Very Healthy Moms Using Handicap Spots at School

Updated on November 19, 2011
A.C. asks from Sterling Heights, MI
35 answers

If you were running late or in a hurry dropping your child off at school, would you park in one of the handicap spots at your school? What if it were just for a couple of minutes while the kids unloaded from the car, but you yourself stayed in the car? There is limited parking close to my daughter's elementary school, and I have noticed EVERY day at drop off and pickup moms parking in those spots. I check the three spots for a disabled sticker (the hang tag, the big wheelchair in the middle of the license plate, and the little red wheel chair sticker in the top left of the license plate), and there is no indication that the vehicle is registered to a disabled person. Not only that, but the moms are clearly healthy as they hop out of the car, sling their toddler on their hip, and RUN to the building with their school-age child in tow. I realize some people (like my husband) don't clearly look disabled, but like I said, the running seems a pretty obvious indicator of health, and most importantly, there is no handicap sign anywhere on their vehicle.
These are different moms every time and it happens both drop off and pick up.

Would you do that? Is there something I am missing? Because my husband's disability (that makes walking very painful) is so NOT obvious, I am afraid to say something to these moms. But, we DO have handicap parking sticker on our license plate. There are numerous people I have seen at the school who are CLEARLY disabled and need to park close, but often have to walk far because the handicap spots are already taken by the moms who are not disabled. I mentioned to the school that they should repaint the spots, but people are even parking in the spot that has a big metal handicap sign along with blue paint on the ground. Any suggestions for what to do? What would you do if you saw this? Or, if you do this, WHY?

In case you are wondering, IF you are disabled (even temporarily) it is VERY easy to get a handicap hang tag for your car.

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

If you do have a handicap hang tag, park behind them and block them in!

I cannot conceive of using a handicapped spot in any circumstances other than grave emergency. Even then, I'd probably go on automatic and reserve the spot for someone who needed it.

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

No, I would not do that.

Why do people do that? Because they are selfish and think the rules don't apply to them. They justify these actions in their wee little heads and then they wonder why their kids act that way at school.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

No, I wouldn't park there.

You can call the police dept. and ask them to post an unmarked car in the parking lot to assess the situation, or even ask the school to do a little recon to see how bad the problem is. As stated even parking there for 30 seconds when you aren't disabled can get you a $200-500 fine.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

No, I do NOT park in Handicapped spots. I am NOT handicapped and there really is no excuse for it.

You can contact your police department and make them aware of the situation...they can come to the school in the AM and monitor the spots and give out tickets - here in VA - I think the FIRST ticket is $250 and the second is $500....so if they have money to burn....

Why not just approach them and tell them they are not handicapped so they need to STOP using the handicapped spots? I know I would (surprised?). Communication goes a long way. Call them on the spot in front of their children. If they are handicapped, then tell them to use their sticker, tag, etc.

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

I have never done this. I've never even parked in the "reserved for expectant moms" spots at the store.

I would contact the school and let them know what you've observed. Hopefully they'll be out there one morning to see for themselves. Hopefully the handicap parkers have already mentioned something. If anything, I'm sure if you mentioned your husband is handicap, they will jump right on it and probably send out a notice to all students that noone is to park in those spots w/o a tag.

You are saving so much trouble for all the handicap parkers at the school in the long run. Consider it your civic duty.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Here is my take on it. I hate when people use handicapped parking spaces that are not handicapped. Frankly those tags are too easy to get and too easy to move from car to car.

Having said that struggling with carrying a toddler to run your child in school quickly is more a handicap than a lot of things I have seen those tags given out for. So that would actually not bother me.

Just so you know running is not a sign of health but pain tolerance, K? Walking is beyond painful for me, running is almost unbearable. If I am in a hurry I suck it up and run. I do not have a handicap tag.

They need a drop off parking area.

I want to add I am assuming they are not using all three spaces there should always be one open for actual handicapped people. The situation you describe sounds like my kids old school. Plenty of handicap spots, no consideration for life in general like having to run in carrying a baby or toddler, what can I say, mine were heavy.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I do not take handicapped places regardless of where I am. They are there for other people and my failure to plan does not excuse me from parking where I need to park. My grandfather had a hang tag and we did not use it when he was not in the car. But when he was in the car, he truly needed it, as he had suffered from polio in his 30s and had a hard time walking and later needed a wheelchair. Having to find another place to park often made an outing difficult. Someone else's "30 seconds to run in" might mean that my grandmother had already had to find another parking spot and was dragging the wheelchair out of the car by the time the violator came back.

