To Go or Not to Go???

I say all mom's deserve and have EARNED the right to go see a friend and get a break. Your husband sounds like he is being controlling and doesn't want to step up and cover taking care of the kids while you are gone. No you aren't being selfish at all!

I almost feel like I dont know how to answer this.
For me, there is no doubt that its Not Selfish, I would go in a heart beat.

But I dont really know your situation, My DB wouldnt think twice about me doing something like that and would probably pay for me to go. We encourage things like that in each other's lives.
To me, it's your husband that is selfish if he doesnt want you to go, and he's reflecting his feelings of selfishness on you, (Thats IMO, again, I dont know your situation).

But there are some couples who cant do anything with out each other, My mom is an example of that, she will not even visit me unless her husband has his own plans, then she'll schedule her freedom. I dont agree to it, but it works for her. So I'm happy for her.

I'm sorry your going through so much right now, reading other posts, I got a little insight to your situation and I think you need to take care of you, do whats best for you so you can be the best YOU you can be.

Maybe you and your husband can agree to disagree, if he's open to that, maybe he wont like you going, but maybe he can be supportave anyway, I dunno, sometimes men will say the woman is selfish because they dont believe they can handle life with out you gone, but thats not a reason to hold you back, He's strong, he can do it. People do it all the time.

Good luck and ~Big Hug~ to you.

Hello Tasha,

Thats a tough one...But, if I recall correctly,one of the reasons you gave up your baby is that you did not want to have a conflict with your hubby...right? Is there a reason that he can not pay for his own ticket and go along with you? The kids can sit on your laps. (I know this because my daughter has a 25 pound 2 year old that sat on her lap to come visit me. The airlines did no charge her for him.) Just a thought.

If that won't work, I would tell your friend that you would like her to come visit you.

Good luck in what you decide.

C.

Are you being selfish? Absolutely not!! We as women do so much for our family and men and a little time away is not being selfish. A women raising her kids is a full time job which I think is harder than a man going to work everyday. You deserve some alone time and free time and fun time! In my opinion you unquestionably should have the perogative of going to visit your friend without any scrutinizing or guilty feelings. Especially because it's so short a time. I hope you have a great time.

Thanks,
E.

I say go, but make a comprimise take the baby with you he gets one and you get one it will also help relieve the guilt of leaving them all behind, you do need to get a way even if it is only for 4 days and your hubby should be supporting you, that doesn't mean he has to like it but he should support your decision. There is nothing selfish about needing to take care of yourself and if it were me in your shoes I would just tell him I am going and that would be the end of that conversation. Good Luck in your desicion!

I would encourage you to go without the kids. Even though it's only for 4 days, you'll miss them and be so grateful to be back with your precious babies. Also, it seems it would help you deal with having just given up a child to see the joy it brings to others. Do you have a family member who would be willing to keep one or both of the kids even if it's just enough for your husband to keep his sanity? How is he handling the adoption? If he's having a hard time, that may be why he feels it's selfish. Maybe he could have some time to do something special once you're recovered enough to keep up with both kids for a few days. Whatever you decide, know you're in our thoughts during these difficult days.

No...it is not selfish of you in a bad way. We all require some level of selfishness, if that's what you want to call it. It's taking care of yourself. When I allow myself some time, my husband benefits by finding out he is capable of taking care of the children. I benefit from having a break which in turn benefits the whole family because I'm nicer to be around. Your husband's reaction makes me wonder what he is afraid of...and I mean that. Has he ever been alone with the children for that length of time? Are there other things to consider in the situation? Would he have to miss work and if so would that be a bad thing for his job? I'd say you are not being selfish...I, however, do not know all the circumstances involved. I'd talk with him calmly about what's going on.

You did a very unself act by giving up your baby. With all the emtion you are dealing with it would be very good for you to get away for a few days. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TIME and whether or not the baby is with you, you still need to recuperate. It is a big trama on your body as well as your soul. It would be good for you to see an adoptive family and how happy they are to have a little one that someone else gave up so sacifically.

I think your husband is being insenitive to you in all the pain you are dealing with at this time. I think you need to go and rest! He can take care of the other two for 4 days and see what caring for little ones really is!
C. B