Potty Training Advice - Natchez, MS

Back off... He is probably very stressed about it. And his mom probably is too. This happened to my son also. I just stopped talking about it and just let him wear pull ups. He continued to pee in the toilet. After about 3 months, he was staying at his grandparents house and his grandmother just casually mentioned that he hasn't pooped yet and maybe he should try going in the potty. He did it and has never had a problem again (that was a year ago). I think it helped for it to come from someone other then me when the time came. Good luck!

Hi P.,

It sounds like he truly has some anxiety or hang-ups about pooping in the potty at this point. It is great that he will go pee in the potty! I didn't read through the other responses, so forgive me if this has been mentioned...

I would tell him that if he feels like he has to poop, he needs to go in the bathroom. He doesn't have to sit on the potty, he doesn't even have to take his pants down, but he needs to be physically in the bathroom, if that makes sense. He can squat in a corner, just stand there, or hang from the ceiling fan (LOL), but work on getting him in the habit of the bathroom is where we go when we need to poo. Once he's in the bathroom, I would give him as much privacy as possible.

After a few weeks of that, then work up towards he has to be sitting on the potty with his pants ON. Then a few weeks later, see if he will take his pants off and sit on the potty.

Getting him to be in the bathroom can be half the battle. One bonus to him getting in the habit of at least being in there is that he may just decide to sit on the potty, since it's there anyway!

You mentioned he was squatting, and for now, that position may be more comfortable for him. Please check out the "Baby Bjorn Little Potty". They retail for around $10 brand new. They sort of remind me of a chamber pot. They are sized for little toddlers, so unless he is tiny for his age, he wouldn't be able to sit down, but he would be able to squat over it and go poop. If nothing else, you could also try a plastic bucket. Sounds gross, but people in other parts of the world "squat" to go poop and think it's weird we sit. Good luck!

Think about how the body works. Pretty much all of us can learn to sit and pee at least a little bit at pretty much any time of the day. But I can't sit and poop on command and neither can a child. In order to poop on a potty successfully we need to learn the warning sensations that our bowels are ready with some poop. Then we need to get ourselves there and execute the process. It isn't that easy. And think about how farts can sometimes feel like poop and it just another layer of sensations to distinguish. Instead of trying to get him to poop on the potty, I spent time helping my son pay attention to his body's signals. When he is squatting and pooping in the diaper talk to him about pooping and ask him to notice how it feels, and how did it feel right before he squatted (how did he know to squat in a corner). Then start encouraging him to quat in a corner of the bathroom when he feels that coming or to try sitting on the potty if he wants. But no pressure at this age, it will only make him feel frustrated that he can't physically do what you want him to do. He just isn't ready for it yet.

For being almost three and being potty trained to urinate is really good for a boy I think! I wouldn't push the bowel movement issue too hard.

But, maybe something easy to try would be to find a program or an activity that your grandson would like to attend. Have your daughter tell him that only kids who can go 'pee and poop' (or whatever it is called in your home) are allowed to go to the program/activity. I've heard of that working for some kids. Give him a 'goal' to work towards that isn't a material item. Good luck.

Its so hard to be "patient" but I think until he is closer to 4, there's not much that can be done. I fought with my son about potty training. By 3 he was peeing on the potty but he absolutely refused to poop. I tried forcing him and it never went well. It was ruining my relationship with him because we were both so stressed all of the time. So I laid off and finally 2 months before he turned 4, I got rid of all the diapers and strongly encouraged him to use the toilet. He finally did and hasn't had a problem since then (he's 4 1/2 now). I had tried doing that when he was barely 3 1/2 and it had not worked at all, so i realized he just wasn't ready until he was almost 4. I will do things much differently with my younger son. He's only 16 months so thankfully i have a while until I need to worry about his potty training!

This may seem strange to some, but it worked for my three year old at the time and I was at my wits end. He was so in to trains, firetrucks, cars etc. -- so after getting the idea from a friend I thought what the heck -- I'll try it -- I told him when he was sitting on the potty chair one day "Let's pretend your bottom is a garage and see what you can back out -- let's see if you can push out a train or a firetruck!" The light went on in his head and by golly within a few minutes he had a bowel movement and was so excited to see what it looked like. He had FOUR bowel movements that day. We never had problems again -- he was so excited to go --for weeks we heard about what he backed out -- all sorts of automobiles and animals and such. Weird, but worth a try! My friend who used it on her daughter said they counted how many Barbie cars she could back out of her "garage". Hope all goes well, it will eventually happen! With my younger ones I was much more relaxed about it and they were potty trained earlier.

