To Tell or Not to Tell. - Bath,NY

Meghan,
I agreed with Sophia P, and Nan D., you don't want to wreck his marriage. And yelling good bye from the next room is a great way to let him know you don't want to do that again. Say it with a tone that he will understand what you mean.
I liked the wording she used...letting him know that he was "out of line" He's Married. Kids pick up on things, you don't want them learning that it's OK for married people to kiss with that level of intimate connection on a regular basis. Once was probably fine...they probably didn't notice, but repetition could lead to much more. He got an inch, don't give him another, or it could develop into a mile. On the flip side, if it is more, it wouldn't be so crazy for a woman to fall in love with her x-hubby's brother. Be adults about it...be honest about feelings before things get anywhere near sneaky. Let it rest for now. If he keeps giving you the eyes, and making you feel uncomfortable, talk to him in private and tell him that was not OK and he needs to stop stirring about it, and move on. It may have given him a major fantasy to think about and be tough for him to shake off. Be strong. Good Luck.

Hi Meghan, I was just reading some of the response, and I see that most of them are blaming the man and calling him a Dog and saying he is wrong, but you yourself said it is a family thing you all do when family members is leaving. It takes one determining person and two willing parties to make thing happen and I am sure that when you both looks into each eye, the surprise was what you might have been waiting for, refection from a man, but like they said , you are in dangerous waters to mess with In-Laws, leave it alone, back away. If it is not what you wanted from him all along, moved on, and since that you are not divorce yet, talk to your husband if you can, it also might make the kids happy, they are the ones that will feel the effects from all of this. everything we do is not perfect, but f we think before we act, it would make things easier on a lot of our problems. Take care and hope that things work out for you all. You cannot stop a person from doing what they want to do, it is up to that person to respect themselves and others. But if you need additional help see your priest and see what he says.

It sounds like you needed that kiss and maybe he did too.. leave it at that. Don't go any further.. as he is married. There are other men out there. If you see Tony alone again.. tell him that you felt uncomforable with that kiss and you appreciate if it didn't happen again. Tell him you still think he is great.. but no kisses! good luck

Hye Meghan
I think your brother-in-law does feel something for you, but after he kissed you on the lips, he felt uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how you would react and probably was a little embarrassed about it and decided to "act like it was nothing" too. But he didn't "act like it was nothing" when he returned to the house and then was looking at you.
He should have spoken to you about it and apologized. Then the air would have been more clear.
I wouldn't get your husband involved so as not to cause an all out war with your family, but just keep an eye on what goes on now. If it happens again, then you know it is more than something to laugh off as nothing, and then if you want to involve your husband, you can.
But my gutt tells me that it is more than nothing. I think he just reacted on impulse when he kissed you and then felt funny after he did since he left you feeling very confused.
Perhaps at some later date you and he can talk about it and get it all out in the open. I think that is the only way that you will really feel at ease about it.
I hope this post and all the others help you feel that you didn't do anything to feel guilty of.
Take care and good luck,
P.

I am sorry to hear about your seperation. I am sure that has not been easy. In terms of the situation with your brother in law, I would just let some time pass because these feelings may pass too. You mentioned that he is not a home wrecker, so be sure you are not too. He is still married even if you are in an in between state with yours.

I really don't think it would be a good idea to mention this situation to your husband. I think it would just cause some problems that you might not want to deal with. If these feelings are still present in 2 -3 months, then you might want to have a conversation with your brother in law about it just in case. It is possible that he does not feel the same. Either way it is going to be an awkward between you.

Try not to be alone with him too much if you think it might be problematic.

Best of luck to you!

Do NOT tell, but DO stay away from this man. Make sure you are not alone with him again. Men dont think with their brain and any encouragement real or imagined will get them excited. Dont think he loves you, he just wants sex.Since you are separated I think perhaps you need sex also, which is why the kiss 'meant' something. Dont confuse lust for love and risk breaking up his family. The next time he comes for a visit and is about to leave, find something to do in another room and holler good bye, to avoid any kind of kiss or hug. This will send him a message that he was out of line.

leave it alone, don't mention anything and next time make sure that your lips don't meet.

no, in your situation I wouldn't say anything. It's not like you two where trying to do anything bad. Saying something would only make matters worse. and you should stay away from this guy. You both don't need to be distracted by this kiss. and you both need to dismiss that kiss, it was only a kiss. Kisses are a form of affection and in your situation you sound like your hungry for affection. I wish you all the best life has to offer.

