Toddler Having Problems

Updated on June 09, 2008
H.A. asks from Provo, UT
26 answers

I was just wondering if there is anyone having the same problems as me. Every night when I try to brush my almost 27 month olds teeth, he just freaks out. Also my son is not talking at all yet, they say he might have "glue ear" which makes it so he cant hear very well, so he doesn't quite understand all the cute songs and games. I know it is very important to brush his teeth,but he just wont let me. I have to literally hold his head against my chest and hold his arms away from his mouth while he is screaming just to brush his teeth. I dont know if I should continue like this so that he will have healthy teeth, or not because it might tramatize him. What should I do?

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C.G.

answers from Denver on

Try teaching him to brush his own teeth. I brush my teeth with my son, because he like to copy what I do. He doesn't always get every tooth, but he is understanding what he needs to do.

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R.M.

answers from Denver on

Hello there
at 27 months he should be starting to be independent. I have a bench and a free standing mirror on the counter for my 6 and 3 year old so they can do it themselves and watch what they are doing. Plus they like to watch me in the big mirror brush my teeth at the same time they are brushing theirs. The fighting will usually stop and most of the time they don't get every spot but the point is to get them to brush right . And another thing that i learned is to put the toothpaste up so they won't eat the whole tube. And usually when they are not looking i will set out their toothbrushes with a little toothpaste so that if midday they want to brush on one of their many trips to wash then they could do it. Good luck

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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

I agree. Try to let him do it himself. My 24 mon DS did that one day. He wouldn't let me brush his teeth and took the toothbrush and did it himself. Now, I just "finish up" for him.

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C.L.

answers from Provo on

this is more for you than him.
Place him on the floor on his back. you sit on your bum with legs extended, put his head between your thighs and trap his arms under your thighs as well, if needed wrap your lower legs over his. That's how we had to brush my daughter's teeth till she figured it was easier to cooperate. It's the only way could do it without causing me oodles of stress and keep her hands out of the way. good luck.

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D.T.

answers from Denver on

You've gotten some good ideas; a step stool so he can see in the mirror, his own tooth brush, seeing other families members brush. Has he seen a PEDIATRIC dentist? We just love Dr Dave Hayutin, my daughter has 'graduated' to an adult dentist but but kids saw him regularly from 20 months old on. Pediatric dentists are trained to and have equipment sized to treat kids. A good exam will reveal any problems - could he be in pain?

The hearing thing should be checked as soon as possible. My son who is in HS now was functionally deaf when he was younger. It was a combination of the construction of the ear and a dairy sensitivity. He was tested through Child Find and following a restricted dairy diet he has reduced the problem but he did spend a couple years in speech therapy. Kids who can't hear or can't hear consistantly can become very frustrated and often have pain. The nerves in that area are very close together.

Having checked all that, try to make brushing fun and just like a seat belt work on making it routine. One thing my kids loved and still used occasionally are 'revealing tablets' there's probably a special name for them but your dentist should be able to supply them. It's just a little dye tablet they chew and spit out (don't swallow) the dye colors all the plaque and particles. Then the kids brush them away - that can take a while but it helps them see what they are missing and do a better job while putting some fun into it.
Good luck healthy gums are really important!

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J.M.

answers from Denver on

Hi H.,
My son (2.5) loves to brush his teeth, unlike most children. He may be weird ;) or it may be because we would let him brush his own teeth at first, to get used to it. I would give him the toothbrush with a small bit of toothpaste and I would get my own brush and do it with him. As he watched me, he started to copy me; it has progressed into a game and family event.

Now, I let him brush his own teeth, and then ask if I can help him finish (where I do the real brushing). He always lets me (and we make fun noises together with both our mouths wide open).

Children can be defensive with their mouths. It usually works just to show them by example, let them feel the achievement of doing something (safely) by themselves and then helping them become better at doing it. You may also try letting him hold the brush while you guide his hand.

Best of luck!
J.

