Toddler Clothing Issues

Updated on October 08, 2008
J.J. asks from Carrollton, TX
8 answers

OK, so I guess this is probably pretty normal so I am hoping there will be some good tips out there. My almost 3 year old has a handful of clothes that he will wear, and refuses to wear absolutely NOTHING else. He wears about 5 shirts and 4 pairs of shorts and one pair of sandals, and that is it! It's been fine all summer, but now we are coming up to colder weather and Halloween. He pitched the BIGGEST fit yesterday when we tried to get him to try on a pair of tennis shoes. He isn't even interested in wearing any Halloween costumes. His grandma just sent some fall clothes and when I showed them to him he ran off screaming! So - two questions - 1) Is it ok to let him go trick or treating without a costume? On one hand I think it is all about fun so let him do what he wants, but on the other hand it could seem rude to people if we go trick or treating and don't look in the "spirit." Excuse the bad pun... and 2) Any tips on trying to ease him into wearing different things, or should I just do it cold turkey when a cold front hits? The only problem with that is that he strips if I try to put him into anything he doesn't want to wear. I don't want to put his MDO teachers through that! He didn't even go swimming all summer because he wouldn't wear his swim diaper or swim suit! (Yeah, he won't wear pull-ups either).

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So What Happened?

Thank you for everyone's opinions. I probably should have added that this is the only issue in which we have problems. He is a really good kid in general. He eats pretty much whatever I ask, often including vegetables. He behaves well and is a wonderful big brother to his little sis. In fact, right now he is feeding her. I think if he were more difficult in general it may call for a tougher approach, but I am leaning toward the more lenient side of this. I love the idea of PJs for trick or treating. I do try offering choices for clothing, but it rarely works. On a good day I can get him into a solid color T-shirt instead of one if his usuals. His favorites don't really have a common denominator. They are different colors, some Polo shirts, some T-shirts. He refuses to wear button downs or anything navy blue :) I will try taking him shopping for winter clothes in hopes he finds things he likes. Thanks again.

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A.K.

answers from Dallas on

I suppose it's normal for some. My 3yo has never cared what he wears- ever- maybe except when he wants to wear his rainboots at inappropriate times- I just tell him that he can't and tell him what he has to wear. It's just not a choice. I give him a lot of choices all day long (which fruit do you want, toast or waffle for breakfast, butter or no butter, eat now or in 5 minutes, etc, etc.). They are little choices that don't really "matter", but he feels like he has some control and I get to decide the more important things (like what he wears). You can get really creative with choices (do you want to come to the table happy or sad?- my son loves that one- he tries to act sad, but invariable can't suppress the smile). It's all "Love and Logic" stuff.

Anyway, I have a friend who's son last year wouldn't wear a costume, so she bought him a batman pj set from Target or wherever (I did see them there recently- superman, batman, etc). The pjs have a cape (and this year they even light up), so it looks like a costume. Maybe he'll like them if he gets to wear them to bed a few times. It worked for my friend.

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R.

answers from Dallas on

I say let him wear what he wants...choose your battles. If he only wants to wear his sandals, let him see how cold it will be without tennis shoes or whatever it probably wont take him too long to adjust and if it does-others will probably realize he's two and he dressed himself. I def. think you should offer the warmer clothes as an option though and let him choose though. If he outgrows the summer stuff tell him he has to wait until next summer and have the tennis shoes or whatever you want him to wear ready. My 3-yr. old will only wear Crocs! In regards to Halloween, tell him he can't go without a costume and if he doens't go good for you, let him help hand out candy and see everyone else in their costumes-I know it's a photo op. for us Mom's but take his picture and write on it how he wouldn't wear anything else. I just think that it will take some time but when he sees others wearing warmer clothes, shoes etc. he will do the same. Just enjoy him expressing his personality. HTH

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M.W.

answers from Dallas on

You could be describing my two year old! She wouldn't wear ANY shoes until we found a particular (ugly!) pair that she loves. I bought several pairs of these so she can wear them as she grows. They're sandals, but I'll just try socks when it gets colder. She won't win any fashion awards, but I don't think she cares.

