When to Tell the Truth About Santa - White Plains,MD

That's so hard! I never told my son the truth flat out.......he got to be 10 and understood that Santa was something fun for Mom to do so he kept up the charade for ME for a year or two! Just this past year we had a real talk about it and he told me that he'd still like to receive "Santa" presents, especially since it's going to be so much fun for his little brother. He was never upset about me "lying" to him, he just thought it was great fun and can't wait to "play Santa" for the baby. :-D

1st comes the tooth fairy, then the Easter Bunny and last but not least Santa.

My son was 8 years old (3rd grade) when he came to me and asked if I'd level with him (yes, that's what he said), Is Santa real? He'd heard from older kids at school that he didn't exsist and that they're Mom's and Dad's were really Santa. Heartbroken I said No...Santa is not real BUT the thought of him is really real. Explain the true meaning of Christmas and it's still fun to have Santa decorations and see Santa at the mall. She may not wanna sit on his lap (my son past that stage 3 years ago) but it's still fun to have the thought of Santa. I think she'll be happy you told her the truth.

Plus, you'll be relived of Santa duty. Which I must say, was a ton of weight lifted off both mine and my husbands shoulder.

I hope all goes well!!

I was surprised to see that none of the posts suggested telling your daughter about the stories of the true St. Nicholas (St. Nick day is celebrated Dec. 6). I'll give you a link. I am teaching my daughters with the Waldorf method, and the age of 9 is a pivotal time in a child's life. I remember transitioning from believing in "Santa" to believing there was a real person that inspired the creation of Santa Claus when I was a child (mainstream taught), and it was comforting to still believe in someone that way. Waldorf believes that fairy tales nourish the deepest needs of a child and teach them in gentle ways. Just an idea. Here's the link: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=437

My daughter is also 9 and last year she told me her friends said that Santa wasnt real and asked me the questions. I asked her , well is he real? she looked puzzled and said "that is what I asked you" I said to her" i know and I asked you the same questions, do you get gifts from Santa? does he leave presents while you are sleeping?" and she said yes. she then said that her friends told her that we were Santa, and I told her that it was up to her to believe what ever she wanted to believe. I then asked her if those friends that don't believe get presents from Santa. and she said no because they know he isn't real. So i told her to make her decision based on the facts at hand. she came back an hour later and said" ok so if I believe in Santa, I get gifts, they don't believe in Santa and they don't get gifts. so as long as i believe i will get gifts." I told her that was a great conclusion. she then asked why I don't get gifts from Santa, and I told her that once I had a child i was no longer the child and he passed his magic on to her. she then said the smartest thing I have heard come out of her mouth" then I am never having kids, casue I LOVE presents!!!" hey if it will keep me from becoming a granny i am all for it...LOL I hope you come up with a solution. let us know what you decide to do.

I don't remember believing in Santa, but I do remember playing Santa and doing all the Santa related activities (pictures, cookies, etc.). My Mom says I never thought Santa was real, and they never tried to make me. But she says I loved Christmas and the Santa story and I loved pretending it. She says I basically understood that the story of Santa is about the fun and spirit of Christmas and that I knew that you don't have to believe he actually exists to enjoy it. So she encouraged it without feeling like she lied to me. I don't feel like I missed out, and I love the holidays.

This is the perspective I take with my own kids. I feel really strongly that trying to get your kids to believe in Santa is lying, and I never wanted to lie to my kids. But at the same time, I never didn't tell my daughter about Santa. We read the books and left out cookies, etc., and she sort of just picked it up. I have never discouraged OR encouraged it. If she probes me I say, "Well, what do you think?" But if she ever out and out asked me I wouldn't lie to her. I am walking a fine line here - I don't want to ruin it for her if she believes, but I don't want to encourage her and then have her be disappointed. She is five, and I suspect that this year, she will ask. That's okay with me.

At nine, I suspect your daughter knows the truth, but she plays along with you because it is fun and becuase it seems to matter to you. As long as it stays fun for her, I would just enjoy it and not worry to much. In the meantime, consider showing her some movies or books that keep the fun going with a little more marture thinking - books about St. Nick or the movie The Santa Clause.

I think that once they start asking hard questions, you can probably lead them to the conclusion.

The way I feel is we didn't lie. Santa exists in the giving of the season. We also do the Giving Tree and are Santa for someone else. We exist, so Santa exists, if perhaps not in the form of the jolly guy in red that lives at the North Pole.

I found out when I was 7 because I found "Santa's" paper in my mom's closet. She fessed up and bribed me not to tell my sister. It wasn't the end of the world.

Oh, and we did Santa gifts til I was a teenager. My mom still sometimes slips in something "from Santa" for fun. And now that the big kids are teenagers, they fill our stockings like we fill theirs. It's fun not to know what's in there til Christmas day. Our rule is you can't peek, even if you notice that something is in there.