So far, I think that you and your daughter are doing a good job. It sometimes takes a while for some kids to get the pooping thing down. Patience and rewarding him for his successes and don't punish his failures.

HI P.! I am not a big fan of bribing kids to do what they should be able to do on their own.....but has she tried a rewards system?
She could buy her son a little something that he has REALLY been wanting. Have the gift wrapped and displayed in the bathroom and say that when he learns to go poop on the potty then he can have the prize. Every time he is in the bathroom he can look at that gift and be inspired.
I'm not QUITE sure what Pam W. is getting at in her post, but I really liked what Cassandra had to say about getting him used to going potty IN the bathroom whether it be in his diaper or the potty. I also agree with the Baby Bjorn little potty suggestion. It will be more comfy for him to potty since it's in more of a sqatting position.
Good luck! Your daughter is doing a great job by working at it and making it a good experience for him.

This is VERY common and there have been countless posts on this website about it (maybe you can access some of the other responses). Many kids, including my oldest son, don't poop in the potty until they are almost 4. We actually sought professional advice for our son and were told to just be patient, encouraging in a positive way and give it time. The more you push him the more he'll probably resist. Sometimes it's even a fear issue. I would back off for awhile. He's still pretty young. You really don't want him to start holding it on a regular basis. We were also told to let him wear his underwear, have him ask for a pull up or diaper when he needed to poop, calmly clean him up afterwards and put him back in his underwear. I know a lot of people don't agree with that approach, but a child psychologist recommended it and it ultimately worked for us. Good luck.

I'm the mother of 7 boys and 2 girls..My last little one (boy, imagine that) he would go #1 in the pot, but refused and get so scared if we would put in on the toilet..He would run to me and have a diaper in his hands and would say hurry mommy I have to poop. I would put the diaper on him and he would also squat to poop. I told him that that was how the brave and strong Indians would poop in the squat position. ( I was homeschooling the other kids and one was reading a book about the early pilgrims and the Indians.) The next time he ran to me with a diaper I asked him if he wanted to be like the Indians...he said yes and after awhile of talking I got him to squat on the toilet and from then on he graduated to sitting. lol...I hope this helps...after having all my Blessings I figured that all the time I wasted sitting on the bathroom floor for hours on end waiting for them to go..was for the birds...I figured they would tell me when it was time to potty, of course only big boys and girls were allowed to do certain things and go to special outings..after watching their brothers and sisters get to go and do fun things would rush things along... just enjoy and love them to bits cause they are potty trained and leaving for college...God Bless, D., mother of 9, grandmother of 17, and soon to be greatgrandmother @63yrs young

My attitude toward potty training is not very popular, but here it is. I didn't care if they were not potty trained until they were 18. At 18, legally my job is done. If they can find a girlfriend, she can help them. In the meantime, they can carry around a jaunty little diaper bag.

Both of my sons were late to potty train. They were both pooped trained about 9 months before they were pee trained.
One day both of my boys just decided they wanted to wear big boy undies and use the potty. There was no magic wand or toy.

Bottom line, you can't control what goes in them or what comes out of them!

As far as your daughter, her attitude is most likely "rubbing off" on your grandson and making it harder for him.

What is the rush? Is your grandson enrolled in preschool in the fall? Preschools cannot legally bar him from attending b/c he's not potty trained. The law states they must make "reasonable accomodations." Reasonable accomodations are that if he completelly soaks himself and/or poops, someone (a person your daughter designates such as herself, husband and/or you) must be available to come to school and change him.

Holding his bowel movements for two or three days can lead to encopresis. Children have fewer bowel movements than normal, and the bowel movements they do have can be hard, dry, and difficult to pass. Once a child becomes constipated, a vicious cycle can develop. The child may avoid using the bathroom to avoid discomfort. Stool can become impacted (packed into the rectum and large intestine) and unable to move forward. The rectum and intestine become enlarged due to the hard, impacted stool. Eventually, the rectum and intestine have problems sensing the presence of stool, and the anal sphincter (the muscle at the end of the digestive tract that helps hold stool in) loses its strength. Liquid stool can start to leak around the hard, dry, impacted stool, soiling a child's clothing.

Good luck to your grandson!

P.,

I went through the same thing with my twins! I set up reward charts and everything... I would see them pooping in the corner and try to race them to the toilet. Not that this will help you, but when we were channel surfing one day my kids spotted twins on Nanny 911. These kids were terribly misbehaved and both of them pooped in their pants every day. My kids didn't want to be like the "naughy" kids, so they decided not to poop in their pants any longer! We have been accident-free since then!
We got lucky...I think that the timing was just right! You can't force a kid to go, when he is ready, he will poop on the potty.
Good luck!
J.