Should Baby of Teenage Parents Have Father's Last Name?

I know I'm late and you've been overwhelmed with responses, but I gave my son my maiden name (I'm older, and have been married, it would be WEIRD for my son to have my (ex-husband's) last name, giving him his father's last name seemed pointless, he's not involved). I KNEW that MY Dad would ALWAYS be in my son's life, that my Dad would be his BEST and most constant male role model! I KNOW I won't have any more kids and am fairly certain I'll never marry again, if I do, I'm going to go back to my maiden name, hyphenated (maybe) with the new husbands....

It's a personal choice, and I know people who have done it both ways. My daughter has her father's last name, but my close friend (who knew that she didn't want to stay in contact with the baby's father and the father was not interested in being part of the baby's life) gave her daughter her last name. Either way, it's up to the mom.
You can let her know, however, that she is not even obligated to put the father's name on the birth certificate. If she does, he automatically has legal rights - more so than if his name is *not* on the birth certificate.

I know you only wanted peole with personal experience to comment but I just had to say (becaus a few moms mentioned that if he's the father it should have his name...)

ANY man can be a FATHER, it takes a REAL MAN TO BE A DADDY!

If this guy doesn't seem like he's going to stick around, she should stick with HER name so that SHE can legally change it if a situation ever arises. Does she really want to have to beg for permission for every little thing in this childs' life if he decides to hit the road???

I believe the baby should have the mother's last name if the parents are not married and not planning to be in the very near future. The connection with her father has little to do with what name she has and everything to do with how much HE wants to be involved.
I believe a solution could be to give the baby BOTH last names and then in the future, if the father stays in the picture, she can use his, or if he leaves, she can "drop" his name and use her mom's.

Dear J.,

Oh does this ring a bell! I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son. My boyfriend at the time was six years older than me and hadn't been very caring or supportive throughout most of my pregnancy. Originally when I thought that he would be an active father in my sons life I had planned to give my son his last name...however, by half way through the pregnancy my ex was almost completely out of the picture. At that time I made the decision to give my son my last name. I see having the last name of a father as a great privilege - one that my ex most certainly didn't deserve. I have never once regretted the decision to give him my last name. Since then I've had other people ask me this question and my answer has always been the same - the mother should do whatever SHE wants to do. If she feels it's most important to give the child the fathers name, then she should. However, it's my understanding that it's a lot easier to change the name to the fathers later on down the road if has proven himself to her than to try to take away the fathers name and replace it with her own. I wish this girl all the best! And I hope my answer was helpful in some way.

Blessings!
R.

I had my daughter at age 19 and she does not have the "dad's" last name, which worked out great for me. She had the same last name as me, I got married almost four years ago to someone that isn't her "dad", and my husband adopted her and now she has the same last name as the rest of us. If your relative did decide to get married to the dad, they can always change the child's last name, likewise if she gets married to someone else and the real dad approves of a name change, they can do that too. My situation sounds a little different cuz the "dad" took off when I was still pregnant so I knew he wasn't going to be around, but my friend thought her baby's dad was going to stay around and she still had the baby have her last name and now they're not together and she is sooo glad that she gave the baby her last name. So, my recommendation is to give the baby the mom's last name, I really have never seen or heard of anything negative by doing that. And (I work in a law office), if they do happen to break up, the baby's last name has nothing to do with whether the child receives support from the dad or not. Best wishes!

J.,

My husband was the child of an unwed young mother. My MIL gave him her maiden name and it worked out well. She was the one raising him with her parents, so it made sense to give her son their last name. Even though it's becoming more common, it still gets confusing (in school, sports, etc.) when the child has a different last name than the parent raising them.

Eventually, my MIL married and her husband adopted my husband and he had his last name changed to match theirs. The marriage didn't last, the step father is long gone, and my MIL remarried but my husband kept the name and it's the one I took when I married him. We tell our children that sometimes people are born with a name that comes with a great heritage and sometimes people take the name they have and create a great heritage.

As far as connecting to the biological father of your friend's child, I think it would make more sense to take one of the father's names and make it the baby's middle name. Then the child could have something that connected him with his father without the confusion. If the mother later married someone else and it worked out that the husband could adopt the child, the last name could be switched for both of them without the child losing the biological father's last name.

