Potty Training Help Needed

Updated on March 17, 2008
P.L. asks from Tulsa, OK
17 answers

My toddler is 3 1/2. Will be 4 in April. He refuses to potty train. He tells us he is still a baby and baby's pee pee in their diapers. The funny thing is he goes to MDO/Preschool three days a week where he uses the potty when he's there. Any suggestions? I have two older children that potty trained at about 2 1/2 and 3 years of age. I'm afraid my youngest is going to be going to Kindergarten in diapers! Any input is greatly appreciated!

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So What Happened?

Wow, I am overwhelmed with all the great responses I've gotten. I'm going to implement these and I'll let you know how it works. Thank you for the encouragement. It's one of the great things about the internet is having this electronic support group and realizing you have someone to ask about such things. My mother passed away just 3 months after Aidan was born...I miss having her to run all these parenting things by. You all have been great. Thank you again!

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J.O.

answers from St. Louis on

I think they know they can argue and steer us as parents sometimes. They (the teachers) expect him to do it, so he does.

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S.T.

answers from St. Louis on

If he wants to play the baby card, I would play that up. Sorry, no ice cream...babies can't have ice cream. Sorry, this toy is for big boys. It doesn't have to be mean-spirited, but if he goes at daycare, then he is just reverting at home because he can, and it has worked so far. Maybe fix his favorite meal, but then pull out some baby food jars for his supper. He'll get over being a baby real quick.

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S.C.

answers from Peoria on

I have 4 children and one of them was a really late trainer also. i finally realized that myself along with millions of adults are potty trained and someday so will my daughter. I just stopped really trying, if she wanted to have anything to do with it I left it up to her. Looking back I think she just happened to feel the stress of me wanting and needing her to be trained by a certain time(it was costing me more to have in the daycare room with un-potty trained children), Dr's do not get concerned until much later than this. So, she just wasn't ready, for whatever reason in her little head. It wasn't logical to me, but that wasn't what really mattered. She is 11 now and i am happy to report she is not in diapers anymore=)Try(I so know how hard this is) to just back off (being patient should come in a pill) for a awhile and wait until he is ready, he WILL let you know, especially when it becomes obvious that his peers are doing something that he isn't. Have a great holiday, buy him some cool underwear from Santa.

S.

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E.S.

answers from Peoria on

My son is almost 2 1/2 and we are going through the same thing!! Please let me know if you get any good advice:) He is my first child to potty train...my daughter is 3 months old, so I have no clue how to go about training him!!

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L.L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

hi P., i dunno if my advice would help but i had the same problem with my 3 years old son. he goes to potty at daycare but when he is home with me, diapers all the way. i tried training him for 2 months, i even followed the directions in a potty training book, didn't work. when my hubby changed his job's shift, he stayed home with our son during the day. amazingly, it only took him one day to get our son potty-trained. i was in shock! so maybe you could try having a male figure training him. you never know, it might work. good luck!

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

This may sound harsh, but if there are no diapers around, he can't pee in a diaper. I would quit buying the diapers.
If he has an accident, then he needs to help change his clothes and help clean himself up. I wouldn't make it a big deal out of it. Just reinforce he his a big boy and needs to use the potty. I would make the talk about going potty short and simple.

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K.W.

answers from Wichita on

Hi P.
I totally understand what you are going through. My son is just turned 4 in February and we are having a hard time with him also. We watch "potty" videos, wear pull-ups and all. He will go to the potty right before bedtime and if we are in a store but that's it.I'm not sure what advice to give since we're in the same boat. Just keep trying I guess.

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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

Hi! I was ina pinch and had to get my son enrolled in a pre-school. They only took children potty trained. So, I created the "Magic Bag". I bought a big gift bag and threw a variety of things in it. Cars, books, crayons etc. Anything that would get his attention. When he would go "pee pee potty" than he could get in the "Magic Bag". This bag also moved around the house by itself but with the help of Mommy of course. I also took him out of the pull ups. We had one accident in the kitchen on the tile and that was it! He was so excited to go and get a trip to the magic bag. I took a total of 3 weeks and he was fully trained to include through the night as well.

Good Luck!

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C.R.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If I were you I would finish off your diapers and announce to him that you are not buying him more. Then put him in underwear (they make training pants that are plastic on the outside and cloth on the inside). He obviously knows how to use the potty. It will only take a couple times of wetting his pants to figure out that he is done with the diapers. Night time dryness takes awhile though so get Pullups for that occasion. Just be consistent and dont give in.

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R.B.

answers from Springfield on

I would take away his diapers and pullups for a few days...you will have to stay home with him to do it. Let him run naked for a few days and he won't want to go on the floor! If he can control it during the day at daycare, he is playing you for attention! Just don't give in. My 3rd child was just under 3 when we just took away the diapers and he chose not to go on the floor. When he started to, he would stop and go on the potty. If it is a matter of not liking to stand, let him sit backwards. That is how my 4 year old does it. Hang in there...it is an attention thing!

