Relocating for Work, Miss My Husband & Can't Sleep!

Updated on July 03, 2013
K.I. asks from Lindenhurst, NY
8 answers

Hi All,
I can not sleep. I miss my husband something fierce! He got a new job & has already relocated to NYC & I am left here to pack up our house...& it sucks!

The kids and I will not be moving over until the middle of July (hopefully, if we can find a house) and it seems like forever!

The Man & I have been together for 16+ years and this is the longest we've been apart. I know I am just stressed because I am left here to do all the work...but still, I miss him & am miserable!

How long have you all gone without being with your spouse or significant other?

I am very down in the dumps this week and the excitement of the new adventure of our big move has been over shadowed by all the stress I am under! So many things still have to happen and work out just perfectly so we can get settled before the kids start school and I am starting to loose faith that its all going to work out?!

I have found renters for our house and have to be out by the 7th and am seriously doubting my ability to get everything taken care of! I hate moving!

So who's done a big relocation...and done the moving part alone? How did it go for you? Was it a good decision in the end? Did everything work out? Are you happy with your decision to go ahead and take the job?

As always, any and all opinions welcomed and appreciated!

Thank You,
Karma

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the kind words....& the kick in the pants! I needed both!
We are not hiring movers, we did get a moving allowance & decided that $ was better spent elsewhere, so I went with the POD option so I could move things in my own time, so far so good...it's just down to crunch time, where I am at the stage where I just want to donate everything that's left! Ha!

My husband is Ex-Military but he didn't have to move a lot, so I was spoiled in that area! I really do have he upmost respect for everyone who serves & their spouse's for keeping it all together!

The in-laws are picking up my 3 kids today & keeping them so I can finish up, it's going to be such a big help!

I love this site! All you women are awesome & I appreciate each & everyone of you!!

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O.O.

answers from Kansas City on

Wow. Busy!
Have not do e a relocation, but my husband travels a lot.
I sleep fine, knowing he's doing what he has to & he has faith in me knowing that I'm home doing what I have to.
Teamwork...it's not just for sports teams!
Good luck. Get cracking!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

There are soldiers who defend our country who are away for 53 weeks at a time. You've got a week left. You can do this!
Suck it up, put one foot in front of the other and push through it.
You'll be amazed what you can do when you set your mind to it!
My mother was always left to get the house packed, shipments ready, and us to deal with. Dad was always off training or working.
Mr and I relocated in 04. Did most of it myself and didn't bat an eye. I was there packing it all up, figuring out who needed what, and keeping it all straight. When the movers dropped all those boxes at our new house, I decided that we needed this house to become a home. In less than one week, our house was totally unpacked (by me), the pictures were hung (by me), and our house was transformed into our home. The boxes were all folded and ready to be picked up, the packing paper was flattened and ready to be recycled, and we were ready to start exploring and figuring out where things were.
I still believe that being strong, determined, and resourceful taught my children, by example, that you can do anything you set your mind to. I won't tell you it was easy, but I did it just as my mother did it before me.
If you are relocating for work, you should be getting a "corporate move". The packers will come and do the hard stuff. Just be sure you have your valuables and thing you will be taking yourself set aside.
You got this!

3 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

I seconded Ladybug C. Make a list of what you want to keep and purge and go back and purge again. Get rid of things you won't use now before you pack less to deal with when you get to your new place. Items that are usable put in a donate pile.

If you have packers scheduled, have your kids out of the house at a friends for the day. Make sure all your personal papers and valuables are out of the house in a car away from the packers. Any clothes changes medicines you will need put in the car as well. Any food opened must be out of the house before the packers show up. Frozen foods should be given to a neighbor or tossed. Sorry about the waste but you can't put it on a truck because it will be rotten when you get it.

Clear out your driveway and move your car out so that you can get out to run to the store as the van will block the driveway access.

You don't have time to be in the dumps you have a house to pack and move. You have an adventure to experience. You have to be in A game and "Just do it!" Plan your days and you can have it done on time. Get some friends come over and help you. Get the Salvation Army, Goodwill and any other places to come to your home to pick up what you don't need.

Good luck to you and enjoy New York. There is a lot to do in a short time since you are trying to make the move during summer months. Once you get settled into your new location then you can relax and sleep.

Been there and done it several times in the military.

the other S.

