Sex Drive - Moreno Valley,CA

After I gave birth to my first daughter it was 5 months until my husband and I had sex again. I had no desire what so ever. I never really did get it back either. My daughter is now 7. I also have a 4 year old. She was conceived in a year that had sex maybe 10 times the whole year. I think it varies, but after giving birt, sex felt more like a chores than anything else. Hopefully, things will improve for you. (My hubby and I are divorced now for different reasons so sex is now a non issue for me). Good luck.

Hi P. G -

I had twin boys 21 months ago and I too have NO sex drive. My nhusband doesn't understand why I really loved sex before and now have 0 interest. When we do have sex, I can't wait for it to be over...I do it to please him, not me!
It must be a hormonal thing...don't know???

I would think the desire would have come back by now...I'm kind of worried...you?

Ya I had this problem. After I had my son; I had no desire whatsoever. It was the complete opposite of my normal self. After I had the baby; I got an IUD. This was the marina 5 yr plan. I went from being my husbands naughty temptress to hiding from him when he came home. I mean literally getting out the crucefix & telling him to stay away. My birth control was my problem. Not to mention @ the time I was also under a great deal of stress. So if your overly stressed & are also trying a new birth control; check that stuff out 1st & make the changes needed. Stress also has a lot to do with it. If hubby is causing any of the stress; that can cause at least half of your problems. So try to evaluate your situation & take one day at a time.

I took me a about a year to get mine back. It's hard to get that drive back when your child is still so young. Our time is mostly occupied by them and once we find that window of time to rest that's all we want to do is REST!!! Nothing else.
Maybe what you can do is talk to your doctor about sexual enhancers so that you can start getting that drive back. I know it's embarrasing to talk to a doctor about it but believe they'll listen and help!

Hope it works out!!

S.

Unfortunately, I can say this happened to me. I had a very rough time givin birth to my lil girl, suffice it to say I was in the hospital for 15 days. I had no desire for sex, I wanted to but my body just would not respond. Wanting for any type of anything didnt return until she was 3. For me, this ended up playing a large part into my divorce. With the loss of sexual activity, you lose a major part of the sense of closeneee & intimacy you have with your partner which then kinda affects all other parts of your relationship. I would say get this checked out with your MD & soon. I don't know if they can actually do anything but better to try. I regret not doing anything.

hello P.,

I do have to agree with Kayrne, it took me about 6-8 months to get back into something. I still did not like making love to my husband. And I wanted to find out what is causing this problem. Some is an hormone thing because your body was producing so much when you are pregnant and when you give birth, it is just trying to get itself back into a correct mode. Then it is the mind, you start to think of other things instead of you and ur man. Talk to ur doctor and see what u can do to help yourself get back into things, then look at some toys. I know that may sound funny but once you get over the big toy deal, they you can enjoy the toy as well. Get something that you and ur husband can enjoy together. There is a finger vib that, of course goes over a finger, and it does wounders. Your husband will enjoy pleasuring you and you will enjoy it to. Then get other stuff as well. (toy, videos, gels) what every helps you get back into the mood. You may of not thought of using those things but it will not hurt to try. Who knows you may change ur mind. And the number one thing GIVE SOME TIME TO YOURSELF. Don't forget you, it is very easy for that. Give yourself a day or a half a day to yourself. Take a nice hot bath, paint your nails, watch a show you been wanting to watch. I don't think your husband would mind giving you that time to yourself. And when you are ready to have sex with your man, try to see if you can have the baby visit a family for sometime and give yourselves sometime to do your thing. Start out with a massage, movie, bath, shower with candles or not. Get one of those sexy smelling soap that you both can wash each other or put in the tub. You may have to go to those sex shops but that it ok. Do it together if you can, adds some excitement to it all. But what or how every you go about it.... don't forget to have fun with you. You maybe a mom but you are still a WOMAN!! And there is nothing wrong with that!

I know what u mean that happen 2 me when I had my daughter I could of been the prefect 'Nun'.
It was a little bit of everthing my body not looking the same way cause I gained so much weight from the stetch marks from adjusting 2 a knew baby.So I figured that in a few months things would be back 2 normal.But they weren't around the six month I finally went 2 the doctors office come 2 find out that my hormone level was off after some med's things got back 2 normal.
L..S :}

i am exactly the same way. not only do i not want to, but i am so dry, that it hurts when i try. i hope i will go back to the way it was, but i wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Girl, I'm right there with you. LOL.

I can totally relate to this... I have almost NO sex drive what-so-ever and my youngest child is 2... when I do get somewhat "in the mood" to have sex it is usually like a "lets hurry up" type thing because I have so much to do or the kids are about to wake up from their nap etc. I was never a super-super sexual person before but now its like nothing. I have read that studies have confirmed that the more you have sex the more you will desire it... it sounds bad but maybe you could actually schedule a day or days for sex each week and stick to it and see how it goes. My husband and I just started doing this. Let me know if you find anything else that works!! :)

I so feel your pain. Re-establishing our sex life has been incredibly hard, and my son is almost 18 months. Mainly I am usually too tired or just would rather cuddle or be with my husband than have sex. About a month ago I decided that if I was ever going to regain a sex life I was going to have examine what might be holding me back. For me it was a consciousness about having sex with my child in the house. Silly maybe, but somehow I didn't associate sexy with being a mom. I have worked hard to move past that and with the help and incredible patience of my husband, its gotten alot better. I hope this helps.

K

I am the same way, My son is 20 months and I have no desire. I think its because I have some much other things happen I don't want to have sex. I also think that when we get time to relax that we want to have our time not having to please some one else. I am waiting for it to change too. My man and I fight about tis all the time. It is a big deal in my relationship. Good luck on finding your sex drive.

I don't want to discourage you but I sure hope someone else has some advice on this. I have a three year old and a one year old and my sex drive has been gone since my first pregnancy. Please o please is there someone out there with some good news for us?

Your sex drive isn't going to just reappear, you are going to have to help it along. Studies have shown that the more you have sex, the more you want it. (Not to mention that sex is a great stress reducer and helps you sleep better!) So I made sure to have sex with my husband at least twice a week, even if I don't feel like it. I always end up enjoying it and never think that it was a waste of time afterward; and it's keep both of us happy. Once you (and your body) remember how much fun it is your sex drive will start to come back. Unless you really don't enjoy sex this should help get things going again. And remember that it will never be 'like it was before', you do have a kid now and it will be a little harder to find time, but 20-30 minutes a couple of times a week really isn't that much time. Plus it will let your husband know that you still care and think about him. Once he knows that you are interested, he will most likely start flirting again which will also make things easier! I really hope this helps you!

I hate to say this, but sometimes you have to "fake it til you make it". I had a similar problem after my firstborn. Luckily my husband was very patient. Sometimes it's just a matter of exhaustion. Perhaps you could find an over-night sitter so you can have alone time with your man.
It took me a couple years to get back into it. Give yourself time...
I promise you're not the first and you won't be the last. KY is in business for a reason.
Good Luck,
K.

Hi P.,
Lack of sex drive has physical reasons but also psychological and emotional reasons. It's hard to want to have sex when you don't have time or space (or energy!) for emotional intimacy. Try to spend some quality time with your husband. Talk about some of the things you talked about before you had kids. Carve out some time to be physically intimate without the pressure of "having sex"...you might find once the pressure is off and you're just being touched and appreciated, your desire reappears. Give yourself time. And if you have a great man who's being patient, satisfy him sometimes without worrying about yourself (not necessarily with intercourse). Sometimes giving someone else pleasure is the quickest way to finding our own. Good luck.