Strong-willed 13 Month Old

Hi K., I have a 10 month old boy who is good at testing me. He is just beginning to understand the word "no" when he tries to grab something he shouldn't like the dog's food and water dishes. I will say no a couple times, then pick him up and move him away from what he is trying to get at. Sometimes he screams and throws a mini tantrum and I say that he can have a toy but not the dog's food for example and ignore his tantrum. Hopefully, with consistency he learns...

He sounds like a very typical toddler! Distraction, supervision, replacement activity, and lots of patience will go a long way with this age. In regards to sharing, it is best that you give a replacement item and/or offer the same thing to all children. What I mean by replacement is if he is doing something dangerous or not to your liking, give him something else fun to to do. Set discipline plans don't really work until age 2 or so when kids have more cognitive ability to 'get it.' A few key sign language signs(i.e.-more, all done, please thank you, up down, etc.) helps the impatience a lot.

My 14th month old is at the same phase! We checked "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" out from the library and are having success with some of the techniques in that. It's by the same pediatrician who did the happiest baby on the block. Good luck!!

Hi K. ;O)
I am right there with you! My 15 month old daughter is the same way & has been for quite a few months now. I couldn't believe how fast she turned from baby to toddler after her b-day in May.
I recently bought the Discipline Book by Dr Robert Sears, co written by his wife Martha Sears RN. I think it is so far a great book. I have only had time to read a few chapters & thumb through a couple more.
Here is a link to amazon. I bought it used & got in with in a week.
Good luck & hang in there. It takes a LOT of patiences as you are already aware I am sure. I wish I had some actual tips for you but I am still trying to figure out what works for me now. The thing I highly recommend it trying to stay calm when he is having his meltdowns ( I know they are surprising to say the least at first) & then trying to get down to his level, put yourself in his shoes & give him words for what he might be feeling.

Be Blessed & hang in there!

K. }ii{

http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Better-Behaved-Chil...

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Editorial Reviews
Product Description
From the bestselling authors of The Baby Book and The Birth Book comes The Discipline Book, the definitive guide to raising happy, well-adjusted, well-behaved children. Seasoned parents of eight, Bill and Martha Sears draw on personal experience and their professional knowledge as childcare experts to provide an authoritative approach to a broad range of disciplinary issues and practices.With focus on preventing behavior problems as well as managing them when they arise, the Searses offer clear, practical advice on everything parents need to know about disciplining young children. Believing that discipline starts at birth, the Searses discuss baby discipline, disciplining the toddler, mother-father roles in modern parenting, saying no, self-esteem as the foundation of good behavior, helping a child to express feelings, the constructive use of anger, good nutrition for good behavior, and sleep discipline.On handling problem behavior, the Searses cover sibling rivalry, spanking and alternatives to spanking, breaking annoying habits, and eliminating bothersome behaviors like whining and talking back. The Searses strongly advocate teaching children values like apologizing and sharing, and explain how to deal with such issues as lying, stealing, and cheating. In addition, the Searses address building healthy sexuality and discipline in special situations such as after divorce and in the single-parent household.

K.,

You could be describing my 17 month old daughter. She has been doing the same things your son has been doing since she was about one year old.

We didn't do too much with discipline, and still don't, but we are setting the groundworks now. If she's just screaming because she's hungry/tired/had enough and doesn't stop we plop her down in the middle of her room, tell her that she can have her tantrum in here, and then close the door almost all the way but leave a hairline crack so she can get the door open.

If she's yelling just to yell we'll look at her and with a calm, quiet voice tell her: inside voices please. Something else that has started to work when she screams/yells at me I'll ask her what she wants in a near whisper. She'll usually quiet her own voice down to bearable levels.

If she's yelling/screaming because she's mad or frustrated or whatever I'll be her voice. Often she'll be playing in her room and let off a super frustrated yell. I'll go in and see what she's doing and say something like: Mommy I want my Baby Doll, but I can't get it out of my crib! I'm mad. Momma help please? She usually calms down after about two words. Our little ones so desperately want to talk with us, but they don't have the words yet.