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K.D.

answers from Denver on

Listerine makes a cool product that we've been using for a while that shows any missed dirt on the teeth. We make it a game. Can you brush so there is no blue on your teeth? There is plenty of blue elsewhere to make it cool. Since doing that, our 4yo is quite effective at brushing. If he has blue left, we finish for him, so that's where the incentive comes in. He wants to do it himself without help.

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R.O.

answers from Boise on

Hi
The other responses about letting him brush his own teeth are right on the mark! They even have toothbrushes with musical timers in them that play for two minutes and they know they have to keep brushing until the music quits. Also, make sure he likes the toothpaste. Mint flavored toothpaste can be quite strong for little ones. Now they even make "kid friendly" flavors, such as bubble gum.
Regarding the speech, I would definitely find the cause for his slow speech. I have not heard the term "glue ear" before. He may need tubes or something different. Speech at this age is critical to reading developement later. So I would definitely take him to a pediatrician until you get answers you are comfortable with.
R. O.
Gooding

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C.B.

answers from Denver on

If it is that much of a struggle, I would not push it. It will make him not want to go to the dentist. I would teach him how to brush his teeth and let him do it. He is in the power struggle age and since it is causing that much stress try making a game of it. Stand next to him while you brush your teeth even get your husband involved. Make it a family thing to brush together.
Just some ideas I hope they help.
C. B

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E.G.

answers from Denver on

H.,
First, I'd see a doctor about his hearing. With the teeth brushing, sounds like you need to try and turn it into a game. Unfortunatly, you have kind of tramatized him by the force, where he may be thinking brushing his teeth is a punishment now. Don't get me wrong you didn't mean for it to be that way, I made the same mistake with my first. So now it's just a matter of getting them to understand it differently. Have him and you sit and watch childrens shows about brushing your teeth, like Barney, Sesame Street, and so on. They also have really neat musical tooth brushes now days which could help, they didn't have those when my first was little. Brush your teeth with him, play, laugh, tickle, everytime he put the toothbrush in his mouth. It's going to take a lot of patience , but eventually he'll like to brush his teeth. Also may want to ask a dentist for ideas and get him a check up, if he has something going on with his teeth remember ears, nose and mouth are all connected and could be causing not only his dislike of brushing but any hearing or talking issues.
Good Luck
E.

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S.H.

answers from Denver on

I too have a special needs 2 year old who can't speak well and has motor skills delays. The best suggetion I got was getting a electric tooth brush. My son has sensory issues and it helps with his sensory seeking behavior because there are a lot of receptors in your mouth. I have one that he uses to brush with and one that he can play with all the time. I let him watch me brush and I have him watch his sister and dad brush...after he watches all of us I then brush his teeth. Once he has watched everyone brush, he is usually willing to have his teeth brushed.

When my daughter was that age she faught hard getting her teeth brushed. My dentist suggested lying her down on her bed or the floor and having my husband hold her head still and then brush her teeth. He said it gives you better access to the hard to reach spots if she is lying down and it gives you better controll over a fighting child. I was worried this would traumatize her, but really it only took a few times of doing it this way for her to realize that wether she like it or not she was getting her teeth brushed and so she should just buck up and let us do it. We did NOT restrain her in any other way than holding her head, if she wanted to kick and flail we allowed that and we told her very kindly that we were sorry that she didn't like the way we had to do this but it had to be done. She now likes having her teeth brushed (she wants to do it herself, we let her do it and then we go back and do it again to get all the hard to reach spots). I can tell you that I would never use this technique with my special needs child because he would go into sensory overload and it would traumatize him...so you need to weigh that issue and decide if your son could handle being held down for brushings.

I know they say most children do not need to go to the dentist until they are 3 but have you considered taking him to the pediatric dentist so he can give you some tips and physically show you the best way to tackle this problem? I know it is hard, it's hard to weigh how far to go with your child's health.

Good Luck!

