Rough, Rough Day, Uncle on Hospice.....

Wow, J....sorry about your uncle. :(
I would be inclined to think this is his "rally" as you mentioned.
Please take comfort in the fact that hospice care is amazing. He is pain free, you can rest assured.
Hospice pros are also very good at pinpointing the stages of death (I'm sorry) and estimating how much time is left.
We don't think of it this way, but death is a process, well marked by certain characteristics, etc., and it's pretty much...for lack of a better word...predictable...if you know what to look for.
Again--sorry about your uncle but it sounds like he's in a wonderful place.
I hope his passing is peaceful and beautiful.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I agree with everything OneAndDone said. I would put my trust in the hospice staff and assume that they are taking very good care of your uncle. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

So sorry this is happening, J.. We lost my Dad in February after 26 days of in-home hospice, he had kidney failure and leukemia, so i understand what you are saying.

Dad always loved to eat, so eating was one of the last things he gave up. On Super Bowl Sunday he ate almost an entire foot long sub from Subway, he actually grabbed it out of my hand as I was trying to feed it to him, and he ate some BBQ ribs, too, he was wolfing the food down, and this was after several days of not wanting to eat. His stomach began hurting a couple of hours later, and he had severe diarrhea several times that night into the next day, which took a tremendous toll on him. And at that point he pretty much lost interest in food at all. The nurse in charge of his hospice care said it was probably his last hurrah or rally as you said, trying to prove to himself and everyone he could do it, not caring what it did to him.

The point of hospice is to make the patient comfortable and relieve their pain and anxiety. When Dad asked for something we tried to provide it, food isn't withheld from a patient in hospice, they will decide when they no longer need food or drink. I feel your uncle wanted it, there is no way anyone could have fed him and made him eat the lasagna if he didn't want it.

It is a roller coaster, and hard to watch. God bless you and your family.

Big hugs! It's a tough road... I called my sister when she was in hospice one day to ask if she wanted anything. She asked for something "good". So I went to the store and bought a GIANT lobster. She loved it, ate about half and the nurse put the rest in the fridge. Later on she threw it all up. The next day she ate the other half with the same results. I felt awful but she told everyone about her lobster and how good it was. See, she knew she couldn't keep anything down but found enough joy in eating it to make throwing it up alright. She had cookies my kids had made her by her bed when she passed. Ensure is gross, offer him a root beer float instead!

J., I'm amazed that he was hungry enough to eat it. I agree with the thought that this is his end rally, but I worry too about what his colon will do with it. Perhaps with the pain meds he won't feel it, but they'll just be changing diapers for him.

The reason you are turned inside out over it is because you are trying to come to terms with his impending death. It's okay, really and truly. Nothing is easy about it and talking about it helps. We're glad we're here for you.

Hugs~
Dawn

Oh dear, so sorry. I do agree with One and Done though, I mean I am a little shocked that a Hospice nurse would feed him a plate of lasagna at this stage, but they really do know what they are doing and I'm sure it will all be okay. Most likely he asked for it, it would seem totally out of character for the facility otherwise. Stay strong in these last few moments of his life, I know how hard it can be. Peace.

I live Hospice. They are Angels on earth.

They know all about dying and the different ways people do this.

We had a grandfather placed in Hospice when he was 92.. He was so weak and tired. after 6 MONTHS! they sent him home.. he went back and forth to Hospice and back home.. He did not die until he was 103!

We enjoyed the time he was in Hospice, it was a time for us to rest from his constant care and a chance for him to really get some extra attention.

Many times, we knew this is it.m he will die any day,,. and each time he rallied.

My friend died in Hospice earlier this year. She was there about 5 days.. The instructions for her were very different than they had been for Grandfather.

She had different types of cancer and we were instructed.. not to ask her questions, not to pet her, and to keep her room as peaceful as possible.. She was at such peace. We all got to spend time with her. We saw her transform and then we even had a rosary in her room and I knew she was at peace.. She dies the one night her mom stayed with her throughout the night.

He will find his peace, and they will allow him whatever he requests, but they will be honest with him.. They do not hide what is happening to him. They send in Doctors, Pastors, and Counselors to speak with him throughout the day to check on him.. This is all they do. Help people die with peace and dignity.

I am sorry that you feel so bad. But I promise he is being beautifully cared for.

I'm so sorry. Waiting for a loved one to die is just awful. I think you're right that this is your uncle's rally before the end. With that in mind, why shouldn't he eat what he wants? Ensure does not taste good, and the goal isn't to maximize his nutrition at this point. I'm sure they have him on enough pain killers so he shouldn't suffer from potential digestion problems. If it seems like he's in pain, tell the nurses and they'll up his pain med dose.

If you question this decision though, ask the nurses why it was done and tell them why you are concerned. The nurses and doctors do this all the time, so sometimes they forget that not everyone understands why they do certain things. It's better to ask for clarification than to assume the worst and get upset about it.

Of course you feel turned inside out and it's hard to think straight. It's an emotional time, and of course you'll feel conflicted. I hope your uncle's pain is minimized and he has peace at this time. Prayers for your family.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

My heart and prayers go out to you. We lost my Mom 4 years ago this month. Hospice was a godsend. We were able to do in home hospice. Once you are in Hospice care you really are in their care. They provide so much including physical and emotional support. My Mom had Esophagus cancer that had spread to the live, lung, and lymph nudge’s. My Mom had a feeding tube put in and got all food and Meds through it. When Hospice took over her care my Mom chose not to have anything through the feeding tube but meds. Hospice did tell us that in a last hurrah Mom might ask for food but would want real food and it would be hard for to swallow but not to worry. That with the Morphine and love it would be ok and that changing a few depends or anything else was worth it. Mom never did and early in the morning went to be with her Lord and Savior very much at peace and ready.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

My dear friend/sister is presently in hospice. If she wants something to eat,
I give it to her. Usually she just wants a taste. If that is what your uncle
wanted and could eat it, good for him. I am sure he is on enough pain meds
to offset the food. I do not think the nurse would have forced him to eat. It is
a long, terrible road. I pray every night that Deb goes home to the Lord. So
far she has decided not to! We were told a month ago she had a few days.
Every day she looks a bit worse. I do no know how long this can go on
Sorry you are going thru this.