Meghan,
I think the overwhelming responses here tell you not to say a word to your estranged husband. If you did it would just be to relieve any guilt you may be feeling. There might be something between you and might not however circumstances being what they are I don't believe you are in a position to do anything about it. Continue on with your daily routines even when the brother in law is there. I know that some responses say to stay away from him but I personally feel that is impossible to do and really just avoidance. Don't avoid it continue on and if something comes from it deal with it head on. Your going through a tough time and having another person interested in you would flatter anyone. Just keep going on and try to get it out of your mind.

You are in a very vunerable position so be careful.

Think about what would happen if you do tell your husband about this and ask yourself if that is what you want. If you are truly separated, you owe him no explaination.

If you think there may be something good between you and brother in law, you best dstance yourself until after the divorce or you could be setting yourself up for having your husband's lawyer using this against you. Another thought is that brother in law may be setting you up so be careful!

Step back, regroup, get YOUR life on track to moving foward. You need to figure out what you want and get the ball rolling in that direction because in my state of NJ, living under the same roof does not consitute separation time needed for a divorce. Take action for YOUR life.
Best of luck,
J.

Hi Meghan, Yes your story sounds like a movie or a soap, but has happened many times before. Let me see what I am reading between the lines. I will not judge uncle Tony, I do not know him. He may feel sorry that you and his brother are not getting along. He may think you could use a hug but yes why the kiss on the lips. Your reaction is natural. If there is no love between you and hubby the touch of another man will cause feelings. Brother-in-law is forbidden fruit. I do not think you should tell. You should confront Tony and ask what this was all about. Say you are confused but I would not elaborate and give him any food for wanting to continue. All men like to have their ego's built up. This could cause a lot of trouble. Let him know you do not want this to happen again. You will have your time for love and romance but not within your family. My best, Grandma Mary

It was just a friendly kiss..... I'd just leave it at that and move on. He is a married man who has taken sacred vows. Leave it alone.

My strong feeling after reading this is to leave it alone and just let it pass. Chances are he was startled as well but even if not it doesn't matter. Maybe there is a mutual attraction but neither of you is a a position to do anything about it since neither of you are single and available. Consider the family relationships that would be stressed or destroyed if you did. You do not need to do that to yourself and your family. If you do talk to your brother in law you would mention these points.

As for talking to your husband, probably not the best person to talk to unless you have a relationship where you are comfortable talking about anything. I am guessing if you are separating there are conmmication issues and a lot of emotional stress already between you. Maybe a very trustworthy female friend would be a better choise of confidant.

BTW, I went through something like this when a close friend (a HS friend of my husband) confessed to being attracted to me 2 weeks before my wedding. There wasn't any chemistry on my side so it didn't effect my plans or add too much to the other wedding stresses. It was kind of weird since he was in the wedding party. I suppose it was better to clear the air before the wedding. After a few months it was kind of put aside and we are still good friends.

Meghan,
To begin, it always feels good to know that others find you attractive and that you are desierable. You are entering a zone that you don't want to be in. Number one, he is married.Enough said. Leave it at that. Number two, he is a dog. Plain and simple. Don't fall for the butterflies in your stomache. It is not worth it. You will drag your entire family into these uncharted waters. Number three, if that is all that happened do not tell your husband, on the grounds that he will be infuriated & the brother may flip the story making you look like the aggressor. Stay away from the bro in law. Be clear you don't want his attention & stick to your guns. Number 4.
Never eat & blank in the same place.
I wish you and your estranged husband & kids the best life has to offer.

