Trying to Be helpful.............venting

Ha!!!

Okay, I'll skip me, because I tend to radiate Golden Retreiver level of threat (useful, that)... and go to my poor brother.

Biggest Sweetheart on the planet.

He's also 6'4, hockey player (beeeeg/buff), and loves kids.

("Not every man who is over the age of 30 who plays with children is a pedophile. Some people are just nice." ... thank you Dan leSac)

People have felt so threatened by him they aren't even getting their knickers in a twist over their OWN kids... but try to intervene when he's with MY son. His nephew. Poor guy. Good thing his wife is tiny / of the disposition to (and has) work as a Character at DisneyWorld... or my bro would never be accepted into parenting circles!!!

I am always shocked to hear stuff like this. Things like magazine articles suggesting you smile at someone once a day, or how to say hello to people on the elevator or whatever.

Um.

I live in Texas. While driving, it is standard here to wave at passing motorists. We say hello in line at the grocery store. We chat in elevators. And certainly say hello to our neighbors. I am told it takes some getting used to, for "transplants" when they move here, and it certainly took some adjustments for friends of ours, who moved up to the northeast.

Kind of makes me sad.

We used to call O. neighbor at our old house "Thing" because all you ever saw was the hand reaching out to the mailbox....

Who knows? Maybe they were told not to speak to anyone while they were outside, maybe the grandma didn't recognize you as a neighbor (familiar face)?

But, yes...some people are just friendlier, chattier than others. I notice that as well.

Some people really do believe it keeps their life less complicated if they keep to themselves for the most part. You know the old "maintain your square" attitude?

I am like Amanda, sound so strange to me that people would act like this.

Here we will talk to anyone. Freaks the " normals" out, but we are genuinely interested, excited and want to help or hear what you have to say..

We over share, we cheer you on.... I guess we are the strange ones in this world.

I would have not only pjoined you on your quest to get that Dora ball back to the rightful owner, but offered you a drink and a treat for your dog.

I get being cautious, but people are just flat out rude! There was a big brown lab running loose in my yard, so I grabbed her, looked her over for an ID, and kept her on the run outside with food and water while putting an ad up on craigslist. About 3 hours later the owner walked by to take her, I gladly gave her to them and he actually gave me an earful for not checking her collar better (they wrote their # with sharpie on the INSIDE of the collar), no thank you, nothing...... I agree you shouldn't do things if you want something in return, but whatever happened to just being kind and neighborly??

Probably not a friendly household. We have one of those on our street. We wave to the kids, say hi, etc. and they just look at us like we're cuckoo -- and we've "known" them for 8 years now. It's weird, but whatever.

No, but look at it from their side.

Here you are trying to talk to kids you don't know - you have the dog and also a ball. What do we tell our kids to watch out for? A stranger with a dog who may ask for help or ask you if you want to pet the dog or whatever.

You were the "stranger" they have been warned about!

Awww that must have been weird. I hate when stuff like that happens.

We were at Disney World in March, and waiting at Hall of Presidents. There was a teen girl in front of me with a very cool fanny-pack type bag that had a slot for a water bottle. I commented how much I liked it and she literally stared back at me like I had suggested she slit someone's throat. She never said a single word. Then her parents started staring at me.

I was with my twin nieces and my mom & dad, and - like you - feel like a pretty normal looking person LOL.

It later occurred to me that she might have been developmentally delayed, and perhaps her parents didn't want to chime in. Perhaps they didn't speak English, though they were wearing alot of midwestern sports team garb (so it seems doubtful). The whole thing was just odd and disconcerting.

Who knows what was going on with your bunch. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

You didn't do anything wrong! What if one one of the kids went into the street to retrieve the ball and was struck by a passing car? You had the children's safety in mind. Trouble is, we live is such a fear driven time now that the gut reaction for most kids (and adults) is to be wary of strangers, no matter what they look like. Keep being your true self and don't allow the negative world view of others alter your natural, helpful personality. Sorry you felt alienated by these neighbors, I'm sure there are others in your neighborhood who could use your friendly, helpful hand.

Yes, strange.

I chalk it up to this: some people aren't curious about the things or people around them. Some are.

My son is the kid in the yard who talks to everyone! "Want to see me climb my tree?" "I have a cat!" "I have an eye appointment today!" I adore him and also try to help him let these nice, slightly amused people move along. Blessings to the couple who actually stayed to watch him climb our 'tree' (a rhododendron bush out front).

