Seeking Advice for Restaurant Behavior -

Have you tried going to places with an outdoor patio like pat and oscars and some chilis places. The out door patio is great for kids and if the scream it usually juts you outside. also you can work with her on her behavior at the table while out

I'd suggest dining out for breakfast. She isn't tired. Could that be the problem? breakfast is always the best meal out w/ my kids.

As much as I hate to say this, this is what I did. I didn't take my child under two to an "adult" restaurant. I know that is no fun and perhaps the easy way out but I feel that at that age it's very tough to get them to understand table manners and I personally always felt for the other diners that are enjoying their night out at a restaurant. So I opted to just not do it, when he was a little older like two it was easier. It's only 6 months away!!

I'd give her another 6-9 months without taking her to a sit down restaurant. When mine were this little it just wasn't any fun taking them to restaurants because so much time is spent entertaining them and keeping them occupied and it doesn't make meal time fun (for you, her or the other patrons). Continue to teach appropriate manners at home but try take out and eating at home where she can play and your hubby and you can enjoy some time together.

Practice at home. Sit around the table together for all your meals. Once she knows what to expect at home, it will be easier when you're out.

Hi E., For the sake of your family, the other diners and your sanity, take your daughter to places where her behavior is OK, MacDonalds, or Chucky Cheese type places and get a babysitter for the other places. No one adores your daughter's normal activities while they're eating and no one wants to clean up after you leave.
This is the time for you to leave her with babysitters and enjoy your husband. Remember being a couple???
It's nice. Your daughter is being normal and they don't need to go out as much as you think.
have fun...Deb

A late but slightly different answer. Ofcourse she is strong willed, ofcourse she will not sit still and eat her food in a well mannered, quiet way! That is what adults do and love, not kids, Why take little kids out to eat at all ? Where is the fun for the parents AND the kids ?
meals at hom can gbe great and if kids do not behave you can deal with it in a calm way and not be nervously looking around to see how annoyed th other diners are! I hate all this teach her how to sit still and quiet and calm and well behaved, torture for an 18 month old !

V.

Hi there. As the mom of 3 I can tell you it is not realistic to expect your 18 mo old to have table manners. Her described behavior is totally age appropriate and nothing you do will "teach" her to change it. She will have not clue why you're upset with her. Scolding her or spaking her, in the bathroom or anywhere else, may make you feel better but it won't help her at all. Do yourself, your child and the other diners a favor and order in until she is mature enough to handle the experience. I left my kids home until they were almost 4, and if I did have to take them out I just had to redirect, cope, and calmly leave.

Strong-willed and stubborn doesn't mean you have to beat her into submission, as some posters suggest. There are infants and toddlers who are calm and cooperative in all situations, from the day they are born, but those children are few and far between. Your daughter is not temperamentally or developmentally ready. If your daughter is a screamer, you might wait until she's old enough to understand the behavior required - which she's not at 18 months. Suggesting that you'll beat her "if she does it again" might scare her into submission, if she knows what that means, but fear training is rarely the best way to help children learn anything but to fear you. By the time she's 3 and has had the experience of sitting with strangers to eat, at preschool, she would be a candidate for going out to restaurants. Even then consider places that allow kids to run around. If you go out to eat without her in tow, not only will your experience (and other diners) be more pleasant, but that might eventually lead to her wanting to do anything to join you, rather than being left at home. In short, take a break and wait until she's older!

Immediately take her out of the situation and have her sit in her car seat for 10 minutes, take her away every time she behaves like this. Take turns with your husband, soon she will realize that all the fun is inside and she will learn to behave.

goo luck

There are seasons that you can take toddlers to restaurants and seasons to stay home. My daughter did better at lunch than dinner. If your daughter misbehaves, be prepared to leave. As she matures, she'll be able to handle things better.
We worked on good manners at home. I sat at the table at lunch with her in her high chair and talked as if in a restaurant.

Hi E.,

What works for us is we usually know where and what we will be eating and drinking. Prior to visiting the restaurant, we download the menu and I take down the orders. Once we get to the restaurant and know where we'll be sitting, I usually go in by myself and ordered, while my husband and the children are outside playing. When the food arrives, I phone my husband and they come in to eat. When we are done eating, my husband takes the kids back outside and continue playing, while I stay back to pay the bill. If for some reasons we are still eating and the kids are done, I usually let them color or draw with whatever the hostess gave to us prior to sitting down.

So far, that works for. It is hard for children to sit still for so long, especially if they bring the drinks out first and all the kids want to do is drink too much prior to food arriving.

I know you have already got a wealth of advice, but wanted to give my unique point of view.

I was a nanny for ten years before having my daughter, now 22 months old. So I picked up a few tips along the way that are working great with our daughter.

