The Scrooge in the Family

Last year my kids asked me to change my plans, for the holidays. My birthday is Christmas Eve and everyone came for dinner and I planned to hand out their gifts after dinner. My daughter wanted to host a dinner at her house and do the gift exchange then, so okay I went along. I box up the gifts and take them to my daughter's home, we have dinner and the gift exchange begins. I helped the grandchildren open their gifts and ooo and ahh for everyone ---- then the gifts are all handed out and NONE for me. I received nothing. Mind you this was a year and 5 days after my Mom died.
I was crushed.

One year my mom called and says she invited my Aunt to Christmas (it's usually just my sibs, the kids, and my parents). Great. Well, aunt suggested that the adults exchange handmade presents. Great. Took a little more time, but we made trivets and ornaments for everyone.
A huge snowstorm hits and the aunt s the only one who decides not to drive an hour and a half in the snow.
I gave my brother and his fiancé a chunck of cement and salt dough ornaments and they gave me a GPS (naturally this was before everyone had it On their phone)!!!!
Felt like a heel.

Growing up I had a stepmom whose mom did NOT like me for some reason... even though I only saw the lady 3 times a year at family functions.

I remember one year, she sent over pajamas for everyone to open on Christmas Eve, and wear to her house in the morning to open gifts with the entire family. Guess who was the only kid (out of 6) who didn't get a pair? My dad told me that the Christmas tree ate my gift. :/ (I was 8 years old at the time...) I was so sad the next morning, when there were 20+ kids in their cozy new PJs and I was stuck in my ratty old ones. Oh, and guess who only got one tiny little gift while everyone else opened at least 5? My dad took me to buy a pair of PJs the next day, but it sure didn't erase the hurt.

I would be grateful that I don't have to buy her anything.

We don't have the scrooge issue in our family; we have the opposite problem. People go too over-the-top and I think it's ridiculous. I wish we would just buy for the kids. I have no idea what other adults need or want. How about we all just buy ourselves our own gifts and call it even? :)

You are calling her scrooge because she bought herself a new outfit with her own money but doesn't have money for adult children?

My son was over this evening, I asked what he wanted for Christmas. He said mom! after everything you did for me, I don't need a thing! I think I really appreciate my kids right now.

After reading your what happened, got it. :)

I don't know, I think I'd tell her that you can't come over before dinner so that she actually has to cook the meal. But that's just me being bitchy after reading this ridiculous account of her lording over her gifts to herself over you after telling you that you don't get a gift. Seriously, I'd be late for dinner...

We have a very small family and luckily none of them are scrooges. However, if I were you and she said that to me, I would have said something like, "oh my gosh, didn't you just say you weren't getting any adults presents because you can't afford to but now you spent a bunch of money on yourself?" I tend to call people out on their b.s. I also agree that next year you can just announce to everyone that you think its a great idea for all the adults to just buy for the kids and do the Angel Tree instead. That would solve a ton of issues. lol Good luck.

I wouldn't call her a scrooge...just bad at managing her finances.

I can definitely top that!

My mother does not/will not acknowledge my youngest grandson because she doesn't think my daughter should have had him and she doesn't like his father. So, every year she calls me to come pick up gifts for my grandchildren, her great grandchildren, and every year there is nothing for the youngest. I always go out and buy him something and put her name on it.

Talk about Scrooge!

Why do people put so much importance on others spending money on them? Maybe she thought he would really like that shirt, that it would be considered special to him. My favorite shirt is one of my grandfathers old flannels.

This time of year should not be about gimme gimme gimme, it should just be about spending time with each other. and buying one outfit for herself would not cost nearly as much as presents for several adults.

As for her wanting you to cook and clean at her house, just say no.

I'm glad the Scrooge in your family isn't you! We have a family member like that. We try to let it be her problem, not ours.

I think this Christmas is fine - she deserves to get herself clothes, and you have no idea how much she spent on herself. But it's her money to spend how she wishes. No problem with them not getting you and your husband gifts, like you said.

My MIL has done what yours has as well. She lives far away so we get a box with an outfit or two for the kids and normally my husband. I sometimes do and sometimes don't get things from her. It's all good. I don't allow it to cause stress in my life.

But she does sound like she can be a scrooge!

What does or did your mother give you and your husband?

Well, at least she's sending money. Gift cards are the easiest. My mother who's on a limited income continues to tell very one how she'll get their gift after Christmas when everything goes on sale. Of course she never does. So, now when she says this I tell her to please stop saying that considering she never follows through and that's essentially a lie.

My mil use to give Christmas cards with money inside to my husband and each of my children. Me? Not even a card. In fact not even a Merry Christmas. She was awful so it didn't really bother me all that much. I'd make sure hubby and the kids had a gift for her and I never signed the tag. Hubby went to see her with the kids as often as he wanted but I only tagged along on her birthday and Christmas.