Son Does Not like Eating!

Not all my children have been picky but for the ones that have and to get them to eat more vegetables I have recently bought a book written by Jerry Seinfeld's wife called deceptively simple. It helps you put vegetable into their diet without them knowing. By disguising it it food they already like. Hope it helps, it helped me a lot, never thought I would get them to eat squash.

If you want it to stop, than make the decision and be firm about it! Right now he knows he can be picky because you'll give him a push up. Even if he skips a meal, soon enough he will be hungry enough to eat what you put before him. They won't starve themselves.

Hi, K.. I read a great book a while back that really changed my view of getting kids to eat, especially since I was raised the way the book says NOT to do it. It's called, "My Child Won't EAT!: How to Prevent and Solve the Problem" and it's by Carlos Gonzalez. You can read more about it here:

http://www.amazon.com/MY-CHILD-WONT-EAT-International/dp/...

It talks about not even having a choice of junk food in the house so that you can't give it to him even if you wanted to, since you don't have it. It also talks about how children WILL NOT let themselves starve, and will eventually eat from the healthier choices they do have. I personally feel like children need to listen to their own bodies to know when they are hungry and sleepy, and if they are told they HAVE to eat even if they aren't hungry, that can be an easy beginning to eating problems later on. I hope you can find a balance soon, for your own peace of mind.

Peace,
K.

Hi K.,
I'm a very relaxed mom about eating, probably to the point where some people would judge me for it, but what ever.
My son ate great as a toddler, I never fed him formula or canned baby food, it was all home made and fresh, so I thought he'd be a great eater, to my surprise he grew to be so darn picky, he lived off of noodles, hot dogs, corn dogs, cereal, and thats about it... But there were some things he loved, freshly juiced Orange Juice, probably because it was fun to make, "Trees" or Brocoli, because He'd pretend he was a dinosaur eating trees. And Carrots with Ranch. He hated cooked veggies which is GREAT with me, I think raw is better. Well we survived, slowly he started introducing new foods to his menue. I bought a better homes and garden child cook book, him seeing the pictures of the kids making food made him curious, they were on his level, and they were funky foods too, like peanut butter and bacon sandwhiches, so I let him plan his menue, we hardly ever ate the same thing together, I had my dinner and he had his, Is that right or worng? I dunno, but it worked for us, I would be so pissed if someone made me eat something I didnt want to eat, Make me eat Rhy bread today and I'll fist fight you over it (lol) so I wont do that to my son.
I bribed him now and again to atleast try something new, sometimes he would, other times he wouldnt. I switched from milk to chocolate milk, that worked for the milk department. and I'd give him flinstone vitamines (or what ever kid vitamin) But over the years, he's increased his menue so much to the point where now he eats what we eat, he'll even eat something even if he doesnt think its that good,(except peas, he hates peas)
He's 12, never gets sick, I cant remember the last time he had a cold, atleast 2 years ago, so I believe he's healthy, he's strong, he's gaining weight.
I would say just keep trying new fun recipes,and bribe if you have to, maybe get him involved in making the food will help, and give it time. He'll grow out of it, I think, I do have one friend who still lives off of mac-n-cheese, and he's in his 40's.
GL

Basically, the way I think about it is this... Would you eat something you hated? I know I wont! And I dont expect my children to either. My 9 year old is fairly picky, but she knows she has to try something first even if she says she has had it at school or someone elses home, if I have never fed her it she has to try it. I dont go out of my way to feed my kids only foods they like but I dont force my kids to eat something that is going to make them gag! Personally, I HATE liver, always have, always will, so I think about forcing myself to eat it, then I think about forcing my daughter to eat green beans, and I imagine that she would feel the same way I do. Everyone has different likes and dislikes and I think we tend to think just because we think something is good that our children will like it too, which is actually pretty unfair. I believe in having your kids try new things, even several times, but never make a child go hungry and never force them to eat something they really hate. There are other healthy alternatives, even a P B & J is better than going hungry, and you are not "giving in" to your kids just because you want them to eat and be healthy, you are showing them you respect their choices. My daughter now will not eat very many cooked veggies but she always asks for fresh carrots, apples, grapes, oranges etc. We make smoothies together using small amounts of tomato juice, carrots, fresh fruit, yogurt etc and she loves them. She can go to the store with me and I will tell her to pick out snacks for school lunches and she will pick out granola bars with reduced sugar content! So, she is capable of making good choices given the opportunity. And if you educate your children on the pros and cons of healthy eating, they may surprise you with choosing stuff they like and that is good for them also.
Good luck, and dont let this stress you out, you dont have to give in to the pushup, but giving your son other options to choose from may have benefits!
Shane

K.-
I have had that same problem with my kids and I tell them that my home is not a resturant and they can eat what is served or wait till the next meal. That has worked pretty well for me. I think it is important for kids at an early age to get used to lots of foods . They cannot just have one thing forever. I tell them they need to have " a courtesy bite" of everything that is served (meaning just a tiny bit.) I hope this or some other similar method works for you. It's a lot easier to work with young kids than it is to let them get away with things until they are older and then start trying. Good luck! P.

my son is also a picky eater. i make him at least try what i serve him and i dont' give him a big helping. and that way if he likes it than he doesn't realize how much he has eaten. and if he doesn't eat it he doesn't get anything til breakfast. and he knows this. and i try to compromise with him-i'll make a side diah that i know he loves so that way he is eating and try something too!!!

