Please Update If Need be..I Have More Info Do I Take My Kid Out of Kindergarten?

I wouldn't just bring him home. You said he had hitting problems before K. And he still has them, even after half days. So IMO it's not a school thing, it's a him thing. If you did take him out of K, please put him in a Pre-K program. Many are only half days. I would not allow him to choose to hit to stay home. I would make it more he goes to THIS program or he goes to another one.

IMO, he is 5 and he is not a late summer baby. They seem to be treating the problem by removing his time from the class instead of addressing the behavior IN class.

If you do not get to the bottom of it, then you will have more behavior problems, be it this year or next.

And if you take him out of school as a reward for his behavior (because that his how he will see it) you will have a child who sees acting bad as a means to get what he wants.

Please either find another program for him (be it pre-K or K, maybe a private half date program where he won't be missing half the day) or work with the school to get him back into class like he's supposed to be. If he has to repeat K because he's not attending and not getting all of the material the school is failing him.

There may be no "easy" solution. You have to do the one that gets the best for him long-term. Even if it means changing baby's nap time. My DD often slept in the car while I got SD from school. Because that's what we had to do to make it all work so SD could do extra activities at her chosen school, where she excelled.

So what have they offered you, other than taking him out of class half the day? Are there any other K classes he can be moved to? And what are you doing in general about his hitting behavior? Are you only talking to the teacher or have you had some conversations with the principal and guidance office, too?

If you'd be happier and things would run smoother with him at home, keep him at home. (Plus, it's always better to be one of the older kids in class rather than one of the youngest.)

You live in NY. Our cutoff date is December. Your son is NOT a young five. He is the normal age of a kindergartener. Turning 7 while you're still in kindergarten means you are too old for kindergarten. Perhaps you could try a private half day kindergarten. Five, turning six, is too old to be at home and not in school at all, IMO. Keeping him away from other children will not solve his social skills issues. I say keep him in school, even if it means a half day kindy, and the teacher and school counselor should come up with a behavior plan. I'm wondering whether your son went to preschool?

He is doing well with half day kindergarten and he acknowledges that he loves it. The teacher even said he does great in the AM and thinks he should go. I think keeping him home all day with his sisters would be pretty boring for him at this point. I guess you could enroll him in an afternoon preschool and let him sleep in the morning, if that works better for your schedule, but why spend the extra money when you can send him to public kindergarten for free.
Honestly, this is about what is best for him not what he wants to do so I give little credence to the comment that he wants to stay at home and play with his sisters. He can do that all afternoon and in the evenings.

First off, I don't consider a May birthday a "young five." Maybe your son has some maturing to do, and that's fine. I would continue to send him half days because it WILL be good for him. Consider his first year of K to be like preschool.
As far as your schedule and the napping? I had a newborn and a three year old in PT preschool when my son was in K (which was only half day) so it was crazy for sure. But we managed, school came first, naps were had sometimes in the car and on the go. Little ones need to learn to adjust to the older ones' schedules, that's just part of having multiple kids. If I had built our lives around an infant's sleeping schedule we never would have left the house.
Please don't pull him out, it sounds like he could really benefit from the extra year!

I would not pull him out. He is not a young 5. He is probably older than a lot of other kids in his class. My son has a July birthday and started K on time at 5 years old (he is in 1st now). His teacher is right, he does need that social interaction. Yes 3 hours is a short day but a lot of schools only have half day K. Also he might not have to repeat it. It's way too early in the year to decide that. A lot can change in just 9 months. Don't give up. It's good for him

First, a youmg five is a child who turns five from Oct on. Do not take him out. He needs the structure and social interactions. We have all had kids that we had to wake up to pick someone up etc. Purchase has school buses, correct. Have the bus pick him up in the morning and then you pick him up at lunchtime. After your first kid, the others just get used to being schlepped around.

By taking him out, he wins. What happens when he is in First grade, and wants to stay home? Please leave him in class.

I think he needs to stay in a structured environment at least 1/2 day.

Are you considering removing him due to the inconvenience to you? If so... That's wrong.

At 5, he should be able to be in a structured program and function well. If you choose to change a schedule based in maturity and behavior, you need an informed decision.

At our elementary, a snack is given by 11 and lunch is at 12:30 followed by rest time then PE, music or art.

