Seeking Advice from Moms All over the World

I would say talk to her teacher and see if something can't be worked out. If the teacher is uncooperative, maybe speak with the principal and see if he/she can't help work something out. Also, there are programs outside of school to enroll her in, if you can afford it. They help to tutor kids in the areas they are behind in. hope this helps!

hello, maybe you need to go talk to the teacher or the principal. or maybe there is a slower paced class they could put her in some of the classes are more advanced than others.i don't know what school she is in but some schools put all of the accelerated students in one class and the kids that arn't so advanced in another, and she just may be in a class that is to advanced for her.you really don't want her to start hating school at an early age. hope this helps out .

T.

good luck!!

Start with the teacher and the school couslers there might be a class as the school or an afterschool program you can put her in, which might give her the extra attention she needs. I had the same problem in school and was tested and found I had ADD, I still have reading problems to this day and I am almost 30. Get her in a reading program or try hooked on phonics. The teacher should have requested a parent teacher conferance at the sign of the first F.

I homeschool my children and I have had to remind myself that my children have different strenghts than I do. I was an honor student as well and I have to say that it was difficult to realize that my children may not be the student that I was. That is where I think you have to start. Your daughter may learn differently than you did and may need additional help, but that doesn't mean she isn't trying. I would talk to the teacher and the principal, maybe the guidance counselor too, to see if she has a learning disability. Maybe she just needs help with reading....think about that...if she has difficulty reading that would keep her from completing work or even understanding what she is doing, making it take longer.

I would not take her out of piano lessons for a couple of reasons. Music helps children with comprehension and math skills. Secondly, if she enjoys it and she isn't presenting a disipline problem, then it would be punishment for simply not doing well in school. I would find out what is causing her to do poorly with reading and address the issue, rather than focusing on punishing her and freaking out.

Hi.

My name is S.. I am a teacher. I've taught 4th and 5th grades. My divorce was final last December and I have two girls, Cate (5) and Sophie (3).

First of all, it's obvious that you're a good mom. This is a very stressful time for you and your family. It may not get better right away but things will change. Nothing lasts forever, even hardships.

So, I thought that Cate was having a hard time with the divorce so I spoke with a therapist. Her first question was how is she doing in school? Since Cate's doing fine and there's no problem there then the therapist thought she's doing okay. I tell you this because your daughter my be having trouble as a result of the stress of your family situation.

I suggest you first contact the guidance councelor of the school. Ask her (him) for help with resources (a school group, Rainbows, etc.) for your daughter to help her deal with her changing family.

Next, speak with the teacher and ask if there is a way to test for any learning disabilities to rule that out. Also team up with her teacher and have a weekly or bi-weekly "progress" report. I have given "special" homework for parents. Parents are not teachers and we are very busy and tired. This is just a little something you can do every day to help with your daughter's reading. This is a specific short activity (10 minutes tops) that you can easily do with your daughter.

Finallly, incorporate reading in everything you do with your daughter. We read all the time without even realizing it. We read street signs ("What letter does the STOP sign begin with?"), directions for cooking dinner ("Can you circle all the capital letters in the directions on this box?"), and reading stories ("How many times do you see the letter 'E' on this page?").

I hope this helps. I know it can be overwhelming to do everything on your own. Ask for help from your school. That's what they're there for.

Good luck!

C.,
I wanted to tell you that you are not alone in this situation. My son is 9 years old and doesn't read very well at all. I have always read to my kids and started to read early myself in life and have always loved to read my entire life. My son will read out loud to me but even then its a struggle. I noticed on his report card/progess reports that he was struggling at school and he would sometimes just sit there if there were test in reading and in all other subjects that involved reading. My child is an excellent speller so I just couldn't udnerstand why. Its about comprehension and confidence. Call the school and see if you could get her in a resource program at school for her reading. Have the school test her thats what they are there for. There might be something going on with her (dyslexia, other learning disabilities) try to rule those out and get the school to support you. In the meantime, take her to the libraray and pick out books with her. Simple books that she can read that might boost her confidence a bit. Get other books and try to get her to read along with you as you read. These are some things I have done and my son's reading has improved.