Hi K.,

WOW! I guess I'm alone on this one! I do not agree with most of these responses. I feel having your child go to bed hungry is crule!!!

My son is a picky eater. I believe he should taste everything, and sit with the family for the whole meal. If he doesn't finish what I think is reasonable, then no desert, but I always give him a healthy snack of his choice before bed.

As a child I was made to eat everything on my plate and not get up from the table--today I am 42 and still remember how that felt!! I do believe, like the one mom said that it leads to eating problem later in life. I do not believe kids do this to get parents mad, they just have different likes, and can you imagine having someone make you eat something you hate--it's mean!

So, I hope you will not consider most of the advise given, and just be more relaxed. As he grows older his taste buds will change. Yes, I feel they should eat healthy, but is forcing them to eat or making them go hungry really the way to go?

Hi - I agree with most of what Cindy G said. Alot of times it isn't that they don't want to eat, it's that they would rather play. As a child I refused to eat mashed potatoes and would stuff them in my napkin, under my plate, anywhere not to eat them. One night I actually sat at the table til 8 pm when dad said I would sit there til they were gone, and was only allowed up to go to bed. After that, they no longer tried to force me to eat them, but would instead let me eat other dinner items on the table that I did like. You can't force kids to eat anything, but making them sit for the 30 minutes of dinner with the rest of the family often prompts them to at least try different food and eat something nutritious. Best of luck to you!

I have been through this a number of times. We have done the "save the meal for when he's hungry" this is a good place to start. If he refuses to eat what you've made for him, have him stay at the table until you all are done eating. If he still refuses to eat, cover his plate, and put it in the fridge for when he's hungry. Let him know that he will not get anything to eat except what was prepared for him. If he goes through the night without eating, then it's because he's being stubborn. We have on occasion even given last nights dinner for breakfast the next day. He will not starve to death, and the vitamin will help him so he isn't unhealthy.

My son is 11, and we still have this issue sometimes. He knows he will not get any candy, fruit snacks, granola bars, anything.....unless he eats his dinner. The only time we let him slide on the rule, is if we make one of our favorite meals, that we know he DOES NOT like, then we will allow him to eat something different.

I hope you figure it out!!!!

While I respect that this may be just a bad habit. I want to offer another suggestion. I have a son with special needs. One of his issues is called "Sensory Integration Disorder" And it has a HUGE impact on his food choices likes/dislikes. Having SID doesn't mean your child is a special needs kid. EVERYONE has sensory experiences that they don't like scratchy clothing tags, too tight/too loose clothing, doesn't like the texture of foods, prefers crunchy to soft. But in Kids with SID these things are magnified. Think about the things your son doesn't like see if there is a common factor. Like my son doesn't like foods that are mushy or mealy feeling, like potatoes, or eggs, or oatmeal. If there is a common factor, he may benefit from some visits with an Occupational therapist to help him work through the feeling.

Hi K.,

Looks like you've had a lot of responses to this. This has got to be one of the things that almost every parent deals with. I have a four year old also. I also have an eight year old step son. The boys have to at least try everything that is served at every meal. We even try to do this at family gatherings and when we have people over to keep the habit. It's really hard for them and us sometimes, but it is good for them to learn to try stuff even if they don't think that they would like it. If it is something that they don't like then we only give a very small portion (like, one little bite). We try not to buy stuff they don't like because who wants to eat something that they don't like over and over again. They always have to eat veggies. This was especially hard for my step son. He and his dad didn't eat veggies when I met them. My boyfriend's doctor told my boyfriend that he had to start eating his vegetables, so now the whole family does need to eat their vegetables. It helps to start slow. You can use the same reward system for a while until you son starts eating better consistently. Let him have the push up after he eats. Next time, let him have half of something after he eats. Then, after he is eating good, tell him that he can have a treat later with you. Something special for the two of you to enjoy. Reward him with a movie or a special event for the both of you to share. After a while, he may be eating without the reward.

I use to babysit for a lady who had two daughters. They refused to eat most of the time. So she made a deal that three days out of the week they would have six small meals and the other days would be REAL meals. The six meals were healthy and snack. For example she would give them plain popcorn and then the next time would be a fruit cup and then would be some chicken nuggets. The real meals were tv dinners (when I babysat) and they only ate half of them. They were quite thin but they did eat and the doctor said that they were healthy. They just didn't have appetites as large as others. I had a boss at work that hated the feeling of being full so he only had half a sandwhich and a fruit cup or pudding cup or something for lunch. He only ate enough to take away the feeling of being hungry. DOn't feel quilty for fixing something else. My son is the same way and it is second nature to make sure that there is something on the table that he will eat. I did read a good tip about introducing new foods. You just put a small amount on their plate and tell them that they don't have to eat it but it has to go on their plate. The majority of the time they play around enough that they do end oup tasting it. If they do and ask for more do NOT make a big deal about it. If they ignore it then just keep doing it and then the second or third time it is on their plate ask them to stick their fork in it and just to taste the sauce, juice or whatever from it. Also, my son at some of a pot raost the other day as long as I covered each piece in kethchup. No biggie to me but seeing him eat meat was a HUGE step. He'll also eat a hotdog only when he eats the bun with cheese and ketchup first and then when he wants another one I make him eat the hotdog first before getting another bun.