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J.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My guess is that he is exerting his independence & making it a power struggle. All of my kids went through a period of resisting the tooth brushing. I would tell them that we need to keep their teeth healthy & I need their help. Then I would give them their own toothbrush (because they will end up biting it & mangling it) and give them a turn either before or after I have a turn. They were much more willing to let me have a turn if they knew they would get their turn, too. Good luck!

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S.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My 27 mo. old also is trying to talk but we can't understand him. We just had a followup hearing test so I know he can hear and we may get some speach therapy. Check with the early intervention in your school district. They will assess him for free and then use a sliding scale for payment if he qualifies. My ds hates to brush his teeth too, he will get into it sometimes with spitting and stuff. This week, we sing 'old mcdonald had a farm' and do the animal sounds as we brush and he giggles if we make them silly. Good luck!

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A.M.

answers from Fort Collins on

Toddlers go through these phases where they suddenly just refuse to do things they normally do. It's perfectly normal! You're right; he does need to have his teeth brushed so that he doesn't develop early tooth decay. Try making a game out of it, so that it's fun for him. Pretend the toothbrush is an airplane or train (or whatever he's into) and make airplane noises really loud and have the plane land in his mouth. Have it be a bumblebee making a bzzz sound and when he laughs, land the toothbrush in his mouth on his teeth and lightly brush a few times when he giggles. Or perhaps try a reward- tell him Mommy will give him a special surprise if he brushes his teeth like a big boy, or that you'll take him to the park to play on the swings and slide or something. Good luck!

Also, I would definitely have his hearing checked. He might just need tubes or something. Does he get ear infections often? It does sound like a hearing problem. My 2 1/2 year old says full sentences and can say really hard words; anything that he wants to say. However, each kid develops at a different rate. Is he saying any words? Do the words he says sound muffled or as though he's not hearing them correctly? My best friend has three boys and her oldest could only say 8 words when he was 2 and they weren't clear and very hard to make out. He has a behavior disorder and a hearing problem that have been diagnosed. Her third son began speaking when he was 8 months old and it shocked her to death; she's just not used to it! I wouldn't worry too much if he can say several words because every child is different. I would want to get to the root of the problem, though, if he's not talking at all. Good luck!!

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M.R.

answers from Salt Lake City on

H. , try giving him a tootbrush of his own to hold and brush with. I know he can't bruh his teeth as well as you but as long as your getting it once every couple of days he should be ok if he is doing it inbetween. My son is 2 and he will go to the bathroom now and get the toothbursh and toothpaste and bring it to me now. he used to scream about it too. he still does when i do it for him but not as often
as for the talking thing my oldest daughter was almost 4 when she started to talk my son who is 2 still isn't talking either i had his ears checked and they said it was nothing maybe you should take him to ENT and have his ear looked at if you have't already.
good luck!

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A.S.

answers from Denver on

Electric toothbrush.

Both kids love, love to brush their own teeth and get awesome check-ups. i usually 'help' them brush once a week or so, but they brush their own and do a fabulous job since the brush does most of the work.

We use the Oral-Bs and have held out for two years now.

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C.M.

answers from Provo on

I don't have this problem yet because my daughter is only 9 months. I use to be a dental assistant so i know how hard it is to get a 2 year old to let you in their mouth. Try just giving him his toothbrush dry and let him chew on it for a bit before bed. This will help get the plaque off. If during the day he has sugar you can follow it with a glass of water to rinse out his mouth or give him a piece of cheese. Cheese will help neutralize the sugar. Be patient he'll come around. You can also have him brush his teeth and let you check it when hes done so he feels like a big boy.

C.,

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

Do you let your son brush his own teeth too? It takes extra time but if you let him brush his teeth first and then say OK, Mommy's turn and then you really brush them. I do the same thing with hair brushing, face washing, hair washing (any of the care of self activities). Another idea, to reset the process is to go to the store and let him pick out a cool new toothbrush that he can use to brush his teeth.