When we are at home we are very specific in what we expect of her at meal times. She MUST sit in her seat and we encourage her to be independent and feed herself, but we also include her in our conversation. If my husband brought his laptop to the dinner table that would drive me crazy and teaching our daughter that she needs to have a toy at the table only encourages the idea that she is there to play, not to eat.

When we eat out, the same rules apply. If she screams we quietly, but firmly tell her that we don't do that and engage her in conversation. If she thinks we playing then sometimes reverse psychology worked on our little one at your daughter's age. We would turn away and say "We don't talk to little girl's who don't listen to their Mama and Daddy." This turn of the attention away from her would sometimes get her attention. If she screams again, pick up a book and start reading it. This should redirect her attention. When she stops screaming and looks at the book make a big deal of thanking her for not screaming. Remind her what a good girl she is when she's not screaming.

This may take a few tries but you have to teach her how to behave in restaurants now or you'll be eating at lightening speed when she's older because she's got ants in her pants.

I would recommend only letting her out of her seat if you are taking her to the bathroom to 'wash her hands' before the food arrives. If this trip from the table has a purpose other than getting out of her seat then she will still learn that you stay in your seat.

Most important when you sit down at a restaurant is to make sure that she's not really hungry as you're getting drinks ordered and looking over the menu. Making sure she has something already to eat can help her disposition.

She is old enough to understand if you tell her each time she wants to get up that Mommy and Daddy aren't done eating yet, so she needs to be patient. The concept is something she will grasp more the more you do it.

I hope this helps. Good luck Mama!

S. M

Stork's Best Friend
www.storksbestfriend.com

For your sake and the sake of people around you...If you choose to go to a restaurant and she has a melt down give in to what she wants or pack up your food and go. We don't take our dd that often, but we keep her happy while we are there. I can't stand it when people try to teach their kids by letting them scream. Most people go to dinner to relax and not listen to someone elses child yell. Don't get me wrong I am all about discipline, but it should be done at home until she can understand restaurant behavior. I have an 18 month old and we have just found keeping her happy with the things she wants (unless she can't have them of course) is the route to go. She is very well behaved usually, but on the one occasion she was not dinner was over for everyone. Try to keep multiple toys, crayons, etc. to keep her entertained and maybe she won't get fussy. They usually get fussy from boredom. Good luck to you.

E.,

You have received great advice already. Bring lots of stuff for them to do at the table while waiting for the meal to be served. If they are out of control take them outside. Unfortunatley, someone has to do this and your meal will be ruined, but not for very often. Kids get the message pretty quick. As a parent sometimes you have to scarifice (your hot meal) to teach them the lesson. We had our kids meet us with their 25 & 13 month olds for our first dinner out with them. First time in a resturant the kids didn't know better. When my daughter-in-law took them out she was gone for about 5 to 8 minutes and came back in and the kids were great the rest of the meal. Better to go through this to teach them the proper way to act than to aviod going out completely, because then they never learn. Good luck.

Hello E.,

I have a 3yr old boy, yikes that will be 4 in Aug! I've been taking him to restuarants since he was 7weeks old, I love to eat out:)

The one thing that we have always done is involve him in the tables conversations. I don't know if that helps, but we have never had a fit in a restuarant or a store for that matter. I am pretty lucky that our son saves his fits for home.

We have always talked to him as an adult and included him. We also bring snacks, toys, etc. But, I have noticed he will act up when we ignore him for too long. Also, when my Dad or brother go with us towards the end they will take him outside to walk around the restuarant.

Sometimes, if it is taking too long for our food to get to the table a simple walk to the restroom will help him.

As for waiting more food, before he could talk he would start to make loud noise. We would say..."Say Please." In the beginning we would have to say that a few times, but he got it and would grunt. So, if we heard a simple grunt from him we knew he wanted more food. Once words came about for him, he would ask please and we would give him more food.

I hope this helps, but I am truly blessed to have a great restuarant kid.
M.

My son gets like that as well as he is a VERY active 22 month old. When he starts to act up I give him a warning. If he won't stop I take him out of the restaurant and tell him that if he cannot behave that we will leave. If he continues to act up I leave the restaurant all together. I have taken him to the bathroom before and given him a talking to and even a spanking but he has a very strong personality and sometimes doesn't care what I say or do... he wants his way. Having a very head strong child is very challenging however it has forced me to come up with new things to do when we are out. Counting books, coloring books, allowing him to have something that I don't give him at home (I have some toys, books & activities for when we go out so that he can think that they are special and "new"). Sometimes at this age they simply are not any fun to take out to dinner. I try to chose places to eat that are more fun for him (Ruby's, Rainforest Cafe, somewhere with a fish tank, etc) Kids get bored very easily so us mommies must be creative.