S.

It is ultimately the mother's choice. A bigger question might be whether to put the father's name on the birth certificate. There are many pros and cons to that.

But as some here have said, if she acknowledges the father on the birth certificate, then he has rights and would need to agree to any future name change. It is also not possible for a step-father to legally adopt a child unless the father legally signs away all parental rights. This is not easy to do, as the court system assumes that it is in the best interests of the child to be legally attached to their biological parents, not step-parents.

Definitely mom's name.
You asked: "Will it matter if the teenage mom marries another man in the future and the rest of the family will have one last name and this girl will have another?" I was a single parent and I chose to give my daughter my name. Her biological father was never a part of her life, and it would have made no sense for her to have a different name than me, much less a name that constantly reminded me of him. I've since married and kept my maiden name so that my daughter and I have the same name. If my husband and I were to have children, they would be probably be a hyphenated version of both our names, and my daughter and I would still share a last name.

Before I married, I lived with another single mom who had given her baby the father's name. She and the father subsequently split up and she always wished that her daughter didn't have his last name.

You asked: "Is it best for this baby to have her father's last name so she feels like she is connected to her dad?" If the father is involved with the child, there will always be the parent-child "connection". If there is no parental relationship, the name might be a constant and painful reminder of the lack of a relationship.

As a side note, I later wished that I hadn't put the biological father's name on the birth certificate.

My sister got pregnant with her boyfriend of 6 months, didn't know whether they'd stay together, so she named the baby with her own last name. Turns out, she married the baby's father, so they started referring to the daughter by the father's last name at that point.

It's gotten confusing for the girl now that she's in kindergarten, because she thinks of herself with her dad's last name, but the school has her mom's maiden name in the records.

So, for the first 5 years, this mom can give the baby any name she wants, call her by a different name, but she should be prepared to make legal changes once the baby hits kindergarten.

All you selfish people in this thread. Forget changing the baby's name to your own... Forget yourself for one second and think about the baby and when they grow up, are you going to lie about where they came from ? Of course it gets the fathers last name. You people make me sick. Selfish.

I had a baby by a man I was not married to when I was 28. I gave her the last name I ahd which was a married one. Because I didn't marry again I was glad that I did it that way since we moved to a small town when she was 4 and it would have been harder on her otherwise. Now that she is 27 though she wishes I ahd taken my maidian name back when I got divorced and would like to change her last name to that now. I have no problems if she wants to pay for it but I'm very glad I didn't give her the biological fathers last name as he has never had anything to do with her and denies her to this day (his lost).

It maybe if this ypung girl gets married some day her husband would want to adopt her child then all would have the same last name.

The best of luck to her. Being a single parent isn't easy (since I know first hand) but hopefully she'll have what I didn't and that is family help/support.

I had my daughter when I was 19yrs old. I gave her my last name. When I married (not the father) I kept my maiden name as a second middle name (I didn't want to hyphenate my last name, but wanted to keep it as part of my name). When I got divorced my daughters fathers brought me to court to have her last name hypenated to add his name (long story in itself), he did this when she was 6yrs old - and too this day she will only use her last name, not his. I than got married for a second time and I again kept my maiden name as a 2nd middle name. She still has her same last name, but myself, my husband and her 2 siblings all have a different last name than her.

It is very common now a days for kids to have different last names. My sister has 2 kids by two different dads. Since her last divorce she has gone back to her maiden name. They now all have different names.

So all in all, I would suggest that she give the baby her last name.

Hi my name is N. De La Cruz, I am 17 years old and according to some stupid order from the court me and my boyfriend Ismael can't see each other we are not alllowed to have any kind of communication. I plan to get married to Ismael, But sometimes I think to myself should my baby take his last name. I think about this question 24/7, all I can come up with is what if he trys to take him away having his last name would be kind of easy for him to do it, but then I think to myself its better foe my baby to have his dads last name, because if we do end up getting married its going to be a big deal in our marrage. Girls their is nothing wrong with your baby having his dads last name after all think about it it is his/her' s dad thats something your never going to change. Think about it.. If you have any questions or want to just talk to someone just feel free to send me an e-,mail to: ____@____.com or ____@____.com

Don't feel shy to write to me just simply send me an e-mail and i'll be more than pleased to reply and help you out. I've been through a lot and still am going through a lot but its just part of life

I have 2 kids with different dads.. And there is so many pro's and con's to each situation.