I had the same problem with my nine year old when he was in second grade. Sometimes all the child needs is aliite time and patience. We all want our children to be smart and honor roll students. But our children are not us, except what they are and teach them be the best that they can be. You have not failed as a mother, i felt the same way. Time , pattience, and some tutoring help solved the problem. I hope this advice helps you out, or atleast give you some comfort , to let you know that you are not alone in this problem.

Try tutoring! Some schools offer it, tutoring agencies, and then educational centers. I offer tutoring at my center and the majority of children that come are for reading! Check out www.educationplaystation.com Sometimes it takes someone else other than the parent to help encourage the reading skills. I hope things work for you and your daughter!

I agree with a lot of what the other moms have said. Like another said, you are definitely not a failure as a mother. You are concerned for her as a mother should be. I came from a home of 5 children, we all learned differently. I could read by the time I was 4, one sister and my brother struggle with it still in their teenage years. Each child learns at a different rate. Also, the fact that there is a divorce happening in your family could have an impact on your daughter's school performance. It could be something to consider if she continues to have problems, and talking with the school counselor might help both you and her handle the situation. I also agree that the piano lessons don't necessarily need to be stopped. It doesn't sound like the problem is coming from her not spending enough time with her work or that lack or trying is causing her grades to be low. Also, being a musician myself and spending most my life around other musicians, I totally agree that learning to read music can help improve reading skills. It helps your brain learn to process things at a faster pace. As she gets older, it will also help immensely with math. Read to her as much as you can. Sit with her next to you or on your lap so that she can see the words as you read. In the end though, most kids just learn at their own pace. Don't hesitate to talk to your daughter's teacher either. There may be some arrangement that can be made for extra help or time. It never hurts to ask.

C.,

You may need to get her eyes checked.

My son is the youngest in his class so he also has a reading problem unless you sit with him. But he also likes to speed thru his work. You should see if there is small work group for kids with reading issues at her school. My son is also in one of those classes and is improving greatly.

Good luck!

L. R.

Hi C..
My daughter is 6 and was/is having the same problem. The school she goes to has a program called EIP (Early Intervention Program). The students that are not doing so well in reading and other subjects get extra time with a different teacher that is able to have more one on one time with each studentl. My daughter has to have so many AR points to pass first grade and I was like you having a hard time helping her but since she started the EIP program a few weeks ago it has been like a totally different child. Her reading grade is going up along with the rest of her grades. The EIP teacher has given her confidence to read more challenging books. Check with your daughters school they might have the same type program.

You and your daughter are going thru a difficult period right now and you are both having to make some very disorienting adjustments. It would not be a bad idea to get her an appointment with a child councellor so that she can discuss her worries with a "safe" person who will be able to then tell you what her worries are and how to help her thru them. Frequently emotional distress shows up in behavioral patterns before it shows up in an all out crying fit and your daughter may be spending her time at school worried about home life and who she's going to be going home with depending on your custody arrangements. Talk with her frequently about what is going on for her emotionally, get her tested for ADD or a reading disability, and let her have the accomplishment of learning to play the piano. It can give her an emotional outlet that she would otherwise not have as well as a sense of accomplishment and pride. Also learning to read sheet music can help with reading the English language as well. Good luck to both of you!

go to www.expresswaystolearning.com this is a program for students that are intellegent but have a problem proving what they know in a classroom setting, you can do it in your own home and it is amazing. I used to work at one of the learning centers and I constantly saw children advancing 2 and 3 grade levels in a matter of months. REALLY LOOK AT IT, THE PROGRAM IS AMAZING!

Dearest C. - your daughter is going through the same thing you are - only worse, because she didn't have any say in the matter and can't understand what is happening. Are you one hundred per cent all the time at your job? Or are you sometimes preoccupied and unable to concentrate? She may be feeling that way, too, especially when she is away from you. She may worry you will be gone when she comes home from school. I think the fact that she can do the work is far more important than the speed of completion. Cut her some slack, love her, reassure her and ask the teacher to do the same. Seven is too young to feel like a failure. And if she enjoys the piano lessons, do not discontinue tham. She needs something to feel good about. And cut yourself some slack, too. You're a hurting little girl inside. Know that life will get better.

