Thinking About "Creating" Twins.

Please pardon my frankness, I am typically not like this but on this topic I am. If you are fertile, I see no reason as to why you should go on fertility and I would hope a doctor wouldn't just put you on it. If your finance is that much older, then perhaps you should only have one child. And the age of your finance has no bearing on his ability to conceive. Having "twins" or "multiples" isn't "IN" thing to do nor "neat". I am a mother of twins and it is so demanding not to mention the pregnancy can be a lot harder. Unless you have multiples, you really just don't understand. Countless times pass when I would like to really tell a person how I feel in saying "oh, I wish I had twins". Not to mention that by going on fertility, you could have 8 babies... would you truly and really be ready to accept ALL those children??

Yes, I love my twins and wouldn't change it for the world but I wish I had the luxury of spending time with one baby at a time.

Good luck.

Chiming in here as another mother of twins. Just don't do it. I would never wish twins on anyone. Of course I love my kids and couldn't imagine one without the other, but having more than one baby at a time frankly sucks for the first few years, not to mention the pregnancy. And that's speaking from a mom who was blessed to have no complications at all. I can't imagine what it must have been like for all my friends who spent their babies' first weeks and months in the NICU. Any doctor that would help you purposely go into a high risk pregnancy would probably be considered unethical.

I know someone that has done IVF and I don't think you will find any doctors that will implant only one embryo. They typically implant three or more because the procedure is so costly and often not all the embryos will take. I don't think you have much of a choice in the matter if you need to do IVF.

And I'm not sure what objections you think there are to IVF. From a spiritual perspective I've heard women comment that if you have to go to all that effort to have a baby then maybe God didn't intend for you to have one....I disagree. God gave us the ability to think and solve problems. If we are working in a way that HE would in creating life and not harming others, then I don't understand how it could be wrong.

Using that kind of logic you would have to conclude that any medical intervention is wrong in God's eyes. And I just don't see that.

Now if your doctor wants to implant say eight embryos and then selectively abort some of them after they take, then I would say you have a big ethical problem there....and to even continue to carry eight babies like Octomom I would say there is an ethical question there too.

So without more comments on your thoughts not sure what your hesitation or reservations are all about.

A.,

Hi! I currently have nine month old twin boys. While I love them to death, and I am so blessed to have twins, there are many things to think about.

Having multiples is automatically a high risk pregnancy. Many moms carrying multiples are put on bedrest, and it is extremely common to deliver early. While the average is delivery at about 36 weeks, some are born as early as 27 weeks (or sooner!) and start their lives in the NICU.

Once they're born, you have two little babies to take care of, which is physically taxing on both parents. If both babies are awake, both parents are awake. There's less "turn-taking" since both parents are frequently needed. You have to divide your attention between them. I still make a conscious effort to spend time with them equally.

Also, with fertility treatments, your aim is twins. However, you might end up with more than that. There are women who've taken Clomid and ended up with quintuplets (rare, but it has happened). Others use treatments to conceive one baby. There's no guarantee of how many babies you'll be blessed with.

While I love having twins, and it is an amazing journey so far, you should consider the challenges multiples bring, especially if you want to create twins for the purpose of a timetable.

If you do end up with twins, it is incredible. I wouldn't want my life any other way!

This is quite a question! I've been through IVF, 7 times over 3 1/2 years, because we had to. We finally have our amazing child. I wouldn't recommend IVF to anyone who didn't have to do it. It is painful, time consuming, wreaks havoc with your body and your mind, and you're not guaranteed to have any children, let alone twins. (We put in 3 embryos with every try and only got one child on the 7th go!) I'm not even sure you'd be able to find a doctor who would do it if you don't have any fertility issues or haven't already 'tried' on your own. I hope that you try to gather all the information you need before making this decision.

I do not have twins but must agree with those who have chimed in on the difficulties presented by raising twins...even when they are healthy which is by no means guaranteed. Do i think "creating" children to suit one's "timetable" is OK? Well leaving my religious views aside I think that it is impossible. You cannot control what will happen w/IVF. I don't mean to offend, but I assume you do not have a long established relationship with your fiance and that the three of you are not completely bonded together as a family unit. The stress and strain of raising multiples and/or disabled children can sink the best and most tried of families. I have seen families trying to engineer one last pregnancy before the mom "gets too old" to have energy for kids or various other reasons. In two specific cases - one mom of 2 ended up with triplets when she just wanted to help along a final pregnancy and the other ended up with a seriously handicapped twin. Maybe you should be grateful for your son and for your fiance and let nature take its course. Good luck.

I agree with Melissa.It is very difficult raising twins . You don't really have time to enjoy them . It puts a strain on your marriage so if you don't have a very strong foundation the odds of divorce with multiples may be against you. Our boy/girl twins are almost 3 1/2 and my husband and I are just finally getting some time together again .
Fertility treatments are not fun or inexpensive.You have a greater chance of having health problems with multiples .Also, it is much more difficult keeping them safe when they become mobile.One goes one way and the other goes the other way.Babyproofing must be to the extreme.