I do also think there's an insular mentality these days, not just stranger-danger. Everyone's got their iPods on. No one wants to smile or make eye contact. A month or so ago Kiddo and I were out for a walk-- we saw tons of people out. We passed by a house and I heard not one but two alarms going off and smelled smoke. Long story short-- the family wasn't home but had left eggs to boil on the stove and had gone out for the day. I spoke to their neighbors (who tried unsuccessfully to reach them) and then called the fire department, who came and did their best to nicely break the door and take care of the problem. We caught the problem before the house went up in flames. I am just baffled at people these days-- how many people had passed that house with alarms blaring and not even noticed or cared or were even curious...?

All that to say, good on you for trying to do something helpful. It's *their* problem, not you!:)

The adults in some families are more paranoid than necessary. You can't tell what experiences they have had. Their past experiences may have caused that reaction.

If the news reported someone was robbed in your town, they may have taken that personal, especially if they had been robbed and have taught their kids to be "cautious" to the point of what you saw.

Good luck to you and yours.

Did you go out again without your portable hologram device? Soon, everyone will know we're here. Oh dear, I'll have to send a message back to Venus!

Sorry, I couldn't resist - it was the STARING that got me. ; )

I am tiny and have only ever been perceived as a threat when a puppy tried to attack me. The owners treated me like I was a serial killer. In reality, the puppy was probably responding to the smell of fear. I had recently been attacked by dog while hiking and was trying *really* hard to deal with the resulting panic every time I saw a dog - ANY dog - after that.

My husband is a stay-at-home Dad though and when we only had one son, he got the EYE everytime he took him to the playground.

There's the real possibility that they didn't understand what you said. Unless you knew for sure the family spoke English as a first language, it's entirely possible that their English is limited and they were unsure what you wanted. The grandma spoke to you, but only a few words, so you can't be sure.

A lot of folks are assuming the family is just plain rude, when that may not be the case at all. If someone cannot fully understand what's being said, that person is likely to act very cautious and hesitant, like these kids and the adult did. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. Also, you have no way to know if there are other issues at play; maybe the family has had problems with other neighbors who have given them trouble; maybe the adults have taught the kids not to speak whatsoever to ANY adult they don't know; maybe they have had a bad experience with someone trying to "chat up" their kids and were spooked by it. I'd let it go.

Why assume they saw you as a threat. Sounds more like they didn't understand why you cared. It wasn't their ball. They probably didn't even look to see the ball.

I, too, wonder why you asked them. The ball was in plain view and not on your property. If it was theirs they could get it any time. The situation feels more like you're involved is something that was none of your business.

Now if the ball were hidden, I could understand you bringing it out in the open and perhaps asking if it was theirs but I probably wouldn't have asked. It's just none of my business what someone else does with their ball.

I would've told you no, it isn't mine and then the situation would be over with but I would have been puzzled about why you were asking.

I also think yelling across the street is being not so friendly yourself. If I wanted to have a conversation I'd cross the street. That feels much more friendly. And, you didn't just say hi. You were asking something of them that they didn't understand. I don't see the situation as being about friendliness. You presented a puzzle and they didn't want to be involved.

What did it come to? No one attacked you verbally nor physically. The kids did the appropriate thing and refused to talk to a stranger. The grandmother was looking out for the kids, saw an adult stranger speaking to the kids and came out to handle it. Then they watched you walk away. They didn't need to thank you for anything because you didn't do anything for them. They may be friendly toward people they know and under the right circumstances.

You shouldn't have been talking to kids you didn't know and you shouldn't have persisted once you saw they wouldn't answer. If it had been their ball and they cared about it, it wouldn't still have been in the street by the time you came along.

You claiming to look like a "stereotypical" middle-aged woman means nothing. The bad guys aren't only men and they don't all "look crazy". Your upset about this is an overreaction.

Cindy, at least they are kids acting that way to you. When my kids were little, I was in the parking lot of a large mall making my way towards the building when a couple were walking toward us to their car. My little guy was only 2 1/2 and said hi to them. They actually moved away from us and looked suspciously at us. I guess I was just in "a mood" that day, because instead of getting my feelings hurt, I started laughing out loud at them. It felt good, actually, to just let it out. I hope it "said" something to them.

Shame on them for thinking badly of a 2 1/2 year old for saying hello!

In your case, I would hope it's because English isn't their first language. Still, it's a shame they haven't been taught to smile.

Dawn