I agree you are not a failure, you should check with the school or have her tested she may just have a learning disability. read what the educator wrote below and follow that. That is the best advice you can get. She is very right... Good luck

For one thing, you are not a failure. You see the problem and ready to take action with what ever it takes to help your daughter. I read the replies and they all are great ones. I know that Central Heights has a reading program to help children. I would think all schools do. A meeting with the teacher is a must. You can get the hooked on phonics from the library if you can't afford to pay for it. I have heard other parents I know say that is an excellent program for children. Don't forget to pray to God and truely hand Him your troubles. He will take care of her. I will pray for you also. Yes, it takes hard work on both of your ends, but God will guide you and help you.

God Bless You and your Family,
A.

Have you ever had your daughter tested for dyslexia? I had a friend who had all kinds of trouble reading until they discovered she was dyslexic. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with her, it just means that she will learn how to read differently than some kids. I hope this helps some.

I am the mother of two children with developmental delays. My son has mild Autism and both my son and daughter have Sensory Processing Disorder. My daughter is 3 and receiving speech therapy through the school system. My advice is to ask the school system for a "developmental" evaluation. She could have a sensory processing disorder making it harder for her to block out noises and other senses that the rest of just absorb and blend in. Type "Sensory Processing Disorder" or "Sensory Integration Disorder" into either Google or Yahoo Search Engines and read about the disorder to see if it even applies. However, it does sound like your daughter might need less distractions in order to thrive. Seriously, ask the school system for help.

Oh, and don't forget to make it a matter of prayer. Jesus said that any one asking for wisdom, shall receive it.

Best wishes.

C.,

I agree with everyone else you are not a failure as a mother! Both you and your daughter are going through a very difficult time right now. I too would check with the teacher and see if your daughter can be tested to see if she has a learning/reading disability and therefore my need a little extra help and possibly some outside tutoring from a place like Sylvian Learning Center.

Keep your head up. You both will get through this difficult time.

First you should try to remain calm. She senses your frustration and may think it is her fault when it is not. For short term goals, you may want to take her out of piano lessons until school is under control. Next she should read to you or someone for at least 30 min everynight (even weekends). Next if she is really having problems completeing work in school in a certain amount of time, you as her best advocate need to schedule a meeting with the teacher and talk about these issues possibly allowing her to complete work in another room or even give more time for her. If this is still a problem take her to a docotor to see if their is a learning disability. If so get it in writing then the teacher has to accomodate her. Get her eyes checked. When my daughter was having reading issues, she just needed glasses, she was blind as a bat:). Next seek the help of a tutoring service which I know can be costly, but it is just a suggestion. During Christmas, Spring, and Summer breaks, buy some books or take her to the library and check out books and then make sure she reads for 1 hour per day even if it is in two 30 min sessions. These things have helped my daughter. She is in the 3rd grade and now reads at a mid 5th grade level.

M. age 28 single mom of 2 girls age 8 and 5

C.,
I am an educator in Atlanta, and you need to go to the school and talk to everybody there who deals with reading issues. I would start with the teacher. If your daughter attends public school, there should be an SST team - a Student Support Team (or Student Study Team). The purpose of the SST team at each school is to deal with learning and behavioral issues. The team usually consists of teachers, counselors, learning specialists, sometimes administrators, and sometimes the school psychologist. Your daughter could be very smart and also have a disability in reading; I have taught kids in the gifted program who were REALLY smart but had a learning disability in one area like reading or math. The SST team can recommend what types of testing or screenings they can do to determine exactly what issues she has, if any at all. If she does have some type of issue, they can address it at the school in nearly every case. If she does have some type of issue, she is likely very frustrated and hurt and maybe even mad at herself and her teachers about her grades; if you let this go, she can become angry about school, and that is a BAD thing because she has a long way to go! With some types of reading disabilities, one of the things the school will recommend is extra time to finish assignments and tests. This can even be true on tests like the SAT when she gets in high school. It's kind of complicated, but to be a reader, a child must have LOTS of little small skills that TOGETHER help her read; if she is missing one or more of those skills (like decoding, disgraphia, fluency, phonics, etc) then she will not read well until she gets those skills. It isn't your job to teach her all of those little skills - she has teachers who can and will once they know exactly what she needs! Don't feel like you have failed; the only way you will fail is if you ignore this and don't get up to the school to get something done to help her. Go in with a positive attitude and let them do whatever testing they recommend to find out how they can best help her. Then do your best to follow through with all of the recommendations they give you, whether it's tutoring, etc. Also be sure you are reading with her EVERY DAY -letting her hear YOU read, and you patiently hearing HER read. Also - DON'T QUIT PIANO!! Research shows that kids who can read music and play an instrument are better READERS!!! So let her keep that up!! YOu and your daughter need some help so that she can feel successful and so that you can know you've done everything you can to help her. Let the school help you! That's what they are there for!! Good luck and don't give up!!
Nancy

