What Is Proper Etiquette on Eating Out with a Toddler

I am the mother of a one-year old and also have had sseveral years experience working as a waitress. At the time that I was waitressing, I was not a mother, and I got incredibly irritated when families left me a disaster to clean up. One time, this family used a specially-made plastic sheet that went under the highchair and caught all the crumbs. Once they were done, they folded it up and emptied everything in the garbage. I had nothing to clean up and loved it - in fact, I gave them their meal for free!

Now, however, as a mother myself, I seem to have forgotten all my previous irritations. Now, I leave a mess and and a slightly bigger tip. I can see the looks and the irritation on the part of the waitstaff. But I just say to myself "they aren't parents yet." No matter what you do, people without kids will think you are being rude. You may be able to minimize the mess, but until they are parents themselves, you will always cause some irritation.

My advice? Clean what you can, leave what you can't, and don't worry about it.

Ha Ha. The only thing I can say is that I am both a mother of 6 children and have also worked in restaurants.

A big tip does not make up for anything because it is not always the person serving you that ends up cleaning up the mess. I totally believe that you should "TRY" to leave the place as clean as when you got there. That should be everybody's motto.

Everyone knows that kiddies make a mess, but that should not matter. Also, take your son out frequently so he can learn good manners and such. It's not always fun, but you'll thank yourself later for it.

Good luck! Don't stress too much. Just clean as you go and have a good time!

What I have not seen anyone mention is the "practicing" aspect of this situation. Practice PROFUSELY at home. Give your child opportunities at home to work on the manners. When they drop, don't pick it up or react every time (this kinda eggs them on to do it more because it's a fun game or it's just simple learning in what happens when they do it). I consistently tell my son (2) that things belong on the plate or on the table and just set it somewhere out of reach (since it's been on the floor). Over time and with the practice and gentle reminders at home, he has MAJORLY improved out at restaurants. I pick up what I can from the floor. I also think it depends on the type of restaurant. Look around, if the place isn't too well kept (and you can tell the difference) or there's no carpet, I don't worry as much. All in all, just use the opportunities you can at home and you'll start noticing improvements when you go out.

It takes time, patience, and consistency! You'll be fine! :-)

I know how you feel, I just pick up the large stuff and make sure I leave a good tip.

Hi A.!
I also have a 14-month old son, and the exact same things happen. And I think that's kind of what you should keep in mind--most people either have kids or have had kids and are understanding. I think as long as your son isn't screaming in the restaurant that no one is going to care if he throws his sippy cup on the ground (well, provided you pick it up so no one trips on it! and that it doesn't HIT people!). We just had our son out last night actually, at Red Lobster, and there were tons of other kids.
I think you're doing the right things though...taking your son to kid-friendly places, picking up the majority of the mess (do not worry about EVERY last morsel, I was a waitress myself for several years in high school and college, and you come to expect this--good tips are nice though!). No one expects you to stay at home until your kid has good manners!

you could cary a splat mat with you they sell them at babies r us but a vinyl table cloth works just as well. Put it under the highchair and then you just roll it up and deal with the mess at home. I never did that I would just leave a big tip and apologize on our way out. But the spalt mat would work. Maybe a neutral colored one so it's not too noticable.

I also have a one year old son who has a very good temperment but likes to through the majority of his food on the floor. I really believe people know that you are doing the best you can and accept the fact that toddlers will make messes no matter what you do. If doesn't mean your being rude if you don't pick up every last scrap as long as they know that you tried to keep it to a minimum and pick up the big stuff. Honestly if a waiter or waitress can't handle a couple of fries on the floor from a 2 year old then they may not want to reconsider restraunt and hospitality as a career path.

Practicing at home and expecting good manners is a great place to start. Be realistic, though. He is 1; he's not going to sit with a napkin on his lap and use the salad fork first. We have always been able to take our children (we have 3) to any restaurant but we have taught them how to behave. I would encourage you to continue to take him to real restaurants (not just fast food) so he continues to have learning experiences. I know people who CAN'T take their kids out because of how they behave and that's too bad for everyone. We tell our kids that they must use their restuarant manners regardless of whether a place have a drive thru window or not.

