Sleep Arrangement Issues

Spank their little rear ends and put them back in their own beds and tell them that's what will happen each time they get up. It might take a few time, but eventually they'll get the message. If you don't put a stop to it now, it won't be long until you'll have three kids in bed with you.

Keep putting them back in their beds let them know that is what will happen no sleeping with mom and dad anymore. That is that. It will be hard getting up and listening to the crying when it happens but it is the only way that you will have the bed just between the two of you. Will 2 1/2 for now.

I have a 4YO and almost 3YO and they do the same thing. We have them sleep on the floor. For the most part it's been successful. However, I relented and let them in the bed when we all got sick and now I'm kinda back where I started. My youngest threw a fit the other night when I told him he had to sleep on the floor. Moral of the story...like every part of parenting you have to be consistent. good luck!!

How about making a pallet on the floor next to your bed before going to bed at night? Explain to the kids the situation with space and that you have made them a special bed for them so that they can still be with you. That's what we do. That way to kids feel safe being next to you but you have your space.

Is it legal to leave a 2 and 4 year old unsupervised for several hours?

Kindly suggest to your children that if they want/need to come to your room at night to be closer to you, that they are welcome to do so, but must sleep on the floor by your bed. Set up a palette for them the evening before and show them where it is so they'll know where to go. Good luck.

I concur with the notion of having them sleep together for now. I would also recommend you take them with you to purchase a couple of sleeping bags. Let them pick theirs out. Explain to them that these are special sleeping bags that will be kept in mom and dad's room for nights when they really need to be with you. Keep them rolled up under the bed. They can come and get into them on their own and be with you without crowding the bed. My MIL and FIL did this for each of their kids. After the first week of excitement over having their own special sleeping bags, the night visits essentially ended unless there was a bad storm or a nightmare. My husband and I have already decided we are going to do the same thing should the issue arise.

Here's my advice since I have a two year old child who does not come in our room at night:

I believe that parents are responsible to set the standard that they want their child to follow. If you reinforce a negative behavior (such as coming into your bed) by allowing them to do it, the message they receive is that it is ok to do it. Simple as that. I feel it is very important that you teach your children that there is nothing to be afraid of about staying in their own room and everyone belongs in their own bed. Mommy and Daddy will always be there when they need you if they are sick or scared, but your bed is off limits and not related to that. How to change the behavior? Here's what I have found helpful with my own child (he used to wake me up all night to retrieve his pacifier for him and I used to do it, like a fool, and get no sleep - until I got fed up with it!)
1. Decide on a night you are truly ready to be firm about your decision and STICK TO IT. I recommend starting on a weekend or non-work night.
2. First time your child comes into your room, walk him/her back to their room, tuck them into bed and say "It's night night time - everyone is asleep in their own beds". Kiss goodnight & leave room. Don't get into bed w/them or make a big deal. They will probably cry & follow you into your room.
3. Ignore the crying for at least a few minutes, don't allow them in your bed, walk them back to their room & just say "night night time" in a calm, reassuring manner.
4. Next time (if it persists), no talking, just walk them back to their bed as needed. Repeat until they give up. Don't get angry & try to keep your cool.

This is not going to be easy, but I promise you it will only take a few days before your children get the message that this isn't a game. They learn so much quicker than we give them credit for. It took my son 3-4 nights to stop waking us up for his pacifiers (he was about 18 months when we finally did something about it) and we just ignored his crying since he was still in a crib. He is in a big boy bed now (since 2 yrs old) and never got out of bed until recently. He thought it was a fun game to get out of bed to see what we were doing after he went to bed. After 3 days of this & walking him back to bed, we went downstairs after he was tucked in, closed the gate at the top of the stairs & ignored him when we heard he was up. He finally got the message that no one was playing his game and went back to bed. We didn't reinforce his negative behavior, so he responded accordingly.