If you have already spoken to the school, consider calling the police non-emergency line and stating that your husband is a card-carrying handicapped driver and your family has observed parking abuses at the school. See if they will consider any sort of parking enforcement. Maybe tell them that you are further concerned because these parents are in a rush at times when children are present and their zooming up to the school could be a hazard for the children. You could also try one more time writing a letter to the school documenting what you observe and why you feel it's a problem and encourage them to do something about it.

When there are enough complaints, our local cops put out "your speed is" signs and that usually indicates that they are doing a speed study on that road for speed bumps or cameras.

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I would tell the school again. Don't approach these people yourself. Maybe they could have an police officer stand out front for a few mornings each week and tell these people to move it! Maybe that would break their "habit".

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I would say something. I know I would because I did last year. It was pickup time and a guy was parked in the handicap spot with no stickers, hang tag or wheelchair. I piped right up with a "you know, those are handicap spots! We have students at this school that are picked up in wheelchairs and parents that need to park there. You need to move your car." Boy did that guy jump right in his car and move. I think I embarassed him. OH WELL. Those spots are not just for the parents but for the kids that are handicapped as well. I would certainly point that out to them.
L.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

NOT in a million years.....my dad was a quadriplegic and i went with him shopping once or twice a week. Not only was it hell finding a spot but the stores are not set up for men and women like this and its really a shame. I would become infuriated by the people i saw parking in the handicap, ramp-van spots.

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

If there were a few spots open and I was running late or if there was no other place to park and all I was doing was dropping off I might pull in for the 30 seconds it takes for my kids to grab their stuff and jump out of the car. But no I would not be parking there if it meant I had to turn my car off and get out and go to the school.

Added: Just to make it clear, when I say I would pull in for the 30 seconds to let my kids jump out, I would only do that if there were other handicap spots open. I would NOT do that if I would be taking the only handicap spot available and I would not turn my car off or get out of my car.

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V.T.

answers from Dallas on

This is why I asked a week or so ago, if people were in my shoes if they would ask their doctor for a temporary pass. I drive by 12 open handicap spaces on days I take my daughter to school and would love to park in one since my sciatica is out of control, but I feel guilty, so I don't, but I see healthy mom's park there all the time. My daughter goes to a church for preschool and they called the cops and they came for a week straight and ticketed drivers. Worked like a charm for awhile. Everytime the see it getting bad again with no handicapped drivers, they call again. In our area, they would call ahead of time, so the cops would either be in route or already there when people showed up. You would be surprised at how many people parked in the handicapped spaces even with the cops right there.

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

No I don't do this. Never would unless I couldn't tell it was a handicapped spot. People have no qualms about doing it because it is convenient for them. They figure they will be out of the spot before anyone else needs it since it only takes them 2 minutes to dash into the school. It would only take 2.5 minutes if they parked in a non-handicapped spot but that 30 seconds just can't be wasted.

Strangely, what I see more often than obviously healthy people using handicapped spots without having a permit are the spouses or caretakers using the spot. Yes, they have the sign or sticker but they don't have the handicapped person with them yet they are all too happy to get that prime parking spot. I guess it could be like you say and their handicap could be hard to distinguish but they look like they are trucking along just fine to me and don't seem to have a problem loading groceries, children and 40 pound bags of birdseed into their vehicles.

Tell the school again. Especially if the spots do need to be repainted. Maybe they will issue a memo (not that people will listen to it) or put a security person out there. You could call the police and see if they will monitor the situation.

Good luck.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I pulled in to a regular parking spot one time due to the handicapped being properly used. I had a hanging permit. They left while my mom was in the store and the next car that pulled in was a gorgeous red convertible with this cute as a button blonde driving. She pulled into the parking place and her friends all started getting out. I was sooooo annoyed. Then I noticed her friend getting a wheelchair out of the back. The driver transferred herself to the wheel chair and happily went in the store with her friends. I looked a bit more inside the car and she had some hand controls.

I felt so bad, she did have a tag/license plate for handicapped parking. If I had been behind the car I would have seen it. I think back about that and remember I almost yelled at them about parking there but just decided it wasn't worth the effort of rolling down my window. How humiliated I would have been. I am sure she gets that a lot too.

I think that opened my eyes to being more lenient to drivers who do this if they really have issues but just can't get a permit. I do get very frustrated when my hubby has to get his cane out and walk all the way across the parking lot to get in the school. I wish that places would enforce the parking better too. They need to have larger parking lots so that pick up and delivery could flow smoother.