Hi Meghan,
No, there is nothing to tell your husband. There is nothing to talk about with your brother in law it was a silly moment that has passed, the kids got hugs and kisses and so did you, now on with life as you know it.
To tell your husband would open up a can of worms that's not necessary YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG just leave this alone. Delete the post, all the responses after reading them and forget this.
Sometimes when we have stuff going on little distractions pop up that's all they are little distractions to trick and confuse us you have enough on your plate with your separation and living arrangements to add a silly incident to it all, that will only serve upset everyone. Just keep a physical distance between you and the brother in law always try to have another adult around keep it short and sweet.
Good Luck!
Fiona

No! Do not tell ur husband...what would be the benefit of u doin that? You wanna get it off ur chest? Tell a close girlfriend. But u and ur husband are separated; leave it alone.

Given the length of your request, I can tell that this is heavy on your mind and you must be feeling intense confusion despite your attraction. For your sake, as well as your children's, refrain from pursuing anything with your brother-in-law right now. You're still living with your husband, not yet divorced, money is very tight, etc. You need closure from your husband and present home life before trying to begin anything new. Starting a new relationship with your kids' uncle will just muddy the waters and how would you explain this to your kids? I hope this helps you see things a little more clearly. Good luck!

Go out and meet some men that aren't MARRIED.

Sounds like you need some physical contact, and your married brother-in-law is not where you get it from.

Work on your social life to find SINGLE men to fulfill your need for closeness/sparks.

no need to tell. it's your hormones and truly, nothing happened.
mocxy

Megan what ever you do don't tell your x-husband wait a while and see how your brother in law reacts towards you, if it continues to feel weird talk to him about it. Good Luck.

The way how I see it, this was not an accident. It was a rare opportunity for him to do what he wanted to do anyway, kiss you on the lips! The temptation was there, and he took advantage of it. Your brother-in-law is now testing you. Since you are separated from your husband, I think it is not necessary to tell him...nor your brother-in-law's wife! Your brother-in-law would just deny everything anyway, to save his own skin. Under the circumstances, I would just drop the whole subject immediately. There is nothing to be gained except trouble!

Do not tell your ex. The only reason to do so would be to eliminate your guilt by making someone else feel bad, and that is not the way to go on this. Nothing happened really, as you noted, so keep it to yourself. Do whatever else you need to to get rid of the guilt: say Hail Marys, go for a long run, whatever floats your boat. But keep your husband and the rest of the family out of this. It's all in your mind at this point and that is where it needs to stay forever.
As to why he kissed you, who knows. Spur of the moment, joke that went wrong, whatever. Keep it from happening again.

Meghan: Get a grip, it's not that serious. Keep your lips quiet and don't speak a word of it because it would cause more than what it's worth. I think you need to check out yourself too, because it doesn't sound to me like Uncle Tony was the only one extra curious about the quick booboo, something stirred within you too. Turn it around quickly, dismiss it all and make sure he doesn't come to visit too often, or, it will develop into a problematic situation, even as innocent as it may have been.

One major question comes to mind...is this your husband's brother (or is he married to your husband's sister??...) If this is his brother, I wouldn't say a word...that's not something you need to bring between 2 brothers( I am picturing Legend of the Falls here)...now when you were saying he was over and you were uncomfortable...why were you feeling that way?? was that because you wanted to be more intimate or wanted to get away from the situation?? I think there lies your true answer that only you could know. to be honest, I am happily married but when another male shows me attention it still makes me feel good, so don't beat yourself up that this caught you off guard, you've said you're seperated and a little attention from someone(on the positive side)feels good...to bad it was from your husband's brother...but if you want answers to your deep down questions do a little daydreaming...2 years down the road married to the other brother...that could be really complicated for you and the kids...I mean if you had kids with the other brother, your kids would be siblings and cousins :) (trying to make light here) Anyway, if you think that you and your husband are going to patch things up...again don't say a word...I really think unless you plan to act on it, nothing needs to be said to anyone. I'm not about lying, just don't make something out of nothing! good luck!

Who you kiss is not your estranged husband's business. This is between you and "Uncle Tony." If you feel what the did was not appropriate, then I think you need to tell him that, and to avoid him if you feel there was anything inappropriate going on. Clearly, he doesn't feel this was something secretive if he did it in front of your kids ... are you sure you are not reading more into this situation than there really is? I think this is more about your feelings than anything Uncle Tony has done.
Good luck