The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands - Newark,OH

Is of aboslutely of no use if you're married to an abuser or narcissist or both.

Not saying you are, merely that it's like offering arsenic to someone dieing of cyanide poisoning.

I loved it, and I hate books like that. Big eye opener for many women , complete drivel to others. Either way it's worth reading.

I read it about 2 years ago when my husband and I were going through a rough patch and I was taking a "woe is me" attitude. I read it because my sister (an EXTREMELY independent modern woman who runs 2 small businesses), of all people, pointed out that I might not be doing the best job that I could be doing as a wife. I found much of it very helpful to both see myself through my husband's eyes, and to see HIM through his eyes. Has helped immensely!

I hate Dr. Laura. I'd rather poke my eyeballs out with a stick than read anything of hers.

Dr. Laura? No thanks.

Jane: "She's pretty h*** o* woman for being what we naturally tend to be: complaining, nagging, criticizing"
Who is "we?" Speak for yourself, please.

Just the title itself is offensive to me in so many ways, my husband is my "partner in crime" and my best friend, not my PET. geez.

not a fan of self-help books. I prefer honest, open communication... without catering to each other's needs. Giving of yourself should be from the heart....not the result of someone else's neediness. :)

I am the direct result of having a needy father....& then FIL. I saw how destructive it is for the wife to try to be "a better wife". In both cases, the husbands were unhappy with themselves & expected the wife to fix it all. Not my thing!

I am sooo thankful my husband does not follow in his father's footsteps.

I loved it. I bought it by accident. My wife gave me a gift certificate to B Dalton and happened to be walking past one of their stores when I thought I might find something to spend my gift certificate on. I had looked for a while and hadn't found anything and was on my way out when the title happened to catch my eye. I thought I was buying a cook book.

From what I've found, women either love it or hate it, no neutrals. (Example: Sarah L and her many flowers) Most women that hate it can't get past the title and haven't read more than the first chapter. And from reading the first chapter they condem the entire book. My wife and I had been arguing for years about some of the topics covered in this book. She thought I was the only one that felt that way. After I read the book and gave it to her, she read the book. She found out I was the norm, not the one of a kind. It helped our marriage tremendously. I just wish it had been written long enough ago to have been given to us for a wedding present. It would have saved a lot of misery and arguement.

As you can see from reading the posts here, most of the women are highly emotional about the book. It appears most of the emotionaly charged denounciations come from those that have only read the flyleaf or at the very most only part of the first chapter. You've heard the quote, "You can't tell the book by its cover"? The responces are a confirmation of that quote.

After having read the book, I thought so much of it, I gave a copy to each one of my married kids. And as I expected, the spouces I expected to not like the book, refused to read it.

You can't tell what the entire Bible is by just reading Genesis or Matthew.

I hope you read and enjoy the book. It will help wives understand their husbands better and it will help husbands understand their wives better.

Good luck to you and yours.

ew. ew. ew.
khairete
S.

Jane said it very well. Lots of women HATE it. Lots of women LOVE it. And many many more find useful information in lots of it and discard the rest.

If you are interested in being a better wife to your husband, I would say that it can't HURT to read it. I got a lot out of it. Particularly the male ego/brain stuff.
It would be interesting, Dad on Purpose, if you would post your thoughts after you are done reading it.... does it relatively accurately reflect how a man tends to think/react/respond?

I figure if my husband is fed almost daily--we're good! LOL

I think the premise of this book is to treat your husband the way you would like to be treated if you could wrap your brain around what motivates a man. I haven't read it. Many have and many will report improvement in their relationships. Makes sense, right? Do unto others.....age old advice.

I haven't read the book. I did, however, used to listen to "Dr. Laura" on AM Radio a lot. I had a long commute to school and at night, I needed something to keep me awake. Well, she did the trick! Most of the time I would get my blood pressure up so high listening to her, it would take me a while to calm down once I got home.

She pimped her book A LOT on her show. I don't fault her for that. I do fault her for the surrounding psychobabblology she spewed at people. She takes a few principles anyone could learn from a Psych 101 class, mixes in her ultra-conservative agenda, and applies to ANYONE who has the misfortune to think this woman can help her. She is unkind and seems so much more concerned with assigning blame (on the woman) in any kind of time of hardship.... Not only do I not think she is interested in helping to solve problems, I think she perpetuates them! It keeps the ratings up on her show and helps sell books after all. This is also a woman who keeps the fires burning on the "war" between SAHM and "working mothers."

I agree that a woman should be a "girlfriend" to her husband as well. I do not believe that if a man cheats, it is the wife's fault for failing to be a good "girlfriend".

I agree that having children means you should prioritize them. I do not believe that if a mother works outside of the home before her children are in high school that she is demeaning her entire family structure and inviting her children to be social deviants or her husband to cheat on her.

I agree that woman tend to nag. I know I do. I also agree that men see the world differently than women. They prioritize differently, they assimilate different, they react differently.... yes, yes, yes. I do not agree that women should shut up and take it because when they married this man, they married him and all of his flaws with no hope of improvement or evolution. I also don't agree that reminding your husband to turn off the TV and mow the lawn is inviting him to cheat on you.

So, I admit, my objections to Dr. Laura are not to her book. I haven't read it. Perhaps I may listen to it on "tape" the next time I am driving late at night and need something to keep me awake.

I have, I actually liked it, but if you are very fifty-fifty you will hate it.

It can be a bit condesending to the men and make the woman seem manipulative.

