Single Mom in college..advice

Updated on July 12, 2010
C.W. asks from Saint George, UT
22 answers

I am a single mother, 22, (ex started being abusive) and my lil girl is almost 2 years old. I was thinking of moving in with my parents after my lease is up, in their 2 upstairs rooms and den (converted garage) to save the BAH I get from the military while in college for savings since I am no longer getting child support. Is that a wierd thing to do at this age even if I can create a savings account and I'll be in college? Just wanted some opinions. Just to add in because it seems like a common stereotype I'm won't be mooching off my parents (I've just heard it all the time on opinions of related stuff).

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So What Happened?

Yeah it was actually my dad's idea and then I started thinking about it financially. There is that should I be ashamed feeling, which is probably why I posted this :P They definitely want to see me and their favorite granddaughter more.

Thanks for all the input :D It's nice to know and I think it is my ego that was originally biting at me. It's nice to see that it would be a smarter choice and other people think that too. As for the child support, I was getting it.. he just got out of the military and is unemployed so its impossible to get it from him now

Wow Riley that is crazy high prices. But I can understand bein in seattle but still... wow!

Julie - I was in the Marines and the BAH I get goes with my GI Bill as a living expense. They could care less if I'm living rent free.. it's just to help out with bills rent or whatever you need it for. It's based on how many college credits ya take so no worries in that dept.

Featured Answers

K.C.

answers from Dallas on

My friend who is 23 and has a 4 year did that to save money. It's a lot better for her and her daughter, and they all are really close now. Plus, her mom loves to watch her daughter while she's in college... :) No shame in doing that!

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S.S.

answers from Detroit on

Don't worry about stereotypes...you are totally doing the right thing. Congrats on going to college and being an awesome mom!

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

A lot of people move back in with their parents for periods of time. I know a guy in his forties who in a high position in my company who just moved back with his parents while he is waiting to close on a house.
You have to do what's right for your family! Who cares what others think?!
Good luck.

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M.B.

answers from Dallas on

Congrats on college, what an awesome accomplishment. I don't think it's weird at all. It's really common for that to happen. In fact, a lot of recent college graduates have to move back into their parent's home, because they have no money saved. If you and your parents have a good relationship and it was their idea, I think it's a great situation!! You can save money and come out ahead of most graduates. Good luck!!

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

what a great opportunity & what wonderful parents to be so generous.....and good for you for being mature enough to make the right decision to save for college.....you are on the right track, so keep going! and remember to thank your parents often

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

At least in our area it's REALLY common for a full family (2 parents + kids) to move in with one set of parents for at least a year in order to save for a downpayment for a house. (In our area a 2b/1ba starter house is 400-500,000... and 2bdr rentals are 1000-2000 a month).

There are some downsides to be aware of... it's almost impossible for grandparents to not to periodically or permanently switch into "parenting" instead of "grandparenting". So it's REALLY important to work out boundaries ahead of time.

But saving your housing allowance sounds like a brilliant plan, if all of you can pull it off personality & boundary wise. Another thing to consider is to have a trial time outlined ahead of time... like having you and your parents agree to "try it for 3 or 6 months and evaluate with no hurt feelings" kind of thing set up.

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S.H.

answers from San Antonio on

As long as you have goals and work toward them, and as long as you treat their home with the utmost respect, which I am sure you will, I see this as a blessing. Don't let your ego get in the way of doing what is best for your child.

Best of luck to you.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi Cori, I think it's great that you have supportive parents, and if this will help you have and get an education I don't see why it would not be a good idea. I'm not sure you can leagaly collect you BHA while living with your parents, do look into that first, cause you don't want to loose that. J.

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L.E.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Cori. I am a teacher and work with a lot of teachers fresh out of college. They seem a little ashamed that they live with their parents still since they are "adults". I always tell them that as long as the living situation is agreeable to both you and your parents , take advantage of the savings you have in rent..etc. Do your parents feel like you would be mooching off of them...or do they welcome being able to see you and their darling granddaughter more? If it is the latter, I say ignore the people that tell you that you are a moocher.

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K.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

You are only 22 and a single mom. I think it's a really smart thing to do both for you and your daughter. As long as your parents arent abusive or addicts, your daughter will benefit immensely from being with grandma and grandpa every day... especially with her dad out of the picture. As for you, you are not being a mooch... you are being smart and doing what's best for your daughter. Besides, being a full-time college student is hard enough without having a child. You will need the emotional and physical support they can provide to get you through this and on your way to being able to fully support yourself.

Bravo to you!

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P.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think to move in with your parents would be an awesome idea...you and your child would have family around, especially a positive male...your Dad.

I think this is a win - win for your child.....

P.