C.,
The fact that you are concerned at all shows that your not a failure as a parent, going through a divorce is h*** o* everybody..children included...so take it easy on yourself. Try seeking a tutor in the school, maybe one day a week..if not by the teacher maybe an older student...and even YOU!, if you take a little time each week, to sit down at the table with no TV, no radio, it might help the situation, and thats free, because another suggestion is Sylvan Learning Center, they have programs for children of all ages, for a fee ofcourse.
The piano lessons CANNOT stop, it is a studied fact that children who learn music or another language will have a higher mental capability than a child who doesnt, its true, its been researched and proven. Not to say that they are necessarily smarter, just a more open mind to the learning process..which can only be a good thing. How is she doing with those lessons, if she is excelling on her piano, it may help to broaden her mind in other areas. Stay strong with everything you have to deal with at this time, divorce , report cards, piano lessons, etc...One day this will ALL be behind you, so remember the choices you make now will help to form you guys future...GOOD LUCK, and stay "PRAYED UP", it will work out in time. Be faithful!

my daughter had similar issues, and we had her tested to see about her vision/hearing, etc...come to find out, she is dyslexic and that was the reason for her struggles. There are many different drs. and areas you can go to in order to have your child tested to see if she is special needs (as my daughter is) or to see if its just a behaviour problem. I know here our P.S. systems (public school) do the testing, and it costs nothing.

please keep us updated as to how things are going there!

i had that problem and my mom started taking me to a place salled sylvan learning center and thay really helped me out try that it may help you to

Yes, talk to her teacher and just want to reiterate: don't make her give up piano.

Good luck.

First, I agree with the other posters that suggest you talk to her teacher. There should be some kind of after school (or during school) help there. One thing that I wanted to add (because the rest of the advice was really spot-on) is that you might want to ask her teacher about setting her up in the 'America Reads' program. It is a program that sends college students into elementary schools to help with reading skills on a one on one basis. Some place like Sylvan (if you have the money) or a private tutor might also be useful.

Do they have a reading group that she could go to at school. Where my kids go they have a reading class for the kids who have a harder time reading. It might be something you would want to look in to.

Hi C.,
I'm a mom of four and can tell you all kids have their issues and all respond differently to solutions, so first, you have to remember that you know what's right for your child. My adivce is that since your daughter is obviously going through some rough times, if she enjoys piano and is successful at it then you should not stop her lessons. She needs something in her life that she's good at to boost her confidence and let her know that she can be successful at things when she tries. Also, I think that learning to read music can help her improve in reading books. Finally, I would encourage you not to emphasize reading out loud. The brain and the eyes work much faster than the mouth, and adding the anxiety of speaking out loud may slow down her reading. Talk to her teacher, maybe your daughter's issue is not so much reading as speaking in front of groups. And don't forget to keep reading to her, this will improve her own reading skills.
Hope this helps.
Ps- don't forget to let her teacher know that you guys are working on it, she will show you more support.

try talking to her teacher first-maybe she could recommend something you have not tried. also i know there are tutoring places for reading/math, etc. you may want to look into one of those programs to help her catch up and stay on track. hope it gets better!
M.