Yes, I love my twins and wouldn't change it for the world but I wish I had the luxury of spending time with one baby at a time.Good luck to you :)

Long story short... make sure this is what you really want. Invitro is MORE THAN JUST "not easy". Your life for the first couple of months will revolve around Dr appts, drugs that make you crazy and shots, lots and lots of shots. You can hope for twins but not even the best invitro dr can promise that. I had my first daughter right away after getting married, then we had a miscarriage and couldn't get pregnant again. We did invitro and had 3 eggs implanted. This meant the possibility of triplets. My invitro dr was very much against implanting 3 eggs but we have a very large support system with family and I had no complications with my first pregnancy, so he agreed. Out of those 3 eggs, which were all fully matured and fertilized, only one attached. We ended up with a beautiful girl. You can even goes as far as picking the sex of the baby now a days (which costs much more) but that does not promise that an egg will attach and you will have a baby. I was very lucky that invitro worked the first try for me. There are some woman that try multiple times and walk away with no baby. My best advice is to find an invitro dr and get all the facts then make the best decision for you & your family. Good luck! Just remember it's worth all of it just for one beautiful baby.

I have been through IVF three times. The first time I almosty lost my life, because of an eptoic pregnancy/fibroid
rupturing. The second time it didn't take. The last time I made it to the pregnancy testing date and had some pregnancy hormone, but didn't take. Both times I went through egg retrival my ovaries were sizes of grapefruit for the Dr. to take a needle and go through my body and suction eggs out of my ovaries was extremely painful. What is un-natural, because "normal." Each procedure you go through a large paper grocery sack of hormones, hoping and praying for just one baby. These meds aren't cheap and can have long range side effects years after your done with IVF.

If you are under 30 yrs old try a year before seeking help. If you are 30-35 yrs old then its 6 months. If you are 35 yrs+ you might want to see a dr., before 6 months - that was what it was 15 years ago.

IVF hasn't come so far that you can choose how many, girl or boy, etc.

It isn't worth the gamble. Use the money on paying off your house, putting it toward college funds. Just because you got pregnant 9 years ago you are much older now and you have a new partner. Spend time together, before you add children.

Create your children in your own bed and not with a whole bunch of strangers sticking and poking you and bright lights.

Sorry, if I am being too harsh.
J.
Married almost 21 years, 9 year old son and a 5 year old daughter.

Unless you are regularly producing two+ primary follicles around ovulation, you will need to see a fertility specialist. Keep in mind that you will probably be put on fertility drugs that will stimulate several follicles each cycle in order to 'capture' at least two ova for the insemination. While many women successfully conceive using synthetic fertility drugs, using them is not risk-free or a 100% guarantee that you will get what you want. The meds could be pill form or injectables, plus if you don't have a regular cycle you may have to do certain things to manipulate your cycle and your ovulation in order to achieve the results you're looking for. You are also looking at trips to the doctor every other day, starting on day 3 or day 5 of your cycle for a transvaginal ultrasound (internal) and blood draws to check hormone levels. I'm definitely not trying to discourage you whatsoever, but I do want to be honest and share with you the sometimes-exhausting reality of fertility treatments.

You may not have to actually do IVF; if you have a fantastic doctor who is monitoring your situation, he/she will know how many eggs are surging and you and your husband could have intercourse to fertilize or even do an IUI (intrauterine insemination), provided you have a fairly typical and normal fertility pattern.

The most important thing for you to do, in my opinion, is to find an awesome fertility doc/reproductive endocrinologist who can assist you with your plans. Unless your ob/gyn has extensive training in this area insist on seeing a doctor who specializes in this field.

Good luck to you and best wishes in creating your future family!

Yes, I did IVF. You don't mention whether you are struggling with infertility?????

If you're going to do IVF because you REALLY need IVF because you can't conceive on your own, then twins are a real possibility because they generally transfer 2 embryos.

But if you CAN conceive on your own then I wouldn't recommend that you do IVF. IVF is for women who can't conceive on their own and struggle with infertility. It's not just something that you sign up for. It's very time-consuming and stressful. When doing IVF there are many appointments (about 2-4 a week) and many shots. It takes over your life. I don't think that trying to have any child or twins via IVF just to suit your "timetable" is OK, especially if you can get pregnant on your own. Twin pregnancies can be very difficult and dangerous for the mom and the babies.

But if you can't conceive on your own and you need IVF, then I would recommend it. I am currently pregnant from IVF. They transferred 2 embryos but I only got pregnant with one. That's another thing, just because they transfer 2 embryos doesn't guarantee that your going to have twins. That's why I said, if you can get pregnant on your own, spare yourself the IVF pain and do it on your own. Plus, a doctor will not do IVF with you unless you are diagnosed with infertility. Like I said, it's ONLY for infertile women or women with husbands who are infertile, not something you just sign up for.

I don't have time to read all the other responses, and I could "preach" to you about fertility, "creating" life, etc. But the bottom line is, even if someone WANTS twins, just because you do IVF doesn't mean you are going to GET twins. You could go through a whole bunch of stuff and get 0, 1, 2 or 3 babies! I think you need to educate yourself about all of this a little more.