My kids each have their dad's last names. It's alot of fun and embarrassing to call and make a dr. appt. or this or that and not only have to tell them the 3 different last names but spell them too. I thought I was going to marry these 2 different guys so that was my main reason for giving my girls their daddy's last names. They do feel more connected to their daddy's but my older daughter begs and wishes so bad that she had my last name. It is very common these days to give the kids the mom's last name. It's alot easier if your a single mom if everyone's names match too. It's really a personal preference.

If it's a girl baby I would just use mom's last name. If it's a boy who will carry the last name on I would put alot of thought into it.

Also it is extrememly hard and exspensive to change a child's name after it's been chosen and documented. I wanted to change my daughter's last name and I would have needed her biological's dad permission plus pay a big court cost. My daughter's are stuck with their last names til they're 18 pretty much even if I marry or whatnot.

My parents divorced when I was 2 and my biological father was only a part of my life when it was convenient for him. I HATED having his last name!!! When my mom got remarried, my new dad adopted my sister and me and we took his last name.
It's true that names do not make a relationship, but it sure makes things a lot easier when your name matches the one you care about.
In my opinion, unless they are married by the time the baby is born, the child should be given the mother's last name.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a good/great relationship, it's hard to imagen the future but take this into consideration before giving deciding on the last name. If the mother's name does not match the baby's last name, it is much harder for the mother to complete everyday tasks. The mother will constantly be questioned and asked to provide proof about her relationship with the child and what are the custody/guardian arrangements for things like doctor appts., registering for daycare/school, or just taking a plane. Essentially, anywhere they want ID. If you are fairly young and having a child, you should seriously consider giving the child your last name. It is a fairly easy process to change the last name at a later date. The mother can easily change the name for under a $100 in most states by submitting a form from the clerk's office at your local courthouse. Another option is to give the baby your last name and use the father's last name as part of a middle name.

I was a 21 year old, thought I was in Love, and pregnant. I did give my daughter his last name, thought it was the right thing. We did not marry - in fact at the hospital he did not sign the birth certificate and then even denied that he was the father. But this is another story.
I did marry and have 2 more children. My oldest, while pregant with my youngest (she was 6) and asked if maybe this baby could have the same last name as her this time. She did not like being called a different name at school than her sisters and mom/Dad (or the man he knew as dad). I did attempt to do a name change - and then wouldn't you know it - that was the one thing her biological father would have to "sign off" on and he refused. Her school years - the school allowed her to go by our last name - with a notation of her legal name - she is now graduated and does not really care about her name.
My advise - Have Mom and child have Same last name. If life changes, it is much easier to change last name to "his" then to remove it later.

I wish her the best of luck and health
C.
www.snowflakegems.com

I can answer this for both myself and my daughter. When I had my daughter, I gave her my last name and my daughter, who just had a baby girl 6 1/2 weeks ago, gave her our last name also. I don't think having the same last name makes more of connection to either parent. Granted, in my case, my now ex-husband adopted my daughter when she was 2 years old, her "father" didn't want much of anything to do with her. My daughter is not with the father of her daughter, he wanted nothing to do with anything during the pregnancy and doesn't wish to see her. Having a different last name isn't as unusual as it used to be in a family. This child will know who their dad is and that is what matters the most.

I would tell her to have the fathers last name as the baby's last name. She could also hyphenate it with her own last name if she wants. Also make sure his name is listed on the birth certificate. Some men have been known to be able to get out of paying child support if they aren't listed on the birth certificate. Saying they aren't the father etc. Then having to go to court to prove they are paternity tests etc, it can create a really big mess for her.

My sister had a baby when she was 19, and her daughter had her last name. I think in their situation this worked out the best because while the father saw her every once in a while, he certainly wasn't a "dad" and my sister was really the only true parent. All day to day interactions were with my sister, and then mother and daughter had the same last name. (not to mention Grandma and Grandpa, who were very big parts of her life when she was little)

This was 11 years ago, and since then my sister has married and had another child. When she married, her husband (who is really my neice's dad in all sense but biological) adopted her and the whole family now has the same last name.

