Siblings at Parties

Part of the problem is you have already established the relationship with these parents that their son is welcome to come to the events and participate.

While I personally believe you don't owe them an explanation, I do believe their invitation should say either girls only or no siblings whichever works for this party.

Hope this helps. Be loving but firm.

I just went to a party for my son's friend where the invitation said something like "uninvited guests and siblings will have to pay at the door to gain entry"

People have NO concept of good manners these days (sorry if I offend anyone). When an invitation is received, only the person to whom it was addressed is invited. When my husband and I received a wedding invitation this summer and it was addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. P . . .", we understood that our daughter was not invited. No questions asked. My daughter is an only child, however, I would never assume a sibling was welcome unless the invitation was addressed to more than one person.

I have had several parties for my daughter out in a place where you pay for each child. I've also done parties at home (elaborate tea party, for ex, where an older sibling not only ruined the party by having an attitide, but there was nowhere for her to squeeze in at the dining room table I had spent days preparing).

You absolutely can write on the invitation "no siblings, please". When you get the RSVP call (which nobody has the courtesy to do anymore either), make sure you say - OK, so I'll mark Sue off as ONE). If you think that they still believe the sibling can come, say - oh, I'd love to have little Mikey, but I'm afraid we won't be able to accommodate him. If they say that they won't be able to come unless the little one can come (which so many people do), simply say - Oh, I'm sorry, we'll really miss little Sue at the party. Stick to your guns. The same people who overstep their boundries by bringing the sibling are the same people who have never paid for a party in a venue. Off my soapbox now.

Hi T.,
When I've had parties for my daughter at a location with a cost per head or limit to the number of kids, parents have always asked permission to bring an extra sibling or cousin who was visiting - but these are friends that my daughter only saw in school, it gets tougher when there have been playdates involving all the kids.

I like the moms who suggested adding a note to the parents. Be as truthful and as kind in the note as you can. You don't say the type of place or party you booked, so if it is big and a lot of kids are coming, you could say cost is an issue (they may offer to pay for their son and I think you have to accept that), if it is smaller, you could say your daughter is just inviting a few of her best friends and you are trying to keep it small and intimate so they can actually play with each other. If it is all girls, you can definitely word that into the invitation and skip the note.

When we were kids it was a lot easier, you either had a party at your house - and there were no magicians, clowns, etc. or, you took 3 or 4 close friends bowling, to the movies, roller skating, etc.

Good luck

I would maybe include a little note just for the parents. State that since this is a location party (Chucky Cheese, laser tag...) that funds are tight and only the children invited may attend. Please do not bring siblings. No offense, but if my son was invited to a party I would never assume that my daughter was also invited.

Hi T.,

When I send my sons' invitations, I write something like "Sam would like each one of his classmates and a caregiver to help him celebrate his birthday. Please let us know if your child will attend so we have an accurate count for food and drink". This makes it very clear that I am being careful about the numbers without having to bluntly say "no siblings." If it's any consolation, this sibling problem does seem to go away once you start doing "drop-off" parties where the parents don't stick around. I think in many cases parents just don't have a child care option for a younger sibling in the middle of the day. Good luck!

oh tough one. esp. since the parents always allow the younger one to tag along. i think they would get offended. i mean, how would you rephrase it in the invite?
no siblings?
most people would understand that no siblings should go to a b-day party unless specifically invited. but if you have people who have younger kids, how would they keep the younger one away from all the excitement, and especially if they always do this? in this case, i would really suggest don't put anything of the sort in the invite, and hope they have some common sense. you may get those people offended, and then that would cause a strain between your daughter and her friend.
good luck

Hi T.
Having twins may have given me an advantage here, because I told mine unless you were invited you don't go very early in their lives. After all not everyone has room for 2 children when they have invited only one. So how do you know they have been invited their name is on the invitation or I have 2 invitations. After all there might not be room at the table.
At 7 the girls went to a tea party. After talking to the mom, that was why she did a real girlie theme. It worked well, especially when they were asked to bring their favorite doll.
I guess I have friends that have 6-11 children in the family. Would you bring all of them to a party someone invited just one child to? Yikes I hope not.
I am a person who always has enough and love people I would never have a party where someone was not included. I don't like the issue at all. You see understanding and liking are not the same. Sometimes there are reasons for your decisions.
Personally I don't think you mind the brother, it is mom's expectations of what your daughter's friend is expected to do that is offensive to you. Remember you can't change what mom does, but sometimes you can tell her how you feel and maybe she would act differently. Personally I think this requires a one on one conversation not a statement on an invitation which is clearly an invitation to one child. Does that make sense?
God bless you and give you wisdom
K.