Bottom line - you are not a mean parent by teaching your child the correct behaviors and living habits they need to survive with in life. Most of the time, we have to do what seems hard to do our job right for our children. They will not feel less loved - they will feel more secure in the long run. I don't think you need to lock your door - that is just a physical barrier - you need to create a psychological change which will be much more effective and won't give the message that Mommy & Daddy are mean by locking them out. Maybe you could buy them each a special stuffed animal (they could pick it out) that is their "nighttime companion" to help with the transition & to show that you are doing this out of love, not a punishment. Remind them as you tuck them in that they are to stay in their bed and they are safe & Mommy & Daddy will hear them if anything was wrong. By the way - we keep our door cracked open just in case there was a problem and the few times our son has woken up too early, we remind him that it is still dark out & everyone is still sleeping and walk him back to his bed. I wouldn't suggest setting up a sleeping palate on your floor or sleeping bags - that is still giving them the wrong message. Teach them that their beds are the place where they belong when they sleep. You will not have to "undo" more unwanted behaviors in the future & who wants to go through this twice? I wish you all the best - you can do it!!!! :)

Well, I am in a similar situation, though my husband and I don't mind the children sleeping with us. The problem is our bed - a queen, he's a big guy, and I'm 8 months pregnant. The only way I can sleep is with a big pregnancy pillow, and it takes up about half the width of the bed. Add to that a large 3 year old and a wiggly 16 month old.....Um, yea, we're getting a king!

I like the idea of having them sleep together, though. It wouldn't work for my kids (3 year old would NOT tolerate the baby in his bed!) but it might work for yours. Worth a try.

But you might just have to get a larger bed...

first of all, congrautlations on your new baby!

I have two pieces of advice from a mom in a similar situation:

1. Have the kids sleep together. There will be a warm body to snuggle with and it won't be you. This works really well for us with a 6 year old girl and a 20 month old boy. They snuggle like kittens.

2, Buy a king size bed. Even that won't be big enough but it will help. In my situation, fighting that was just a waste of time. I wish we'd done it right away.

Well, I see most advice have been to lock your door. If your children are anything like mine, they would scream, cry, beat on the door, and the nights would be everlasting. We tried to learn with our 2nd and put him in his bed in his room at night. This worked really well until he was old enough to notice that big brother was sleeping in our room. So we tried a "chain" for big brother. For every night he stayed in his room all night, we made a construction paper link for his chain. After 5, he got a prize. This worked for a while. Now, they are 6 and 8. They go to bed in their bed and at some point most nights they end up in our bed. We got a king size bed this year. We are in the same boat, my husband wakes at 3am for work (also, my 8 yr old sleeps at an angle:) Most nights, there is only one child in the bed when hubby gets up. The other comes in around 5 or 6ish. I try really hard to enjoy it. There are less and less nights they both end up in the bed. I know they won't be high-schoolers still coming into bed with mommy. For now, I love seeing their sleeping faces and waking to a little leg wrapped around mine (and I really love giving them kisses while they're still asleep)
Sorry to not offer a solution, sometimes it's easiest (and warmest) to give in and get a bigger bed.

In my experience (my kids are also 2 and 4) the only way to get them to stay in their bed is to take them back every time they get up. It may be exhausting for you since you are pregnant, but it will be even harder when you are waking every couple hours to feed a newborn. You have to just tell them "you have to sleep in your own bed" and take them back to bed. It may take several times every night for a week, but if you don't do it now, you'll only have to do it later on, and they might be more resistant

maybe spend some sleepless nights taking the time to walk them back to their beds and reassure them, but make it up to them by declaring one special night a week "slumber party night" and sleep together as a family. or, set up a cool tent or sleeping bags in your room with flashlights and popcorn and let them sleep on the floor that night so you still get some rest. :)

I second having the kids sleep together- if they don't share a room they should or if they do, try having them sleep in the same bed.

I have a door knob thing on my bedroom because they were walking in my room all the time to dig in stuff and bug me. But they know that at any time they can come and knock on my door and I will be there! With you pregnant you REALLY need some rest (remember that rest helps your body create new cells and stay healthy and since your body is supporting a new life this is very crucial.) Also, your husband needs a good night's rest too!

I know that a lot of people bed share with all their kids. But it just doesn't work for everyone and obviously it is not working for you. We cosleep with my 19 months old and I finally get up and move to the sofa because neither of us sleep well..and we have a king size bed!

S., mom to 4 girls ages 5,4,3,19 months and expecting our first boy the end of February!