Hi J.
I speak from experience. I have a 15 yr. old that I had at a young age. My parents didn't want me to use his last name, but I was stubborn and ended up hyphenating both names. My daughter's father has been absent for most of her life and I am married now. My daughter is the only one in the family with a different name and sometimes that is hard. Now she is at an age where she understands that her father has not been there for her and she really wants me to change her name so that she just has my maiden name. She doesn't like that she has his last name at all and has asked me several times to get it changed.

I regret giving her his last name and wish I would have listened to my parents. If they were to some day get married, she could always change her last name and her childs.

I think it's really up to the parents of the baby to decide what last name she gets. My child took mine and when I got married later I hyphenated it so I had my husbands last name as well as the childs. It was easier this way for me. I think it also depends on wether the boy fights paternity. In this case I would definiately give the baby the mom's name. Paternity can take a long time to establish if he disagrees that he's the baby's dad- it can take a year. I don't think there is any right or wrong answer to this question.

I've personally never been in this situation; however, my first realistic question to ask is how present does she think the father and father's family will be in this baby's life? I wouldn't even consider using his last name if the father wasn't the kind of person who could be a good dad.

My mom remarried when I was 5 years old and that man adopted me when I was 8. She went ahead and changed my name when I started school so there wouldn't be any confusion when I was in school. My older brothers were not adopted and so they always had a different last name. It was always so confusing to me and I felt disconnected with them at some level even as a young child because of this.

If this baby is primarily going to be with the mother and the mother's family then I think the baby should take on the mother's name. I think that is most fair to the child and less confusing.

My husbands mother had him at 16, his sister at 17, and got married at 18 (to the childrens father). They had their MOTHERS last name until the children were married, then she had their name changed.

Hope that helps!
(if it were me I would go w/ the mothers name)

My best friend had a baby as a teen and at the last second decided to give her daughter the father's last name. This is something she ended up regretting later on!! The father was rarely involved in her daughter's life. Based on this experience I would recommend giving the child the mother's last name.

i have a 11 month old girl and im 18 years old and she has her fathers last name but that is because im still with him and we live together and we plan to get married but if he wouldnt have been in my daughters life or cared about her i wouldnt hav given her his last name

.

I don't have this situation but my sister does and so does my friend. they both gave their daughters the mother's last name. My sister is not married, but my friend just kept her last name when she got married so she and her 1st daughter have the same last name.

I am a teen mom and its not easily if i would of listened to my parents my son wouldnt have his fathers last name.. If i was you i wouldnt do it because then the father could come and take the baby whenever he wants and doesnt have to return the baby. if you gave the baby his last name he could make your life more miserable... dont do it....

I have 2 daughters not married to either father. My 10 yr old father did not make it for her birth & was supposed to eventually add himself to birth certificate then never did(he has not been a part of her life since 11 months old). My 6 week old father did put his name on birth certificate - we hyphenated mine first then his. The reason for this is because I know 2 other people who had done this and then when the fathers did end up eventually not being a part of their life it was easy to just drop that part. *The important thing is that paternity is acknowledged - for many reasons. NE gives out pamphlets in the hospital about this, one for mom & one for dad.* I gave my older daughter my middle name so that when the name change (that never happened!) came she still had a part of me. My younger daughter has my mother's middle name. I don't know if it matters that they are teenagers or just not married. Many people go thru this anymore.

NO! I had a baby at a young age, I was 20 but unmarried. I gave my son his fathers last name and I regret it everyday. I wish I would have given my son my last name. I am now married with two other children. After I married I wanted to change my sons name to mine. Since my son had his fathers last name I needed his permission to change it. If I would have given my son my last name in the first place this would not have been a issue.
My advice is for the baby to have mom's last name and if the couple decides to marry then she can change it if she chooses :).

I think it should be mom's last name and not the father's. There's always good intentions of having the father around, but that rarely works out. Plus if she does get married to someone else and they want to change the last name to the new father's name to match the rest of the family, I think it will be easier to change.

My husband actually went through this (long before I met him) and the mom did decide to give their daughter his last name. I think that it makes a big difference. We don't live in the same state anymore, so it is hard enough keeping in touch with her and keeping active in her life. It might seem like something small, but it really does make her feel like his daughter.