No way do you diminish his schedule based on how it effects you and your schedule. This child needs structure and needs support from the school as well as parents.

Even if he ends up needing to repeat kinder, you are establishing the structure and routine for years to come. If he is not ready emotionally now, and you keep him there at least 1/2 day, you are establishing a routine and structure.

How does she know he's going to need to repeat? It seems VERY early in the year for her to be saying something like that.

My youngest turned the day before kinder started, it's actually why I chose to cyber school. I new he wasn't quite ready maturity wise, and wasn't sure about academically.

Having kids at home, isn't a reason to pull him. Sorry I get it, I've got 8, and it could be hectic when the older ones went to school. I had to adjust schedules a lot. If he is doing well in half days, then leave him.

I would question his teacher's ability to tell this early in the year whether or not he will need to repeat kindergarten, regardless of whether he is immature for his age. It is early October. I would not make such declarations this early in the school year. Kids can change a lot in a school year at this age. The question I have is, if she is already saying he needs to repeat, will she see the progress he does make? Will she put effort into helping him make progress, or has she decided to set lower goals for him than those she has for his classmates? I think in your situation I would go into the school and start asking questions. Share with your principal (and school counselor, if there is one) that the teacher has already told you that your son will need to repeat. Ask what the school policy is on repeating. Share any concerns you have. Ask the principal what advantages there would be for your son to remain there if his teacher has already stated that he's going to repeat. If he repeats, would he have the same teacher?

The school is going to encourage you to keep him enrolled partly because they get funding based on head count, so once a student is enrolled, it is usually policy to try to retain him/her. That doesn't mean that leaving him there is a bad idea - it's just a bias you need to be aware of as you think about and discuss this.

Has his counselor shared why she thinks he needs to come home?

I'm really sorry you're having so much trouble with your son but I commend you for doing all that you can to make things better. Too many parents just write it off when their kids hit and don't do enough to change it.

I think your son should stay in school half days. May is NOT young. My son is late May and has many friends in his grade (now 1st) that are born between May and September. A child born in May turns 5 three full months before the school year even starts, so please don't use that as an excuse. No child born before the end of one school year is too young for the next. Do you really want your son turning 7 before he finishes kindergarten?

It's only October. How can the teacher already be saying that he has to repeat kindergarten? Is she writing him off as a failure already? That is ridiculous. He has eight more months of school to go through and can change dramatically between now and June. To say he can't go on to first grade based on his behavior since the school year started is ludicrous.

I wonder if the teacher isn't the right fit and if he'd be better in a different kinder class at his school. I don't think he's getting the support he needs from her if she's talking that way. However, I do think you need to listen to her and keep him in school so he has an opportunity to interact with other kids and learn what is and isn't socially appropriate behavior.

And trust me, I get having trouble dealing with pick up times and napping of younger siblings. I have a daughter who would nap perfectly from 1:30 - 3:30 or 4:00 if she could, but I pick up my son at 2:30. It's hard, but we work around it (she naps when we get home).

Again, I think he needs to be in school. He's not young for his grade and he belongs in kindergarten this year, not next. He also needs a teacher who is supporting and encouraging him, and one who will do all she can to prepare him for first grade. I have never in my life heard of a teacher saying in October that a child will have to be held back.

Why does the counselor think it's better to keep him home than do half day?

I would tend to say keep him in. He sounds like he does need to practice his social skills, and he won't get that just by staying home with you and his sleeping sisters. That is the point of having him repeat kindergarten, by the way. If he can get the social part down this year, he will be more successful in other aspects next year.

If you keep him home this year, what are you going to do to ensure that this is not a problem next year? Are you just hoping something will magically click for him when he is six? Because that doesn't always work, and it's better for him to repeat kindergarten now while he's so young rather than have to repeat a grade at an older age.

I understand that it is inconvenient with your other children's nap schedules, but sleep schedules at those ages change all the time. It doesn't make sense to me to base your son's education on something as fluid as when your younger children sleep. To me, unless your son absolutely hated school - which he obviously doesn't - his opinion on the matter shouldn't factor in your decision.

Also, consider this, pulling him out is likely a one-way choice. I expect that once you decide to keep him home, you won't be able to go back to half-day should you wish. Whereas you can probably pull him out at any time if it still isn't working out for you.

Good luck.

