When Do You Let a Baby Cry Themselves to Sleep?

I know lots of people are saying not to let him cry, but my baby just wouldn't sleep unless I put him in his crib and let him fuss for about 5 minutes. The first 8 weeks were so h*** o* us, because I didn't let him fuss at all, and we both became really sleep deprived. Once I started letting him fuss a little in his crib (and I really mean no longer than 5 minutes, maybe 7 on a really bad day), he suddenly started getting regular sleep and was a much much happier, more alert baby.

As someone else said, you may also want to look into the possibility that he has reflux. My son had a mild case, but it really helped his sleep when I inclined his mattress. You could try putting him to sleep in an infant seat (which are usually inclined) and see if that helps.

Good luck ... it does get better!

I remember my pediatrician telling me not to let a baby cry for long (no CIO) until at least 6 mos. My gut told me longer. Babies cry because they need something - maybe just some attention at times, but remember it's their own means of communication. Could he be getting enough food? My daughter got an ear infection at 6 weeks... and wouldn't lie down without crying... is this a new behavior? I also don't belive it does any damage to sleep with you (safely) - you may both get more sleep. Good luck

It's really up to you. For me personally I like a schedule and a routine, and I let my babies cry themselves to sleep starting at about 3-4 weeks. I reccommend On Becoming Babywise if you are interested in having a super sleeper! I also just read the Baby Whisperer book, which I wish I would've read with my first.

Sleep with your baby so both of you can get some sleep. It's also really a great way to cuddle with your baby, and the best way for both of you to get some sleep. I did it with both my babies, and I loved it! And they are 8 and 6 and sleep on their on just fine. Just a thought. :-) Good luck!

You cannot spoil an infant. Google "4th trimester."

Never, I dont even agree with letting a toddler, or child do that. Ive cried myself to sleep before, after my mom died and there was no one left to comfort me, my tear soaked pillow and red eyes were the loneliest i have ever felt, I will never make my children feel that way, no matter what the reason for the tears are.

Try co sleeping......save your sanity.

The short answer is you should NEVER let a baby cry themselves to sleep.

Read Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night" for tips.

Six weeks is WAAAAYYYY too early to even attempt this!!!! He is crying because he NEEDS something from you...he could be wet/dirty, hungry, or just needs mama's gentle touch, familiar smell, soothing voice, and tender love! Sing quietly to him, keep the bedroom dark or very dimly lit (as in nightlight only), swaddle him, pat him....find what works for your baby, but please don't let him cry. He needs to know he can count on you, and knows you will be there for him. This trust starts now.

Hang in there! It gets better.....then goes by so fast!!

I held my babies as long as they would let me. I slept just fine holding them or co-sleeping. Never, ever had an issue getting them in their own bed by 2ish. Usually for naps they were fine in their bed also. I just held them to sleep then laid them in their bed. There were also plenty of nights they slept in their own beds, but if they cried, I always had them come to our bed. That way I wasn't missing sleep and neither were they.

A baby is in a new place still at 6 weeks. I suggest he is still not adjusted to being outside your body. He needs the closeness and warmth. His stomach is still very small. About the size of his little fist. He may be hungry.

Does he nurse well before going to sleep? Have you tried swaddling him? Is he too warm or too cool? Is the room a comfortable temperature? Is it quiet? What sort of schedule for nursing is he on during the day? He'll need to nurse that often at night too. He has to nurse often at that age.

Have you tried "white" noise during the night? Perhaps having the bassinet near you or in another room? Keep trying different things until you find the right balance for him.

Definitely do not let him cry it out at this age. He's learning whether or not he can trust you to take care of his needs. At 6 weeks he's all about needs. Wants have not entered the picture yet. His brain is very immature and deals only with life sustaining issues. I suggest letting him sleep with you for now. It is the best thing you can do for both of you if it allows you to get more sleep.

