Second Pregnancy Question to Those with More than O. Child

this is all very normal, as you will see from the posts. I have an 8 yo daughter, and 5 yo son, almost exactly 3 years apart. with my daughter, at birth she had a heart condition and i didn't see her for 3 days since i had complications from my C-section. i also had SERIOUS post partum but didn't tell anyone since i thought they would take her away from me. now i see this is common for some moms too. as time went on, it works itself out. also, after having my son, you think you couldn't love anyone more, but you just do. and althoug i don't love one more or less than the other, i think it's sort of a different kind of love. like my son is a mama's boy, we are very close and my daughter is more independent and less clingy, maybe it's her age, i don't know. but i spend one-on-one time with each of them and work hard at keeping that strong bond. you will see, you are blessed to have 2 beautiful kids and a supportive father to help you with them. everything will be fine! take care and best of luck and congrats on the happy life!

Oh Honey, I was soooo there!!! I, too posted about this!! Please read my post. You might giggle a little and get some relief.

I will share with you what most moms will say and I like how my mom put it best..."It's like God opens a whole new piece of your heart you never knew was there and you love them just as much as the first" and don't worry, you keep on loving the first just as much as you ever did. If you're children are anything like mine---they are VERY different, and the love feels different...almost like when you love different best friends for various reasons, but still love them the same huge amount!! Hang in there, you'll probably wrestle with this now then until number 2 is born, but that instant when your sweet little boy is holding the new baby you're heart will overflow with one of the greatest feelings known to a woman!! Good Luck!

I felt the same way and when I had my baby all the feelings went away. My children love each other and I can not immagine my life without any of them.:) You sound like a great Mom and they are lucky.
R.

Hi Mystyque -
I had these feelings too only I have to say that they surfaced, for me, after the birth of my third child and they didn't surface until AFTER the birth. No one knew what to say to me or how to make me feel better so it was an accutely lonely feeling.
Years have past and two more children later maybe there's something I can lend to you. I'm also a doula and childbirth educator so I've run into this numerous times. To manage through these feelings my recommendation is to face them, think about them and talk them out. Choose your audience for discussion carefully - it may not be that a midwife, your partner or mom is the right person; then again, they might. Begin to imagine how you'll manage your time and imagine that while knowing that the woman's capacity to love is indescribeable. Once you can see with your own eyes that with the birth of your new baby it means your son gets permission to move onto a new stage, too. He's ready to move onto that stage and will thrive within it. This was my experience and the experience of the women I work with. These fears are normal and actually are present in order that you begin to find your resources and imagine how life will be with two kids so that it doesn't just hit you square in the face. Use this time to contemplate and reflect; it's okay to feel nervous about your feelings and emotions - this is the work of pregnancy.
Barb
www.freespiritbirth.com

Hi Mystyque,
I had all the same feelings as you plus some! Due to the way I was raised with my siblings, I was planning on only having one child. When my daughter was 18 months old I found out I was pregnant. I was devestated (strong word but true). Once I finally dealt with the shock of being pregnant I told myself not to worry because God would not give me another girl (I had a sister) well, we found out I was expecting a girl! I was so worried for both my daughters. I thought I wouldn't love the new one and I couldn't seem to bond with her while she was in my tummy. I was terrified I would forget my oldest or be too busy.

Well, on new year's eve I had my second daughter and what a blessing! The bond came as soon as I saw her. I've yet to forget my eldest, or leave her out of anything. To top it all off, they adore eachother. I have realized God not only gave me two, but gave me girls so I could do it differently.

Being scared and unsure is not only normal, but I believe good. It just shows how much love and concern you have for both your babies. Congratulations and try to relax. The best is yet to come!

S.

It's totally normal for you to worry. I got pregnant with my second child when my first was only 4 months old so not only was I not emotionally prepared for another baby yet, but I was very worried about how I would be able to have time for two young children and I'll admit that I cried. I was a little depressed during the first few months of my pregnancy due to those feelings, but as my belly grew and the baby started moving, my anxiety subsided. When my second son was born, I was in love with him immediately and I never felt any less in love with my first son. Your ability to love and care for both adapts naturally. The first months are a little tougher especially if you're nursing because you have to focus on your newborn, but once the baby is asleep, you can spend some one-on-one time with your older child so he feels special too. It's important that you do that so he won't become resentful of his baby sibling. It was rough for me at first because I had a very jealous 13 month old who was not old enough to understand about babies, but your son is going to be 4 and he will probably enjoy having big responsibilities helping mommy. Now that my boys are 1 and 2 they play together and have a good time. Don't worry too much--- you'll be fine! =)

Hi Mystyque,
The best feeling for me is when my nearly-one yo and 3 yo play together spontaneously. Their giggles and laughter prove they love each other as much as I love both of them.

Your feelings are normal, and your worries will be laid to rest when you see your two showing each other how they care for one another as you care for them.
T

Hey Mystyque,

You, my friend, are totally normal. My daughter was about a year and a half when I became pregnant for the second time. I suffered from some serious anxiety about how a new baby would affect the time I spent with my precious girl. I mourned the loss of her "onliness." I wondered how I could ever possibly love another child as much as I loved her. Everyone told me that it would be fine, and it is. I love my boy just as much as my girl. They love each other. It will be an adjustment, to be sure, but you will make it. Try not to worry, and trust that all will be well.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Al

I know that these feelings are perfectly normal. I, too, experienced this throughout my entire pregnancy and when my daughter arrived everything was different. I was in love. As the children got older, I realized how different they were and the love for each of them is the same. They are both unique in their own ways and I love them for who they are. It will all fall into place once the baby is here. I will be honest and say that bonding with my new infant took a little longer than I expected, so don't get down if you are not instantly in love. I know a lot of women don't admit it, but often we are not instantly in love.

I also wrestled with fear during my second pregnancy, as I was going to have to have a c-section and I was fearful that something might happen to me and leave my son without a mother. I wondered if that was fair to him? Was I being selfish for wanting another child? The only thing that helped was writing a letter to my son in case something did happen.

Include your son in whatever you do for the baby, but try not to give him too much responsibility because you don't want him to resent you. I know that he is pretty young, but young children can get jealous and start to act out. We let our son buy a gift for the new baby, decorate a "Welcome Home' sign for the front door and he was at the hospital with grandma waiting for the news of the new arrival. We included him in everything and they are still best friends:)