Does he go to bed by 8 pm or does he have a late bedtime? does he eat a good protein filled breakfast not just a poptart?

my gut says leave him halfday with people that are going to givehim structure and let him repeat kinder next year if he needs it. staying home withyou doesn't seem the answer to me.

You have to do what is best for your son even if it's a hassle for you. Does he or can he ride the bus TO school so you don't have to be "right back there in 3 hours"?...that would help some of your business. Can he go to bed earlier so he won't be so tired and can work his way up to full day?

I agree with the teacher that having him interact with the kids will be a big help to him. Part of his issue may be that he has to leave his sisters all day or it could be that he doesn't get any alone time with you because he has two young sisters (who get you all day to themselves). Can you get some one on one time with him?

I disagree with him being a "young 5" since his birthday is in May, unless the age cut off is May or maybe June, he is not a young 5. He is a young 5 if his birthday is August and there is an August 30 cut off. Another poster indicated that you are in NY where their cut off is Dec. If that is the case, young 5 would be the kids that are born Nov/Dec.

I would keep in in . But a couple of questions - what time does he eat lunch and when does he have snack? Our public school has a 'no snack' policy and the kindergartners eat super early. I can't imagine how grumpy and hungry they are by the afternoon. My son did Montessori kindergarten and they had morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and after school (if they stayed past 3 pm for aftercare) snack. Also - my son still napped in kindergarten - our Montessori offered kindergartners nap or no nap (the non nappers had other projects after lunch). If your kindergarten won't let the kids eat or nap, and if they don't have a lot of outdoor play time in the afternoon, I would look at 1/2 day kindergarten as a great choice. If it is not convenient, look for another school more kindergarten friendly. Many schools only have 1/2 day K anyway. I am assuming with 1/2 day kindergarten, they will advance him to first grade next year.

I am sure that without nap or snack my son would have been a miserable soggy aggressive mess. As is - he is now in second grade, in accelerated reading and GT. If I had held him home a year - I think he would be terribly bored and likely acting out.

Also - a five year old with a May birthday is in no way young for his grade. A five year old with a December birthday is young.

At five he should be in some sort of structured school environment. At that age it's all about social interaction and learning to work and play with others. Keep him in.

I saw this after you added the So What Happened. He punched a kid in the face -- and this is on the "better" half-day schedule?

I would pull him out. Struggling through an entire school year this way -- he's fine one day, he likes school; another day he wants to stay home; another day he's punching a kid; if he's full-day he's frequently hitting kids -- this is just not wise. It will create so much stress that he will behave worse, not better. He will pick up on YOUR stress. I get that others are saying "It's too soon for the teacher to tell he should repeat K" or "He needs the consistency of staying in school" but I have seen parents feel they MUST stick with K when their child truly should have had another year to mature. He needs that. It is not a black mark against him for life if he stops now and restarts next year. It is not a black mark against you as a parent either! Go with your gut; it's clear your gut is telling you he's young and immature.

Do not just let him hang at home for the next year, though. I would look into preschools that allow kids to begin in January -- many around here have a January entry for kids who weren't ready (or in your case, were elsewhere) in the fall. You will need to do some serious explaining to the preschool about why he was in K and you pulled him out, frankly, but a really good preschool can work with him well. He does not need five full days a week of anything, either preschool or K; look at a three to four day a week schedule if possible.

He needs preschool (and lots of supervised play dates; and visits to library story times; and visits to library or rec center kids' craft classes; and rec center "wiggles and giggles" or physical activity types of classes for his age group) so that he can more gradually get used to:

Being in group settings.

Being told what to do by an adult who is NOT mom or dad, and obeying that adult.

Moving from one activity to another activity without melting down or expressing his frustration by lashing out at other kids or at teachers.

Expressing himself verbally and not physically.

These are all basic skills for K, and in the "old days" not that long ago, K was expected to teach kids all this. Today, K now is more like first grade was years ago, so K teachers do not have time to deal with socializing kids as much as they once did. Mostly that's OK, but with a child like yours who just needs time, time, time to mature -- it's not the K teacher's role to struggle through that, nor is it your role to push him to act more mature than he is developmentally capable of acting right now. Neither you nor the teacher can magically make him more mature; at his age that is a function of time combined with the right exposure to other kids and school-like or class settings. Please don't feel you "must" keep him in K just because he made a false start there. He is telling you in so many ways that he's not ready to share his mental or physical space with other kids in the daily setting of K. Listen to those signals.