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L.M.

answers from Boston on

Yep, did this 4 years ago with a three week old and a two year old. My husband and I lived seperately for three months prior to the baby so he could start his new job and I could finish my old one. I had my two year old with me and he would come back on weekends. My delivery was a planned c-section so he came back for that. My newborn had a virus at 11 days old and was hospitalized for four days. I stood at the hospital day and night with the exception of picking up and dropping my 2 year old off at daycare. I moved with the kids one week after he was discharged to a house we bought and signed papers for 1 day before my delivery. We were like you and rented our old place and had to find a house ASAP as we didn't want to pay for a hotel in the interem. The planets did align for us but it was a bit crazy. It was all worth it. We did have a corporate move due to his new job but guess who unpacked it and turned it into a home, and with a newborn and toddler. You so got this!

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M.B.

answers from Tampa on

When we moved from Charlotte to Orlando my husband left in Feb and my son and I didn't move til June. We only saw him 3 times in that time. Same thing when we went from Orlando to clearwater he left in march and because my son was in school we stayed til June.

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M.K.

answers from Columbus on

Wow! That's a bit of a distance! I've had to move my family twice and I know it's no picnic! Is there anyone you can ask for help? Don't be afraid to ask!! If there's one thing I've learned, there's almost always someone willing to help - whether it's just to babysit or help pack - don't be afraid to ask!!!

Also, take a deep breath and just take it one step at a time! Don't be worried about the schools right now; unless your husband is looking into them while he's already there, there's not much you can do other than research on the internet.

If your husband is already there, then he's obviously living somewhere. If push comes to shove, the worst that will happen is you'll have to put your stuff in storage for a little while until you find a house and live with him. I'm guessing it will be cramped, but it's only temporary! Be sure and keep out what you'll need for the first few weeks after arrival.

Mark your boxes so you know what's in them! That will help immensely.

As for being away from your husband - I know it's tough but just keep thinking it's only temporary!!! My kids and I have been living four hours away from my husband/their dad going on three years now! We get to see him MAYBE twice a month - depends on what projects he's working on - he's a design engineer - and when things get very busy, we may not see him for two months at a time. It's been tough but it was the best decision we could make at the time after him being laid off for over a year - we knew we couldn't sell our house very easily because we have a lot of ground, plus, I didn't want to pull the kids out of school - they had just started high school. He continues to look for jobs closer to where we live but there's nothing available.

I felt like you every time we moved but everything always worked out! I know no matter what I say, you're still going to feel stressed - been there!! Just keep thinking of the end result and in a couple months you'll all be settled in a house, registered at school and live happily ever after!!

Good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

S.H.

answers from San Diego on

It was actually before we were married, but had just bought a house together when my (now) husband got the opportunity to work in England for a year. We weren't yet married and didn't yet have children, so there was no way I was going to begrudge him this opportunity. He came back to visit often and on one visit, he proposed;) So, while he was gone, I planned our wedding. It's not as stressful as everything you're going through, but it was difficult. I just kept myself busy. He ended up being gone for only 6 months. The bonus? I took a month leave of absence two weeks before he was supposed to come home and went to England. When he was done with his job there, we then went to Paris for 3 days and then to Spain for a week.

After we were married and with a child, he had to go to both England and Jordan for work on two separate occasions for two weeks. We used skype a lot and I tried to keep our son busy with lots of activities and Mommy/Me days. By the end of those two weeks, our son was definitely acting out more although I don't think he understood why - he missed his Daddy.

I read your SWH - good job! You will do great, this too shall pass and you'll feel all the more strength for it knowing you 'climbed that hill'. Maybe try to plan a little one on one time (or ask your husband to have a date night planned out) for when you arrive. Don't stress about having everything unpacked and settled before you do this - just take a night to yourselves and let everything else wait.

Best!

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M.C.

answers from Victoria on

My husband is military and was on a cutter 3 months at a time and home for maybe a month in between for three years ( he was gone about 280 days out each year). We could not call each other and emails were VERY slow. If they were not docked somewhere, the emails were postponed until they docked and all important emails went through. Snail mail would have arrived to him about the time they got back to the isolated island where I lived along with our son. So I know what it is like to miss your spouse.

Try to find things that keep you busy. Like others suggested, go through everything and make honest choices about what you use and don't use. If you are driving your vehicle, put all things that will go with you in the vehicle before the movers arrive (assuming you are using movers). We have moved a LOT and I can say that I prefer to move ourselves but from VA to AK and AK to TX we did not have that option.

If you like bubble baths, make sure to get yourself some good bubbles/salts/beads and enjoy the quiet time. Buy facials and do those at night once the kids are in bed. Rent/buy romance movies or whatever other movies/shows your spouse usually doesn't like to watch but you do. Read books. Exercise.

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