However, my sister got pregnant by a man that literally has nothing to do with her son. He knows it is his child, and he still chooses to do nothing. My sister knew this was how it was going to be from the beginning and chose to give her son her last name (not his).

I think it both situations it was the right choice, and I think the key difference was the role that the father was going to play in the child's life.

One thing to keep in mind is almost all of these comments are from women. It would be really interesting to see what men think about the issue. I was much older when I had a child without being married to the father. I had been married and divorced and after divorce, I continued to use my ex-husbands name because of our children. Soooo . . . when this last child was born he was given the biological father's last name as a middle name and my last name (actually the name of my ex-husband) as a last name because I wanted all my children to be connected with the same last name. My child (now grown) knows the family on both sides and seems to be comfortable with the name. In fact, I changed my name (it only cost $75 at that time) some time back and I asked if he wanted his name changed also; he said he was just fine with his last name.

Some people seem to use this issue as a way to "get even" with the biological father or as some sort of a power play, never a good idea.

If the biological dad will be in the childs future then yes baby should have his name. But only if he is stepping up and doing his father duties. I wish your friends family the best of luck on all of these huge decisions and prayers.

This happened to my sister, she had a baby with her boyfriend her senior year of hs. We very strongly encouraged her to give her son our maiden name. If her and the boyfriend got married they could change it, thankfully they didn't!

When my sister's son was about 5 she married a different man and they now have a son together. She filled out a petition to change her oldest son's name to her married name. He son actually was asking for it too. They had to go to court and my nephew's father tried to argue, but I'm happy to say that the whole family now has the same last name.

The biological father didn't lose any right, it's just that his son has a different last name. And this makes things so much easier on the family itself.

Hope that helps!

Hi J., the baby should for sure keep the moms last name. Chances are that the dad will not be in the childs life consistantly and mom will always be the primary parent. I am a 34 year old single mom and i have a 2 year old daughter, my ex has only seen her 10 times in her entire life i originaly gave her her dads last name but within a couple months realized that he might not ever be in her life, so why would i give her his last name. I am the one who has been there every waking minute of her life and wouldnt change that for the world! She deserves to have my last name :).... if i ever would get married she would still have the last name of the only family she knows, mine! if she does give the baby his last name and decides to change it, she just will have to pay the courts to have it legally changed. hope that helps.

I watched my daughter go through this with her daughter. Although happily married today (to another man), her 3 children were fathered from the same individual. The first 2 children had her maiden (last) name and the third child was given the fathers last name. Thinking all along that they would have a life together, never happened. What an uncomfortable situation this has created for poor Ashley.
She is today 10 years old and has a different name than her siblings who are in Jr. High. She tells me that it's just wierd and people ask her all the time why she doesn't have the same last name. She's tired of explaining. In my opinion, if two people cannot make the commitment to marry and raise a child together then there is some question as to wether they will be spending their life together. Don't make the child suffer the consequence.....PLEASE!!!

As the child grows a lot of confusion can be avoided by having the mother's last name. If she marries then she can hyphenate it and still avoid any problem. The problem tends to be with schools and then sometimes with the childs friends. I have known divorced mothers who would have liked to go back to their original surname but didn't because they didn't want to deal with the questions that would come up about their children. If she wants the father noted then all she needs to do is put his name on the birth certificate. I didn't give my daughter her father's last name and I didn't put him on the birth certificate. She is almost three and her father has only seen her once. I am not regretting my choice.

Hi J.. Both my younger sisters have gone through this and made the mistake of giving their daughters the fathers' last names. Neither father is around much. If the father's name is used there is NO changing it unless he signs off on it - which is highly unlikely. I cannot encourage your friend enough to her name instead! She will have more control in the future.

It depends on if the father plans on taking an active part in the child's life? I had a friend who had a baby at 17 and gave the baby her last name, NOT the dad's. But the dad wasn't involved whatsoever...never then and never now and she's 17!

It's just personal preference I suppose.