By the way -- listening to his signals does not mean waiting for him to speak up and say "Yes, I want to stay/No, I don't" in any consistent way. You seem surprised that he "never gives you a straight answer" but he can't; he's too young and his mind truly believes one day that he loves school and just as truly believes the next day that he doesn't love it. Frankly, you can't trust a young child's statements and act on them every time because they change their minds and sincerely believe what they believe -- at that one moment, on that one day. Instead, follow the behavioral signals he is sending with his indecision and especially with his hitting. Pull him out, but give him a lot of fun, structured experiences in the next year. And have him continue with the counselor. If the counselor thinks your son would benefit from another year "at home" -- why would you not listen to the counselor? I'd pick the counselor's opinion over the teacher's at this point in time, especially after your son just punched a kid today.

Send him to school. I think they're full of it. Truthfully, if your child was interested in what they're doing he'd be able to focus.

Take him to school, arrange nap time differently. Unless you have 2 kids under 12 months of age they should be down to one nap per day anyway. After lunch. An infant up to able 11 months of course is going to do a couple of naps but then they need to start doing just one longer one by age 1.

Do this please....

Get any psychologist to talk to your son and then have them write a letter stating he needs a 504 plan and needs to have an aid with him at all times. He should be in school all day and this would make it where he can do it successfully.

My son with similar problems, wanted to stay home & we kept him. Make sure he understands what the options are & that he doesn't get to give a yes or no answer. You will decide based on what he shows you!
I would tell your son that his hitting tells you he isn't old enough to have friends at school. If he wants to stay in school than he better not hit anymore. If he needs to be at home, it's not playtime with sis. He has to do schoolwork either way.
My son does play with little sis but we got him dryerase books, and leapfrog videos. He also watches history cartoons & nature shows. I'm always trying to teach him something. I'm also working on his behavior by discussing how he could have handled a situation better. He doesn't realize he had other options in behavior until we discuss them & then it's practice, practice, practice.
My sons about same 5 as yours & he could read a year ago. If you bring him home, don't just let him play.

Sit down with the principal. They are experts at dealing with this stuff. I would sit down with him/her and get their opinion. Should you take him out or should you leave him in kinder? Then I would go home and sit down with your spouse and figure out the plan. YOU are the parents, so ultimately, it's up to you. I understand that you have your hands full with the other kids, but you may want to consider having your son in school for socialization. I think it sounds like repeating kindergarten could be a very good thing. My attitude is that it's better to do it NOW then to have him struggling in school in junior high or high school. Whatever you decide, it will be the right thing for your little guy.

Keep him in the half day kindergarten now and have him repeat kindergarten next year too. He absolutely needs the structure. You've been blaming his behavior on him being "tired" but I knew that wasn't the issue the first time you said it. He may have some impulsivity issues, but at five years old he should be learning to know better and far better control than he has. Giving the excuse that he's "a young five" is taking responsibility for his actions off of him especially since he is NOT TOO YOUNG for kindergarten. He's right where he should be. He behaved like this even when he wasn't tired. I guarantee you that he knew what he was doing because he knew a real consequence wasn't coming.

YOU need to make the decision and take control. Of course he doesn't give you "a straight answer." He's only five years old and he CAN'T give you a straight answer about something so huge. This is not a choice you should be giving a five year old. "He wants to stay home so we'll keep him home." "He wants to go to school so we'll 'let' him go to school." Where's the parenting in that? He should go to school so that he can begin his education in socialization, learning discipline from other adults, being away from home, making friends... it's about so much more than ABC's.

I see nothing in your post about how YOU are disciplining him. Are you allowing the school to discipline him? What are you doing to teach him that physically acting out no matter how he feels emotionally or physically is wrong and better yet... unacceptable? What does discipline look like in your home? If there's physical violence being used to discipline him that needs to stop immediately, but you still need to give him some serious consequences that matter to him.

I suggest you take some parenting classes ASAP. I'm not saying this to be mean. Problems with children this young most often reflect problems with the parenting and issues between the parents.