I have two daughters, when they were little we loved taking them out and "showing them off". Onething that always worked for us was a few "special outside toys". They always looked forward to playing with them when we were out. They knew that they would have them as long as they were behaved. It worked quite well. Still, today, my daughters are 13 and 10, they both look forward to some special "toys" when we eat out. This is a great time for our puzzle books that they work through with me.

B.

I have always been complimented on how well-behaved my daughter is when we go out to eat. I would bring things for her to occupy herself, but if she started getting too loud or throw herself into a tantrum, I would stay calm and tell her that is unacceptable and that we would go outside for her to calm down if it keeps up. If it continued, I would leave my husband or friends at the table and take her outside. Most of the time, she would calm down once we were outside and then I would go back in. If she didn't, I would call my husband or friend to get the waitress to pack up our meal. I would then quickly go in, pay and then leave. When she got older and understood more, once she calmed down, I would have her apologize to the manager once we went back in. This also worked in all stores. I always tried to stay calm, and would tell her that I love her, I understand that she is upset/mad/etc, but we don't act like that, and that I would not tolerate it. Never give in, never expect too much at whatever age she is, and just realize like another poster said, "we sometimes have to give up our fun to teach a valuable lesson.

It will get easier. I have the most strong-willed child and she is a joy.

N.

Hi E., Youn may not like my advice, but next time you go to a resturant and she acts up, take a walk to the bathroom give her a warning, take her back to the table, if she acts up again go back to the bathroom and take care of business, this is what my daycare parents tell me they do. When my kids were small my first born we were at Bobs big boy resturant, and they were playing music in the background and our son didn't like it and he wanted them to turn it off, he got a little loud, so my husband walked him out side talked to him told him if he had to walk out side with him again he was going to swat his butt, he brought him back in, remained very well behaved the rest of the evening, and he never acted up in a resturat again, our other 2 loved going outso much, that they were always well behaved in public. During this trainig process with her, I would go to child friendly resturants. J. L.

take her outside, or to the car. every time.

if you give in, she'll learn that bad behavior works. once she learns that you'll take her outside, she'll calm down. eventually all you'll have to do is say, "do you want to go outside?" and that will be enough.

whatever you decide, don't allow her to stay in the restaurant and disturb other patrons. some of them have hired the babysitter and are trying to have some time away from kids (which we all need sometimes). It's not fair to them if you child disturbs them, and honestly, it's not good for her to allow her to get away with it.

so much good luck to you.

When my kids were that age I just avoided going out to eat. They're 3 and 8 now and it's awesome to take them out. You have a great idea to bring snacks and small toys. Little ones tend to test us more in public because they can usually get away with more. You could try taking her outside while at the restaurant so she can burn off some energy or blow off some steam without disturbing anybody. If you're consistant with discipline regarding restaurant manners it'll be easier to take her out in a few years. For a while though, you may want to opt for take-out. Good luck!

Hi E.,

When I took my sons out to dinner, I always made sure they were well rested and that they had had a small snack before we went. We also tried to go to very family friendly restaurants and we went early. If either of them (or both) got out of line, either my husband or I would remove them from the table and go sit in the car. If that time out didn't work, we would get our food boxed up and leave.

It was my experience that if folks saw that we were trying to teach good manners and removing them from the restaurant when they became overly disruptive, every one was very supportive of our efforts. There were quite a few cut-short dinners as we taught this, but the pay-off has been huge. My sons are now 11 and 15 and they have excellent restaurant manners from fine dining down to McDonalds.

Good luck!

It's hard, but going out more often I think helps with it all. I think you also have to be consistent between home and being out. The same manners need to be expected at both places. We are also big fans of picking up the child and walking out of the restaurant for a moment of discussion and calming down and then returning to the seat. I would suggest you stick to the louder, more kid friendly places where you can push things a bit further first, but I'm sure you already know this! Good luck, it's not always easy!

-M

what is your response to her actions?

wonder why you can't post more than once....anyhoo...

julie, your routine is similar to what my husband & i would do in a situation like this. not all parents believe in that which is why i was asking her to tell us what is her response.

E. R

You daughter sounds like a very head strong child. STAND your ground, if you have to take her to the car when she throws her fits. As an alternative give her small amounts of food from your plate, she will find this more fun. I used to order a plate/basket of fries as a finger food for my children when they would go to a restaurant, this would appease them and if they want something different I would offer them something off of my plate. I hope this helps.

sounds to me like she wants whats being served. If you make her a little plate for her she will feel like she is eating out too. if she says more etc...teach her to say please and thank you like everybody else at the table. Try to take her as often as possible this way she has more exposure to it. I did that with my 2 and it was very sucessful. good luck!

When we get to a restaurant we almost never put our kid in the high chair til the food comes. Usually there is only 20 mins or so that they behave really well and we don't want to waste it when we aren't trying to eat. =0)