As for messes, they happen. I have seen kids playing in the potted plants, up wandering the restuarant, dumping salt and pepper on the table, pouring sugar on the floor, jumping up and down in the booth, etc; all while the parents ignore their behavior and all before the family even got water! I've never been a waitress but I know I've gotten several compliments and thank-you's from them when our kids behave themselves. Pick up the big stuff, try to minimize the small stuff and teach him to say please and thank you when he begins to talk. There's nothing more welcome than a child that is polite!

i worked in the restaurant business for 20 years, most of that time in a kid-friendly restaurant. i also have children ages 3 and 1 who have at times destroyed their dining areas. really, you don't need to apologize. the servers have heard the apologies over and over and they expect a mess from children. my advice would be to keep the mess to a mimimum and tip the staff accordingly. at least 15% to the server and a "side tip" to the busser who is the person that will be cleaning up the mess. if there is no busser, a larger tip to the server would be appreciated.

The best thing to remeber is this...you are in a PUBLIC place. This means that when other people go out, they expect things like this. The waitress/waiter ALSO expects this, so dont feel so bad. I have been on both sides of the table, serving and throwing (well, the kids throw) Even at 7 our son sometimes "accidently" drops items from the table. Here is what we do with our children, first, we clean up what we can. They have a broom and a vacum, its much easier for server to get the smaller stuff. I try to make things easier, but I realise the server has a good assumption that its hard for us to balance children and clean up too. I also leave a 25% tip if our kids make a big mess....and MORE if she/he helps out with cleaning during the mess making (most good servers will do this) Remember, the child is 1, you have MANY more years of messes in your future (its a good way for the child to learn things too...LOL) So, take a deep breath and be prepared to loose a LOT of money to tipping.... :D

As a mother of a boy who refuses to learn the proper way to act in public, I have found that it is near impossible to keep the mess contained completely. As a former food service worker I used to dread the sight of a toddler. But those parents that actualy put forth the effort to clean up as much as they could after their own children were always the customers that got the most respect. (A hefty tip for extra cleaning never hurt either!)

You are so funny!!!!!
I sorta pick up after my kids and we seem to make a big mess wherever we go. My brother works on tips and he leaves large tips all the time just out of respect for "his poeple" LOL he trys to leave 3 times the tax unless are tax is like $5 then he'll just leave 2 times. We usually tip $5-$10 at least no matter what but we don't really go anywhere. I think resteraunts expect kids to leave a mess and it's not a big deal. it's not like there in the back talking bad about your family. if anything they are more understanding when it comes to familys with toddlers. My brother used to be a buss boy and he has never once complained about a kid leaving a mess. and he never makes me clean up after the kids. it's just all about the tip. and any waiter or buss boy would love you for leaving more than double your tax. He complains about the people who spend like $50 at the place and leav a $2 tip. That's just wrong I don't care how much you spend the minamum should be $5 because the bussers only get like 15% or 10% of what the waiter's make and they have to split it all at the end of a shift. My brother has the gross job of cleaning and dishwashing and he only came home with like $30 after an 8 hour shift and these waiters would make $100's/night.