I guess one thing that bothers me more is the parents that stop and park in the driveway, they block a whole lane of traffic and that makes everyone suffer that is behind them. If it were my place I'd have tow trucks in the parking lot every day and just make them do it my way......(think evil laugh here).

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Absolutely not, no never. No excuse.
What do we teach our children when we make an excuse for not following the rules?

Call the Police dept and have them monitor it off and on.. a few tickets and the word will spread..

We had this problem at our elementary one school year. You should have heard the excuses. Then there was a dad and a mom that were cops (not married to each other), we had them come and take care of it..

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

Well, at our school the only time there is no parking is at pick up and drop off, but no one parks much anyways as there is a drop off line.
I don't condone what they are doing, but If I HAD to go in to the office and there was nary a spot to be had and no curb space, I would definately be tempted - why? because there is NO WHERE else.
Honestly, that would be the only time I'd consider it. Not if it was just a longer walk or inconvenient, but no more spots available.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I have been running late taking my daughter to preschool and have still bypassed the handicap spots, even if it means having to park way at the furthest end of the parking lot and be even later having to walk all the way back to the front door. I would complain to the school again and if there is no change, call the police and see what they can do.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

No--I would not.
Although it does seem that they make the parking FAAAAAAAAAR away, doesn't it? LOL
Personally, I'd mention something to the office.
Maybe they can put something in to the next newsletter or send a reminder home with the kids. It's most likely a situation of a frazzled mom dragging a younger kid along, but that doesn't make it right.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

No, I wouldn't do that and it would annoy me. Our principal is very visible during these drop-off and pick-up times and some people don't like her but I love how she polices the parking lot. I would see if yours could come out and start correcting these people. I would also see if your husband could go sometimes and tell people they are taking his legit spot. He can say something without seeming to nitpick.

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✤.J.

answers from Dover on

I have never once parked in a handicapped spot, even when I had a cast on my leg for 4 months when I was 21 years old. Contact the school again on the phone as well as in writing. If you still see no improvement, contact your local police department.

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

No I wouldn't/don't. And this would erk me too! And I'm not handicapped.

I'm in a similar situation at my daughters school. My daughters school has three places to park. But the side of the school by the preschool door is allotted for parents of preschoolers. Why? Because they are the only children required to have an adult walk them into school. So the spot along the sidewalk is supposed to be for people like me. There are three other parking lots available for parents to park if they feel the need to park and walk their child in...but NOOOO there are always non preschool parents parking in our spots. I've brought it up to the school in the beginning of the year...but nothing has changed. If I catch the parent doing it, I will also say something to them, but some just don't care.

Obviously, this is not the same as affecting someone who is handicapped but seriously why can't people just follow the rules! It is irritating!!

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P.B.

answers from Austin on

Our principal last year wrote notes repeatedly online and also via email about this kind of thing.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I had a former colleague that did this all the time and it drove me crazy! We sold to universities and research institutions and parking was a pain, especially if you didn't allow enough time (she never did). I was so happy when she finally got two tickets for it and paid hundreds of dollars.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I never park in handicapped spaces, even if I'm going to be just a few minutes. Now, that's not to say I might not pull into one while my child was getting out of the car, but only if I were staying in the car and leaving as soon as my child exited the vehicle. The moms at my granddaughter's school also have terrible etiquette when it comes to the parking lot. Just last week I had a parent/teacher conference so I was at the school before class started and parked in the parking lot. When I came out, the bell had already rung but the parking lot was still a mess. There were no less than three cars parked in the only lane there is to drive through the lot. I was literaly stuck in my spot until all three of those parents came back out. And what really irked me was there were parking spots available! I did remark to the people as they came out how rude it was to park behind another car and that they need to park in the designated spots. I had to wait 15 minutes to get out! Some people are just completely inconsiderate. If I were you, I would bring it to the principal's attention and suggest that he or another staff member stand in the parking lot for a day or two before school and tell people they cannot park in the handicapped spots unless they have a handicapped placard!

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A.L.

answers from Chicago on

I will never park in one unless I am disabled. My mother was handicapped and needed these spots but could never get one. I will never forget, one day my step mom (mom Passed away) parked in one when we were out as a family and my father went ballistic, because of everything we had to deal with during my mom's illness.

If I can clearly tell they are not handicapped I always say something because it is near and dear to my heart. I do not do it confrontational though, I just try to do it casually.

