Seeking Advice on Kids Who Won't Eat the Meals I Make, but Want to Snack All Day

My kids are the same way. If they don't like what I cook, I get a bunch of ewwws. They get a snack after school, but if they do not have it by the time I get home, they have to wait until dinner is done. If they do not like what I make they have to eat at least half of it and the only snack they might have later is something like half an apple. It usually works so that they eat dinner more than not. They also will ask about dessert and no dinner means absolutely no dessert. I have also had times where I make them save the dinner and that has to be any type of snack.

We actually had a "parenting" seminar at my son's school and they addressed this problem. Like the previous poster said, the kids know how to manipulate you. Here is the technique that I learned:
Dinner is dinner. You make 1 meal. Let the kids know that it is dinner time. Set a time limit on the meal, 20, 30 or 40 minutes. After dinner is over, the table is cleared and food is put away. That's it, the end. Make sure the kids know the rules when they start eating. If they eat, then they can have an evening snack. If they don't eat, they do not get a snack and tell them that breakfast will be served in the morning. You kids might go to be hungry, but don't worry, they won't starve. The will survive until the morning. These same rules also apply for breakfast and lunch.
We were told in the seminar that food/eating problems are a "power struggle" area for kids. They have to know that you mean business. I hope I'm not sounding like a drill sergeant, but once the kids realize that you mean business, dinner-time will be a lot easier. GOOD LUCK!!!

Stop the grazing! Your older kids are manipulating you!

They KNOW they're going to get the snacks and they KNOW that if they badger you enough they're not going to have to eat dinner (and they'll just eat the snack later anyway), so stop offering the snack. Dinner is it.

They don't want to eat dinner? Fine - put it in a container and make it their 'pre-bed snack'. Stick to your guns; after a few days of realizing that, yes mom is serious, they'll get with the program.

Be strong and stick to your guns! Stop the grazing! I've watched my children's friends do this, over the years! Ironically, kids like to eat at our home - it's a very traditional sit-down with the family, every night, (that we can!). Lot's of chatter. It's how I catch up on everybody's day.

These are my rules of my home. It really isn't too late to instill these in your children.

After school snack: 3 - 3:30pm ... and I do mean snack (popcorn, toast, cheese nibs, etc and some beverage - preferably water but I will allow juice if they haven't had any with lunch.)

Dinner: You get to eat WHAT'S ON THE MENU! Minimally, they need to try a biteful. If you walk away hungry, it's your own fault. You don't get a late night snack to make up for what you missed at dinner. We usually serve a salad AND a vegetable and starch w/ meat or chicken, so, if they just eat salad that night, so be it. I serve water during the week; "Special Drink" on the weekend... usually is pop, juice or combo - my son and daughter make up frilly concoctions on the weekend and will use grenadine from time to time)

When my children have friends who would like to eat over, we tell them what we are serving and even the friend is expected to have "a little" (I always ask a parent about food allergies) I've fallen in that trap where friends will eat over and "won't eat"! Even a month ago, my son had a friend eat over - 10 years old. My son apologized to me after dinner because (yes I did!) get up and make the boy toast w/ butter because he absolutely wouldn't eat ANYTHING that we were serving (chicken, mashed potatoes... what kid won't eat that?????). Haven't had that happen for a while.

So, don't let the kids manipulate you. You make the dinner rules, serve up as much variety as you can (I can give my husband lot's of credit for this, and he's an excellent cook, too!!!). We have never been big fans of hot dogs, mac & cheese, pizza and, although our kids have had these, they were never regulars in our meal planning. My kids are good eaters and they love eating at other's homes too. This will be a long term program! Good luck.

I feel very strongly about the "family table". I didn't grow up with it, my Dad worked a lot, and my Mom worked a lot and was not much of a cook. So, I decided that when I had kids, I would stay home and we eat a "family dinner" almost every night. I would put away the snacks, so they can't sneak them and if you have the time, have everyone sit down together and eat, and they can't leave the table until they eat atleast half of what is on their plates, and they can't leave the table, until everyone is finished. Also, are they eating at school? Do you pack their lunch or do they eat hot lunch? If they do not eat lunch at school, ofcourse, they are going to be starving by the time they get home. But, I think if you don't let them have snacks, they will probally start eating better. Good luck!

