Two Year Old Is TERRIBLE in the Car, Any End in Sight?

Music worked with Emmy from 6 months until Now (its no longer NEEDED at 6 but enjoyed=) ). When she was one we would rearrange the track list and songs daily and she would chant the first word of the song J. by the intro note. She was a reflux baby/kid and her stomach was always upset and music clamed her.

Have you taught him sign language. I used it on Emmy when she was a baby and it stopped all of the screaming. Maybe he is frustrated? Also maybe motion sickness? Does he like rides?
Play an easy version of eye spy?

My kids were and are excellent travellers.
I can't imagine such chaos, but I wouldn't have stood for it. I also wouldn't have stood for screeching or screaming in strollers or high chairs.

My son took his first long distance trip when my mother in law passed away unexpectedly. He was 3 weeks old. We were away from home for two weeks. He adapted. We went on many long trips after that and my daughter was already an experienced traveller. We didn't have DVD players or other electronics. We listened to music. We sang. We talked about what different road signs meant. My daughter would say, "Mommy, it's not a double yellow line. You can pass that car now". My son would be in his car seat singing "Radar Love". You haven't lived until you've heard a 3 year old singing, "I've been driving all night, my hands are wet on the wheel....it's half past 4 and I'm shifting gears...."

We loved road trips. My daughter did suffer from car sickness, so we gave her dramamine if we would be driving in the mountains on curvey roads.

It sounds like your son just doesn't like being confined or having to sit still and all you can do is let him know that whether he likes it or not, there are times he has no choice and he doesn't need to throw a screaming fit about it.

When he's screaming like that in the car, what if everyone else started screaming too? I bet he wouldn't like it.

No offense intended at all, but I think you might be trying to cater too much.

Just my opinion.

Ok...

Redirecting = not working.
Time outs = not working.
Ignoring = not working.

See where I'm going with this? What are you willing to do to end this behavior? It's totally unacceptable. At 2, he CAN control himself, but you are allowing him not to. If it were me, I would have employed a swift swat on the behind a LONG time ago. Both of my kids threw fits ONCE. And one time only.

I don't mean to come across as overly critical, but I have ZERO tolerance for this kind of thing, and my kids know it. I don't have much tolerance for parents who put up with it either, and give their kids the option to parent them.

Obviously this doesn't go for kids with real psychological issues. I'm very blessed not to have to deal with that.

He is throwing a tantrum. What do you do when he throws a tantrum? I refused to put up tantrums.

Your childs tantrum appears to be screeching. My kids was jumping up and down, screaming and crying. When they started their tantrums, I would just fold my arms and wait, or I got a chair and a book. I would read the book, or pretend to, until they got tired and stopped. Then I told them that they hadn't jumped up and down enough and they needed to jump up and down some more. Then I would make them jump up and down until they were REALLY tired of jumping up and down. Then they were required to do what ever they didn't want to do that brought on the tantrum.

I had a 2 year old that threw the screaming/crying tantrum. After about 30 minutes, I gave up and lifted him up and put him under my arm and went to the kitchen. I opened up the frig and took out the cold water pitcher we kept in there. When I got him over to the sink, he yelled, "No daddy. No Daddy! I'll be good! I'll be good!" That taught me that he knew exactly what he was doing. He was only as out of control as he wanted to be AND he was only 2.

The next time you go on a trip, take an ice chest with a jug of cold water with you. When he screams/cries/screeches, throw some cold water on him. If he begins again, do it again. With mine, I never actually had to pour the cold water on him, but I would have.

If you reward bad behavior, you will get more bad behavior. Don't give him stuff to keep him quiet. That rewards his bad behavior.

Good luck to you and yours.

Okay, this is going to sound out there, Mozart? Swear to you it was the only thing that worked with my younger son. We would all cringe during that two seconds between songs because he would actually start screaming again, then shut up.

God knows why but it worked. :)

Sounds a lot like our son when he was a baby and toddler. Wondering, does your child also act fussy or difficult during feeding or dressing? I ask because our son has sensory processing disorder. His sensory issues caused him to have a hard time with restraints, with riding in the car (vestibular sense and the motion of the car or stroller), anxiety about meal times and eating, etc and when he knew those situations were coming or during them he would start to get into sensory overload and become anxious .... Hence the wailing, screaming, being upset, etc. something that drive us nuts but he could not control or help. He had no way of telling us in words how he felt overwhelmed, or in motion how his body felt, etc. what he needs is to be taken out of the situation and given time to calm down and get regulated again. Not disciplined.

I really recommend checking out website understandingSPD.com because it gas all the signs listed and explains a ton in easy to understand terms - and googling "Angie Voss OT, sensory processing disorder" and her site will come up. She has tons of info. I could be way off on this but something sensory seems to be going on. We've been dealing with this for 4 years now with our little guy and your situation sounds very familiar. If it is SPD it can be diagnosed and treated with OT as early as 18 months. If it is not, could be some other reason beyond behavior that a Ped should look at just to be safe and get best advise. I just share this info because so many kids suffer with sensory issues and can't tell parents how their little bodies and minds feel being so overwhelmed or vet loaded by the world around them and because SPD isn't yet widely known...but is so common - something like 1 in 20 kids has it. Hope this helps. I don't think it's totally behavior and should not be punished.