I am not a teenager, but I am a single parent. at my daughter's birth i gave her her fathers's name and after fighting with him, I had it changed to my last name.
In my opinion, the baby's last name should be that of the mother - assuming it will be the mother raising the child.
WHen/if she does marry down the line, she has the choice to keep her maiden name or not. I think it's important for identification - in so many ways, not just legal identification, but connecting to those the child is with. Especially in a small town if that happens to be the case.
Best of luck to the mother

It depends on the situation, of course, but my brother went through the same thing and the mother didn't give the baby his last name. And she was decitful about it, telling him she was and then not. I would leave this up to the parents of the baby. If the father is fully involved in the child's life, I believe that the baby should have her dad's last name.

I wish them luck in this difficult journey...

My younger sister was 18 when she had my nephew. She gave her son the father's last name and really regretted it. She later changed it to our last name. The father ended up dropping out of the scene and my nephew has no contact with him, so it's good he doesn't have his last name.
I'm a bit of a feminist, so if it happened to me, I would for sure give my baby my own last name.
hope that helps.
A.

Well, I can share what happened with me :)

I had my first child at 17 (she is 21 now), and wasn't married to her dad. I ended up doing a hyphenated last name with mine-dad's last names (I figured that she could use either half if she wanted to, but of course on legal documents she would have to use both). We did end up getting married and had another little girl (who is 19 now). To keep the theme going, we also gave her the same hyphenated last name. Five years later we got divorced and I retook my maiden name. Several years after that, I got remarried and eventually we had a little girl as well. I wanted to give her a hyphenated last name so all the girls would share the first part of their last name. Well, I was bullied into not doing that by him and she ended up with just his last name. Five years later we got divorced and I kept his last name. A few years after that (I know, what a saga!). I got remarried AGAIN. We were not able to have children biologically, so we decided to adopt 3 boys from Russia. The boys were SUPPOSED to have a hyphenated last name with my maiden name-his name (I figured that maybe I would legally change daughter #3's last name to add my last name hyphenated in so all the kids would have the common piece), but when the paperwork came in from the Russian courts, the last names were not hyphenated, but instead were just my husband's last name. When we got divorced two years ago, I kept his last name.

So, what I have now is my 2 oldest with last names common with each other, 1 daughter with a different last name, and 3 boys, with last names the same as each other and as mine.

What I don't like is with my four youngest at home (oldest 2 are at college now), obviously 1 of them has a different last name. So, doctor's offices, dentist offices, even the school gets confused sometimes. Especially since my daughter with the one last name and my oldest son are both 12 (they are virtual twins). I will also say there is a stigma (especially in a small town) associated with the kids' last names being different.

If I had to do it over again, I would have gone the hyphenated route with ALL the kids. I did try, and the circumstances were outside of my control, but I wish I would have tried harder. I can say that I never considered just using my own last name. Even if I had never married daughters #1 and #2 dad, it never would have crossed my mind to not use his last name, too.

My brother and his girlfriend also had a baby (she was 16 and he was 17) and they did pretty much the same thing other than she put his last name first and then hers.

Good luck no matter what she decides :)

I don't have any children who went thru this but I did. My oldest son's father and I did not marry but I kept the child. Now depending on what state you live the last name issue will need to be address on state statue, however the state of Nebraska will let you give the baby the fathers name even if you are not married or the baby can take the mothers name and still list the father on the birth certificate. I chose to give my son my last name knowing that the name could be changed with the courts at anytime because I wasn't sure how the father & I's relationship would turn out. But for sake of child support I would make sure that the name of the father is at least indicated on the birth certificate. I did get married again and it didn't make a difference with the last name issue, my two sons are brothers and nobody had better say they are half brothers because they both will tell you different. So long as you raise them as your children, the name thing never really became an issue they just accepted it and went on.

I think the baby should have the father's last name. Whether he is in the baby's life or not, he is still the father. Being honest with your kids is the #1 priority. They have a right to know who their other family is...hiding it will cause more problems in the future.

Ooops - my previous answer was interrupted. If there is little reason to believe that teh father will remain a permanent part of this child's life than giving the child the father's last name will probably just confuse him or her. They won't have a real person to connect that to so will always wonder why their name is different.

Again it all depends on the type of situation. I was a teenage mother, so I am speaking from experience. When our daughter was born I had no doubt in my mind that she would take her fathers last name. We were very much in love and I always knew that there was a chance we wouldn't stay together (we were for 13 more years), but always felt that she should have it. My reasoning was if her dad and I did stay together and got married then we would all have the same last name. If we didn't and one day down the line I married someone else then she would still have one of her parents last name, her fathers. No matter what her father's last name will never change. Having the namesake of your family is a very important thing. Also it is one less question growing up for this child to deal with. No one could say how come your name is different then your mom's and dad's. I hope whatever she does she remembers to think about the childs future. Good luck to her.