We just went through this with our 7-year old! The bad habit came from #1 not having a set meal schedule and #2 being allowed to snack.

Children SHOULD follow a general schedule of breakfast a 7, then light snack at 9:30, then lunch, then light snack about 3pm, then dinner around 6pm, then light snack at 8pm. If they don't get up early, they can skip the morning snack. It's actually more healthy to eat small meals throughout the day.

It's hard for us because my stepdaughter is at her mom's and they follow no schedule. Still, we put in our rules and stick to them.

I agree, her helping to cook and then us praising her food has helped. Also, we give her choices "should we have steak or chicken for dinner?"

We have eliminated all junk food from the house and only have healthy snacks. So if she wants a snack it's carrots and ranch dressing, or an apple, or a banana with peanut butter.

For dinner we don't make her eat if she's not hungry, but we do make her sit at the table with her plate in front of her until we're all done. It's our family time, and we've explained that. We definitely don't force her to eat, and we do consult her on what she likes to eat. If she says something like "hot dogs" we say "hot dogs are bad for you, try something else."

If she doesn't eat her dinner when we do, but is hungry later we save her plate and heat it up for her. BUT we make her sit at the kitchen table alone, no TV, no conversation. It's very boring and lonely to try to eat in a silent kitchen all alone.

It only took a few times of her eating her dinner all alone in a quiet kitchen for her to want to eat with the family. We didn't have to force her, she decided all on her own.

And having only healthy snacks, we don't mind if she snacks if she's getting her fruits and veggies. She still snacks, but she eats her dinner with us, and even clears the table now!

Good luck! Just be firm, but don't force them to eat. Just give them choices you approve of so you both win!

When my kids were little they were really picky. One day I heard Dr. Dobson talking about this subject and I followed his suggestions. My MIL was not pleased with what I did but later remarked that they were good eaters and ate whatever she fixed and she liked that. So, I'd say it worked wonderfully.

Here's his advice that worked for us. He said that kids will eat when they are hungry. When you fix a meal if they will not eat it, wrap it up and put it in the refrigerator. No snacks are allowed. Tell them, "OK, you must not be hungry. I'll put this aside for you. Go play." If they come back and say that they are hungry, heat up their plate of food and serve it to them. If they are hungry they will eat, if not wrap it back up and refrigerate it. My DD did that 3 times before she knew I was serious and she ate (gobbled) every bite. The next time I set a plate of food in front of her she did not hesitate to eat. I did cut out snacks except a small piece/pieces of fruit about 2 hours before a meal. But in time she did not even need that. She eats everything now, except Salmon... never got that one past her : )

Good luck with whatever method you find that works. Just be strong, you are the boss : )

Blessings,
K. Hall

I take this issue to heart because it has effected my stepkids quite a bit. Their mom is not much of a caretaker in any sense of the word, and the kids would graze and not really be offered normal meals much. She would also have junk on hand so that they "would not feel deprived." Seriously this is a real mom. Anyway, the kids have suffered. They are not healthy. They get sick often, look undernourished, and the youngest is way too small for his age. They are weak kids. When they would come here they would barely have an idea of what a meal is and just wanted to eat junk. The youngest is 9 and wants to use a sippy cup, has no clue how to use silverware, will sit and eat and put scraps on the floor, does not use a napkin, oh, and has about 20 of every happy meal toy ever made. When they come here, they are not given snacks and we eat meals. They are taught about nutrition and how to eat properly. We tried to do something about this but dcfs is not concerned if there is "food" in the house and they get 1 meal a day - that is considered adequate care. I would not allow the grazing unless you have only nutritious foods to graze on and take unhealthy snacks out of the home entirely so they cannot cheat. I would definitely recommend having them eat at the meals you prepare. They may not eat much at first but they will, over time, eat more and get used to the routine. Nutrition is such an important basic that I do think you have to get involved and take control for their own sakes. I'm not saying they have to eat three huge meals a day and that's all, I'm just saying it would serve them well to learn at an early age that mealtime is the main time and snacks are allowed as long as they are taking in proper nutrients elsewhere.

