Possible Bulling in Preschool - Advice Please

YES preschool kids are VERY capable of "bullying" and worse.
It does not matter what kind of school they go to, religious or not. It happens in all schools.

Next, you NEED to tell the Teacher, if the teacher does not do anything about it, then you go to the Headmaster.
AND, as a school, they SHOULD have a formal "policy" about bullying. My daughter's school has one as does most schools.

AND, you PROTECT your son.... especially since he is a 'shy' type and not able, at this age, to protect himself.

OR, you have the school SEPARATE the boy and put him into another class.
YOUR son is being bullied- therefore, he is NOT the one who should have to suffer any consequences or repercussions. Understand that.

As a parent, you DO NOT LET IT GO, nor any kind of bullying. Bullying takes many forms. AND you NEED to teach your son, how to SPEAK UP, how to defend/protect himself etc. Otherwise, as he gets older or goes into the next grade levels... he may still be bullied.

Next, WHAT THE HECK are the Teacher's doing about it? I am sure they are NOT that dense... and KNOW that that boy is a "Bully"?

Again, bullying & mean kids do exist in Preschool. Even younger. I have seen them on the playground too. So, teach your son about it.

All the best,
Susan

I would talk with the teachers and director of the school and let them know your concerns. Ask them to observe his behavior in class and let you know what they see is going on.

Best of luck.

Hi W.,

Sorry that this is happening to your son. When our son was 4 and in preschool he was also bullied. He was also shy. We started noticing a change when he got home, he was short tempered and he started asking me to sleep with him at night because he said he was afraid. After talking to our son and asking questions we found out he was being bullied by two older girls in the class. We spoke to the teacher, who at first tried to dismiss it as kids just being kids. The teacher then reluctantly agreed to observe the kids. This went on for close to a month with the teacher saying that she didn't notice anything. Our son was still complaining. Finally, we went to the director of the school and the problem was solved. I think that some teachers very easily dismiss certain behaviors because of the age range and are not trained to really pinpoint problem behaviors and correct them. This however is no excuse for not correcting the problem. I agree with the other mother that you must be your son's advocate . This article really helps explain more about it and what to do: http://www.parenting.com/article/Child/Behavior/How-to-Ha...
Good luck.

you have had tons of great advice. the thing i did when my son was struggling was just to volunteer and help in the class room. i tried to interact with all the children and stay to observe at recess. the more i was around the more the kids got to know me as well and actually include my son more.

I would also talk to the "bully" when appropriate and in context, kindly of course. i did have an experience when he asked me to push him on the swings and he was rude about it, i told him i didn't want to help him when he wasn't nice, he changed his tone immediately and i could tell he thought about it. I am not sure any adult had ever spoken to him that way before.

this of course would not work with an older child but at such a young age kids still love their parents and are not embarrassed by them, they take pride in knowing their parent is at school helping. the teacher appreciated it and i was able to check in with her every week to see how things were going if not more. Because she knew me well and i saw what was happening in the class most days i think she spoke more freely with me.

this helped us a lot, it may not be the answer but it may be part of the puzzle and something to think about.
good luck with your darling little boy.

I would go into class and say that i would like to sit in for the day..and i would tell the kid i have my eye on him..seriously..be nice..but just say something to him..i've stopped kids from bullying others at the playground..i just say.."hey ..no that will not do..to have friends you have to be a friend" or talk to the teacher about it..at my son's school they write them up..so sometimes i get a note that my son was rough w/ another child..and then i talk to him about it..he hasn't received a note in 2 weeks..i was getting them every time he went to school for 2 weeks ..he only goes 2 afternoons a week..he told me that his friend...who is his best buddy in class..was hitting him..so i told my son if someone hits u, don't hit back tell the teacher and also say "do not hit me"
i don't want my son to be a tattletale but at this age its ok i think to mention to the teacher that he's getting bullied.
I would try to build your son's confidence..when my son goes off with his dad i treat him like a rock star when he gets home..i'm so excited to see him and i tell him how much i missed him..tonight he and i had dinner on the pier in Long Beach..he's 3.5..i told him he was the best dinner date i ever had..remember to always tell them they're your love and that you don't want anyone bullying him..and tell him what a bully is..
good luck

D.

My daughter had a gang of boys bullying her when she was 3. I talked to the teacher and the director. When things did not improve, I pulled her out of the preschool and put her in a new school where they had a more similar view to how bullying should be handled. These are the years that will develop the self-esteem and character of our future teens. We have to get it right for our children.

good luck.

N.

I feel your pain. I have a 4 year old who might be the more aggressive type, or you might say he can be a bully ometimes. He won't let anyone bully him! He has a really strong personality though. If you can help your son out, by explaning to him that it is ok to speak up. Teach him to be confident, and strong. These kids are young, and trying to learn how to be nice etc... Some kids seem like they are a bully, but it is because they don't know how to tell the other child what they really want. Meanwhile, they will push,hit etc... Please just teach your child to speak up for himself. This will hopefully help him with dealing with the more aggressive type children. Good luck:)

In the preschool settings that I'm familiar with, it's generally not considered "bullying" ... but that a child is "learning how to be a good friend" or is "having a bit of difficulty learning to be a good friend".

Again, in the settings I am familiar with, the teachers are very aware and actively teaching the children appropriate social behavior towards others, and what to expect from others and themselves, and very few toddlers/young children (none I've ever known) are always perfect in this regard. They take another's toy, hit, yell, cry, push, accidentally hurt & are mistaken by the other child of doing it on purpose, consciously hurt another child on purpose, knock over another child's toy or work, have temper tantrums, give the silent treatment, etc. You name it and toddlers/young children do it.

The mark of a good school, IMO, is how they handle these totally normal & age appropriate behaviors. Do they work with the offending & wronged & witnessing children toward a positive outcome or do they ignore it? Is the way that they work with the offending, wronged, & witnessing children constructive and productive for all involved?

A good school, IMO, the teachers are very aware of what is going on in and outside of their classroom... and handle situations appropriately regardless of whether or not there is a complainant.

If you take normal toddler behavior, and place it in an 8 year old or 28 year old, you have a rather classic definition of bullying & a whole host of other behavioral problems. That never means you should ignore those behaviors (just because they're age appropriate), but that they are understandable.

If the school is incapable or is not handling normal toddler behavior in a way that you are happy with, I would personally change schools in a heartbeat. Early childhood educations lays the FOUNDATION for later in and out of school life. But regardless of which school you go to, you WILL find normal toddler/young child behavior. The trick, is being happy with how those behaviors are monitored & dealt with by the staff.

R

Unfortunately, bullying in preschool is not uncommon. When this occured with my son I really listed to what he was saying and learned what and when the bully did his deeds and upon whom. I then went to the teacher and started asking questions which led to a discussion. I also spoke with other parents about their experiences with "bullying" in the classroom. The teachers did their part and so did the kids...at a birthday party: There were a few boys in a bouncy house with the bully and the bully came out crying. When we questioned our son he explained what he and the other boys did to the bully, they merely ganged up on him without hurting him. It was appropriate and discreet...and the bully learned his lesson! And frankly, he was much nicer after this experience.

Hi, my 8 year old has told me that this kid in his class has pushed him 3 times now. I do not want someone putting their hands on my child. And yes, my son is like yours, shy and quiet, but I get so angry when he tells me things like this because then I want to tell him to just push the kid back, but that isn't the way to solve things. I plan on talking to someone at the school. I'm going to tell them that if they don't take care of the problem then my child will start pushing back. You, should talk to the teacher so she is aware of the situation and can maybe keep them separated. Good luck!