Not all boys are the same, so the first step is to look at him as an individual and not "this is what boys do." Some boys are very advanced. Mine is a good example of that. Mine will be graduating high school when he's 15 and has no problems either physically or mentally and is very social. You need to find out why your son hits rather than assume he'll be ready next year. Next year might come, and he still might be hitting. You really need to ask him why he did what he did. You need to gain that insite. Was it really because he felt like it or did something lead up to the behavior? This is the only way you can find out what to do next. You might need to send him to a pyschologist or maybe not. It is a good idea to find him a martial arts class that offers self-control such as kung fu or karate. Your son might be bored with school and might need mental stimulation. You might have to help him with his attention span by having him do activities that require sitting still like reading, simple math, etc. He might be so used to playing with his sisters, that you might have to teach him how to be on his own. It can be anything. The teacher is correct about letting him stay in kindergarten for social skills, (I can't believe I said that....I'm not really keen on the social skills being gained through peers, but your case is different.) but the class won't be too thrilled about having him there. The good part about keeping him in kindergarten is, that you can see if what you're doing to help your son with his agression issue is working. Who knows, maybe he really is acting out just to stay home. You've got to find the cause in order to find the solution.

CuffI would take him out of school because that works best for your schedule. You must take care of yourself. He is not required to be in school. He will do OK in school either way. You will do better with him at home which will make life better for him and your other children.

And......
This is your decision. Do not put it on your son. Sounds like you've asked him what he wants. That is too much responsibility for a child.

What time is their lunchtime?
In Kindergarten, at least at my kids' school, the Kinder kids eat lunch early. 10:45am. This timing, is so that all the grade levels, have lunch period and time to eat etc. before school ends.
Anyway, many Kindergarten kids, do not eat. Lunch. Why? Well they don't like the lunch they have, or they are not yet hungry, or they are too busy playing around at lunch, to eat.
I work at my kids' school and I see this all the time with the Kinder kids.
HENCE, after lunch, they are hungry AND tired. And if a kid is hungry, they get GRUMPY and have no patience.
And as you said, your son gets grumpy and hits, after lunch or around lunch time.
So my thing would also be: IS he eating lunch? Or not?
Many kids just cannot function if their tummy is empty until school ends and they did not eat, lunch.
And does your son eat breakfast before going to school?

And at my kids' school, for Kindergarten, the kids have a nap time. Which is after lunch.

My son went to Kinder at 4, then turned 5. He is late born. So is my daughter.
And he was fine. And she was fine.
At my kids' school, Kindergarten is full days all week.
He was not too immature or too young, to be in Kindergarten.

Your son is too young, to make his own decision.
Hence, he cannot give you a straight answer about it, when you ask him.

Kindergarten is a learning experience for everyone. My shy and quiet little girl punched one of her classmates in the arm during class in K. I think this is the same little boy that will be attending her 8 year party this weekend. They grow up. To this day, we don't know why she did it, but she knows it is wrong...and knew it then.

If you were to pull him out of K and keep him home to play with his sisters, he would likely exhibit the same behavior next year. He needs a class setting to learn how to follow classroom rules. Classroom rules are a lot different than mom rules. Will you put him in a preschool? You will pay out of pocket for that, while school is free. If you pull him out now, what will you say to him next October when he says he just wants to stay home?

I would only pull him out if your reasons were because keeping him there is hurting him.

He sounds like he NEEDS the structure of school. And have him repeat next year.
Asking him why, is not something he can probably reason and then verbalize, that is why he reacts the way he does.

I would not consider anything that benefits my child an inconvenience.

I would wonder why no other child hits and punches, but my child would not stop punching.

I agree that he should continue and experience a structured, school room environment, especially if this is first exposure to this type of setting.
My son was a very young 5- the youngest in his class. He made the cutoff by 4 days. While on a certain emotional level, he was still much younger than some of his fellow students. He cried easily when frustrated or tired- that kind of behavior. However, academically, he was way ahead of the rest of the class.
He had an amazing preschool teacher that got him ready for K. And we were very lucky that he had an amazing K teacher. She was kind and patient with him and he thrived as the year went on. I think him being in a classroom prior to K was a huge benefit.
For that reason, I would recommend keeping him in. I know it's an inconvenience, but the exposure now will help tremendously.

If sending him for the morning is too inconvenient then could you send him for the afternoon? My boys were born in June and July and they both did fine in kindergarten. Our school only does half day kindergarten, and both my boys went for afternoon kindergarten. It would be a shame to keep him home if he enjoys school and is benefitting from it.