Second Wedding Questions

As a native North Carolinian, I think that real NC BBQ at a reception would be delicious and memorable. Don't forget the hush puppies, and lots of 'em. Hey, now I'm getting hungry.

Yep, do separate invitations for the tiny ceremony and the big reception. If the reception is informal (as BBQ would indicate) you can be fun with invitations and note that "We've done it!" as someone said. If someone at the reception acts wounded and says (even jesting), "Why didn't you invite us to the wedding?" or "Why didn't you have a nice big weddiing?" just smile and say, "We just wanted a small wedding so we could have this nice, big reception and have everyone here!"

Of course you're not expecting gifts but some folks will want to give you gifts anyway, especially if any of them are older Southern ladies like my mama's generation! I'd say nothing about gifts and smile graciously and say thanks for any that arrive. You can tell friends verbally that no gifts are needed and there's no registry but you want to see them happy at your reception. Younger friends will get it, but let the older folks, if there are any, do what they will - sticking to tradition is comfortable for them. Have a wonderful wedding and reception!

I would either A. plan the reception on a separate day or B. write on the invitations

Please join us for a reception to celebrate our marriage.

Just don't mention the ceremony on the invitation and people will understand. It is pretty common these days for the ceremony to be very small and private.

My husband and I had our reception several months later... it worked pretty well.

Congrats.
Invite all of your friends over for an rehearsal dinner party picnic. Casual dress attire requested. Then surprise them with an announcment that you had gotten married that morning (or whenever)

This is similar to what Brad Paisley and Kimberly Williams did. They planned a wedding. They then invited close friends and family to the rehersal and rehersal dinner. During the wedding rehersal, Kimberly took off her coat and she was wearing a wedding dress! They got married right there! Caught everyone off guard. They said that since she had been in many movie weddings that Hollywood had paid for, she wanted her's to be more low key.

My grandparents got married during Sunday evening prayer service. Hadn't said a word to anyone. When the minister asked if anyone wanted to address the church, they got up and walked down the aisle.

As for BBQ at the reception. Go for it. Its NC! My cousin had BBQ for her reception and my mom raved about it for months!

M.

I thought Leigh's answer was perfect! Do separate invites for the ceremony and the reception. In fact, you probably don't even need wedding invitations if it is just 10 people or less...just tell them where to be and when. I think BBQ is fine at the reception...there is something mouthwatering about just thinking about a Carolina pulled pork sandwich! ;) However, I would add that what your invitation looks like will communicate a lot as to how you want people to dress, etc. I think either a formal or informal reception is fine, do what you want! If you plan on wearing your wedding dress I would do a more traditional looking invitation for the reception. If you're not wearing it then do a funky BBQ invitation! You can look on line at tons of places or even Hallmark would have something! Congrats!

hi, on the invite say it is a reception "bbq party" to celebrate your wedding. maybe the following day. i would put no gift nessesary. that way if they want to you aren't asking for them. if you drink maybe a byob, blessings on your marriage. R.

My hubby and I went through something similar almost 10 years ago and here is my experience. First, you WILL hurt someone's feelings. When that happens just tell them you are sorry but this is about y'all and not that person - you love them and hope they love you enough to understand that you are doing what is best for you. A big wedding is just not for everyone, and they can snowball so quickly. Everyone that truly mattered to us understood even if they didn't all like it.

We had a simple wedding ceremony with just the witnesses, and had announcements ready to go right into the mail with a cute little poem telling everyone "it's done". It wasn't exactly top secret, but we made a game out of "eloping" and not telling anyone when or where (although we stayed very close to home b/c it was right after 9/11).

We then waited a couple weeks before holding a big "party" at our house (instead of calling it a reception) where we invited our friends and family and basically just said "your presence is our present". That worked well. Some people still brought gifts, but I don't think anyone felt like they had to. We kept it very simple and casual. I think BBQ is a great idea!

Good luck! Even if it is a 2nd wedding, it is an important day so make it special for YOU!!

Have the wedding then have a reception to announce the marriage. That way you can just explain that you guys just went and did it. I think you can have as formal a wedding as you want and as informal as you want it. My mom planned my first wedding and I planned the second. I liked mine better plus I loved my formal wedding dress.

I think having a reception after the fact and sending out the invitations to that is okay. If you really don't want gifts you are going to be fighting an uphill battle, people just won't come without bringing something. It's just not programmed into us to go to a party without taking something. Register somewhere and have fun with it.

Also you could have a money tree, the ladies at church did that for us and we paid for our honeymoon with it. People would also put their cards with money in them in a bucket the tree was sitting in..