Hi there. Firstly I gotta say to hang in there & take it easy. Secondly one of the biggest mistakes we as parents can make is to compare OUR experiences with those we hope our children will have. I have twins that are also 7 y/o. one of which has had difficulty reading. She tends to get real distracted and sometimes even pretends that she can't make out the words. I think that when we express fear, frustration, anxiety etc. with regard to our kids' "challenges" we freak them out even worse. I left Kaylah alone after months of tutorung and lonnnng, tiresome nights. She is reading more easily now. I also allow her to "read" whatever she wants. cereal boxes, street signs, comic strips, coupon ads ANYTHING words are words and they will add up to be additional words down the reod but easy does it for now. don't let her see you cry even though you may feel like itshe will sense your stress and it could back fire badly. I would also consult with her teachers and see what may be the deal. We recenly made a change in schools and she has begun to SHINE with her reading. We read SOMETHING and log it in her special "big girl type" log nightly and even check out popular books on tape to listen to. We follow along with our finger to assist in letter identification. By the way- Kaylah is moe likely to read and be patient with herself if she sees ME reading too!! Best of luck.
M

I ahve a daughter now 12 and a A B sudent, she had the same problem at 7. How are your daughters other grades. Alyssa did well in evertyhing except reading, she excelled specially at math,with most children you will find if they are realy good at one subject like math they are lacking somewhere else. this came easy to her, where reading she had to work at so her confidence in this slipped and she eventually hated reading, I knew she could read but the confidence in herself was just not there and once again like most children anyone but mom can help them, so I found a wonderful tutor that tutored her once a week for $20.00 and my daughtered loved her, it helped her immensly so now at 12 we are making A B in reading where math has slipped a lil bit but of courese it has gotten harder, and even though she makes good grades in reading she still doesn't like to read. I would not take her piano lessons away from her if it is something she loves to do , it will just make her dislike reading all that much more. Good Luck

Talk to you daughter, find out if there's someone is teasing her; or distracting her; ask the teacher to move her to another seat; see if she needs glasses. Just make a checklist of all the things you think may prevent her from completing her assignments on time. You know your daughter better than anyone, going through a divorce is tough, maybe she paying more attention to what's going on with you. Take care.

Hi C.:
My name is P., I live in Lawrenceville too.
I have 2 sugestions:
1.- Go to Sam's Club and get the program Hooked on Phonics. You can buy only the level in which your daughter is having problems (They start in Kindergarden level and I think finish in 7th).
I use that with my son (He is 4 years old now and He can read words of 3 letters already). They are very easy to work with. This is the program that some schools offer in their after school programs.
It is guaranteed or the publisher return you the money (I think one month).
2.- Gwinnett county has a sprecial program for children with learning problems (Don't be afraid, it could be no mayor thing, but, maybe she need some therapy or so, especially if you are getting a divorce, that could be the cause, etc). On your school or thru the web site Gwinnett education system (Special education) you can get information about this program (It is free if your child qualified). Gwinnett county system send an observer at your children classroom (She does not even notice them) and they can tell you more about what do you need.
I hope this may be helpful for you.
God Bless you.
P. S.

I would recommend that you read anything from Dr. Raymond Moore (Like - Home Style Teaching) who has tons of research to prove that many children are not ready for formal, structured educations before age 10-12; the point being - relax...they will catch up if they are not pressured. In the meantime...read to her every day!

Below is an excerpt from one of the Moore publications:

"HOW TO BEGIN. First, don't subject your children to formal, scheduled study before age 8 to 10 or 12, whether they can read or not. To any who differ, as their evidence let them read Better Late Than Early (BLTE) or School Can Wait (SCW). In addition to our basic research at Stanford and the University of Colorado Medical School, we analyzed over 8000 studies of children's senses, brain, cognition, socialization, etc., and are certain that no replicable evidence exists for rushing children into formal study at home or school before 8 or 10.

Read and sing and play with your children from birth. Read to them several times a day, and they will learn to read in their own time-as early as 3 or 4, but usually later, some as late as 14. Late readers are no more likely to be retarded or disabled than early ones. They often become the best readers of all-with undamaged vision and acute hearing, more adult-like reasoning (cognition) levels, mature brain structure and less blocking of creative interests. Yet late readers are often falsely thought to be in need of remedial help. If you have any doubts about your youngster, have specialists check vision and hearing; possibly see a neurologist. If there are no problems, relax.