I agree with your husband, lock the door. Sit down and have a serious talk with them about sleeping in there own bed. If they truly need you they can knock on the door. Then you can take them to there own bed and get them a glass of water. Eventually that habbit will need to stop also. Best of luck. This is exactly what we did as kids...or if we were scared we slept on the floor. Its uncomfortable and we rarely slept on the floor. When we were younger we sleept in parents bed but they put a stop to that. It was a good move for all of us.

maybe do a sticker chart for every nite they stay in their bed and then once a week get them a reward for 7 stickers. Of course explain the stickers and be really excited about it when they get the stickers. Just an idea. you wouldnt have to lock the door and maybe the first week give them 1 warning/reminder a nite and take them back to bed. Good luck!

Well I am with your hubby, I think locking the door is a great move. They are old enough to be told that they can come and knock if they really need something but that otherwise they must stay in their beds. You really need as much rest as you can get right now with another baby on the way and if you don't nip it in the bud, you will just have three in the bed with you in the not too distant future. It is fine for kids to know they don't have total access to their parent's bedroom especially at night. If someone were hurt or scared they can knock, you are a mama, you will definitely hear them:) Congratulations on your new arrival!!! :)

Had the same problem with my kids. When they were little, they slept with me for ease of nursing, then they didn't want to sleep in thier own beds. We would sit with them till they fell asleep, and they woudl still climb into our bed. I need my sleep. There is enough having to get up. Locking the door was the only thing that worked. They just went back to bed. Now, the nighttime climbs into our bed are rare enough to be welcome, and we only lock the door when we require privacy.

S.,

I'm with you about locking the door. It sure seems tempting, but you still want them to feel secure and that you're accessible. It sounds like you just need to set up some boundaries and make it something positive for the little ones. Maybe try explaining to the children that they cannot sleep with you because you need to get your rest for their baby brother/sister that's coming. Make up some "Snuggle Time", "Reading Time" or "Special Treat" certificates for an ice cream at McDonald's (for one example.) Make a BIG DEAL about who is going to be a big boy/big girl and stay in their own bed all night, and that Mommy and Daddy have a special reward for that. You may even want to stretch it out onto a chart! 1 night = ??? 3 nights in a row = ??? When they get up in the middle of the night, remind them, "Now, you have to go back to your big girl/boy bed because we want you to get this special treat! Remember?!"

Bribery? Yup! But sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do to reinforce the desired behavior! (Ha ha!) Good luck and I hope this helps. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!! What a blessing!

In Christ,
M.

I have never had to deal with this issue since my 3 yo daughter refuses to get out of her bed unless I come up to get her, but if I did, I would just continue to put them back in bed as soon as they come to your room. I would also try to make some kind of reward chart for them staying in their own beds. After a week, they could get some sort of prize or something (make this individual so that if one of them gets a prize and the other doesn't, that will make an impact and possibly help change the other's behavior). That, coupled with simply not allowing them to stay in your room should work in time. Good luck! I'm not sure I would lock the door either, but the bottom line is, even if you did lock the door, they could make enough noise outside of your door to wake you up if they really needed you, so I don't think that's such a big deal if it came down to that.

We started teaching our daughters very young that our room is our sanctuary. I'm sorry, but, I believe that parents need their space, and, that children should respect it. Our children are not allowed in our room even to just pop in. Every now and then, I will call them in there, or, there might be an "emergency" while I am in the shower. Other than that though, our room is our room, and, their rooms are their rooms. Same goes for our bathroom. They better have a pretty good reason to be coming in our room!!!
Anyway, I agree to just keep taking them back to their beds. Don't wait for them to get in the bed and get cozy. As soon as you see or hear them / one of them coming in your room, turn them around and walk them back to their bed. (You should not be carrying them if you are, especially when you are tired!). Talk to them before they go to bed and explain that if they wake up, they need to go back to sleep. Heck, our daughter fell asleep EARLY last night, and, it was on the couch. We decided to just let her lay their as she seemed pooped. Anyway, I heard something and looked out in the middle of the night, and, she was walking to her bed.
So, trust me, they will eventually get the hang of it, and know not to come into M. & daddy's bed / room anymore if that is what you want.
This is also coming from someone who kept her babies in her room with her until they were a year old! So, I know it can be done, it just takes repitition!
Just wanted to add - I have a friend that did the sleep on the floor thing, and, now she has a 4 yr. old that refuses to have ANYTHING to do with her own room now. So, I don't think that works for everyone, and, you definitely can't have any privacy if they are still in the room with you. I also have another friend who did not break this habit, and, she has a 10 yr. old that she can't get out of her bed now. So, don't think it will "just end" on its own if you don't do anything about it!! It might for some, but, it is even harder for some the longer you wait to get them out.