I re-married (number two) to my now husband just a few years ago. It was number two for me, number one for him. We did a family only wedding in California where his family is. My parents flew out there from Texas to attend the small 13-person wedding (parents, grandparents onlly). We had TWO receptions (one in Cali, one in Texas) and invited people to those. Our invitations were on postcards (saved on postage) and we put our photo on one side, with a poem (see below). On the information side of the postcard, we wrote the 'details' of how to RSVP for the California party or the Texas party. Here's what we wrote:

Dear Friends and Family,
We would love for you to attend one of our wedding
celebrations. Please RSVP and get more details using
the phone numbers and e-mail addresses below.

and the poem, slightly edited for this site:
Joey and Jessica will marry
in California in the sand.
But we’d like for you to join us
at a party more inland.

You can pick which party
that you wish to attend.
If you can’t come to either,
no worries. You won’t offend.

One will be in California,
the day before we’re wed.
On August th in La Habra Heights
your bellies will be fed.

You’ll get to meet the bride and groom
and give them your best wishes.
You’ll also get to eat and enjoy
some of "Bob's" famous dishes.

San Antonio, Texas, on September the __
is the other evening we chose.
We’ll eat and laugh and have a good time
until it’s time to doze.

So mark you calendar and see if you
can come to either one.
We’ll be at both of these events,
so surely they’ll be fun.

As for registering for gifts, my mom says it's not appropriate for you to put that on an invitation, so when people called to RSVP, if they asked, then my MIL (in cali) and my mom (in tx) told them that we did not register for anything, yet want to update our home, so a gift card to Lowes or Home Depot would be appropriate. I think we got a few hundred bucks for HD and Lowes, plus a few Target gift cards.

BBQ sounds perfect. At our California party, the grandpa chef cooked. In Texas, my uncle smoked meat and we had a BBQ.

Congratulations! Don't worry about offending people. Most people will respect that you have both already been married and don't want a huge shi-bang. But what helped me not invite my friends was to have the wedding was having it a few states away from where any of my friends lived. My husband's California friends came to the party nearby where they lived, then we got married a few hours away in a little gazeebo by the beach. So location really helped not offend anyone.

Send an invitation to the reception to all those you wish to attend with wording such as "Please help us celebrate our marriage on DATE, TIME, LOCATION. We consider your presence gift enough".

As for the BBQ, that is completely acceptable. Go with what you want.

how about sending separate invitations, or just verbally invite those few to the ceremony and send official invites for the reception

What do you mean hurt them in the invitations? Like you only want those invited to be there? I would just say its a private ceremony and please invitation only.

If you don't want gifts then yes write no gifts please just the honor or joy of your presence. People probably be happy they don't need to go buy anything and try and figure out what you want or need.

And if you do BBQ food just make sure then its not totally formal wedding then it wont go with the feel of your wedding. My brother did fried chicken and all the fixings and turned out great. Had our local albertsons make it. Was easy and good.

Have fun!

You should have your wedding then wait a few weeks and have the reception. That way you will avoid hurt feelings. You could also add a note to the invitiations saying something like, " Gifts are not expected."

i wouldn't mention gifts at all, just send invitations to those you want invited to the wedding, and seperate invitations for the reception and leave it at that. if asked just explain small wedding, not many invited

Here are some wording ideas:

http://www.invitationconsultants.com/samplewording.aspx?p...

You never want to mention gifts on a wedding/reception invitation. When people ask simply say that no gifts are necessary just the pleasure of their company. Make sure your attendants know this too as many people will ask them for gift ideas.

If it's a casual reception the bbq food would be fine. Just depends on what vibe you are going for.

To me, most people "endure" the wedding ceremony to get the free food/party at the reception, so I think it's no big deal to say, "John & Jane Smith invite you to attend a reception in honor of their wedding [or marriage?] at [date/time/place]."

And I think it's perfectly permissible to put a line at the bottom and say something like, "Because we will be combining two households into one, we have no need for gifts, so the best gift you can give is your presence at our party/reception."

BBQ sounds great to me!

it is not proper etiquette to speak anything of gifts in the invitation. Only in a shower invite. You can have someone spread the word though. you can say, 'in leau of gifts we would like any gifts to be a contribution to your favorite charity"...
bbq is fine, these days you can do anything you want to. a friend was going to do a southern reception and have fried chk and baked beans and potatoes! ha ha
as far as the invite you just have an invitation to the ones invited to the wedding and reception afterward and an invite for the reception only saying that you are having a small quaint ceremony and would love for their presence at your reception....." don't even give details to them of the wedding. you can even just mention "we would love for you to celebrate our marriage/wedding" and don't even mention the wedding. congrats! you might even be able to google samples.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding celebration!
1. Send a reception invitation, I think they state that when and where you were married.

2. State "no gifts" or pick a charity for them to donate to.

3. It's your reception, serve whatever food you like. But don't feel like you need to tone it down because it's not your first wedding. Some times forever after takes more then one try.

First congratulations! I don't think any explanation is needed...just send an invitation "requesting the honor of your presence at a celebration of the marriage of R. and XXX" (or something similar). I'd add a statement at the bottom that says "your presence is your gift to us...go gifts please".

BBQ sounds wonderful! It is your wedding!! You can make it as formal or informal as you want.