My five year old son just started school in September. He is doing well academically, and his teacher tells me he is an excellent student. However, he is very shy and quiet, and a lot of days when I pick him up he seems upset because the other kids don't play with him. They are never mean, and when I have been at school they seem friendly enough, but I think he spends a lot of recess time by himself. Do you have any suggestions? My son is an only child, but has been in daycare most of his life. Making friends has never been a problem for him before, but of course school is totally different. I feel so bad for him, he is a really good kid and wants be included so bad. I think his main problem is shyness, and the fact that he tries so hard to be the "perfect" student, which sometimes does not make him the most popular kid.
Thanks for all the great responses. I talked to his teacher yesterday, and she is going to "secretly" ask a few of the more outgoing kids to play with him. We also talked about who might be good to invite over, role playing, etc. My son was so happy when I picked him up yesterday because he had friends who played with him! He will always struggle with shyness (my husband still does), but hopefully we can find some methods that work for him.
Ask your son who he would like to know better, invite that child over for a playdate. Give the children a connection, a shared experience without the influence of other children. Sometimes its easier to make friends one on one than join a crowd.
one thing i did is that i had lunch with my daughter at the school. it is almost like i was making friends for her but, i didn't care. i just went and sat at the table and engaged in the conversation with the kids and also helped my daughter do the same. it really worked I think she felt more confident and the kids saw a different kid. kids are different around their parents so maybe that confidence will come out if you are there.
I had this problem as well a few years ago when my dd was in preschool.I asked the teachers to encourage the kids to play together and not to allow my daughter to always play by herself. My daugther would play, if someone else approached her but she wouldn't just go join in with the other kids. Also, find out who your son really like in his class boy or girl and just encourage him daily to make conversations with this person or encourage him to play outside games with them(hide-n-seek, Tag etc..).
Just thought you would like to read the advise from another thread about shyness, maybe it will be helpful despite the age/situational difference. http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/802647973984010241
Also, I would tell you to teach your son to embrace his differences. If he is smart or known as the "smart kid," help him to understand that there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe you could make/help him to realize that he has a gift for learning and excelling. I know it sounds way beyond a five year old but maybe he could be more of a helpful type, helping the other children with their difficulties as opposed to being the outcast for being smart. Some children who excel tend to regress in social situations, you already see that. So teach him how to use it to his advantage. If he wants to be included you are going to have to teach him to stand up and ask for what he wants. He cannot sit in the corner and expect the other children to come over to him, he has to go to them. Maybe those children went through preschool together and they are familiar, or live in the same neighborhood. Teach your son to introduce himself and ask if he can join in. I don't believe that a smart kid cannot be popular. He will sense his differences don't lead him in that direction subconsciously. If you say those things to others they will treat him as so. Talk to him about being smart and about being shy.
I like the idea of a playdate, too. My son is very shy in big group settings, but when he's 1-on-1 with another kid he opens up and ends up having a lot of fun! Try connecting with the parents in his class and figure out which kids he may have the most in common with.
Role play different scenarios at home about how to ask to play with kids at school. Invite a child over for a playdate. I would encourage being friends with several kids instead of just one good friend, so he will always have a friend to play with. Enlist the help of the school counselor. That's what they are there for, if your son feels comfortable with her/him. I was really shy as a child and encouraging and teaching are the best ways to go about helping him. Pushing too hard or showing your hurt for him will only make things worse. My 5 year old son is gentle and reserved and I worry that he may get pushed around on the playground because some of the other boys are tougher and more aggressive. I know what your going through. Good luck with everything.
I would ask the teacher if there is ANY child he tends to gravitate to or that tends to approach him at all....see if you can give your contact info to that child's mom an arrange a playdate......
