequent hitter by any means, but it does happen sometimes. Now that he is a little older and has heard "no hitting, that hurts people" for the last few months, we have started to just put him down IMMEDIATELY wherever he is and just walk away a few steps without saying anything or looking back (as long as it is a safe environment to do so)...a method suggested by our pediatrician. He looks shocked and quickly comes to get us and then we pick him up, hug him and say "no hitting, that hurts people" and ask him to "kiss the ouchie" he gave by hitting. Then we very quickly move on to something else. So far this seems to be working pretty well.

C.,
I am not sure if it is a phase or not but my son just turned one year old last week and he hits too, especially when he's excited. Sometimes we'll just be sitting there and he'll whack us one in the face. I just take his hand and stroke my face and say "nice to mommy (or kitty or daddy or sissy), and then I do the same to his face to see if he'll make the connection and no it's not allowed.
I think that sometimes when we tell our young children "no" it intrigues them more to see what'll happen if they do it again. My son gives me that mischievious look when I tell him no and sometimes will do it again to provoke a response--so I try to use the no word sparingly for that reason. Hope this helps! :)
~J. O., mother of two
Wisconsin

My one year old hits sometimes too. When she does it she is excited and quite pleaseed with herself. We ask/show her nice touches and if she continues to hit us we just put her down. She already does it much less but kids are stubborn about different things. Hope he gives it up soon :-)

My son didn't hit people all the time but would hit things. Mostly when upset and frustrated.

I got a couple of very large towels, folded and sewed them then stuffed them to make HUGE pillows. Then I bought one of those hammer and peg toys and put all them in a corner of the dinning room.

The rule was if you felt the need to bang/hit on something that was the only appropriate place.

He felt "impowered" because he could still get his energy out without having a punishment consequence.

Good Luck!

My neices and sons went thru the exact same phase at around the same age. Just keep doing what you're doing. Your little guy will grow out of it in a few months.

It is a phase. Not all kids go through it, but it will pass. However, that doesn't mean you can't help him through the phase. Do not overreact to it, but you can show him an alternate ways of reacting when he is feeling overstimulatedemotional. In our household we had a phase of biting. So each time I would calmly repeat..."biting hurts, mommy doesn't like biting, mommy likes hugs and kisses instead" and then I would offer a hug. Expect to repeat this a lot. At this age it also helps to start teaching some sign language so that your son can start to communicate more of his needs. This will lessen his frustration in many situations.

Hi~ My son did that too. I will say it is actually a bit of a phase, but you are helping him learn new ways to use his energy/body...building upon this behavior, action, reflex (whatever is actually going on). Also, he doesn't quite have those whole concept of what "nice" is. What worked for my son and I? two things: one, I used sign language with him, stopped him (avoided "no" b/c that just became a trigger word) and shook my head with dis-satisfaction, and showed him on my arm what gentle touch is..then, I asked him to do only gentle touches. I also showed the sign for pain, to indicate the slaps hurt. I remember fake crying once even when I was at the end of my rope. (may be it wasn't so fake, but fake works too). He really understood that him hitting makes me sad. Most importantly I realized it was just a phase and after I redirected the hitting, (saying it's not ok, it hurts, and only use gentle touches & showed him a real nice, slow gentle touch and had him practice while I showed him how happy I was to recieve this kind of touch) then I quickly did something totally different with him that involved enjoyment. The hitting did phase out and he and I learned good communication to address other phases (there is lots of experimenting they do with their bodies, with others, reactions from others and boundaries). I know it's hard! Good luck! -M.

Every once in a while my 20-mo-old son has hit people too. And we say "NO HITTING" in a stern voice. And we take his hand and squeeze it hard. This is supposed to get the point across, and I think it has helped. Good luck!

Many kids go through a "phase". Do continue to correct him. One thing that I know has worked for some parents (especially with kids who pinch or bite), is to show the child how it feels to be slapped, pinched, or bitten. I'm not really and advocate for spanking if you can avoid it, but sometimes the only way to teach them is to let them know that it hurts or feels bad by having them experience it themselves. That's how my mom supposedly cured me of biting... she only had to do it once (which is the ideal scenario). If you try this and don't get any results, you might try talking with a counselor.

My now 2year old went throught this when she was 1 . It is a phase and it will pass, but we would just put her down when she hit and told her she could not come back up because she hit Mommy and that makes me sad. She would cry and I would ignore her for a little bit then I would reminder her again that hitting hurts and I need a kiss.She would kiss where ever she hit and it would stop it for a little while then she would do it again later. And we would go through the same thing again . They say they are not doing it to be mean they are just wondering hmm I wonder what will happen if I do this....
They also say that you can put a 1 year old in time out for one mintue we started that closer to 18 months though. The best way to make that work is to use a timer that beeps so that he knows when it is over. Good luck this will be a fun year!

I posted a question about this a few months ago. My daughter is now 22 months old and she stills hits at times, and thinks it is funny to get time outs. But on a positive note, she has gotten way better about it. I'm hoping she will grow out of it, since it seems like she is making progress.

One of the best things I've seen at work is to just put the child down and walk away. In fact I just watched it work this weekend when a friend told her son no hitting, he tried again, and she got up and went to sit on the couch-totally neutral to him. He got mad/sad, of course and chased after her to come back to play. She asked if he as done hitting-yep, ok-time to play. Simple as that. I'd heard that before, too. She had tried all the just tell him no, and hold his hand advice (saw that in action, too-no where near as effective for them). This was what thier ped told them to do. And sure enough, she wishes she had thought of/known to do it sooner!

My little girl is in that stage as well, and likes to hit me in the face. I just make it into a positive thing and let her give me "high fives." I just divert her attention to hitting my hands, which is a 'safe' target. I explain to her that she can't hit me in the face, but she can give me high fives (or tens for both hands). She loves it and often stops within about 5 fives. I agree with one of the other moms, the more you emphasize it as a NO ( they get attention) the more they are going to do it. If you make it a positive than you both can have fun and move on. Hope this helps, Good Luck.