Teaching My 6 Year Old Not to Lie.

I have a 2nd Grader and yes, they do start trying out lies. We come down pretty hard when she is caught in a lie. fortunately, it is not often. We always tell her that she will get far MORE trouble if she is lying than if she admits she did something wrong....so we have to keep that in mind when she admits a mistake or wrongdoing. We usually "ground" her from something like the TV, or a certain toy, or the computer for a few days. We tell her that lying is never, ever ok and that we will not accept it in any way. We always go back to that yes, sometimes telling the truth is really hard especially when you know you might get in trouble....but you usually always get caught at some time and then you really get in trouble.

Hi J.-

I feel your pain! It feels so disappointing and personal when kids lie. It can feel like we've failed as parents, or that our kids are on the road to deliquency, but...

Every kid lies at some point. To keep from getting in trouble, to get something they want, etc.

The most important thing (this is all my opinion, of course) is not to shame the child. That feels icky for them, and they may feel that they are 'bad'. Telling a lie is a mistake, it's a poor choice. Our job is to help the child see that and teach them the better way.

Talk to him about why he tried to take the car to school (he'll likely say, he wanted to show it to his friends, etc. If he says, I don't know, make some suggestions that you can think of as to why he hadn't told you the truth).

Explain to him why his car couldn't go to school (here is the rule about the car).

Give him examples of why rules are important (we hold hands in parking lots to help keep you safe, etc.)

Read The Boy Who Cried Wolf, and ask him questions about it -- why did the boy lie? How did the people feel about being lied to? What happened to the boy when he lied a lot? What do you think about that? etc.

Express your sadness and disappointment that he CHOSE to not tell you the truth (it's important to stress that it's a choice, and you want to encourage him to make healthy ones). Ask him to think about how he might feel if he lies to you?

And...this is hard: check yourself. Do you tell 'white lies' sometimes, like when a telemarketer calls and you don't want to talk? etc. Kids pick up on little stuff like that.

But mostly, don't panic. :) Help him understand the value of truth and following the rules.

Hope this helps...
Ali

I have a 16 yr old son and we never find him outright lying to us. He might say here and there that he didn't hear us saying that when we believe he did. But that's not that often.

But, when he was young he did try to decieve us. We made him earn his trust back. For instance, I might would make him show you every morning before he leaves everything that is in his backpack or pockets and before I do that I would take his hotwheels away for a few days. I would give in a talk on how important it is that people be able to trust him and that once you lose someones trust it's hard to gain it back.

A. Lynn

First, don't freak out but do treat it seriously. I would tell him (without yelling) that lying is not o.k. & that telling the truth is the nice thing to do. Being six years old, I think he needs a consequence for his actions. I would take his Hot Wheels away for a couple of days (3?). I think taking something away from him for a time period that isn't too long that he would forget about what he had done is a good thing to do. Good luck!

Don't know how old this works until, but a student of mine taught me this 3 years ago (my daughter was 2 1/2 then, 5 1/2 now). We tell her there is a green dot on her forehead when she lies and only her mom or dad can see it. It can only go away when she apologizes. The trick is that if she is lying then she covers up her forehead...therefore the dot works. And if she is telling the truth, she adamantly points to the head saying, "look, look"...might be a stretch but it seems to work with her.

I teach high school, and I tell them I had official training in lie detection in my college courses. They totally believe me. Kind of lying to figure out lying, but I figure if we are to use stories about santa, tooth fairies, then we have to weigh it all out...

Hope that helps...

Wow, you are right, Kindergarten is was a big and unexpected change for me. That is when my daughter started lying too, and I am not sure if it is an age thing, or some kind of strangth in numbers. My daughter never went to day care or preschool either, and is the oldest, so she was exposed to children of families that I didnt know. The things she picked up were pretty disappointing at times. The problem with lying is that for the most part all kids do it, and sometimes we really dont know when they have. We are very religious, so one thing that helped was telling her that even if I didnt know the truth, her Heavenly Father did, and it hurts His feelings to have us lie to him. He can see everything:) I also made the mistake of not punishing her for something if she told me the truth, ie.. if she hit her sister but told me the truth, she wouldnt be punished. Punishment seems the reason most kids lie in the beginning. However, that really did not work, as she was doing stuff she shouldnt do, but getting off easy!! So, we have 3 levels of punishment for things. She will always get in trouble for what she does, if she lies it will be worse, if she tells me the truth, it is not as bad. We also really praise her for her honesty and do so when there are tv shows that discuss it as well. It is hard, but we talk often about how important it is to have people trust you, and for some reason, bringing her school teacher into it really helps. We tell her that her teacher always needs to know that she is a truth teller (I wish I could figure out why she is more interested in pleasing her teacher than me, but I have to use what I can!)She has recently started to have to write some small paragraphs about what she lied about and that she wont do it again, but he might be too young for that. Finally, I try to eliminate the things she has to lie to me about, she gets to make as many of her own choices as possible, but there are times when she wont tell the truth. I will tell you, she always comes to me later, usually at bed time and tells me what has happened. It is amazing how even at 6 guilt can get the best of her. Best of luck to you, I know its not fun when your little ones grow up! ~A.~