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A.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Teach him to brush his own teeth.

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J.M.

answers from Richland on

H.,

I know that brushing teeth can be a real challenge. My sister has this trouble with her twin boys and at age 7, they still resist it, every night.

Is it important for the teeth to be brushed perfectly, or more important to develop a life long habit of good brushing? My thought is the lifelong habit, so I let my children (age 2 1/2 and 4) brush their own teeth, and then after a minute, I get to play 'dentist' and look at their teeth and have my turn brushing. I try to make it a game. Maybe make up a fun song.

Some nights when they are really fussy, I just have them brush. Its just a battle that I don't want to get into. Hope this helps. I dont know what my dentist would think of this advice, but they both had great exams from the dentist. Maybe this is a time to have your child visit the dentist and ask your dentist about this. I am sure you are not the only one.

Best of luck, and hang in there!

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J.F.

answers from Colorado Springs on

My daughter (2 1/2) also fussed quite a bit over teeth brushing, to the point that I just dreaded it. It's enough to make you crazy. It's still not a picnic, but the situation has improved drastically. Here's what I've tried that has helped: wearing a hand puppet who then brushes her teeth and comments on what she must've eaten during the day; pretending that I am finding various zoo animals on her mouth and making their sounds; and lately, as she is into pretending to be a doctor and giving checkups, I pretend I am a doctor with a funny name. Good luck!

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C.J.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I guess first I would have to ask what kind of brush you are using? We started out with some baby/toddler brushes we got from One Step Ahead that kind of looked like bite toys. They had very gentle rubber bristles on the top and bottom of a rubber "plate" almost that she could bite on. That at least got her used to the idea of having a brush in her mouth. We started giving her those before she even had teeth pop through. Then we moved her up to the toddler extra soft bristle brushes and made sure we were not pressing too h*** o* her gums. By the time she was 2 1/2 she liked to do it herself, have you tried giving the brush to him and have him mimic you while you brush your teeth? My daughter will brush her own teeth, but most of the time doesn't like for me or my husband to do it for her, and that alone will cause a screaming fit because she is already so independent! Or you could try to turn it into some kind of game - maybe you could do a sticker chart or something (say a week or something) and for every time that he lets you brush without a problem he gets a sticker then ultimately a prize (coloring book, special trip out, whatever) at the end of the time frame you chose. Good luck!

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M.N.

answers from Denver on

First of all I wouldn't worry too much about the talking, my dad said I didn't talk until I was 4 years old, Now I just don't shut up. =). I would probably talk to a dentist and see if theres not something going on in his mouth which can cause issues with the ears as well. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

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S.W.

answers from Denver on

I let my 2 1/2 year old brush her own teeth. I just direct her how to do it by example and don't worry if it's not a perfect job. I did this with my other two children and their teeth are all perfect and healthy! I think I'd freak out, too, if someone held my head and forced a toothbrush into my mouth!

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N.P.

answers from Boise on

My almost 3 year old has the same issues...most nights she screams or cries while I am brushing her teeth. I have her lay on her back and then I tuck her hands at her side and sit on top so I can see all of her teeth, and she can't get her hands in there. It's annoying that she cries all the time, but it doesn't hurt her, and she's fine the second I am done, so I know she is just tired. I always let her have a turn after I have brushed for her. By the way, the Dentist recommended to brush her teeth that way...in fact, they cannot brush correctly until they are like 7 or 8 years old.

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H.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hi H.. My advice is shut the light off in the bathroom. Give your son a flashlight and have him shine it in his mouth while standing on the bathroom counter. Have him facing the mirror so he can see all his teeth. Scrub away all the "YUCKY's" or "Bugs" in his mouth! I did this for my now 10 year old for about a year. He thought it was the best game ever. I used to have to do the pin down thing too. Also try different kinds of toothpaste, they make kids ones that taste like watermelon, strawberry etc. I now have 4 kids and three different kind of toothpaste :0) Good LUCK!!

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