Toddler Won't Sleep in His Own Bed

Updated on March 04, 2010
J.C. asks from Medford, OR
8 answers

Hi all!
Looking for any sleep suggestions you all have. My son is 19 months old. He slept through the night from 3 months until he was a year old. We changed his crib (due to a recall) and can't get him to sleep in his own bed through the night since. He only wants to be in bed with us. Neither my husband or I get good sleep when our son is in bed with us so we would prefer to have him in his own room. I'm not a fan of letting him cry it out. I have tried this for five minutes at a time but when I put him in bed with us, he instantly stops crying and goes to sleep. BUT we are exhausted. Once he is good and alseep - we carry him into his room and put him in bed where he will sleep for about 2-3 hours, but then he wakes up and we start all over again. Both of us work out side of the home and we are now expecting our second child in the fall. Any comments or suggestions you have will be much appreciated as I am tired of BEING TIRED :) Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your input. We do have a nightly routine: bath, pj's, milk, brush teeth, read books... I wondered if we moved him to the toddler bed too soon - but since we returned his crib when it was recalled and we had already been given a toddler bed, we decided to transition him to that. I just love him SOOOOO much and I want to teach him to be a good sleeper! I think we will try the his mattress on our floor and gradually move it closer and closer to his room! Hope it works...

p.s. He sleeps in a bean bag chair for nap time - I know this is probably crazy but he started doing it at day care and sleeps so good that we let him do that for nap time at home too :)

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M.P.

answers from Eugene on

Hi! I have been in that "sleep deprived but I won't let her cry it out" place too! It is so hard, especially while working and being pregnant!

Here's an article I found really helpful, very supportive of the needs of parents and children. http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/49/64/Helping-You...

Wishing you lots of good sleep in the days and weeks to come!

1 mom found this helpful

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Can you get him back into a crib? He's awfully young to be out of a crib. Otherwise, he'll have to sleep with you or you'll have to perfect the art of taking him back a million times...no light...no talking, etc.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Put a spot in your room, where he can sleep when and if need be.
Like a floor futon or a cot or a sleeping pad.
That is what we do... with our kids. It works out well for us. That way they can be near us, (not in our bed) but sleep and if going through any night-time "fears" which do occur and is developmental based.
Kids just simply get scared at night... all alone, in the dark, in their rooms sometimes. No biggie. I did that too as a child. My parents let me. I grew out of it. And sometimes, a child just needs the closeness of their parents. Its normal. And to me, it is not a "bad" "habit."

There was a time when, when I had my 2nd child, my son would be in his crib, in our room, and my daughter would be sleeping on the floor futon in our room... and we'd all be in the room. We all slept well that way.. .and it took away any sleeping "battles" etc.
AND, your eldest child/baby does know on some level that you are pregnant and something is coming up... so they need comforting. Its not easy for them either.... the adjustment of a "baby" etc.

All the best,
Susan

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T.P.

answers from Portland on

Our daughter was in her own big girl bed at 18m and the only thing that helped keep her in bed was to have her door shut so she could not leave her room. She would sometimes cry at the door and we would go in, put her back in bed, give her kisses then leave. We would repeat that as many times as needed until she fell asleep (the most we did it was 4 times over the course of about an hour). It only took a few nights of this and we were able to go to her door and tell her "go get back in bed, it's time for night night" and she would run back to her bed. It might take a few times before she falls asleep, but it usually works. I did let her CIO at the door for a bit (maybe 5-10 minutes) between going in to put her back in bed but honestly it was a lot more like WIO (whine it out) since I know the difference between her "oh poor pitiful me" cry and actual pain/illness/scared cry. It's going to take some tough love, he's never going to stay in his room happily and of his own accord if you take him into your room every time he whines or cries. There isn't any motivation on his part.

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E.E.

answers from Portland on

Sounds like he has got you figured out. :) if u r going to try the cry it out method u have to commit otherwise u r just teaching him to cry longer. Or skip the CIO and just put a crib in ur room

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I wish there was an easy answer - my daughter is the same way. I am also not a fan of cry it out, or gate them in their rooms... My daughter is in a big bed (full size) and I will lay with her until she goes to sleep so at least I get some alone time in my bed. We are about to try two ideas:
1 - start by staying w/ them until they go to bed. then move further away within the room - then to the door way, then the hall, and put him back in when he gets up (Supernanny style).
2 - put a sleeping bag on our floor (or little bed) and tell her she can sleep there, but not in our bed. Gives her the option to be close w/o being in our bed.
Good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

If you read up on co-sleeping you'll actually find a lot of suggestions on moving toddlers into their own beds.
Some suggestions include putting a mattress on the floor in your room and having him sleep there. Then slowly moving the mattress down the hall into his own room and eventually he sleeps on the mattress on the floor in his own room. Speaking of that...if he doesn't like the bed can you just put the mattress on the floor in his room for him to sleep there?
It sounds like he's made a bad association between something and the bed. Either he had a bad dream or something happened that's made him afraid of the bed for some reason.
Will he take naps in his own bed? This is a good place to start. Getting him to take naps in there will help with sleeping there through the night.
And of course there is the option of simply putting him to sleep in your bed and then moving him when you're ready for bed. Can you get him to sleep before you would normally go to sleep so that you're not losing sleep?
Also do you have a bed time routine in place? Reading books/cuddling/nursing in his room and then going to sleep that way. Sometimes the routine can help with getting a child to sleep.
There are lots of options. Hope one works for you so you get some sleep. Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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