As an aside: We did the same things with my son who is almost 5 now.

If you have any other questions on disciplining your little man feel free to shoot me a message. I don't have any advice on co-sleeping and weaning, I was never comfortable co-sleeping.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

This is the perfect time for you and the other moms who have responded to read Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay! It's a fantastic book and completely applicable! They've also written one called Parenting Teens with Love & Logic. I borrowed both from the Multnomah County Library. I'm sure Clark County has it too. What is exciting about these books, is that it really works! It's about parenting in a positive way that gives your children choices and learning by natural consequences. Please check it out!!

I have raised 5 children and now do foster care. I also ran a daycare for 22 years. We start at the age your son is now, approximately. We talk to them about asking if they can play with the toy next. Also, letting them know that they can say that they are playing with it and the next child can play with it next. Most children give toys up very quickly when addressed in this manner. He is at a young age to say those things but will quickly learn to comply with the requests when it is repeated often enough and given a chance to start understanding what is being said. We start with timeouts for the tantrums at his age by holding him gently while he throws the tantrum while talking to him. As he gets closer to 15-18 months I started sitting beside them in a quiet spot, gently talking them through the anger. Soon they can be convinced to sit there with some quiet toys, puzzles, books, leap frog alphabet(we have them sit by the dishwasher with the toys on it)until they are ready to make good choices. I only tell them to sit there until they are ready to make good choices about ?????. If they go right back to fight about the toy, or whatever, then they sit for a minute per age that they are old. If they continue the tantrum for a period of time I let them know that the time will start when they are done with the tantrum. Stay calm and talk them through the anger and they will learn to handle things calmly. I.

Dear K.,

My son just turned one last week. I was amazed at his 12month check-up that our ped. took time out to talk about disciplinary tactics. She said not to take for granted how much your little one actually understands what you are saying and that the only things you can really do is "Divert and Distract." The word NO is obvioulsly a big part of that and you are doing the right thing by taking the child away from the "harmful" situation. My husband likes to sit there and and say no till he's blue in the face and I have to explain to him that it doesn't work unless you get up and physically move him and divert his attention to a safe place to play. I have to keep reminding myself that at least this is the "easy" discipline time. Wait till he's 3 then the tantrums come full force! I'm not looking forward to that!

My daughter is 2 months older than your son. She is also an fearless explorer. From the beginning, when she is playing with things off-limit, we let her know it's not ok and very briefly let her know why (hot, dangerous, etc.), then simply distract her with another activity. It works well for the most part, and she absorbs the information even without fully understand it.

Now she understand a lot more and can follow simple rules. Like when I tell her she has to wash hands before meal, she knows to walk to the bathroom. But of course, they have a hard time controlling certain impulses (like wanting your remote control), so when that happens your explanation won't sink in. And the best resolve will be to remove the distraction and show him another activity.

We haven't tried timeout yet. I'd like to hear other moms' experience on timeout on new toddlers.

I highly recommend the book by John Rosemond 'Making the Terrible Twos Terrific'. It is fantastic and he explains why they start behaving the way they do around 18 months (give or take) until 36 months (give or take), and how to take them by the reins and teach them to be nice. One recommendation he makes is to totally baby proof the house and put up and away everything that you don't want him in to, then you don't have to worry about that, or disciplining him. They have "powerful urges" (as J.R. says) such that they just can't help themselves.

I love your question. It's amazing how quickly our children can go from sweet baby to individuals with minds of their own.

Discipline is such a loaded word. It means so many things to different people.

At every age, a new behavior rears it's ugly (or charming) head. I think distraction is the perfect solution to a 13 month old wanting something he can't have. But... I think it's important to make sure to say "No, you can't have that (burning poker, rabid cat, friend's binky)." and then distract. In other words, this a great age for your little one to hear the word "No" and to see that you mean "No". Distraction is a loving way to take the sting out of it.

I think discipline is doled out the same way discussions about sex should happen: a little at a time when needed and something age appropriate.