Hi...I have a 14 month old daughter and I am a server in a local restaurant. We are very kid friendly and expect children to make messes, but at the same time, you should try to do the best you can to not leave a circle of rice surrounding your table (this has actually happened). To me the worst thing about people who come in with kids isn't that they make a mess, it's that many parents ignore their kids inside the restaurant nowadays. A lot of them seem to have this theory that it is okay for kids to run free throughout the restaurant, many times just looking at you with a shrug of their shoulders as if to say "What can you do?" lol...I'll tell you what to do...go get your damn kid! Not only is it dangerous (hello...servers carry hot plates of even hotter food!), but it is a distraction and an irritation. The nicest thing in the world is a family that comes in with children and their children are polite and well-behaved. This is something that is a rarity anymore. Trust me, if your son says please and thank you, but leaves a few pieces of a cracker on the floor, nobody is going to care. The table has to be cleaned off when you leave regardless. And don't worry about the bussers who are doing the final cleaning, it is their job!!! And yes, they do get tipped out at the end of the night, so the amount of the tip that you leave does reach the people who are cleaning up after your kids. A 25% tip is excellent...truly we as servers would be excited to see people leaving 15% tips...(this isn't 1960 people). And for the lady who said $5.00 is the minimum regardless, that's a load of poo. 10% is the very minimum, and if you don't have the money to leave for a tip at the end of your meal, you should't be eating in a full service restaurant. Sorry for the rant. :) Hope this helps.

Hi A., believe me when I say that i know what your feeling. I am a Mom of two great grown boys of 19 and 22 and Aunt of a slew of nieces and nephews ages 15 - 27 and I have a darling great nephew that is 20 months old. I also have 2 god children and help my boys with their god children as well. We live in Bullhead and have for 20 years and love it. We have a family run business and I have been a stay home mom since my first son was born. This always worked great with me when we used to take our children out to eat. I always made jokes to the waitress the minute she or he came to the table apologizing to them for their misfortune in getting us seated at their table with a toddler with eight arms but not to worry as we were good tippers. Always had great service and the wait people always flirted with the kids. When the boys got older around 15 months old I started having them pick up the larger things that they dropped. If it was a spoon or crackers or something like that and explained that it was mess that they made, as they got older they understood the concept and was more considerate about not dropping or throwing things as they didn't want to have to pick it up, ha ha. My children very rarely gave me fits when we went out, just remember to use your common sense and to relax and you will do just fine. I hope this will help you, please let me know if you use this little tidbit and how it worked. good luck and happy new year to you and your family. S.

Hi, your problem is totally normal. I remembering hearing about how my friends never went out because It was too difficult with their 2 year old. Now that I am a mother of almost a 3 year old I totally understand. My best advise to you is try inviting friends and family over and pick up the food from the restaurant. Good luck.
S.:)

I have worked for a long time in the "food business," 4 years in fast food, and 6 in full service restaurants. I also have a young son and the messes have just begun. So from the point of view of the waiter/waitress, here is what I suggest: Definatly pick up the big stuff, and try to contain the smaller stuff. Waitstaff understands that very small children make messes, its apart of life, but if you leave the table and the floor looks like a katstup bottle exploded, that is definatly not proper etiquette.
I love the idea of a roll-up mat, or even just requesting some extra paper-napkins or paper-towels to lay on the floor around the hi-chair while the kids are still in the "throw everything on the floor" stage, especially if its is something that can make a big mess like spagetti or mac and cheese. Good luck with the table training!! ;)
Oh, and a special request on behalf of all waitstaff and bussers everywhere, please please try not to CRUSH any dry foods like crackers or cereal!! ;) It takes so much longer to clean up! Those hand-push vaccums work much better at picking up a whole cheerio than cheerio dust! Hahaha. (At least all the different ones I worked with anyway.)
S. P

Don't worry, you are doing everything right simply by being concerned about it. You would be surprised how many mothers not only let their child throw everything on the floor, suck on the salt shaker, roll around in the entryway... you get my point. Some parents put down the sticky plastic floor covers which easily whisk everything away, clever! For the most part, we expect kids to be messy, just not necessarily look like they imploded. Give the server a look of commiseration and an appropriate tip, they understand. Good luck and happy holidays.

Hi A., I work for the State too. I have a 16 month old daughter and I just pick up the big stuff when we eat out. I figure they probably have one of those vaccuum broom thingies and get the food up pretty quickly. As long as you tip decently, I think it's ok to just pick up the big stuff.