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

Ok very long answer takes a bit to read. Pull up a chair and a cup lol A reply, a rant, a soapbox and a few suggestions.
First I want to point out that there is a reason "those tags are too easy to move from car to car. We are given two choices in my county-two tags or one license plate. The tags move from car to car because they are tied to your drivers licence or state id number. Therefore if you need someone to drive you they can take their car but you can use your placard. You need to keep your id and a copy of the issuance papers. Before my mother got hers when she would take me to my appts my placard went with me.DH has our car to go to work. Having a plate would do no good in our case. Now she and me and my family hang them as we park or get parked. They are clearly marked do not drive while hanging. I have three examples of people thinking the disabled person wasn't. When I first had mine I didn't have knee braces because it was something you I couldn't see that was the issue. So I looked at the time like a healthy young woman with nothing wrong. And one day I did in fact run-my child had been beaten at the school. While you would have been horrified and thought me a fake you would not know the price that short run cost me over the next four nights and days. The pain etc. But that day mama bear adrenaline overpowered everything. Years later I got knee braces if I wore jeans you could not see them. So you will still see me as not disabled. Though one day I had shorts on a woman told her daughter I was just using them so I could use the handicap stall.
some disabilities you cannot see. Not all mean you can't run, but often you have a limit and it cost you spoons. It may mean you are in bed the next day or two. Some people don't have an issue with me now after they see me hang the tag and they see the the cane and oxygen tank. My cane and some elderly is another story! Lol
some of us after an do a few or the things all of you do-it just may be different and it may cost us so we have to choose.
Now I am not defending these parents you are talking about. Like The o.e who stayed in the fine car might have forgotten to hang the tag. My mom and dh did this recently. I am just saying there are many ways to be disabled that can't be seen.
now the ones who do it because they think don't have to follow the rules or their money,vanity etc need to at the time like very least get a warning ticket, at the worst towed. Even I have rules to follow as a placard holder.
Maybe you could get with the school and other parents and add a new crossing guard for that area and they could remind these parents to not park there or write down license plate numbers? I know my kids old schooland added a third city patrol and the handicap area is all that officer covers.
and the last thing before I get off my soap crayons box I always throw in
Read "the spoon theory"+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ editing because this was the first thing I typed long on an android phone and i couldn't figure out how to get the cursors down where i needed it and to alert its a loong post.++++++++
I know there are plenty out there that make it hard for the placard and plate
people but there are many too who just aren't visible like congestive heart failure, fibro etc. And others like the mamma here who is pg but suffers from sciatica-people might assume she is abusing the tag for being pregnant-they can't see and don't know she has suffered sciatica for all those years she has and is *that* not pregnant she needs help with
**little story** as the tags clearly spell out that you are not to drive with them hanging we don't. Dh pulls in to the spot and I pull out the tag as he is pulling in and then we hang it. One day a man came out of what was at the time Eckerds (Do they even still have Eckerds anywhere?) and he gave us the stink eye as dh was pulling into the space. He came back out with the manager pointing excitedly and raising his voice. She asked him what his issue was? She knew us well, too. Well it seems if he had waited two or three more seconds he would have seen me hang the tag. He was LIVID and mad at us. That is fine. I wasn't upset. I appreciated that he cared enough about people to stand up for them much as how you sound.
The suggestions for the extra guard/face to face reminders/extra patrol were all I could come up with.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I would talk to the school again. Get the principal to send out a reminder that marked handicapped spots are for people with plates or tags ONLY. If you need a tag, please speak with your doctor, we have a number of parents with tags that are unable to get their students to class because of people illegally parking in state disabled spots. Police will be doing random patrols and ticketing those who are illegally parked in state disabled spots.

______

Most people think I have a pass when I'm having a bad pain day (about half the time, the other half no one has a clue) and I'm doing the Will Smith Old Person Walk (so, so sexy!). I DO actually qualify for permanent plates (for the past 10 years, and q'd for temp tags on and off for over 20), but have just never bothered (since it's intermittant, and I'm lazy. I'm *supposed* to be keeping the muscles as strong as possible, and even on good pain days I'd cheat to feel less pain), although I came close this fall when I was *seriously* gimping it (reconstructive surgery on 1 shoulder, and a full brace on one of my legs... I was House for Halloween!... after my sling and brace came off and I was just using my emergency cane). My best friend HAS tags (and gets sooooo many dirty looks). She has a degenerative spine, and it's fused halfway up her back... but she can still run when needed, and is SUPPOSED to (like me) on good pain days to keep the muscles strong as possible. So, like you, I'm cautious about saying anything to anyone EVER....

BUT... while I'll occasionally stand in a spot (engine running, car in gear, able to move the HAIL out of the way for someone) for quick drop off or to turn around in a tight spot VERY occasionally... those blue squares are NOT my personal drop off zone, nor anyone else's.