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J.B.

answers from Denver on

I think you have to do what is best for you and your daughter. I would also advise you to pursue child support. Even if your parents were helping you out- it really doesn't matter what other people think so long as you are ok with your choices.

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M.N.

answers from Los Angeles on

PERFECT SOLUTION... Depending on how well you along with your parents of course. I'm assuming this wouldn't be available if they hadn't suggested it and your daughter will forever enjoy having this closeness with her grandparents. Privacy could be an issue. My husband (older) needs his peace and quiet and I find I need my space... If I were you, I would still need MY SPACE and since I'd already been independent of parents rules and needs, I'd need to know what the expectations would be. I would like to come and go without notifying the whole household as well (except my daughter, of course). I would want to take responsibility for my child (without a lot of outside input -- my word, my experience (limited as it may be) is final after initial discussion) by setting up a day care routine outside of family. Good luck... You are lucky to have a supportive family.

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L.B.

answers from Las Vegas on

not at all weird. You are working & sacrificing to give your daughter a better life. Parents are there for support, even when their kids are grown. Wouldn't you help your daughter? Do it and be proud and strong to anyone who says otherwise.

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A.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

It's great that you want to go to college and are thinking out a plan to help achieve that goal. It may feel strange living with your parents again, but talk to them about what they expect and what you expect while you are going back to school. My sister just finished nursing school (she has 2 kids) and stayed with my folks. She paid "rent" to my Dad who turned around and put it in a savings account for the kids. They set up ground rules for the kitchen and washing machine/dryer. She is now a RN and has a good job. For her the most important thing was that her kids are safe and taken care of on a day to day basis.

Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

You know, if I were in your shoes I would do it. I don't see it as mooching at all personally. I see it as providing a more stable situation for you and your little girl. A lot depends on your relationship with your parents.

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D.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

You are young, a single mom, and most definitely need to finish college. I think it is a wonderful plan. Don't take the hard road if it's possible to get help from you parents. Just remember to not take advantage of them beyond a roof over head and if they offer help with your daughter. It's a great opportunity for you to get your schooling done and to get good footing. Why would you not be receiving child support? That is something you need to take up with your city's DA office, they will make sure you get money no matter what!

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P.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Why not! You sound like a wonderful, level headed youg woman who is going to make a better life for yourself and child. I would suggest that you and your parents sit down and make a list of house rules for both sides just to keep everything straight. But it sounds great! Good Luck!!

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A.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Iff your parents can take cere of your child go for it gooe luck A. no hills

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C.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

It is not weird at all, in fact, it is quite wise. When my husband and I had been married for 10 years, with 3 kids, and he lost his job, my parents offered to let us move in for a while. We were able to sell our house, and have very few expenses while living with them. Although it doesn't seem very grown up to move back home, I am convinced that making wise choices with our money, our situations, and our children is the most mature thing we can do. Living with my parents was not always easy, but my kids got extra time with the grandparents, and I grew even closer to them. Plus our savings account stayed in tact through 6 months of unemployment (we didn't mooch either, it was just so much cheaper than having our own place). Truth be told, they miss us now that we have moved out.

S.H.

answers from San Diego on

I think it's a great and very responsible idea in order to save money for the future. I assume by you saying it's a converted garage, that it would be less like living 'with' your parents and more like renting out separate living quarters with it's own kitchen, etc.?? Either way, I think it's a responsible thing to do and is totally okay. It's great to have family that is loving and willing to help. You sound responsible and willing to put in your share of the work around the house. So long as you keep that attitude and are grateful, I see nothing wrong with it.

-S.

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M.*.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hello,
I could not resist answering this because I am in the same boat however took a different route. I am 43 and my daughter is now 7 years old. My husband cleaned out our house when I was gone for the day on a temp job and left me and my daughter then 1.5 years old with nothing and no money. I have struggled getting child support- he just lies about his income.

I decide to go back to college myself and have just completed my AA over the last three years. To answer your question if you have a place to live and have an opportunity to save money forget what others think.... you have to make the SMARTEST choice for your family. My mother is in TN and I’m CA otherwise I would be there too!
I more or less didn’t have a choice but to go on welfare which pays $561 a month. I couldn’t afford the $1000 a month in child care with my old salary so I decided on this route so I could get an education. I go full time and struggle with rent as it is not subsidized and pay all of my bills etc. How much do you think I have left by the end of the month?
My point is save your money get that extra help that grandma can offer and use that money to do good things have little trips with your child and pay your bills. Any single mother should say the same thing we all know how hard it is. Above all don’t give up your education choice it is a must have especially while you are young! Parting wise words “never worry about those that judge the only one that matters is the one that judges you at the gates of heaven.” Good luck!

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