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M.J.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My son was 3 1/2 before he learned to go to the potty. I thought he would never go but one day it just finally clicked and he is using the potty :) I am so relieved.. It will happen just be patient with him. Good luck

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A.B.

answers from St. Louis on

I worked with 2-3 year olds in daycare for 3 years and potty-trained many of them. From what you say, it sounds like he likes the extra attention associated with still being in diapers (moreso than the attention of being a "big boy") so you are really going to have to play up the underwear/big boy stuff and try not to give any attention (good or bad) for baby stuff.

Since you know he knows what to do (at the daycare), you basically have a battle of willpower going on. The easiest solution is this: throw away the diapers and pull ups, let him pick out the underwear (if he refuses, pick it out for him), and that's it. He will inevitably have an accident-if nothing else out of stubbornness and for attention- the best thing to do is get him in the bathroom and take your time changing him out of the soiled clothing. (I'm not saying leave him in it for an extended period of time, but let him stay in the dirty clothing long enough so that he gets the "feeling" of it, most kids naturally hate that, and will try to avoid it next time.) Just get on a schedule of making him sit on the potty-whether he goes or not- every x minutes. Don't make a big deal out of accidents, just calmly remind him that he needs to listen to his "body's warnings" when he needs to go potty, and of course make a huge deal about every time he goes potty and his first day of underwear and stuff like that.

Advice for in a few months: Most kids naturally regress after initially being potty trained, once all of the attention of being a "big kid" and being potty trained starts to naturally wear off. The way we usually tried to resolve this is by making the child change themselves as much as they are physically capable (socks, etc.) and reminding them that it takes a lot of time to get changed..time that they could have spent playing. They absolutely HATE this, but it works very quickly and very effectively.

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E.M.

answers from Peoria on

I have two little girls who have been potty trianed in the last two years. My young decised when it was time to quit wearing pull ups, they'll do it when they are ready too.
If your son has control over himself while he is at daycare then he is doing it on purpose. Quit buying pull-ups or diapers, get lots of underwear and deal with some accidents, maybe let him sit in a couple wet one's and he'll do his best to make it to the rest room. Don't argue and don't try to reason. Tell him very firmly and with conviction "No more pull-ups". Tell him that other kids will laugh at him and make fun of him if he wears diapers. Tell him he is a big boy and that he is Not a baby, anymore.
Quit babying him, don't allow your other childern to baby him either, toughen him up, if he is still sleepin in a crib that could be part of his "baby" problem. Upgrade to a toddler bed or a twin bed depending on his size. I rarely have to change wet sheets b/c they have learned to get up in the middle of the night and take themselves potty, when my almost 3 year old has accidents, she changes her own cloths. It's great they are growing up. I love kids, I wish you much luck, and don't show him how much it hurts you to toughen him up. God bless...if you believe in that type of thing.

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C.H.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi there. The only thing I can say to you is good luck!!! Actually, with our oldest we finally just put him in regular big boy undies and when he would have an accident in his clothes he didn't like that too much and he finally got the idea that he needs to use the potty. We were very fortunate with my 3 year old who is potty trained during the day but I haven't had the strenght, LOL, to try at night yet. Do you still have him in diapers or pull-ups? Pull-ups are thinner than a diaper and they don't hold as much urine.....Good luck. Also the norm nowadays for kids to be potty trained is 5 years old....he will get it. What if he sees daddy go potty?

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K.C.

answers from Tulsa on

I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter who was potty trained in a day simply by setting the timer for every hour and takin her to go the bathroom. I also have a 2 1/2 year old son who is still in diapers. They go to dycre and they said he goes there occasionally but not every time. I need to be more diligent with him, but I am going to school and a stay-at-home mom.

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A.G.

answers from Kansas City on

I had a similar issue with my now 3 1/2 year old. When I put regular underwear on her as opposed to pull-ups, etc. she didn't like feeling wet or poopy. It took about a week and that was 5 months ago.

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D.G.

answers from Joplin on

Some how you are letting your toddler know that he is your baby. Maybe without even realizing it. Like when someone asked you about your children, do you ever say and my baby is 3 1/2, etc... Or do you refer to him as your baby. Has anyone around that is very close to your family had a baby?

Try letting him know that you have a little boy now not a baby. Encourage him by saying things like, it is so neat that you are a little boy now and not a baby. Let him know how much it helps you that he can do things for himself.

If he continues you need to TOTALLY treat him like a baby. Don't let him do things that a little boy does. Let him know that when you wet your pants and still wear diapers then you can't do little boy things you have to do baby things. He will in all probability want to be the little boy not the baby.

I've observed over the last 33 yrs. that a child is what you tell him he or she is. I hear parents say things like, he's my wild child, the child instantly starts acting out. Or she is my baby girl and they begin to act like a baby. Or He is my tiger, the child then begins to act tuff and mean. So try to encourage and praise him into being the kind of child you want. It really does work.

Hope I don't sound hateful, I've just seen this many times and it resolved when the parent realized what they were or were not doing.
All will work out, be strong.

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