Struggling with This Choice. Need Perspective! (Deciding to Re-home a Pet)

Updated on September 14, 2012
N.G. asks from Arlington, TX
16 answers

I have these two dogs- a 4-year-old chihuahua, and a 2-year-old Boxer (both males). We have had them both since they were puppies. A few months ago, my husband took a job that is now requiring him to travel about 50% of the time. He is gone for weeks at a time. I'm 7 months pregnant and have had terrible back pain since my 12th week, and I also work full time. So needless to say, these dogs are not getting the attention they used to get, and the attention that they deserve!

The chihuahua, despite trying many methods to get him to pee & poop outside, still goes in the house. We have tried everything under the sun, I promise you. This dog is just that strong-willed, I guess. We can leave him outside for three hours, and he will hold his pee/poop the entire time, come inside, wait til we're not looking, and go somewhere in the house. It's so frustrating. We have learned to manage, like keeping him crated when we're not home, and only allowing him to visit certain parts of the house, but now that we have a baby on the way, I don't see this as managable any more. It's unsanitary.

The boxer is a great dog. He's loyal, obedient, and so sweet. The only problem is that our schedule as a family is failing him. I feel terrible that we took on the responsibility of caring for this dog, and we have failed him. I hate it, it's not fair to him, but the reality is that he deserves more.

So I'm struggling with my own guilt, and the fact that I have to break the news to my 8-year-old who is absolutely attached to this chihuahua, that I think we need to get rid of these dogs. If I keep them, they will just stay crated most of the time, and that's just not fair!

I'm not looking for responses to ease my guilt... I made a mistake and took on pets that I ultimately couldn't care for. But I do need some perspective. Am I making the right choice? How can I make this easier on my daughter?

PLease don't make me feel worse than I already do...

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

@ Wendy, our yard is already fenced, but in Texas, we have extreme heat in the summer, and I think it's pretty cruel to leave a dog out in that, especially one as small as a chihuahua.

Birdi, thanks for being TOTALLY unhelpful (and presumptuous), but my eight-year-old DOES help. A LOT. And we don't even have carpet in our house.

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.C.

answers from Dallas on

If you only want answers that make you feel better about a bad decision then you need to go somewhere else. An 8 year old is plenty responsible enough to help with the dogs. If you give her a choice or say since we are having another baby I need you to be responsible for taking out the dogs or feeding them she can help. Kids are much more capable than we give them credit for. I work with a rescue group and when dogs are just given away it changes their personality.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Could you hire someone to come in and walk them during the day? Give the boxer the schedule it needs without you having to worry about it? If the dog is otherwise a good dog, that might be just what he/she needs. You can ask the vet if they know any reliable dog walkers or dog sitters that you could trust.

The little dog....what about explaining to the child that IF you keep the dog, she needs to do x and y to help. You say that your DH has tried to train it. Have you hired anyone to evaluate the situation to see if there's more? Is the dog stubborn or have other issues, like medical problems? You're going to need baby gates anyway, so what about gating the dog to certain areas?

And what does your DH say? How does he feel?

If you still rehome them, consider fostering them for a breed rescue, so that they'll help with the placement but the dogs aren't taking up more of the rescue's space.

ETA: try not to make it all about the baby. If you do, the older child may resent the baby for making the dogs leave. Stick to other current facts if they have to leave and also decide if they both have to go or just one. I would not try to replace them with another pet, because even small critters need their care - cage cleaning, vet care, food...which all falls to you as the adult.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

N. don't feel bad. I always had a rule - if the animal poops or pees in the house twice, it is gone. And I'm talking if the animal did it in the house on purpose. Kind of like if your dog holds it and then comes inside to do it. Anyway, I think you are ultimately making the right choice. It will be more sanitary for your family, and taking care of the dogs plus their mess will take a lot of time away from your baby and little girl, especially when your husband is gone a lot. And maybe you could consider getting a cat. They don't require that much except the cat box, which your older daughter could take care of. That way she'd still have a pet and not be resentful. Just a thought.