Leaving the child in the car alone to cry it out as one responder said is cruel even if you are just outside the window. The child could be totally terrified and doing that would just make him feel even less safe. You are his mama , his protector and advocate. Dig deeper into this. Children cry and act out for a reason - its how they communicate when they need help and cannot use words to do it for them.

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Try this, D.. Leave early to go where you are going. When he starts the screaming, stop the car and turn around and tell your son that you are tired of hearing his yelling. Tell him that he can sit in the car all by himself and cry, or he can be quiet so you can get to where you are going. He won't stop the screaming because he doesn't believe you. So you need to show him you mean it. Get out of the car.

Stand outside of the car and wait it out. Open the door ever so often and say "Are you done yet?" Don't get back in the car until he has stopped this stuff.

If you do this every time he starts this in the car, he will quit. The key is to leave early so that you've built in time for it, and also to be 100% consistent.

I promise you that the car issue will be behind you if you do this. Stop turning on the dvd player. He needs discipline rather than coddling.

Keep putting him out of the way when he does it in the house (like in the crib) and NEVER give him ANYTHING when he screeches in the house. The last thing you want to do is reward him when he does it. The more he screeches, the more you totally ignore him, as if he isn't even there. As soon as he stops, "turn on" and look at him and say "Now that you are using your inside voice, I will help you."

Good luck,
Dawn

The more you tell him to use an indoor voice, the more you look at him in the mirror, the more his siblings talk to him the more he will continue.

Our grandson does this regularly. If we even look at him he gets louder, if we remind him to use his indoor voice he gets louder, if his sister has enough and tells him to be quiet he gets louder.

Spanking him, time out, taking away toys, nothing works because the goal of the activity is to get a response. That response is everything to him.

So totally ignore him, do not look at him, do not shhh him, nothing. Talk to the other kids and tell them to ignore him too.

He may go ahead and do this for a while but he will eventually pass out from exhaustion.

It's called homeostasis. The body has a system that helps it recover after a high energy activity. That's why we fall asleep after good sex...lol.

Your son is using an enormous amount of his energy screaming and fighting. Once his body runs out he will simply pass out until his body is recovered.

If this does not happen I suggest you take him to the park and see that he runs, climbs, digs, any activity you can get him to do for at least an hour before he gets in the car to leave. Once he starts the tantrum it should be shorter due to him having already used an bunch of his stored energy.

Watch on travel days for foods containing red dye 40, excessive caffeine, and other foods that might trigger a tantrum. Sugar does not have any effect as proven through scientific study. Sugar actually should give a tiny tiny burst of energy then they drop to a low and fell sleepy. Caffeine and other additives in those foods do have an effect though.

So, on travel days, use up all his energy that you can. Let him have as big a tantrum as possible because the bigger it is the quicker he'll fall asleep. If he doesn't then of course something else might need to be done.

With DD, she didn't like to be restrained. I gave her toys, books, and turned on the radio. Not being in a carseat was not an option. One time she refused to get in her seat and I couldn't bend her. So we sat there in the parking lot til she complied. I wasn't giving in and going back to the store, but we couldn't go home. I would also try using sign language because if he can make a sign he can communicate what he can't verbalize. If it takes longer, make stops every 45 minutes or so, travel when he's likely to sleep and if it's safe to do so, consider snacks and drinks for the trip. Not being strapped in isn't something he can win. I would ignore it as much as any other trantrum and buy the other occupants of the car earplugs or headsets.

I would ask his pediatrician about car sickness, but I think since it happens in a high chair, too, it's the "I don't want to be strapped in" business. Happens a lot when they first get mobile.

Is it possible he's getting car/motion sick?

My daughter used to scream practically all the way home from my mom's, (who we see weekly...45 minutes one way)...nothing worked either and in this case i knew it wasn't motion sickness. It was more likely end of day crankies, (she didn't do it on the way there)...the only thing that worked was turning the radio up REALLY loud. I don't know why, but it soothed her...?????
She is now 2.5 - she was right around 2 when she did it as well and eventually she phased it out..now she just uses words, (but still yells at me :)).

Maybe try a sippy cup or something like that for him to focus on that might be soothing...?

Oh man!
My DS did that until he was 18 mos. We actually kept ear plugs in the car for that reason. We couldn't take it. And if I was driving alone, I'd just pop in my iPod to drown him out. It's not like you can do anytning about it while you're on the road...and you konw he's fine back there!

My DD (just turned 2) is doing this as well, but she's starting to get better. Best suggestion I have is to ignore her and drown her out.

Activities never helped us, and DD doesn't care about watcing a DVD. At all.
So we just ignore her completely when she starts wailing. It's been a few months now, but I think it's starting to help.

Good luck, I feel your pain!