Yes put it on the invitation, just say that due to space" please no siblings" ,

This is a really interesting question. Are you expecting/inviting parents to stay? If so, you may be in a tough spot if there's no one to watch the little brother while mom and sister are at the party. I'm not sure when this trend started, but I don't remember my sisters ever staying at a party with me when they were not included on the invite!

Having said that, you might want to make sure that only the girl's name is on the invite and then put a little note in with the invitations explaining that due to the need for an exact head-count and the nature of the party venue, you cannot accommodate extra guests! Most parents will respect this little reminder. If you need a parent to stay, rephrase it to be clear on who should stay.

If the little guy still shows-up I would ask the mother at the door what her plans are for her son as the girls have a busy afternoon planned. If mom still doesn't get the hint, you may want to have some coloring books and stuff just in case, but I would not allow him to go with the girls. You're right, it's not fair. Not only that, it's not your job to provide entertainment!

Hi T.,
I would be blunt and not worry about offending them. It's always wrong to presume that anyone other than the child who is invited to the party is welcome. I would write "No Siblings" on their invite. If they show up with him, I'd let the parents know how much it costs per child and they can pay for him. It's really nervy of people to do that, when you are paying for your daughter's friends - what if they all brought a sibling or two, have these parents any clue what that would cost? It's unfair not just to the sister who is a very little girl and should be having fun not watching her brother, unfair to your daughter the birthday girl because she is having a party for HER friends and unfair to you because you are paying. I would be tempted not to invite her. I know it's not nice and she should not pay for her parents bad judgement but sometimes that's how things have to be. If you do invite her and even if you do write NO SIBLINGS on the invitation, I would clarify when they call to rsvp that you are unable to include "George" although he has come to previous parties that "EMILY" was invited to due to the high cost per child.

I think you're sending a very bad message to both your daughter and her friend to treat the friend's brother as an annoyance rather than just another individual celebrating your daughter's birthday. Not a good way at all to foster good sibling relationships and overall kindness to others. And a birthday party isn't really a time for people to "hang out" - that's what playdates are for. A birthday party should be about celebrating your daughter's life with friends and family.

BUT, if you insist, "no siblings please" on the invite will suffice. You should also address the invitation just to the child.

I would make the invitation to the little girl only. You could put "No Siblings Please" in the invite or when they respond just state that you have to pay per guest so unfortunately siblings are not attending. If they offer to pay for him just say that the party is geared towards 7 year old children and it may not be age appropriate for him. Do parents normally drop off or stay at the party? If you are really close to them you could offer to transport their daughter to the party so they don't even have to attend. I would not be offended if it was a no siblings party. It's not like you are inviting all of your daughters friends and leaving their daughter out. You have a right to not have to pay extra for siblings or have them there as a distraction.

Are other parents staying to help with the kids or are you providing enough grown ups to supervise everyone? If you have enough supervision then write 'no siblings please' on the invite and when you get a call asking for the little brother to tag along just explain that it's a party geared to 7 yr olds only.

This is a tough one. Maybe you can swing it as a girls only party?

How about if on her invitation you put an age limit, say 6-7 year olds only?

Not sure what kind of party you are having, but if it is not 'age appropriate' for younger siblings that is an easy out.
Personally I do not see any problem writing 'Only Invited Guests Please' on the invitation. But if it only happens with this one family, call the parents and explain that your daughter wants only her friends in attendance.
With 4 kids we get lots of party invites, and the kids know if your name is not on the invite you are not going to attend.

Hope it all works out.

M.