You can use a co-sleeper which puts him in a small bed attached to your bed. If you're not a rock sound sleeper you'll continue to be aware on a subconscious level that he's next to you and you won't roll over on him. Try it and see if it helps.

Co-sleeping now doesn't mean he'll always need to co-sleep. You can transition him to a crib when he's older and less needy because he has that secure foundation in the beginning.

Waaaayyyy to early to let him cry it out. He still needs to feel snug & secure & I highly recommend swaddling him just like they do in the hospital. Worked for me on all 3 kids.I swaddled them till they could kick the sheet off them by themselves. You can buy swaddling sheets that have velcro or just use very large (I had some made) receiving blankets & make sure you know how to do it properly. I also often ran a fan beside the bassinet (not blowing on them) or try a vibrating bassinett.

Oh my I was so dumb with my first I wore myself out. Just wish I had some common sense. My first would only sleep maybe half an hour before waking. So I would rock her say at 12 midnight and I would say to myself well I will be in bed my 12:30 only to look up at the clock at it would be like 4;30 because I was still rocking her. Everytime I put her in her bed she would immediatly wake up. So I pretty much looked like death warmed over for the first year. Then I just put her in our bed and she and I slept like babies all night long. So now with my second I have coslept from the start and it has been so much better. I never could let them cry it out someone told me that I think Dr. Sears said that babies blood pressure rises when they cry for long periods and it is not at all good for them especially for their brains. I am not sure if you feel that cosleeping is an option for you but I just wanted to let you know that I found it to be an absolute miracle cure for us. I just make sure she doesn't have pillows etc around her and our bed is against the wall so that she is between me and the wall. Lots of doctors say its bad but moms have done this around the world forever.

There are all kinds of perspectives on this and therefore many books, websites and "experts" who will tell you what you should be doing and when.

The biological and historical human norm is not to let babys cry it out at all.
There are physical, emotional, metabolic and other reasons why babies awaken in the night. Until kids get to an age when they are physically, mentally and emotionally developed enough not to need night time care and/or reassurance, letting them cry it out will not get them past needing night time feedings or prevent them from being spoiled; they may sleep through the night but if they are "trained" to do this before they are ready, it will be the result of behavior modification and is not reflective of decreased caloric needs or the very real and significant need for the presence of their mother. That said, you do need solutions and some sleep :)

Here's a website that explains this in further detail and offers alternatives that are in line with the biological norm and are sensitive to the psyche (even in the womb babies are aware, feeling and intelligent!) of the young baby:
http://www.askdrsears.com/

My doctor said that you shouldn't let them cry it out until six months. I know that it is not recommended that you put a child on their tummy, but that is what worked for me. I would watch my son flinch and jerk himself awake when I tried putting him down on his back or side. I swaddled him, used a wedge and still he would only sleep for an hour or so. When I put him on his tummy, he would sleep for several hours at a time.

I had the same problem. I started swaddling him and giving him a pacifier before bed. He now sleeps 8 hours straight at night! Swaddling is amazing. =)

We never let our daughter just outright cry herself to sleep. But at 6 weeks old we instituted a bedtime routine. Which, sometimes, included crying for short increments of time, being soothed, increasing the time frame slightly, and repeating until she fell asleep. By about 8 weeks old she was putting herself to sleep and sleeping "through the night" (about 6 hours at a time). We, from the very beginning, went with an eat, wake, sleep pattern to the day, keeping her awake for a short while after she ate and not "allowing" her to fall asleep from eating. Sometimes she would only stay awake for 20 minutes, but that was often just fine. This type of cycle helped her differentiate night/day and sleep longer. This worked for us. I read a lot of different suggestions, sleep training methods, etc.. But ultimately, I blended the ideas of other moms, "specialists", and myself to get where we are. You have to choose a course of action that works best for you and your family. And trust that decision. There are no one size fits all answers. But you are right, not getting sleep is not good for anyone. Make your decision based on what is best for you and your family.

Good luck. Feel free to message me if you'd like more information about some of the methods we adapted.