My husband & I tried for years to have children, with all of the different methods, and then finally turning to IVF as a last resort. The first time with 3 embryos, we did not get pregnant at all. The second time with 3 embryos, we got twins. The third & final time with 2 embryos, we got one last baby.

Good luck to you.

I'm not sure what i think about creating children to suit your "timetable", but...

I would really like to encourage you to be careful how many embryos you allow them to implant, if you decide to do this. Many times drs implant alot, thinking they will just abort the extra babies. This is so sad.

Also you may want to consider what you will do with the extra embryos that aren't implanted. There is snowflake adoption (I think through an agency called Bethany, but I'm not sure) where the embryos are implanted in the womb of adoptive mothers. But you'll want a plan, so you aren't surprised with 'oh know what do we do with our 5 extra embryos' later.

Another thing you could consider is adopting a baby and young child (in a sibling group). Then the space would be filled in a bit, but that's off topic :)

my husband and I have children from previous marriages, and wanted children together. We also have a big age gap between us.
My baby at the time was 13 when our twins were born. We did not set out to have multiples, just want a child, and are soo blessed to have twins. They play with each other. Was the process hard at times yes, but I kept my eyes on the end result. Who you go to for this process will make you or break you. Please feel free to get intouch with me for more info. I am glad our girls have each other.
Little about me Married to my best friend 12 yrs this year with 6 wonderful children between us:)SAHM loving every moment of it.

If you go ahead, I hope your fiancee is okay with getting little attention. Twins take up ALL your time. It's twice the bottles, twice the diapers, twice the potty training, twice the sickness, twice the discipline, twice the headaches, and probably twice the depression. My twins are 4 and still my husband and I rarely get time alone. It may be a lot of stress on a new marriage. Personally, I'd try adoption than IVF. First it's easier on your body, second you can adopt twins, third the process takes a while, so you'll have time to be with fiancee and prepare.

Jean C. said: "Each procedure you go through a large paper grocery sack of hormones, hoping and praying for just one baby. These meds aren't cheap and can have long range side effects years after your done with IVF."

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I have to agree. A few years after several (unsucessful) IVF cycles, I found myself in full menopause-- at age 38! Fertility drugs are nothing to mess around with unless there is truly a need.

I have never tried but I do have two children. What happens if you try for twins and get 4 or 6 instead? How dissapointed would you be? Why not just try for 1 baby naturally and love the 9 year old and the new child.

If IVF is not necessary, meaning if you can conceive on your own, then I would not do it. There are SO many women out there that have to go through fertility treatments and people like you take that for granted. I personally think it is selfish of you to want to go through that process just to get two for the price of one. I have twins and I know that it is tough. I second what another poster said about having no time with your husband. We rarely spend any time together and when we get a chance to, we are just too tired. This is the reason why the divorce rate for couples that have multiples is so much higher than parents with single children at a time. Babysitters are more expensive for twins, as well as daycare. You'll need two of everything. What happens if you end up in the hospital on bedrest for 14 weeks like I did...who will take care of your other child? Can you live on one income? Many things to take into consideration.

So, I don't post responses very often on here but thought I should for this one. My husband and I have had IVF twice now (not to mention numerous insemination attempts) after trying to get pregnant for like 6 years on our own. We have two beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything but I also wouldn't wish the process on my worst enemy. With our first I was literally suicidal because of all the hormones/injections and then did get pregnant with twins only to lose one in the sixth month. I still have not totally gotten over that. I also agree with the other posters that just because you want twins doesn't mean you will get pregnant with twins. So I guess I would just say why go through all that if you don't technically have to.

Hi A.,
I conceived both of my children via invitro fertilization (IVF). When I was working with my doctor, he had some general guidelines he followed for how many fertilized eggs he would implant. This all depends on several things, age & weight(BMI) being two of the items. In the material they make you read during the process, there is information regarding multiple births and the complications resulting from it. The children are more than likely going to be born premature, it is h*** o* you, etc.
The first time I went through IVF, it was terrible from the stand point of lots of shots you must administer to yourself and keeping the log and constant doctor visits to monitor everything. The procedure itself is not bad at all, except the full bladder aspect. The second time, it was not so bad, but I learned alot from the first experience. I am not trying to tell you not to do it, just wanted to let you know that it can be overwhelming if it your first time.
I can give you the name and number to the fertility center I used if it is something you would like to persue further, as they are really the only ones that can tell you if that is truly an option for you. I found the center I used to be exteremly kind and helpful through the entire process.
Good luck with how you proceed with your decision making.
K.

100% agree with Nic...

You have been Blessed with a great 9 year old. Thank God for that Blessing and not worry about trying to conceive twins.

If you are worried about his age maybe you already have your answer. The fact is many men can sire children well into there 70's and 80's. It is the woman who has the clock ticking. I think you should just let nature take its course. But first things first, you have not said I Do! yet.

Just my opinion..