Only Child Reassurance

my sister and I are 9 years apart and never lived together, so i am almost an only child. but even with the difference we are still kinda close, but almost more like cousins than sisters.
but i know whenever i am ovulating i don't need a test to tell me. I just really want to have sex. My aunt had her lat child at 40 and my friends aunt had her first at 43. I hope you have luck getting pregnant.

Hi Margaret,

I'm not sure I have any advise for you but I would like you to know I'm going through a similiar situation. I have a daughter age 4 she is our only child. Being an only child myself I had always planned on having 2 children. Over the last year I have had 3 miscarraiges. I am 43 years old now, and will be 44 in Nov. I have come to a decision that if I do not have a successful pregnancy by the time my birthday comes, its time for me to move on from this chapter in my life. For not only my mental health but physical health as well. I know in my heart God has a plan for me and having my daughter is teaching me how to be a better person and a better Christian. I have to look at it this way... at least I have been blessed with a child. I think about the all women in the world who are not able to experience pregnancy, or childbirth. We have been blessed! I dont feel sorry for myself anymore. I've come to have peace in my heart and love the family that God has blessed me with.

May God Bless You,
C. Z.

Please don't feel guilty!! Your family is already perfect the way it is.

can I'm an only child. I like to joke that my parents achieved perfection with me so they didn't need more kids. =) But seriously, I did used to be envious of people having siblings, but now I have a much more realistic picture. I've learned that having a sibling is no guarantee of being close to that person (my husband's family is a prime example!) and sometimes it brings more heartache than anything else. In addition, I've learned to develop very intimate friendships with people that feel like family to me. Even though there are some downsides, one sure advantage of an only is never having to be compared, wonder who your parents' "favorite" is, never having to compete for attention. In addition, having just one lets you do tons of stuff as a family without worrying about the expense and inconvenience of children- I truly believe I had tons of experiences growing up that my sibling friends didn't just for logistical reasons. It's soo much easier to have just one.

You might enjoy reading about the effects of birth order- it can really show both the pros and cons of being an only vs. a sibling.

Honestly, what matters most is that your daughter has a family where she is loved for who she is. She's not going to feel like anything is missing as long as there's not a sense that she wasn't "enough". One thing you can do (if you aren't already) is give her lots of chances to socialize with kids her own age and work on developing good friends. I was pretty socially awkward with my peers growing up (although great with adults). But ultimately I did gain that social confidence.

Keep hoping for that 2nd, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen. If it doesn't then that just means your family is already complete- and perfect. =)

Awwwwwww big hugs! I am an only child and I would NOT have it any other way. Only children grow up more self-assured, are typically more intelligent and go further in life. Yes, some can be spoiled, but that's on us parents to teach otherwise.
My bf wants another child, but I'm content with having only one.
You never know... it might be when you give up on trying that you will end up pregnant because hte more you stress about it the more likely that stress is messing with your hormones. But I digress since that is not the reason you are asking a question. Don't feel guilty for having one child. At least you're able to afford your child and care for her appropriately!

Dear Margaret,

I am 31, and it took me 7 years to have my first and only little girl. I too wanted to have at least 1 more, but I found out about 6 months ago I have what is called PCOS, (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) which makes it very difficult to ovulate, and pretty much impossible to get pregnant. I don't want to get you down, but you might want to ask your health care professional about this! Also, people who have no trouble getting pregnant do not understand that there are so many factors that go into getting pregnant that just "relax" and it will happen does not work for everyone. Keep your head up, and let me know if you have any questions regarding PCOS. There is a really good book on the market written by a woman doctor called Healthy Diet for PCOS and Infertility written by Dr. Nancy Dunne. It is a great read, even if you do not have PCOS, it helps with infertility problems and things you can do just by changing your diet!

Good Luck, and I hope this helps!
S.

I know it's hard, but seriously not stressing about it just might be all the help you need. If you really do want another child, you could also consider the option of adoption. There are so many children out there who need good loving homes. As for being an only child, if that's what you really think may happen, try to convince yourself that it really is okay to have one child- and it is! My best friend had her first child at 43, and does not want any more children. It really is fine for a child to grow up without a sibling. Maybe your family was meant to be a family of 3. I would say either stop trying all together to get pregnant if it's making you crazy, or go all out for fertility testing/etc. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Hi Margaret,
Everyone is probably right... stop stressing and it could happen. And you're still young!!

I got married when I was 38 and my son was born just before I turned 40 and my husband was 44. My son is now 6 1/2 (and the love of my life). When we got married, my husband and I decided that we would have 2 children. My husband really wanted 2. I had to be convinced since being a parent freaked me out. Luckily we had no problem getting pregnant. I also work full time so I'm out of the house 11 hours a day. My husband works from home much of the time so he takes our son to school, picks up, does extra curricular things, etc. When I'm home, my full attention goes to my son.