I believe there is a reason for their crying. I went through a similar thing...turns out she has acid reflux and it hurt her to be laid down flat. She only slept on us too for longer periods of time. I hope you figure out what it is.

Six weeks still seems young to me and pretty normal that your little guy is not a good sleeper. As a gets older, he'll start sleeping longer.

Have you tried swaddling?

I think I would let him fuss and cry a little to see if he will settle down, but would pick him up if he gets hysterical and stays that way a long time.

I haven't read all your responses but I can tell you that my premie baby cried himself to sleep in the NICU on his first day of life. If you think about it, the nurses can't rock all the babies to sleep every time. and he is a great sleeper now, and always has been (he is 5). with my first I didn't know this trick of letting them cry, so I picked him up every time he cried and by the time he was 3 months old I was miserable and he was miserable and so was his Daddy!!! but a friend of mine gave me her Baby Wise book and I let him cry himself to sleep that night.

so to answer your question it is up to you, when ever you are ready to let him do it. but in my opinion the sooner the better. With my NICU baby (my third) I would rock him till he was almost asleep then put him down and he would fuss a little and then go right to sleep. with my 2nd I didn't start right away but probably when he was 6-8 weeks old but he was a good sleeper all along. if you let him cry it out in a bassinet just be sure he can't flip himself out of the bassinet. as a helpful hit I started this process at nap time rather than bed time, it just seemed easier.

I think the answer to your question is really based on opinion, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, just what works best for each baby/parent. but for me it was the sooner the better, the younger they are the less energy they have to cry it out.

I went ahead and read some of your responses and just to clarify, letting a 6 week old baby cry it out (CIO) to me does not mean letting them get hysterical till the point of exhaustion, but letting them cry enough to settle down and go to sleep. if they start to get hysterical pick them up, soothe them then place them back in the bed. None of my three children have ever had abandonment issues or separation anxiety issues, and they are 11, 9, and 5, they are well adjusted, healthy, loving kids!

I have a 2 yearold who only recently has started sleeping through the night. I googled and read so many different articles and talked to so many people to find out it is something they have to eventually learn to do on their own. For us we didnt have an option to let him cry himself to sleep because we live in an Apartment complex also it never seemed to work when we did try. He was always easier to get back to sleep if he was in my bed. But being a single mom that was easy for me to do and we got better sleep. I would comfort him either by snuggling or getting him something to drink. Some people just naturally are not good sleepers. And there is nothing wrong with your children sharing your bed at a young age, if you want him in bed with you it is ok.

Have you tried swaddling? My eldest child (DD is 3.5 now) would startle and cry EVERY time I put her in the bassinett and crib for the first few months. She would sleep forever on me or in a swing. Swaddling helped. My son (DS is now 2.5) would get reflux and wake up when laying flat because it hurt -- he slept the earlier part of the night in his car seat on the floor beside me (I was on the couch laying) for nearly 3 months. He would sleep a 5-6 hour stretch that way, then after the middle of the night feeding, I could lay him flat and he would sleep a few more.

I am currently prego with #3 and have no idea how this one will work out! Always a surprise!

You shouldn't let a baby this young CIO- most peds say 6 months or later. Weissbluth book says 9 mos.

Good luck!

Try swaddling him. Also, keep him up for 2-3 hours before bedtime and make sure he's well-fed.

Also, co-sleeping saved my sanity with my first baby.