Hi S.-I know exactly how you feel...I have a 9, 6, and 3 year old who all have sleeping issues. My husband and I have tried everything and so for now we just all sleep in separate beds. I was so tired of not getting any sleep that I now sleep in my son's room with him-he has double twin beds. There have been times that all my kids are in my room and my husband and I are upstairs...it sounds crazy but you do what you have to do unless you want to be a zombie all day!! We just laugh about it! You reach a point where you will sleep anywhere to get rest! The saying is really true..."kids change everything!"
Hope you get a good night sleep soon...even if it's in the kids rooms! :)
Elizabeth

We used baby gates in the kids doorways and put a baby monitor in their room. If they wake up in the middle of the night, I lay down with them in their bed and go back to my room after they go back to sleep. It seems to work really well.

I am pretty firmly against children sleeping in bed with parents UNLESS BOTH PARENTS WANT A FAMILY BED. Since it sounds like your husband definitely doesn't, and you probably don't, you need to find a solution.

Personally, I feel that children need to know boundaries (mommy & daddy's room is for mommy & daddy)and need to be able to sleep themselves. There will be many times in the future that they have to sleep through the night on their own. Like all of life's lessons, the earlier they master this, the easier it is.

I understand that you want your children to get you if there is a true need. This is easily solved, but needs work and consistency to put into play. You teach them what you think of as a true need and how to let you know if they have it. You can put up a child gate across the doorway so they can call to you, lock the door and have them knock, whatever works for you, but you must be consistent and firm with this. It is not fair to you, your unborn child, your husband, nor your son and daughter to allow this to continue as no one is getting a good nights sleep.

I am against the sleeping in the same room as it only reinforces their inability to get through the night on their own. It is really important for kids to feel safe and secure in their own rooms/beds. Once the pattern starts of not sleeping alone, it is so hard to break. But, you owe this to yourself and the whole family to solve.

Good luck!

Time to make their rooms the most exciting place in the world so they will stay in their rooms. We got a red race car bed on craigslist, some Lightning Mcqueen sheets, and some race track curtains and he never leaves his race car bed, used to get out of his room all the time with his converted crib toddler bed. Also made a Disney princess room with some sheets, and a couple of pictures on the wall. With you being pregnant sounds like the kids have a big adjustment to the family coming, so why not make them feel special with their rooms and being big kids so they can get used to be older siblings and staying in their beds. Christmas is coming, make their room decor part of their gifts and tell your family your theme and I'm sure they'll help buy stuff as gifts. We did that for their birthday and friends gifts helped finish the rooms off. They can't wait to play and sleep in their rooms now. Been a life saver for us.
Good luck, you and your husband need your rest you deserve it, parenting is a hard job.

Maybe you could set up sleeping bags in your room for them. Your 4yo should be able to understand that it is fine to be close to mom and dad, but can she please sleep in her sleeping bag like a sleepover. Your 2yo may or may not understand, but if he sees sister do it maybe he will follow. I think it is totally normal for kids to want to be with their parents at night. The US and other "forward moving" countries have been trying to shove kids out on their own too early IMO. I also understand the tight bed, :) so that is why I think the sleeping bags might be a good compromise. :) They WILL out grow this so don't worry too much.

my sis had the same problem.S he would "break " her childs door. SHe would reverse thhe child proof door knob cover(put it on inside of the room so were your child couldn't open the door.( not good for potty issues).
You could always lock your door so they can't get in your room.
Try doing a reward system for geting them to stay in their room.We used a treasure box. (fill it with small stuff from a $$store.we ysed the $$ area at Target).
Each time they stay in their room at night they can go to the treasure box and choose something.
It worked so well for my son we forgot to use the treasure box as a reward b/c he was good every night. We eventually gave him everything in the box.
Good luck!