My daughter did not eat much when she was younger, plus she was always under weight. Our doctor said to just make sure when she did eat it was healthy foods not junk. At snack we would give her an apple and a slice a cheese, banana and yogurt etc., something small to hold her over until dinner.Her snack was never the size of a meal. At meal time we would put it away if she was not eatting it and then offer it to her when she would ask for something to eat. Sometimes she would have her dinner the next morning for breakfast. She quickly learned to try the food put in front of her. Now she's 19 and eats very healthy, plus she eats more than anyone else.

hi S.!

I have to add my 2 cents on this one because my 5 yr old is definitely doing the same behaviors. Sorry to disagree with other Moms here - and maybe I'm wrong, but I think it is not only okay for kids this age to graze throughout the day rather than forcing them to eat an entire heavy meal - but I think it is healthier for them. They burn up energy in short periods of time and really need a 'power snack' every couple of hours in my opinion. It's just a matter of what they are eating - not when or how much.

My daughter wants to eat candy or cookies every couple of hours and of course I say no, as long as she is getting fruits, vegetables, grains, protein and dairy in her 2 to 3 hr grazing rather than junk I am okay with it.

All of that being said - I found that getting her involved with meal preparation was key in getting her 'interested' in dinner. It's too hard for her to smell the good food cooking and not want 'something to hold her over' - so I will offer a very small healthy snack while we are making dinner. She gets to set the table and help me make whatever is for dinner. Kids this age LOVE to measure, mix, crack eggs - whatever. Also - I put our food into serving bowls on the table and allow her to put her own food on her plate - (rather than fixing her a plate from the stove and putting it in front of her) this also increases greatly the likelihood that she will actually eat it. When she refuses vegetables I tell her I'm just putting a small amount on her plate for 'color'. then I bribe her to try them with the prospect of dessert.

My parents (and babysitters) used to wrap up my unwanted meals and refrigerate/reheat and put back in front of me and I HATED IT as a child and was very underweight. I was a very picky eater (as was my oldest) and I know how awful it is to feel that someone is 'forcing' you to eat something you just do not want - it's awful. And a child should NEVER go to bed hungry from my point of view.

With our hectic lives these days dinnertime should be a peaceful time to enjoy the family sitting together, who cares if there's some peas left on the plate! I light a small candle on the table and also put on some nice music in the background so she understands this is a special family time. She does not have to eat, but she does have to sit with us and have good manners - and guess what she will eat SOME dinner out of boredom if nothing else. Also - I always have some kind of dessert on the table (even if it's just a cookie and fruit or scoop of pudding) and she knows she does not get dessert if she doesn't make a good effort with dinner.

And yes - 2 hrs after dinner she is hungry again and sometimes it is frustrating, but I have things in one area of the fridge and pantry that she knows she is allowed to have as a snack (cut up fruit, cheese, lunch ham, crackers, granola bars, raisins, nuts etc) so I do not have to go back in the kitchen if I'm watching Idol or something.... ;-D

best of luck to you, here's to 'family dinner', not 'food control'!!

W.

My son likes to do that stuff too. He's 6, my daughter is two, and also a great eater. I personally feel he just likes the attention it brings him, and getting a rise out me. I am by no means of the clean plate clu, although I was raised that way..you eat what is put in front of you. So what I do is this, first I set a timer for 30 min., next I ask him to eat six bites of each food on his plate, or if it's things like green beans, broccoli, etc. I'll say eat six "trees" (he still appreciates them being called trees so I just go with it), if he gets stubborn about it, I just remind hium of the timer, and tell you have "x" minutes left, if you do not eat by then, then no bed time snack for you, and boy will you be hungry in the morning. And that's that, if he really acts up, he does a time out, and if he has six minutes left on that timer, and he get out of time out, but the dinner timer is done, too bad.