Never. At least in my family, we don't believe its best for baby. But I would try swaddling, white noise machine/fan, music in nursery, and the happiest baby on the block book and dvd by dr harvey karp. Best wishes--it will get better! Hang in there~

Molly

hi are you breastfeeding or bottlefeeding?
If your baby hates lying flat it may be for several reasons, such as reflux. some babies get what is called silent reflux they may not neccesarily be sick but are uncomfortable flat. try raising head of crib. try infacol or equivalent such as dentonox or gripe water. read instructions for use those as they are different. if you are bottlefeeding go to the chemist and they will reccommend a formula such as staydown or comfort feed. if this still does not work see your GP and he may prescribe you gaviscon or something like that.
colic may be another reason. night time is often the worst time for babies and he is at the avaerage peak age for this. lots of massage and colic drops would help. they do grow out of this.
overfeeding can sometimes be a cause.
and how you are feeling often has a big impact on their settling. if you are feeling low babies become clingier and unsettled. if you are feeling low contact your health visitor including for all the above.
have some nice times. see some friends. having a baby can be very lonely.
i hope this helps.
x

IT could be the bassinet. My daughter didn't like hers and had the same sleep issue. I put her in the bed and she was fine. I don't know if co-sleeping is an option for you guys but if not, try the crib, but I bet its the bassinet. Is he on his back, side or stomach? My daughter slept well on her side and stomach. Back for get about it!!!!!!!

BY THE WAY, SIX WEEKS OLD IS TOO YOUNG TO CRY HIMSELF TO SLEEP. THAT IS PURE EVIL IF YOU'RE DOING THAT. TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT WILL MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE AND THINK ABOUT YOURSELVES AFTER YOU COMFORT THE BABY.

I think thats too young for CIO Im sure it may not be the best thing to do but the only way i managed to get my son to sleep a bit was putting him in his car seat. I mentioned it to the pedi when I went they didnt have a problem with it and he did eventually make it to his crib and slept fine.

My daughter will be 2 in june. She has been putting herself to sleep for a week now. I never let her CIO and was just there to meet her needs. If she cried, I picked her up. She slept with me a lot too. I'll admit that rocking her to sleep for almost 2 years for nap and bedtime was tiring, but I wouldn't change it. Now that she's older, I can explain it to her. The 1st night was rough, but just got easier each night. The way I look at it is: it wasn't going to last forever, so I just enjoyed myself. Just do what's in your heart. I'm not necessarily against CIO but I didn't have the heart to do it with my daughter. Good luck!!!

I wouldn't recommend letting a 6 week old CIO. That seems a little too young and they may develop abandonment issues later on. We didn't do the CIO with our first child until she was a year old.

If you know your baby is fed and not hungry, there is no problem letting them fuss themselves to sleep for 10-15 min at this age, So long as you don't let them cry with that intense shrill cry. But definatly not ready for full on CIO. I'd let mine fuss/cry for 10 min. and thats usually all it took. I'm all about the good sleeping habits, but the first three months some babies just need the closeness. My first one did not need this closeness and my second did. . I had a little one who only wanted to sleep on me. The first 3 months was really rough and I ended up cosleeping even though I had not intended to (I feel its not safe and I cannot sleep well when I'm worried about rolling on my baby). Even so, sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get some sleep. My SIL took to putting baby on its tummy and baby slept so much better that way. For nap time, I put baby in my Ergo carrier and slept reclined in the nursing chair. If you are really desperate, you might try that (assuming you have a really comfortable reclining chair). You're the mama, go with your gut, it should lead you well.

The "cry-it-out" method is not meant for ANY child under 6 months old. Your baby is only 6 WEEKS. Yes, it's hard. No, nobody gets any sleep. But a baby that young doesn't yet know or hasnt yet had the chance to learn to self-soothe. And why is it "bad" if the baby will only sleep on you? It's a baby! You cannot spoil a baby that young, either, if that's what you are thinking. My daughter would never let me put her down when she was that little, but now she sleeps by herself every single night, so obviously she didnt get spoiled (she's 14 mos now). Also, there's a difference between really crying or just being cranky. If he's just being a little cranky and making noises, let him do it for a few minutes. That's no big deal. But if he's really crying then pick that baby up and cuddle him!
Look, i know it's hard, but this hard time WILL pass and get easier. It's all just part of ..well,.. having a baby!