TAGS or PLATES. Period.

((In my state -check with yours- 2x ticketed for parking in state disabed spots means LOSING YOUR LICENSE. That would be a lovely thing to have in that note from the principal if it's true in your state, as well))

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E.J.

answers from Lincoln on

I don't ever park in a handicap stall. It's a $100 fine here, but that doesn't stop me. It's that I would hate to have someone struggling to get inside in our crappy weather while I'm perfectly able.

I also NEVER park in the new/expecting mothers spot. One time my friend tried to get me to claiming I had a child in my car. My kid was 6. I was not parking there!

I don't know if I'd say anything to anyone b/c I'd be scared I'd make an A$$ of myself and find out they did have a reason :-)

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K.T.

answers from Detroit on

Nope, I wouldn't. Our school recently posted signs in our "drop zone" that it's no parking and no cell phones.....I use before and after care at the school so I am rarely there when there are lots of cars.....I *still* don't take the easy route of parking closest in the drop zone....I'm just a rule-follower. In fact, last night I had someone block me in because the drop zone was full and they PARKED behind the 3 parking spots allotted for visitors, including the blue spots. Some people just don't think the laws apply to them.

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K.K.

answers from Saginaw on

nope....have never parked in the handicapped and won't. However there have been a few times when I'm in a hurry that I've parked in the senior citizen spot at the mall before (I drive an old buick, figured no one would ever question it! haha) and the expected mother parking too.
but the handicapped spots are valid, controlled parking spaces...no one should us them unless they have the proper credentials.

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

I am disabled. So this is very close to me.
This is a walker world. Walkers (people who have no mobility issues and their legs work) can be very insensitive and ignorant. The handicap places are there for a reason.
I have a handicap van with a chairlift on the side. That means the doors swing open, the lift comes down. Even folks who are eligible to park in handicap spots can be ignorant. They don't see the sign in the window of my van that stipulates 10 foot clearance. Park too close and there's a chance my motorized chair might scrape your vehicle. Then who's at fault? It's a matter of looking, it's a matter of courtesy, it's a matter of consideration. Folks, if you're running late, is it fair to potentially take someone's spot because you're running late? If you're late, rushing and parking illegally will not help being on time. Plan accordingly.
And just FYI, parking too close to a handicap van with a sign in the window can get you in trouble with the cops. Ticketed to be exact. I could be having a bad day, and if someone inconveniences me from getting in and out----and yes it has happened in car parks at the post office or store----I am within my rights to call the police. And it won't be me in trouble.

So yes, it's selfish and inconsiderate and lazy for people to do that and if you are looking to do something at the school, go to the office and suggest a flyer be made and sent out to the parents. And sending one to the police so they can monitor things and show their support, might be an idea too.

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E.B.

answers from Denver on

Most school systems have a "resource officer", like a police officer that is assigned to keep order at the schools. An elementary school may not have one on the school grounds, but most likely the nearest middle school or high school will have one, and they would be the person to respond if there were an emergency at the elementary school. So I would call the high school that is associated with that elementary school (the high school that a neighborhood child would attend if they stayed in that neighborhood for all their school years) and ask to speak to the resource officer. Ask him what can be done, or alert him to the constant ignoring of the rules.

Or call your city's code enforcement department. Most cities and towns have a special police unit that is dedicated to the enforcement of rules and regulations.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I think it would be a good idea to approach it from a "helpful" direction - tone of voice is everything, and sounding like you're 'protecting' someone from a ticket is a good idea. They may be jerky or they may have an issue but no tag.

My older sis has a tag, and my MIL - they look fine, but my MIL has pain issues that are spine related, and sis has crazy asthma and hip/knee issues.

You never know, but if it's easy to find out how to get a tag, maybe have that info in your head, and if they respond with an issue, do the helpful tone thing and let them know how easy it is to get a tag so they don't get a ticket.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

No. I have never used a handicapped spot, and whether you are healthy or not, if you don't have the sticker, I don't believe you should park there. When I had cancer and felt icky from surgery and chemo, I did not park in handicapped spots. They are for people who have the sticker, not for anyone else. If someone else was parking there, I wouldn't feel that it was my place to do anything. I'm not the parking police and it's not not my job to enforce the rules for others. But I don't think well of those others.

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

I once approached a "VERY HEALTHY LOOKING" mom, parked in the handicap spot and said something......As it turned out she wasn't quite so HEALTHY....she had a heart condition and permission to park in the spot.

So, I suggest to all, unless you know for sure and are unwilling to call the police....MYOB.

Blessings..

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