BUT I think the basics are treat people how they want to be treated and you'll have more success getting what you want than if you have tantrums and act crazy and pouty expecting him to read your mind.

I like the site goodreads.com for book reviews. have you read up on what others have said?

Sarah took the words right out of my mouth.

:-)

I saw it mentioned a lot on here and I came across it at Goodwill for $1.99 so I bought it. I did read it and I did like it, although I did not agree with it 100%. There are some good things you can take from it and I do suggest it on here on occasion. Mostly because it gives some good insight on how men think. I think its basically that if you treat others the way you want to be treated, then they in turn will do the same for you. =)

well as you may or may not be aware anything Dr. Laura is controversial. She's pretty h*** o* woman for being what we naturally tend to be: complaining, nagging, criticizing... I thought it was an eye opener and I think every woman ought to read it at least once if not once a year. I say read it and take what you can from it discard the rest. Its been a while since i've read it, but I remember thinking it was pretty highly valuable information and a good reality check. If I remember, most people who took offense to it thought it was pretty one sided. I agree, its not a couples book on marriage, its a message to woman for what they can do better and not a message to men about their shortcomings. I personally was not offended at this perspective. But I do think Dr. Laura tends to have a vendetta against woman and has a soft spot for the plight of men. That makes her a pretty lone voice, but it does not mean she does not offer a valuable perspective, though difficult for some to swallow.

Christina N., I think both men and women have natural tendencies that need to be overcome for great relationships. For example, men need to overcome the tendency to sleep with a variety of woman and be faithful to one.

I read it about a year and a half ago. It must not have made a huge impact on me because I only vaguely remember the details. I think it basically said men are simple creatures, feed them, give them sex, take care of them and let them think they're in charge. And in return, they'll treat you like a queen. Something like that. It was kind of an "eh, whatever" book for me.

I loathe self help books. Communication is best, and if things get rough, that's what counseling is for. That being said, I'd get the book to keep on the shelf, because my husband often jokes, "It was either get married, or put me down. And we couldn't afford the vet bill." Then again, he often calls himself a, "Giant dog." So it fits.

We're reading it now.

It actually gets mentioned ALOT on this site. I'd tell you all the other things that get mentioned...but it'd ruin the surprise. :)

I have never read that book, but I did just get done reading The 5 love languages. I really liked it. It basically explains the 5 languages and how to figure out which one your spouse is and ways to make them feel more loved. It's not about how to change your spouse. Most of the time if you make your spouse feel more loved then that will bring you closer and make them want to make you happier and more loved. He tells examples of how couples that are about to get a divorce end up being very happy and it can help a good marriage be better. Me and my husband have a good marriage because I think he figured out my love language by himself. It helped me realize what makes him feel more loved. I would recommend this book to anyone in a relationship. Hope this helps.

I think she's is a fraud and a creep. I don't need to read her book to know that, just listened to her radio show a couple of times, that was enough of the "doctor" for me.

Click the link below for a bio on the "doctor" some of you are taking advice from. It'd be funny if it wasn't directed at people who need help.

http://www.nndb.com/people/427/000022361/

I guess if my marriage were in trouble I would read anything that might help but I'll spend my time talking to my husband about life's challenges and how to maintain our strong marriage instead of taking advice from someone like that!

Hi J.,

Good for you for wanting to improve yourself - most people are looking for how to change their spouse!!!!!!

I feel pretty much the same way about Dr Laura that I feel about Steve Harvey. They're both really just opposite sides of the same coin.

However, I think you might find some information in the book that speaks to you.... so even a bad read is worth a read. Whatever motivates you....

The one thing I will say..... is that the book does indicate that you (as a woman) do have a lot of power to affect change in your relationship, even if it's just you making the changes.

Fireproof is another "story" based on the "one person can change a whole marriage" philosophy.

So - in cases where you are not married to a PARTNER (or your partner is not interested in taking specific concrete actionable steps to change your relationship dynamic), but you also aren't married to someone who is abusive, AND you BOTH hold extremely traditional views of what your "roles" are in your relationships this book might be helpful.

In any case...... I hope that you find what you are looking for!

I have heard this book was good, but haven't read it. Other books that I can suggest to you that are phenomenal are His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. They are really wonderful books to help build the best marriage you can.
Edit:
@Dawn- I totally had that same reaction to His Needs, Her Needs too! I would never in a million years cheat on my husband and I don't believe he would either. However, it was good food for thought as to how many infidelities do happen in marriage and to me-that knowledge is proactive power. My husband and I get bogged down in communicating with each other in a way that is most effective to the other, so these books help to validate frustrations or shed light from an entirely new perspective.
@J.- I say read the book. Take from it what is helpful to you and forget the rest.

HTH,
A.

It's an interesting perspective. Some good stuff. It is from the woman taking care of the man side, so you go into it with that expectation. Don't buy it, get it from the library first. If you like it and think you'll read it again, buy it :)

Nope but after reading this I think i am going to download it :)

I'm sure that I'm in the minority here but aren't we past the times where we need to dote on our men? A much better (IMHO) is the love languages book. It shows how certain people feel loved in certain ways. Its invited a two way communication versus just the woman pleasing the man. A man in turn should do what he should to be a good husband.

I haven't read it but have heard Dr. Laura on the radio mention parts of it, etc. I like her very much but my guess is most of you won't like her so I would assume you wouldn't like the book either. From just hearing her, not reading her, I think she has great advice often and not just for those on the brink of affairs or bad marriages. If I was you I'd get a used copy on Amazon and if you don't like it pass it on to someone else.