My first Pedi told us that at six weeks and 10 pounds, there is no need for a (otherwise healthy) child to have a middle of the night feeding and that the child can go for 6 hours between feedings. We let them cry it out and it didn't take long (3 days was the longest) before the were sleep trained. On the otherhand, it sound like your littleone is uncomfortable for some reason. It could be reflux or gas or any of a number of issues that I would take up with your pedi. If you are going to let them cry it out, earlier is better than later, he will have trained you instead of the other way around by 6 months.

I think it is too early to CIO. My two that were really bad sleepers slept so well when I put them on their belly to sleep - this is just want I did, I know about SIDS and just don't believe belly sleeping prevents it. I also co-slept too. Whatever made them sleep longer is what I did (meaning where/how they slept).

fuss for a minute or two- now. CIO (go in at intervals) 5-6 months. cry til they pass out- never.

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I never allowed my daughter to cry herself to sleep. If she cried, I picked her up. If that meant that she slept in the bed with me, that was fine too.

I read 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child'.....I believe that was the name, I've since loaned the book out so I can't remember for sure. In this book the author recommended not letting them CIO until around 4 months. I went with that, but I'm sure the opinion varies greatly from person to person. My other suggestion would be swaddling (we used the swaddle wraps with velcro that worked wonderfully) if you aren't already. Good luck and hang in there! It will get better and it sounds like you are doing an awesome job!!

Research shows that you should wait until a baby is six months or older before you let him cry. Babies need to develop trust in you that you are there to meet his needs. By six months this relationship is established and crying won't affect it. Sorry, but I wouldn't do it just yet! I know it's so hard when you're exhausted at night. I know there are lots of suggestions to cosleep, but that always scared me since it increases the risk of SIDS. If one of my twins had trouble falling asleep, I would sleep in the recliner holding one. My husband and I both decided we didn't want our children sleeping with us, so this kept them out of our bed but allowed us all to get some sleep (the nights when they both needed to be held were really tough!!).

Answer to your question: NEVER!

It is never ok to leave a baby in its bed to scream until it is so exhausted that it passes out. This is psychologically damaging to your child.

My little one was the same way! He is now 3 months and he is sleeping in his Fisher Price Rock n Play right by my bed. I say do whatever you have to to get some sleep as well as them. My boy only slept on me for like a week or maybe two:). After that i had him in his bassinet but on his belly with his head very slightly raised. I know some warn you about SIDS but my little guy came out holding his head up. It is much to early for him to cry himself to sleep but hang in there. Do what's best for you and your baby!

I TOTALLY understand. My 3rd baby has been a terrible sleeper, and the only way I could any sleep up until awhile ago (he's 6 months) is by having him in bed with me. Neither of my older two were like this, and Im not a big fan of co-sleeping. So it was hard. But I got to the point of not caring because I got some sleep!
But, in the process, I "worked" on it. Starting him off in his bed, then when he'd wake up I'd try to soothe him while he was in bed. Talking softly to him, rubbing his tummy, and trying to not put him back in bed with me. If I did I'd wait till he was in a deep sleep and try putting him back in his own bed. It took time, and some nights were horrible, but I wasnt getting sleep anyways lol
Six weeks is definately too young to let him cry hisself to sleep. At this age, if they're crying they NEED something. And sometimes it can be just your touch or smell. Work a bedtime routine with him, so that he gets "programmed" to know it's bedtime. Let him fuss for a few minutes is okay, so he can try to learn to self soothe, but not just to CIO.
Good luck! Hang in there :)

I don't think it's too early to let him cry a little, but do still be responsive to him. They key is not to be rocking him to sleep because then it will be hard for him to fall back asleep without you when he wakes up. Try soothing him and holding him until he is very sleepy but not yet asleep and then leave him to fall asleep on his own. My pediatrician always recommends the American Academy of Pediatrics website. They have a good link on sleep: http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/P....

Hope this helps!