I agree the mother should give the baby her maiden name
but if she wanted to she could make the middle name or one of the middle names the father's last name.

NO! I wasn't a teenager when I had my first child, but we were not married, and now if I could have it be my last name I would change it, BUT, the father has to agree to that decision and he won't - so, unless you want the hassle in the future - keep it the same as the mom

aslong as they are together now and happy now, I say give the baby the dad's last name. Why create conflict by acting like you don't expect him to last. Who know's maybe they will be together forever! My husbands parents had him when they were 17 and are still together. We had our daughter when we were 20 (Started dating at 17, baby at 20, married at 24, now I am 27).

Worst case senerio they don't last, I know alot of proud papa's, OR she can always legealy change it. But why start confrentation now, when they are happy. Its just a name. :)

I say definitely not. If they ever get married, that is when the child should be given his last name. A name does not make a "connection".
I broke up with my son's dad before I found out I was pregnant, and he rejected my son completely, even after a paternity test proved he was the father. In fact, he has never even met my son. I'm glad that I gave my son my last name because his father does not deserve to have his name carried on with a child he does nothing for. And my son certainly doesn't need a reminder.
Who knows if this kid is going to be involved in his child's life or not, and for how long. What if he decides to skip out on his responsibility [possibly even a few years down the road], and then every time that child writes his/her name down they will be reminded that their father abandoned them? And like you mentioned, when the mom decides to marry another man it will bring up the issue over names again. It might even come up even sooner than that, if the child's friends notice that his/her last name is different than any future siblings.
Another option would be to use the father's name as the baby's middle name or have two middle names, instead of hyphenating the two last names...I've come across quite a few people with two middle names. An example [which I am making up] would be Aaron Lee Mayer Thompson. That way the child at least has the choice to omit one of the names [except on legal documents] if so desired.

I would give her mom's name. You never really know the level of involvement that the father will take in her life and this way the child will feel connected with Mom's family.

I haven't gone through it but my cousin has. Dad had nothing to do with the baby after about 4 months and it was better for all not to have that connection.

If she does marry in the future the baby keeps whatever last name she was given unless the new husband adopts her. I went through most of my life with a different last name from my mom. It was strange sometimes, but I got used to it.

My mom had me when she was 17 and gave me her last name. She later married and had other children. It did not bother me that I had a different last name from the other members of my family as they all made me feel just the same. I also had a son when I was 18 and decided to give him his dad's last name. I'm glad I did that due to the fact we married and had 2 other children. It is a tuff decision to make but whatever choice is never the wrong choice. A stepparent can always adopt the child and change the last name.

i was a teenage mom also i had my first son at 17 i used my last name for my son i wound not give the baby his last name until the mom and dad get married

I have never been through this, nor have my children (I'm 25, she's 19 months, I am VERY Thankful she hasn't been through this), but I have had a cousin who got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 16 and she was 14. They gave the baby her last name, she remarried, and nothing negative ever came of it. Her dad was around her entire life, took her places, showed her love, and I think as long as that happens it doesn't matter what their last name is, it's what love that child receives. My sister in law has a son who she gave the fathers last name, and now the father isn't in her sons life and asks why he has a different last name than everyone else, because he doesn't know his father, and he doesn't understand where it came from.

I guess it just kind of depends on the situation, but it doesn't hurt for the child to have the moms last name in any situation, though if the father decides he's not going to be around, that could cause questions and a LOT of explanation to a child who may not understand, or it may not, it also depends on the child.

I had a baby at age 16 and had to make this same decision. The father and I were together until right before she turned 1, but it was so stressful being teenage parents because so much more is expected of you and you have to deal with the sneers and comments behind your back that we just couldn't deal with it and broke up. I chose not to give her his last name and still feel that was the best decision. He and I did get back together and eventually married when we were 28, but our daughter never did take his name. I think it's best to take the mother's name and then if for some reason they do marry in the future, it can always be changed. You just never know what lies ahead.