What Can Preschool's Do About Children Biting?

Updated on October 21, 2015
C.C. asks from Chantilly, VA
13 answers

There is a biter in my child's 2 year old preschool class and the school says they are working with the child. My child has been bit around 10 times and some of those have pretty bad. It is also happening to other students. Is this normal behavior that should be tolerated for the age or should the school be doing more?

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Preschool is actually 3 or 4, 2 is still really daycare, and not that it matters but usually (at least around here, whether it's a school or daycare) if a child has bitten another child severely more than three times they are kicked OUT of the facility.
Personally I would be looking for another program, that sounds completely unacceptable.
ETA: I absolutely disagree with Julie G's claim that toddlers are barbarians!!! My goodness, yes there can be some biting, pushing and hitting at this age but most normal, healthy children are quite easily redirected and want to please. Even my impulsive ADHD daughter only had very few incidents like this in school!!!

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It is normal behavior and not at all unusual for there to be a biter. I was way happier to be the parent of the bitee than the biter when my son was that age. The school should assign a staff member to shadow the biter and head off the behavior before it happens. However a bite can happen in a split second. Even so, 10 bites does seem excessive and like something the staff should have been able to prevent.

There isn't really anything the parents can do about this sort of behavior that happens at school. It is also very possible that this particular child will stop biting in a week or a month or more but another child will start. It is just the age.

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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It is normal. It's not pleasant. No one is happy about it. But it is normal.

I would ask what, specifically, the school is doing to try to prevent it. My child was like yours - the favorite victim of a biter at that age. I stuck with the school because they explained their plan and did their best to stop it. The plan included: always putting my child in a different play group, adding an extra teacher to the room to specifically shadow the biter, and in particular, they noticed that biting often happened during transition times (lining up to go outside, moving from circle time to centers, etc), so during transitions, they would hold that child's hand and move with him through the transition. It all helped, although ultimately what solved the biting issue was time.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

It's normal for this in this age group.

That being said, being bit 10 times is too much.

The school KNOWS they have a child who has a problem with this - they need to keep that kid under constant supervision and intervene before his/her mouth makes contact with other kids.

I know I wouldn't want my kid bit up every day - and I'd be complaining about it.
I would want my kid away from the biter and I don't care if that means moving my kid to a different room or moving the biter somewhere else - the point is I'm THROUGH with my kid being harmed while I'm paying daycare to make sure my child ISN'T harmed.
The school/daycare isn't dealing with this well - they need to step up and get a better handle on this biting situation.
And if they don't - then I'd have no choice but to switch schools.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

You won't like this, but there's nothing they can do. It's very typical at that age and happens all the time and repeatedly when a kid is a biter. If you get this kid kicked out of the preschool, odds are you'll still end up with a biter in the class because so many kids have that issue. I remember when our kids were young and in a playgroup that had a biter. I was sitting right next to our daughter when the biter got her. It happened so fast I couldn't react quick enough to stop it and I was on alert knowing the biter's tendency. I had a whole new understanding then of how impossible it is to control a biting child. The mom was mortified and doing all she could to stop it, but it remained a problem for a few months.

The good news is that it's usually a very short phase.

Having kids who are 9 and 12 now, I can only wish biting was the worst they faced. That was nothing compared to some of the rotten behaviors of older kids.

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D.D.

answers from Boston on

Its normal behavior but the school should be doing more to protect the other children. I would seriously consider having a conversation with the school concerning this and possible removing your 2 yr old to a new class if needed. Yes children bite however since its the same child over and over again the staff should be hovering around him/her to redirect and defuse situations.

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

In child care an infant age 6 weeks through 12 months, age 1 is an infant.

A toddler is 12 months to the day they turn 2. They are no longer a toddler and not quite a pre-school age child. They do have a more rigorous schedule and have table time, work on pre-math and pre-reading skills, they learn to sit for much longer periods of time, they do a LOT of "pre" skills in this classroom. It's a huge transition for them to go from being a toddler that is learning to work on toddling around and learning to do a lot more for themselves in a pre-school style classroom.

When they are entering the 3 year old classroom they are ready to sit for a longer period of time, listen longer, and are prepared for the pre-school classroom. At age 4, if they go into a pre-K class then they are called a pre-K kid at school but in child care they are still called a pre-school age child.

When they start their first day of kindergarten they can join the school age kids.

But in the 2 year old room? Biting is normal.

BUT BUT BUT!! You do have your limits too. Your child is being allowed to be this other child's teething toy.

Please google chewy foods for biters and things like that. You should find tons of information and branches of information off that topic but similar.

Hand these to the teacher and let her know that you expect your child to not be bitten again. That you expect them to shadow that biter and if needed they will put that other child one on one with a specific worker so that child will not have the opportunity to bite anyone again. That if that other child shows signs of wanting to bite the worker that is assigned to him/her will take them and sit them in a quite area with no stimulation where they can eat some chewy foods and get their frustrations out.