I think you really need to go with your gut on this. Babies are still people and have trouble sleeping, getting to sleep, staying asleep just like adults. They do not talk, so they cry. It is totally normal to cry a bit. You'll know though if they need something or if they are just trying to let out some frustration. Reswaddle, pacifier, etc. I wouldn't let a 6 wk old cry for an hour, but 10 minutes is not a big deal. Lots of babies wake up in the middle of the night, cry for a few minutes and go back to sleep. Sometimes we have to train ourselves not to intervene at every sound. I have a friend who rocked her baby to sleep and at 4 was still ricking her child and sleeping in bed with her until she fell asleep.

At least 5-6 months. I am sure you are tired, but bit will get better. Babies this young need you.

give him a bottle, fresh diaper tylenol, teething tablets and then let him cry. if he is still real persistant still crys nonstop with no known reason more than 20 minutes check his ears. are you sure it is not a growth spurt maybe he is still hungry. make sure its not before cio

Updated

give him a bottle, fresh diaper tylenol, teething tablets and then let him cry. if he is still real persistant still crys nonstop with no known reason more than 20 minutes check his ears. are you sure it is not a growth spurt maybe he is still hungry. make sure its not before cio

I know how hard it is with your first baby and in our culture we have such little support and help and knowledge about caring for our babies. Ignoring his cries is not the answer. Figuring out a way to soothe our newborns, bond and comfort them is our responsibility and primary task during the early months.
I highly recommend "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD first for babies under 3 months.
Also " The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
and Dr Sears "The Baby Book." and "Night Time Parenting" are all wonderful resources as well. For a quick reference go to www.askdrsears.com and read up his short articles about sleep and also check out www.thehappiestbaby.org
You can do it!

I did CIO for short periods of time when I could distinguish my daughter's 'fake' cry from a real one with 100% certainty. That wasn't until she was about 9 mos old. My personal opinion is that 6 weeks is too young and babies cry for a reason. Try swaddling, we loved the HALO sleep sacks with the swaddling 'wings'.

He's still just an infant who needs to have mom or dad there when he cries. At this age, he shouldn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, but waking every hour seems a bit much. Maybe he isn't getting enough to eat at his feedings. Both my little boys would only sleep with me for the first few months, but I stuck with the routine of trying to put them in their bed each time I layed them down and eventually, it worked. Getting sleep is more important than trying to establish a bedtime routine at this age, in my opinion. Congratulations on your new little one!

I have a seven week old that was VERY similar if I placed him in his crib or somewhere similar. I finally conceeded and started having him sleep swaddled in his bouncer each night. It took a while for him to still get through sleeping the night (right now he's at 5 hours between night feedings but can sometimes make it 6 hours), but he now sleeps wonderfully in it. He'll sometimes wake up and fuss around a little bit. I only pick him up if he starts to really cry and is upset. I wouldn't let a baby this young hysterically cry himself to sleep, but if he's fussing for ten minutes or so, he's been able to figure out how to put himself back to sleep. He does have problems putting himself back to sleep when the sunlight wakes him up and usually at that point I pick him up and we cuddle for a couple more hours so I can get some more sleep (I was very much against co-sleeping, but it has worked out to help me get more sleep).

Also, we did a eat, wake, sleep routine. I always expose him to sunlight and light in general during the "waking, daytime" hours and then make the apartment much darker when it is "bed/night time." We also have a morning wake up routine (wipe off face with wash cloth, new clothes, new lotion) and a bed time routine (bath, pjs, books and snuggles). All of this has REALLY helped him differentiate between night and day. Now he'll sleep for about an hour, maybe two during his naps during the day and he'll sleep long stretches at night. I was pretty much going insane until about a week ago, so I honestly understand the stress of being sleep deprived and having a bad sleeper. He's just now starting to get good with things, but he has yet to sleep in his crib for very long. I'm sure one day we'll get him there lol

Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle! And read/watch The Happiest Baby On the Block. The video only takes thirty minutes or so (which is handy when you are sleep deprived) and will give you so much information. Best of luck!