4 moms found this helpful

M.E.

answers from Jacksonville on

If you feel that this is too much for you to handle on your own, especially with a new baby, then you are making the right choice. Have you discussed it with your husband? I know it will be hard because you obviously care for your dogs, but sometimes that means doing what is best for them even if what is best for them isn't us, kwim?

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from San Francisco on

You & the baby come first. Pets aren't created the same as humans, but they need care. Pets can also make expected mothers sick', the poop around you it scarry. You are making the reight choice, how about letting your eight year old pick out baby things with you. You could have a baby shower & have the eight year old as "The Big Sister Guest of Honor"!

Good Luck

4 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

ooh N.:

I would feel your pain too...

I'm not an ankle biter (Chihuahua) friend...they are OKAY..but overall? Nope.

The Boxer??? I would LOVE!!!

You will NOT be pregnant forever...so you will need exercise after the baby is born....I would keep the Boxer and find a new home for the Chihuahua!!

It's a hard decision...not one made lightly...I will keep you in my prayers...

4 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I'm with you on the chihuahua, but maybe hold off on the Boxer? Maybe I am just biased because I can't stand small yappy critters like chihuahuas and LOOOOVE big snuggly ones like Boxers.
But, here's the thing. The chihuahua IS a sanitary issue with a soon to be new infant in the house. The Boxer is not.
Now, that said, if you already have a fantastic home figured out for the Boxer, then he might very well be happier getting more attention. But if the alternative for him is NOT a new super fantastic home, then I would keep him. Perhaps with hubby gone so much, he will bond more with your daughter, and her with him?

3 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
i'm so sorry. this has to be hell on you.
while it's ideal if animals are actually family and with us all for life, it's plain fact that sometimes circumstances don't work out and you have to re-home. you'll get toasted for it, but try not to let it guilt you. i absolutely agree with you that finding them good homes beats endless crating. it will be difficult, especially with the little un-housebroken one, but with patience and determination you can do it.
i think honesty and compassion are the best way to handle it with your daughter. 'we love these dogs, and because we do it's very important that we do what's best for them, even if it hurts our hearts. we're not going to abandon them. but we must find homes for them where they will be happier and more settled than they can be with us right now.' and let your daughter mourn.
and yourself too. don't guilt, but it's okay to be sad.
i hope you are able to find the right forever homes for them very soon.
khairete
S.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.W.

answers from Portland on

I do think you are making the right choice for whom it matters most: the dogs.

If it were my child who would be upset, I would gloss over the harder parts of the care for you and talk about what would be best for the dogs. The chihuahua needs a family that will be able to clean up after it immediately. The boxer needs a family to be able to walk it regularly. Babies do make these things hard and while the baby is going to be a lot of fun as it gets bigger, it's not fair to the animals to have to miss out on walks and care.

You may want to find a suitable replacement. This may end up being a small rodent or cat. (Be careful with rodents, as some are nocturnal and need to sleep somewhere that will suppress the noise.) Or you might consider a cat a while after the baby is born. Not a kitten, which will need more care, but a family cat.

2 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Sarasota on

Can u gate the Chihuahua in a place with tile?

Since you asked, I don't think you are making the right decision to rehome them. They aren't aggressive and they are family. Your children are about to welcome a new sibling. Don't associate that with the loss of their beloved pets.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

I.G.

answers from Seattle on

In the end you must do what's best for your family.
I do have to say though, if you have the means to hire a professional trainer and a dog walker then that is what would be the responsible thing to do instead of dumping two dogs that lack training and have issues (boredom and lack of housebreaking) on the next person.
If you can do that, you may even end up with two well behaved dogs that you will love living with, instead if them being a chore.