A tired jaw is less likely to want to bear down on something solid like another child if they have been chewing chewy foods that got their jaws tired.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

The school needs to allow bitten children to bite back. The biting child would soon stop.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

First of all, a 2 year old is not a preschooler. A preschooler is a 4 or 5 year old, the year before kindergarten.

Second of all, yes, 2 year olds hit, bite, pull hair, shove other kids off slides. It's all very normal. Mine likes to grab me on the neck. I prefer this is her older sisters bite, biting sucks.

But yes, the behavior should be tolerated. It's perfectly normal, and one reason why I decided not to send my oldest to school when her friends went at that age. Toddlers are barbarians. It's their nature.

ETA: toddlers are adorable little cuddlers that wrap their arms around you and proclaim their love. They share, and are kind and generous. But, they are learning. My barbarian attacked her older sister this morning for a blueberry muffin. She couldn't fathom why she couldn't have ALL of them, so she shoved! pushed! and clawed! I grabbed her at this point, but I'm sure teeth would have come out next. This same child would happily give you a bite of a prized possession, but when toddlers want it, they want it, and they will fight for it: they are barbarians.

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A.M.

answers from Dallas on

I think it is normal for a 2 yr old to bite but anything more than 3 times is too much. They need to move the kid to another class, give him a chewy, or have constant supervision until he/she is over it. It isn't fair to the other kids to have to keep being bit?!?! I would raise a fuss tomorrow and encourage further action by management. What are they waiting for, the kid could go on like this for another year unless something is done.

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T.D.

answers from Springfield on

the school needs to find out why the child is biting. high stress, retaliation, fear, teething, anger, and just for fun are a few reasons why i have seen children bite.
when i was a todds teacher i had a biter. C would bite when any child upset him. and he would bite anybody near him. he would bite 2-3 children at a time till he got his way. which was usually a toy or to be alone on the play structure. the horrible daycare owners daughter would just lock him in a highchair for long periods to keep him from biting. when i took over the class i saw why he bit and stopped those situations from occurring when i prevented the situations, the biting stopped. when he got older and could understand better we taught him to use words. (he was a nonverbal child on day one with me and after 3 months had begun to use simple words and could express himself that way)

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M.R.

answers from Washington DC on

In many daycares and preschools, that child would be gone already, the parents told that he or she is not ready for the group setting. While most kids might bite at one time or another, any one kid biting this much is just nowhere near ready to be in a group like this. Some daycares have specific limits on the number of times a kid can bite before the parents are told to remove the child from the program, period.

Google on the terms "day care biting policy" and you'll see that MANY daycares/preschools have a firm policy that you should be notified every single time your child is bitten and especially if the skin is broken. Have you been notified? Does the daycare have a written policy on biting? It should--many do, so try the search. There are also some daycares where repeated biting is grounds for the center to dismiss that child and that's in writing too.

So--why has your daycare allowed it to go on? Does it have a policy but they're ignoring it? Why even ask if it should be tolerated for this age? I'd ask instead: Why should it be tolerated for a kid to be bitten 10 times and nothing done except a "kids will be kids" attitude? Yes, some kids bite, but if the daycare isn't able to figure out the biter's triggers, distract the biter, and help the biter "use your words" when frustration hits, I'd question whether this daycare/preschool had well trained staff anyway and whether it was understaffed or had too many kids.

You could print out sample daycare biting policies, get other parents to back you up in person, and go see the director to request that there be a clear, written policy in place regarding biting, how adult staff should handle the child, when parents should be notified, and what could make biting grounds for a child's dismissal from the daycare. That could be an excellent benefit to ALL the kids and famiiles, IF you have a receptive director or owner. This can only be really effective if you don't do it alone and have other parents there next to you, and if you also are clear that the biting is at a point where you will pull your child out of this daycare and take your child (and your daycare dollars) elsewhere very, very soon if your child is bitten again.

If there is blowback or waffling from the director, I'd walk immediately, and be clear that the biting is the reason why. I know that's easy for me to say and hard for you to do, since maybe day care slots are hard to come by where you live, etc. That's why you could consider taking the lead on pressing for a written policy on biting immediately, or for enforcing the policy if one already exists. But taking away your business is your main leverage here. If you move to another daycare, I'd ask up front if they have a written policy on biting and how they enforce it.

In your situation, I probably would already have removed my kid and been very frank about the reasons why, but again, that's easier to say than to do.

Some daycares take this so seriously they have protocols for how to wash the bite, they require written reports go to both kids' parents (biter and kid bitten) that same day, they call for follow-up if skin is broken and a child has to go the doctor, etc. Some daycares with serial biters have a policy that an adult will "shadow" the biter to monitor the child. Does your daycare have that level of attention?

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

Two year olds bite. It is normal. Is your child verbal enough to tell you who is doing the biting? Both of my boys were verbal enough by 18 months to tell me who bit them. If it is the same child over and over again, you need to work with your child to tell the child no bite and push that child away while letting the daycare know this is unacceptable. If it is different children, then I might be even more concerned because your child is a target for the biters. More work on using words and actions to say no bite! Good luck! This too passes and then there is something else.

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