She refused to wear a diaper or pull-up (luckily she did start using the potty so there weren't too many floor accidents!) beginning several months ago and will NOT wear panties or anything else that fits close to her skin. We have a few outfits of which she approves and will wear when we go out. At home, she spends most of her time naked or in her Superman jammies. She even sleeps "nakie."

Last Halloween we bought her an Elmo costume but, surprise surprise, she would wear it. She ended up trick or treating in pants, shirt and Elmo slippers. If someone asked something like "and who are you?" I'd say that she was uncomfortable in her costume, but she started out as Elmo. Everyone smiled & nodded their heads, clearly understanding that toddlers are stubborn little bugs. :)

I don't choose to take a hard line on this issue. I don't think she's running the show; she simply has a strong preference & I'm allowing her to have it. It doesn't bother me.

Last winter, there were some times when she would wear the warm clothes & sometimes I had to wrap her up in a blanket when we went out. Again, not something that really bothere me. I have found that if I let her pick out some clothing in her favorite color or with characters she likes, she's happier.

I fully expect children like ours qill grow out of it. That's about all the advice I have. But know you're not alone!! :)

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K.E.

answers from Dallas on

Sounds to me like he's running the show at not even 3 years old and that's really not a good thing. My youngest son tried to run the show but I had to get a grip on it and I started putting him in time out every time he acted out or threw a fit and it worked not right away but you have to stick to your guns after all you're the parent. If he refuses to wear a costume then maybe you should tell him he absolutely won't get to go trick or treating although I think the not wearing what clothes you choose for him or what clothes are appropriate for the weather is a much bigger issue.

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K.K.

answers from Dallas on

I am not sure our situation was quite as rigid as yours, but my three year old would wear the same 4 outfits over and over if I let her. No buttons on her shirts, and doesn't like denim. This year I started a process where she can either pick out her shirt or her pants; I get to pick the other piece. At first she was resistant, but now it is not an issue, even when I pick out less preferred items. Maybe this will help you too.

Also, my three year old will look at all her shirts (right now short sleeves are hung all together), but my two year old needs just a couple of choices...or she gets overwhelmed.

B.B.

answers from Dallas on

When I nannied, I dealt with a little girl with the same issue. I started giving her a choice of 2 outfits (of my choosing), and if she refused to pick one, I chose for her. She decided to choose. Maybe another idea is to let him pick one item that he wears (like which shirt) and you pick the rest. This way he still feels like he has some control. I agree to pick your battles, but with the weather about to change, he needs to wear more weather appropriate clothing.

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K.F.

answers from Dallas on

Most young kids have a couple of things they like and won't wear anything else. He will outgrow this when he is around 16 because my 13-year-old wore the same jeans every day last year, oy.

Anyway, take him shopping for pants so he can pick them out. He is old enough to understand if you tell him that if you let him wear shorts when it is cold he could get sick and you could even get into trouble for being a bad mommy.

He knows that the shorts are not an option and he gets to pick the pants so he should be able to deal with that. The sandals? Make him wear socks. If you aren't going to wear your tennis shoes, you have to wear socks. The weather we get here is only cold enough that it would be a problem occasionally and those days you just put your foot down.

You have 18 years of fighting with your kids ahead of you, even if they are as you say, fairly cooperative. This is not a battle that after raising a stepson and my three teenagers, I would even bother to fight. Tell your mother until he gets out of this clothing stage, while you understand it will not be as fun for her to purchase and give the clothes, perhaps a gift certificate, or if she is not out of town a trip to the store with grandma will work better than buying him clothes.

Pick one of his favorites and turn it into a Halloween costume that can be dismantled after the big day.

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

For my daughter's third birthday, she was into "The Wizard of Oz" and she got a "Dorothy" dress. She wore that dress EVERY DAY for a month...and she wore it EVERYWHERE...including Church three Sunday's in a row because that's all she liked. After that, we set a rule to only wear it at home. And she still wore that dress all year until it just became too short for her just a few months before her fourth birthday.

All summer long she's been into dresses. As the weather is changing, I'm having to ease her into the idea of wearing a t-shirt and leggings with the dresses...

TIP: Try to make it their idea but at 2 1/2 they don't understand reason. -- I guess I don't have much advise, this is more of a you're not alone in your challenges response! ;)

oooh, Brenda had a good tip I forgot about. I did sometimes offer my daughter two choices.

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