Step Parenting Help!

IF he agrees to go to family counseling, Great! If not, I think you need to put your daughter first. If she can't have a good relationship with her stepfather this will effect ALL her realationships with men when she grows up. Who spanks a child for throwing up? Dont blame that on his being Mexicans most Mexicans are very loving and kind to their little girls they may be more strict about who are there friends and when will they be home etc but that is done out of love and concern, not out of a desire to control. If everything he does it done out of love and caring and concern for your daughter (not the desire to be in control) than he will agree to family counseling. Bring it up as a good thing for blended families to do, that you want to be a better mother and a better co parents NOT a result of him being a bad dad. If he refuses to go than you need to see him for what he is -overly controlling. Your daughter will one day have to deal with the fact that she has a bio dad who didnt bother to co parent Dont make her deal with a Step Dad who doesnt seem to love her. It doesnt matter how much love you pour on her She will consider herself unlovable if rejected by two father figures. You may need to get away from this man if he cannot change.

First, hang in there. Every family whether step or not has issues of parenting styles that differ and you have to work through them. Probably the best thing to do is to have a talk with your husband - without your child around. Tell him that you know there has been some friction between you and he on how to parent your daughter. You don't want him to feel like you are stepping on his toes, so you feel like you guys need to come up with a plan. Start with basics. Spanking - Ok or No? Ok under certain circumstances. What is a spanking - 1 pop on the butt, a slap on the hand, using a belt, etc. Be specific. Next, food. Tell him you are both trying to eat better and you know your daughter needs to eat better too. However, she is a child, she's not overweight, and she can have some things that you guys shouldn't. Like it's OK for her to have a hamburger every once in a while, or some ice cream, etc. So, what are the guidelines? Once a month she can have fast food? When at home we'll try to cook for her? How are you going to handle if she doesn't like something? My thoughts on the subject are that my kids have to eat what I cook, I'm not making a bunch of food for everyone to have their favorite every night. Next, if they choose not to eat what is cooked, that is fine, but nothing else. No snacks, no other meal, etc. They can wait until the next day for more food. They may be hungry and uncomfortable, but what I put on the plate is edible and if they don't want to eat it, that's fine, but no other food. This seems to work for us and we have never had overly picky eaters. Also, I might make something like spaghetti, rolls, and corn. My daughter doesn't really like corn, but she has to take at least 1 bite. My son may want a second roll, but that can't happen unless he eats all his corn and spaghetti first. My youngest may only eat corn, so he can have more corn if he tries the spaghetti first. See how that works? I don't mind giving a second helping of corn (veggie), but no second on the roll (b/c high in fat and not filling) until the good stuff has been eaten. If you know she doesn't like spaghetti, but she does like corn, pair those together so she will try the spaghetti. Next, discipline in general. If she is rough with the 1 year old, how are you going to handle it? Bring her to you and remind her the 1st time? 2nd offence send her to her room? Timeout? spanking? Just talk through some specifics so you can get on the same page. He IS her father now and he needs to be empowered to discipline her. However, you are her mother and need to protect her if someone is being harsh. That being said, there are times when my hubby is harsh on the kids and I wait until we are alone to tell him that I think he went too far and/or that the punishment didn't fit the crime. We can talk about it, but in front of the kids, I have to back him up so they know we are a unit.

You're right that culture is playing a huge part here. Hispanic cultures have very different ideas from Americans about raising families and treating marriage partners. If he's not willing to hear you and work together on a plan for rules and discipline, you and your daughter have a very difficult time ahead. Please talk to someone outside your family (besides us) to help you decide what to do. If he's not willing to take anyone's advice, then you have to protect your daughter---this is heading for the ditch.

culture is probably your BIGGEST issue. and i'm sorry but if your daughter doesn't normally vomit, vomiting when she ate something she didn't like, yeah i'd be hot too, i have to take your dh's side on that one. If she wasn't sick, she probably did that to get out of eating dinner, and it worked

i think it's just that he's a man in general.

my dh is a little rougher than i am, but i think that's just MAN for you...mom's are way more compasionate than dad's dad's are rough tough fighting machines, and mom's are soft sweet, come to me when your sick hug-a-bear's

maybe you two need to sit back and discuss boundaries...what you will and will not allow him to do with her?? that might help

I normally fully support a step-parent being a parent but I think your hubby needs to take a step back until he can properly deal with a four-year old. Seems like he doesn't know how to handle a toddler.

Having a child eat healthy is not bad, having them try something new or even finish something that isn't necessarily something they want is reasonable. Spanking them for vomitting is not ok and I hope you addressed that.

The two of you need to reach common ground and stick with it because your daughter does need consistency.

As for your daughter playing rough w/ the 1 yr old, she does need to be corrected but the person doing so needs to remember she is 4. The one year old should be reminded to play nice too BUT that baby is just 1 so your daughter is 4 years old (and as you mentioned is more the size of a 6 year old) so she is the older child and at this age 3 years is a big difference. To some degree, it is normal to treat a 1yr old differently than a 4 yr old (especially one you are not responsible for).

As for your daughter's size, as long as she stays active and isn't eating a lot of junk food and the doctor says she is fine...I would not stress about it.

At this age especially, you have to remember that your primary responsibility is to your daughter. Good luck.

Your husband sounds like a controlling abuser. Have you personally experienced the same issues your daughter has with him? It doesn't sound like he is doing anything for her self esteem. Children are just as important, and should be respected as much as anyone else. This girl if raised with a man like this, will certainly turn out to have self esteem issues. I would choose a better parental influence if I were you.