The stress of having a baby and working full time was a lot for me. I have to work so I don't have the option to stay home. I soon realized that there was no way I could ever have a 2nd baby and be a good wife and mother. I then had to convince my husband that I wasn't having the 2nd baby that he really wanted (and still does). I felt extremely guilty that my son wouldn't have a sibling but I also felt that I couldn't give him the attention he needed from me if there was another child in the house. It would all be too stressful for me with another mouth to feed, another person who needed my attention. Plus everyone, including strangers on the street, want to know when I'm having another baby so that made me feel guilty too.

I finally convinced my husband that there was no way I could do it. I have friends who are only children who are happy and have lots of friends and family. I have friends who had their babies in their mid-40s so they are only having one. I make sure that my son is close to his cousins who are his age and make sure that he spends time after school and weekends with his friends from school. I've asked him if he wants a sibling and he always says "no". He likes having my full attention. Having just one child lets us travel easily on an airplane and lets us give our son lots of things that he may not have if we had another child.

My girlfriend has an older brother but he died when we were 14 so now she's an only child. My other girlfriend has a sister but hasn't spoken to her in 10 years. Having a sibling doesn't mean that you won't be alone. Not having a sibling doesn't mean that you will be alone.

So whatever happens your daughter will be fine as long as she has people around her who love her.

Good luck with everything! Hope this helps.

Have your husband checked too. That ended ip being the issue with us. Just in case, that way you're better prepared for anything. Good luck, hang in there.

Have you talked to your doctor about it?
With my first I was 23 when I got pregnant and I was pregnant within two weeks of going off the pill. When it came time for baby number two we had waited till our first was two to start trying again. I went off the pill and it was like my body forgot how to be regular. After two years of ovulation tests wondering what I was doing wrong I finally talked to my doctor about it. She ended up putting me on progesterone to start and regulate my periods. I'm gonna warn you about those hormones though, they're not fun and by the third month I told my doctor that there was no way I could go another round on it if I wanted to keep my sanity. Then she put me on clomid. It gets your body to ovulate. My doctor taught me how to count so many days of the meds then count a few more days then the days of my period and then count a few more then to take the ovulation test. It did work but I think our timing was off. I had to go in monthly for an exam because Clomid is known to cause cysts. By my third month on that my doctor said that if it didn't work that time then she was going to have to refer me to a fertility specialist. Luckily it worked and we now have a 14 month old healthy little girl. Our 3 year age gap turned into a 5 year age gap but everything couldn't have worked out better. My kids are best buddies. I know in a few years they probably won't be able to stand each other all siblings go through that. My oldest is always looking out for and taking care of my youngest though and it has worked out perfect.
Good luck!

Hi
Have you had your thyroid checked? It can cause irregular periods and infertility.
Good luck

Hi Margaret, My daughter inlaw is going through the same thing you are except shes waiting for her first baby. They have been trying for like 3 years now, and they have did all the mechanical stuff to get pregnant, monitoring her ovulations, tempeture basically the same things you are doing. She's had all the symptoms of being pregnant, then here comes her period, shes the only one in their circle of friends that don't have a baby, couple of them have 2 already, and it hurts her, shes happy for them but sad for herself. I don't know if this is an option for you or not but maybe you can adopt, your daughter is 5 already, if their to far apart in age, it will be hard for them to be playmates or friends that hang out together. Maybe once you relax and quit thinking about getting pregnant and just enjoy your time with your husband it will happen, my son and daughter in law don't do the teputure things anymore they don't track her ovulation, thier love making just got to mechanical, so now they just pray and wait. I pray your dreams of another baby come true, let us all know when that happens so we can all rejoice with you. J.

I have an 11 year gap between #1 and #2 - we thought we couldn't have fertility problems because we got pregnant before very easily but in the end we needed serious intervention to get another baby. We actually had the adoption papers filled out when I finally got pregnant - on the sixth inter-uterine insemination.
If you want another - get serious. Find the best doctor - a specialist - around and go get some help. There are lots of reasons for secondary infertility.
I don't think there's anything wrong with one - as long as you plan for it and have plenty on family involvement so your child has a support system.
Good luck!

I was an only child most of the time, but when I would visit my Mom 3 or 4 times a year, I would be the oldest of three (I have a brother and sister that lived with her full time). There are advantages and disadvantages to both, but I don't think being an only child will hurt your daughter. I think I am much more independent and self sufficient because of the way I grew up. Of course, with some only children I guess they could end up spoiled, but that can be the case with any number of children.

I had thought that I would have two children, but a couple of years ago decided I really only wanted one. My husband and I are very happy with our 9 month old son, and I like the idea of knowing that he will be an only child, well loved with a lot of special time with his parents.

If you decide to keep trying, maybe you should take a little break, at least of a couple of months, and just enjoy your husband and daughter. I think you are putting so much pressure on yourself that it could be the reason you aren't able to conceive right now. Try to set a date in the future for when you can start thinking about it and trying again, and don't worry about it until that date.