I've always been the mom who says "you eat what I make or you don't eat at all." And there have been plenty of nights where my kids have gone to bed without dinner, or skipped a breakfast or lunch. I do give them some say, especially with breakfast and lunch, in what they eat. I'll give them two options, "Eggs or pancakes" or "sandwich or spaghetti" so they feel like they have some control, but I won't make them a separate meal just because they don't want to eat what I made. Anyway, they always tend to make up for it at the next meal or the next day by eating a little more. They are both healthy and happy. You're son won't starve himself and eventually he'll eat what you make. You can't always be a short-order cook!

Put food on the table, tell him that's what's for supper and if he doesn't eat it, breakfast is only 12 hours away. He won't let himself starve. When he whines about starving at 9 p.m., go in an talk with him a little and sympathize like mad about the choices he made and how you know he'll make better ones next time -- and remind him that breakfast is now only 10 hours away. Let him have a glass of water, but no food. At 4 he's plenty old enough to understand this -- and plenty old enough to try to game you with his picky eating. The only alternative is that you'll be a short order cook (read: slave) to him forever after, and he'll never feel comfortable with new food.

I know you have a lot of responses but I have the same problem with my son (he is only 2). He has been a picky eater since he started eating. My son would live off milk alone if I let him. Our pediatrian told us to have him sit with us during dinner and have the same food we are eating. If he doesn't eat, he doesn't eat until the next meal. (he does get a small snack between meals, apple or banana slices, etc). This does work when I stick to it, which is hard for me to do sometimes. Good Luck!

hello K.
i have a 4 year old step son and he is teh same exact way...we could usually only get him to eat mac n cheese or pb&j's what worked for us is that we tell him he HAS to eat what is given to him or else he will go to bed hungry... yes, it breaks your heart but when he's laying in bed and says he's hungry you tell him he should have eaten when it was supper time....it's been two months since this has happened and our son is now eating everything we serve him...

Kids will eat when they are hungry. My youngest went through a phase where he wanted something different than what I had cooked. A few hungry nights cured him. Now, I don't mean, I let him go hungry all night, just for the evening. When snack time came around he got to eat and would usually eat the supper I had made earlier. He's almost nine now and not quite so picky. Your son will crave the foods he needs and eventually start eating. Keep offering him the food you cook with plenty of healthy foods and he'll start eating again. Good luck and Happy Holidays.

I have a 3 year old neice that lives with me and we go through the exact same thing with her. Two nights ago she helped me make taco salad and i gave her a few black olives out of the can. Only a couple. She ate them just fine, but when it came to eating dinner she didn't want nothing to do with them cause she said she didn't like them. I told her well then breakfast is in the morning and to go put her plate on the counter. She has learned that she an't goin to get her way just by us telling her that she wasn't goin to get nothing else until the next meal. I stuck too it. I was told when my oldest was a toddler from the doctor.... that kids will not let themselfs starve. And that is a prove fact with my neice and my girls. Also i have to agree with the don't have it in the house and its not there to give. I use to have a candy drawer that would have candy from halloween plus healthy snacks. When my neice came to live with me she learned where that drawer was very fast. I work first shift and all the rest of the adults work second so i have all 5 kids basically in the evening time by myself. I found out that her dad and my husband was letting her eat tons and tons of candy. They tried to stop her from eating it but she learned to go sneak it out of the drawer. I decided to take all the candy out and to not have a candy draw since my neice abused it. I bought more fruits and vegs and put them in the fridge. The candy is not there any more so the guys can't offer it no more. She gets maybe one piece of candy a day if that. So take it out of the situation and it makes things better. GOOD LUCK !!! T.

K.,
STOP THE HABIT NOW! I am 36 years old & still a picky eater. My mom did what you are doing & now I have a husband who does that for me too! I know things have to change for me pretty soon. My husband cooks for himself & our 4 year old. It's usually things I don't like so I make my own meals. My 4 year old has noticed for a while but is now saying he wants what I'm eating (which isn't as healthy as what dad makes). I can imagine how a young child must feel because I want to have a tantrum myself when my husband wants me to eat what he's fixed. I wish that my mom would have been more strict with me. I like the idea from the mother who suggested giving 2 choices. I hope you can find something that works!
T.

There really is only one way to stop the habit and that is if he doesn't eat what you cook then he doesn't eat anything...period. They will not starve they will not get sick they will in the end give in, you just have to be determined, have him at least take 2 bites of everything you put on his plate, in time his taste buds will adjust to the foods you want him to eat not just the foods most little ones like, little guys are amazingly resilent and will almost always follow the "Q's" of thier bodies, and one survival instinct we all have is to give our bodies nutrition.