If you cannot afford to pay for professional help with the dogs, it will be better for them and your family to rehome them sooner rather than later... Every week you let go by without giving them the proper care and exercise they need their issues will built up - especially the boredom.
Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

We had to get rid of our cat after I had my dd. He got in my dds bassinet and pissed on her, when she was only a few days old. I was so mad at that cat, actually Im still kind of mad at that stupid cat. Our neighbor is elderly, loved the cat and wanted him, so he lives with her now. If he sees me outside, he makes sure to run away, little jerk. Next time the little dog craps on something expensive and ticks you off, get rid of him right then, lol. Put adds up, Im sure someone would want a free purebred dog. The little one will probably be easier to rehome than the big one. Dont feel bad, a baby will and should take priority over a dog.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

They make underpants for the chihuahua's issue.
Get a dog door.
Pay for a dog walker.
Get a professional dog-trainer for the chihuahua.

You seem to want to convey that you like (love?) these animals, but your use of the phrase, "get rid of" says it all. You really should try harder to fulfill your commitments. And an 8-year-old is plenty old enough to be pitching in with the walks and cleanup.
You can "get rid of" your carpet and the sanitary issue is no longer a question. That's what we did when we took in my father's aged cat who couldn't control himself. (Besides, what were you planning on doing when these dogs got older and started vomiting all over uncontrollably once a week?)
In short - job issues happen and we cannot always help that, but a baby is NEVER an okay reason to "get rid of" a life you purposefully took responsibility for.

2 moms found this helpful

J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Let me tell you, I have a teacup chihuahua and she refuses to pee and poop outside half the time too. We have gotten puppy pads and she goes on those. (Don't ask me why she does that, but refuses to go outside!)

We've tried everything to get her to go outside! We take her out regularly, like every hour or so, and especially within 15-30 minutes of her eating.

I understand your pain and frustration. Instead of thinking that they need to be crated, try blocking off the kitchen or something with baby gates and then put a puppy pad or something similar on the floor and see if that helps.

*hugs*

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Chicago on

Can you find someone (perhaps a young person in school) to walk your Boxer? I'm sure there is an 11 or 12 year old out there that might want to make a few bucks by walking and playing with your dog.

Your Chihuahua is trying to tell you something, and he doesn't have words so he's going to the bathroom in the house to tell you he's displeased. You could try Rescue Remedy for Pets. Put drops in his water or on some food. You can also put drops on his paws or nose. That's how I got my cat to stop peeing in the house, she was peeing on the floor, and even my bed and pillow! She almost had to go. It basically helps calm the cat or dog, and it works.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

W.H.

answers from Sacramento on

I dont know your financial situation, but is fencing the yard feasible? We were able to fence in a decent sized piece of our yard so the dogs could be outside during the day. we hit several home improvement stores and also feed stores and got some good deals on damaged fencing. we could care less if the top of the metal post is bent or if half of the plastic coating wasnt pretty, or the gate's top curlyques were squished - we just wanted the area fenced! we take turns doing poo-patrol (this could be your daughters job?) make the area big enough that your daughter can go out and throw a ball for them when she gets home - that's excellent exercise! the one (out of three) that still pees in the house occasionally is also a male chihuahua! he only does it if it's raining outside now..took him quite a few years to learn from the other dogs to go outside and do his business. if you do decide to get rid of them, please dont take them to the pound. see if a rescue will take them and offer to help with the costs until someone adopts them. good luck, and i hope you go with fencing the yard.

N. - sorry I figured as a four year dog owner you would know to have a shaded or covered area for the dogs.I'm guessing you dont have a back porch or patio area then. I live in California where it is quite hot also and my three dogs are most often laying alternately in the baking hot sun or on the shaded porch. we also put out (in the shade of course) a hard plastic shallow kiddie pool for them to lay in should they so desire. It just seems like such a simple solution to the house pooping problem to have the dog outside when you are not home. You're "so what happened" made me BWAHAHAHAH, doesnt everyone leave their dogs out to bake?!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions