Preschoolers' Resistance to Urinating

Updated on August 18, 2012
A.F. asks from Bellmore, NY
8 answers

My question might be out of the ordinary. My almost three and a half year old has days where she refuses to urinate unless she absolutely has to. I am very concerned about her. About two weeks ago she had some sort of virus that kept her from wanting to eat but she is fine now. She is back to being a picky eater again.

Has anyone had a child who is potty-trained and then goes through times when he/she refuses to urinate? How does my daughter go through so many hours before bedtime, then go to bed for eight to ten hours and wake up in the morning and still not go?

Thank you for any advice!

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

My strong-willed daughter does the same thing. She's barely 4. She;s also a VERY picky eater, dresser, everything!!!! It is what it is. The less I say to her, the more she'll go on her own - but it's always a "I have to go right now!!!!!!"

I do MAKE her pee, if we care going somewhere and she's going to fall asleep for the night, or right before going to the pool, but other than that, I don't say anything.

You have a strong-willed daughter who likes to be in control. Good luck with that! I'm right there with ya!

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K.B.

answers from Detroit on

You can talk to the pediatrician about it but unless she is complaining about being in pain, or it burns, or you see blood, she just might have amazing bladder control. I know my daughter is the same way. She's now 5, she potty trained at 3.5, but she's never had an accident overnight, and many mornings she doesn't have to pee right away when she gets up either. She'll drink some juice, watch some TV for a while, and it might be 30 minutes to an hour before she decides she needs to pee - and this is after drinking a bunch of water right before bedtime! She doesn't wait so long that she ends up having an accident - she gets to the bathroom just fine, and she drinks plenty of fluids, she's just a camel and can go a really long time without a bathroom break. She's also really strong-willed and me telling her that she needs to go is almost always met with, "But I don't have to!"

I would just make sure she's drinking enough - if she is, the urine should be light in color to almost colorless. If it's dark, she needs to up her fluid intake.

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T.R.

answers from Orlando on

My daughter now 4 1/2 has been doing this too, and I would say it started at about your daughter's age. First off, at this age, they have amazing control (so jealous!) and then add that sometimes they are just too busy to be bothered! I gave up trying to make my daughter go, it was a struggle. So, I just make sure I offer plenty of water to drink, and let her go when she needs to. I have noticed she does go more when I don't pay attention to her, but if I ask, as in before going out the door, she will make a fuss. Anyway, I'm going to say, it's totally normal!

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

Are you sure that she doesn't have a urinary tract infection? It could be that it burns when she pees and she is afraid to do it. She could be extending her bladder.

I would get one of those things that you put on the toilet that catches urine (get them from a medical supply place) and make it so that she pees in it the next time she is willing to pee. Make sure it is disinfected clean first. put it in a sterile jar, into the refrigerator, or take it directly to the ped's office for testing. If you don't or aren't able to get a urine sample, they may have to put her to sleep and cath her.

Make sure that she is getting plenty to drink. You may even need to tie drinking fluids (specifically water) to her getting to play with her toys or doing a favored activity. Not drinking enough is hard on her kidneys and can cause crystals to form, cutting those delicate tissues, which shows up as blood in the urine. (Not necessarily blood that you can see. If it actually gets to the point that you can see it, it's pretty bad.)

So get that urine sample, and then get her to the ped. Let us know how it goes, okay?

Dawn

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

We call my 18 year old son "the camel" because he can hold it forever too, and he's been that way as long as I can remember. I'm not sure if he ever used the restroom at school!

I used to be the same way but not anymore (unfortunately).

It's not a good thing according to a uro-gyn that I saw a few years ago. The longer the urine sits in the bladder the higher the likelihood of infection and irritation (but I was in my late 30's and having problems with UTI's) .

I'm not sure there's much you can do about it.

ETA: DVMMOM - I thought the "camel" was unique to our family LOL!

M.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

My daughter has control issues and a bit of obstinance. She would do the same thing at that age. I could not believe that someone who just woke up could possibly hold it longer. she did and eventually grew out of that stage.

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

Our neighbor had this problem with her son. Apparently he had seen a spider in the toilet and it freaked him out so bad that he wouldn't use the bathroom unless he absolutely had to. Of course, he didn't tell his mom for WEEKS and she was worrying that there was something terribly wrong with his body.

I hope your daughter's case is something simple! So sorry you have to worry about this.

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

My oldest has a cast iron bladder and can go 14 hours without urinating. (made potty training a little challenging ;-))

As a child, I hated to use the public restroom. Oh the horror if someone could hear me going to the bathroom. That meant that I'd only go to the bathroom in school if I absoultely had to. Generally I would go 8 hours between bathroom breaks.

As long as she's not having accidents or making it to the bathroom when she needs to, then i think you should leave her be and let her go when she has to.

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