Skin Color - Haslett,MI

Updated on July 28, 2013
S.S. asks from Haslett, MI
17 answers

I am a married white women. My husband is also white and we have a 5 yr old daughter. I have a bi-racial 17 yr old son from a previous relationship. My husband has adopted him and he is the only father that my son has ever known. My daughter is starting to notice the differences in skin color. My question is, how do I appropriately broach that subject with her? Her brother is not only not her daddy's biological child but also a different color. Two biggies! I just want to explain it to her the best way without confusing her! Any ideas?
TIA

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S.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

People come in a different colors. some have blue eyes and blonde hair, some have dark skin and brown eyes. If we all looked the same, it would be a pretty boring world.

5 moms found this helpful
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A.A.

answers from Tulsa on

Just be matter of fact about it. Skin color isn't a problem for kids, it's the adults that seem to struggle with it unfortunately.

5 moms found this helpful

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Honestly. Simply. Tell her the truth.

That there was a time in your life when you were younger, that you fell in love with a guy and had your son. For whatever reason, that was not a great choice. Then you found your prince charming and he took you both and you both made your life what it is today.

6 moms found this helpful

F.W.

answers from Danville on

well...I have 7 kiddos. Same mom and dad. They are pretty much all different 'shades' ... (to include one who is literally a bit blue due to heart issues).

I would simply say that people come in different 'shades'.

They do.

When she is older...explain more.

_____________________________________________________________

ETA...Is there a 3rd child? I am confused...

But my answer would remain the same!
:)

5 moms found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

My daughter is adopted and looks like her bio dad from Mexico, I have strawberry blonde hair and green eyes. We started taking about adoption and differences when she was two. She knew she didn't come from "mommy's tummy" so we were different. This was her normal and it worked out totally fine, we fear the worst but kids are pretty darn resilient.

5 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

S S:

I don't read ahead so forgive me if I am repeating answers...

Why can't you tell her the truth? That you had another marriage before her daddy and you had her brother with him. Having the same blood does not make one a daddy nor does it make one a mommy....it's how you CARE for the child and raise him/her. Your husband IS his dad - in every sense of the word - with the exception of blood.

You can also tell her everyone is different. My boys look different. One is blond haired and blue eyes...the other is brown hair - black eyes...my daughter totally different...

Color shouldn't matter. We all have color to us - it just depends upon the shade...we all bleed red, right? Aren't all part of the human race? So "race" shouldn't matter.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Boston on

I also agree with Mymsiion...tell her the truth...my son is also adopted, from the Philippines,and yes he knows, and our coloring is different ...And it's OK

4 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Just be honest with her, and keep it simple. Show her a photo of your son's bio father if you think that will help.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Phoenix on

How about just "Yup, we all have different color skin. No one has skin that's exactly the same. Your skin isn't exactly the same color as mine or Daddy's. Even though we're a family now, brother was born before I knew Daddy. Brother's daddy has skin that is darker than mine and so brother's skin is in between darker than mine, but lighter than his Daddy's."?

4 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Tell her the truth on her level.
Yes, look all around, everyone has their own color.

Some people have children that can be different colors, because their dads are a different color.

Like brother. He has another dad that is a color, but now this dad is this color, but does not matter, We love who we love.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Your husband is Daddy. But sometimes Daddy isn't hte person who makes you, just the person who loves you and raises you.

And you shouldn't broach it. Wait until she does.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

you have another child from a previous relationship.
So that is the fact.
And your son happens to be bi-racial.
That is a fact.
At some point, you have to just say the truth.
But he IS family and he IS her "step" brother.
And you can't "hide" the fact about your son.
How did you explain it to your son, when he was younger? Him being from a previous relationship etc.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with Mymission.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.H.

answers from Atlanta on

My best friend is of Persian heritage and is very dark. She married a very light skinned, blond white man. Their first child was dark, with wavy thick hair and dark eyes....what you would think. Their second child is fair, blond and blue eyed! Their third child looks just like their first child....her answer to her daughter was God chose!

Take care!
M.

B.B.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi Just a idea,I have two kids both grown up.wife and I figured if they are old enough to ask then they should know the truth.You just tell her brother is from a diffrent country and they didn't have enough love to share,so your dad adopted him becouse you and him have lots of love to share for the both of you. He maybe from a diffrent blood line but family is thicker than blood. and booth you and your hubby is really blesed to have the two of them as there children..

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J.R.

answers from Miami on

Hi. In addition to the great advice below, there is a great book...we bought it just to start teaching about acceptance in general. It came recommended by a parenting website I trust.
You sound like a great momma so i am sure everything will be fine!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Were-Different-Sesame-Street-Pictur...

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M.A.

answers from Detroit on

My 6 year old is biracial, and knows that he has a biological father with dark skin, and me with white skin. He knows that my husband, who has been around since he was 2, is his "daddy". Now that we are having another son, there is no question of skin color or family ties. He knows he's about to have a baby brother and our family is growing. He also knows that families like ours have a very special bond.

I don't understand why you wouldn't just tell her the truth, unless your son isn't aware of his biological father??

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