I have a one year old and a four year old. My one year old is very easy. She has been since about 5 months of age. She naps well, sleeps well and is a sweet heart. My 4 year old is another story. He is acting out in new ways, demonstrating defiance in new ways and generally being a handful. Although, I put him in time out, take away things, and parent like I think I am "supposed to", nothing seems to stick. My big question is; Is it him, or me? I am not sure if his behavior is abnormal or if it is my expecatations. Has anyone else gone through this.. if so, how did you cope? Should I take him somewhere to get help with his behavior or should I take me somewhere to sort out MY behavior!!!!
My daughter did this about the same time as well. i think its a phase. When she acted out i would put her in her room and go stand outside for awhile to get my head straight. when she came out i would put her back in there and back and forth till she got tired... hope this helps
It's just the age. I have a 3.5 year old daughter and boy does she test her limits with me daily. I'm going to continue to be consistent and allow her to be more independent. I've noticed a small change in the last past few days just by allowing her to pick out her clothing, pajamas and etc(small things) and it has made a difference.
I had to come to the realization that she's not a baby anymore and she's growing up. They want to be in control because they have learned more about the world and they want to do more. We just have to pick our battles.
I'm learning that if she's not hurting herself or anyone and she's not being disrespectful, we can manage. She will learn over time. After all, they are kids.
Just be consistent!
Hope this helps.
I have a 4 yr old son and he is going through the same thing. When he doesn't get what he wants, he tells me he hates me and I am mean. I really think it is a phase. Of course my son has a step brother who has shown him the word hate, so I kind of wonder if that didn't come from him, but over all I think what you are doing is good, time outs and taking things away. I bet if you keep that up, and as he gets through this phase, it will get easier. Well at least that is what I am hoping for. I also sometimes ignore him while he is throwing his fits, so that he will know that he isn't going to get his way and when he starts to calm down, that is when I stop ignoring him, so that he will know that when he is good, that is when he will get attention. I don't know, I hope this helps. Sometimes it just helps to know you are not the only one going through the same thing.
Have you watched Supernanny on TV? It is very educational on what things parents do which can turn your kids into little monsters -- and how to turn that around. Course, he might have a condition like being very hyperactive which can be caused by A.D.H.D., food dyes, allergies, etc. or even personality disorders. A good pediatrician should start checking those things out.
If the parenting is a bit dysfunctional, then your little girl may act out later on as well. If not, help the boy find what might be a medical condition and help yourself to a better life. Good luck!
Well I'm not sure if this is good news or not for you:) This is normal 4 year old behavior. They are very good at testing those boundaries of yesterday. As for you, well even though you may not yet see the fruits of your labor, don't give up and continue to be consistent in what you are doing. It will pay off later, hang in there. You might want to sit down (when things are quiet) and make sure that you are allowing enough freedom and trust in his day to day life. Sometimes we have a tendency to "keep" them at the same level when they can handle more freedom and trust. You know more responsibilities. It can be frustrating for them to continue to be treated like a "baby". Sometimes treating them with a bit more trust they show some improvement in their behavior. Taking some extra time just hanging out with them helps too. Let him take the lead for a while in the area of communication/playtime with you.
Best Regards,
C.
Maybe a little bit of both. I've experienced this with my Son. He has some delays and has Sensory Integrations Disorder. He's getting therapy (OT) and play therapy and we are getting counseling to help us enforce the proper consequences for him.
Some kids time out doesn't work. Our Son doesn't get it. If you take away toys or videos, he gets that and it works better as a consequence. If he can't go outside or to the park/mall, he understands that.
Get creative and come up with some other consequences and if that doesn't work. There could be other issues you don't know about. You could get him evaluated, play therapy or counseling for you and your husband as Parents.
We use Love and Logic and Parenting by Design techniques. You might want to try some tips from these programs.
I've had a hard time coping. At times my Son gets aggressive and I need a time out. So, go away for a few minutes and come back. I go and pray and it really helps to cool down first. Feel free to email me and we can vent with each other. I'll be glad to give you my email address or phone. Try journaling that has helped me in the past. Things are getting better for us, now that we are getting to the root of the problem.
You could read some parenting books,etc...
My daughter became a challenge at around 16 months. I put her on a reward system. You can make your own or buy them ready-made. I also do not tell her to do anything that I am not ready to back up. Takes energy but really pays off as they grow!
Boys and girls are different. Boys are loud, aggressive, and fidgety. This is how they are made. It doesn't make them bad. They just need gentle guidance and an appropriate output for their energy. Be consistent in what you will and will not allow. He's testing the boundries, so he knows where they lie. Give him lots of unconditional love and lots of genuine praise and he'll be just fine given some time. I have two boys and at times they drive me crazy because I really don't understand why they do the things they do. I've been reading some great books by Michael Gurian about raising boys and they have really given me insight into how boys of all ages think and why they do the things they do. Good luck!!