I've actually done a lot of research with people about this issue since I'm Jewish and married to a lapsed Catholic. We celebrate Christmas, and I had some difficulty reconciling myself to doing the whole Santa thing. After figuring out that it was pretty much the same fairy tale as the tooth fairy, which was part of my upbringing, I was able to deal with it. I did ask MANY friends about how they found out and felt about Santa not being real, and the vast majority said they figured it out, never really discussed it with their parents, and the emotion involved with the realization was not so much disillusionment but more concern that their parents would be disappointed that they knew. Almost everyone said they "played along" for years after knowing the truth for the sake of parents and younger siblings. I plan to go with the flow, and let my little guy lead the way. I wouldn't do a big Santa discussion unless your child initiates it.

We have always told are kids that there is no Santa. We tell them that we are the ones spending our hard earned money on their gifts. We let them know that Jesus is the reason for the season.

I never told my son about Santa for 2 main reasons. 1 I didn't want him to think that I intentionally tell him a lie, though a very cute lie. And 2 God and Santa have very similar qualities...you never really see them, they see you ALL the time, and the belief in both is totally on faith. Not trying to preach just so you can kinda see where I am coming from. My son loves getting his pic taken with Santa every year and I've told him that a lot of people see Santa as a symbol of the season and time of year. Most of his friends believe in Santa and we've told him not to spoil it for them but Christmas is no less magical for him than those who believe in Santa. Maybe she has stopped actually believing in him herself since so many friends have already spilled the beans to her. Try asking her what she thinks about Santa and what she deep down in her heart believes. That way maybe you can bring in how Santa is a well known symbol of giving and incorporate that into how she feels. 9 year olds understand a lot and think a lot more than we realize. But definitely if she asks you outright whether he is real, honesty is always good though again you can still tell her the truth but still see him as a good symbol. Good luck with however you decide to do it.

hi, you got some really great responses already, I think guiding her into her own conclusion would be the best, I wouldn't have the "not true talk" either , my daughter is 7 and starts doubting the toothfairy! back to Christmas though, I am from Germany and we celebrate Christams on Christmas eve, so we tell my daughter, from whom the gifts under the tree at Christmas eve are(Grandma,Mom+ DAD etc), and then Santa leaves one gift at night to open on the 25th and the stocking !we also celebrate ST. Nikolaus on the 6th of December, when kids have to clean their shoes, and if they were good and put their shoes out, St.Nick will come and fill them with goodies !or if they were bad, they get rocks and coal. I think as most here, that it is not really lying and can be explained with the magic of christmas , that even we as parents love and want for our kids !It should never be forgotten though, that it was Jesus' birth ,that inspired the giving of gifts!good luck

I think it's a personal decision for each and every family and you have to do what is best for you. For me, I've never "told" my children and I never will. I neither confirm or deny their friends stories. I just say...oh how sad, because if you stop believing in him then he will no longer visit you. Mine are older now (16, 14, 12) and they aren't mad at me....maybe even happy because I still let them be a kid and believe. They "know" the truth, but they still enjoy the excitement of it all.

Most children do figure out things on their own. At 9 years old she has me beat. I think I was about 7 when I figured it out, and though I had heard from others (including an older brother) that Santa did not exist, I did not figure it out until I heard the rustling of presents late on Christmas eve and the sound of my Grandmother's distinctive smokers hack. I knew for sure then, but I did not find myself upset with my parents. I still had a younger brother and later a younger sister so every Christmas I played along, probably even after they knew the truth. I was also raised to celebrate Christmas as the birth of Christ so that never changed and the spirit of the true meaning of Christmas lives on with me and I'm sure it always will as I have one child now and another on the way. They will probably be rolling their knowing eyes at me one day while I try to nourish that childlike heart in them.

I tell my kids that if they don't believe in Santa, he won't visit them. This is said lightly, and as the child grows, he/she hears the knowing tone and unspoken answer. I guess I do that because that is what my parents told me. I don't think I am doing damage, at least I hope not. When I was young and starting to get suspicious, that answer allowed me to believe a little longer. After a few years, I knew the truth, but my parents gave me the same answer and Santa visited me until I moved out of the house. Now, my parents visit me on Christmas morning and Santa fills their stockings.

Good luck with finding the right solution for your family.

You know your daughter best, so whatever you decide will be the right thing. My boys are 2 and 5 right now, so it's not at hand, but here's my theory...

The idea of believing in Santa is fundamentally a lesson in believing. Believing in yourself, others, the world around you, if you are religious at all, believing in God. There is a great life lesson wrapped up in that wonderful person called Santa Claus. If religion comes into it, "Santa" means Saint and Saint Nicholas is the original Santa Claus. Read up on his story if you don't know it... he gave gifts to children who needed it. Sometimes it was toys, sometimes it was more basic needs. He just did it because they didn't have it. He always left the packages outside the door at night. He was truly that saintly person who lived long ago and just did what was right.

If your daughter asks, you be the judge on when is the right time to "come clean," but let her know it wasn't a lie... it's really true... and believing in something is a wonderful thing. She should always do the right thing and believe in herself.

You might start by finding the stories of other countries and what they call Santa, and how their customs vary. It's at least an interesting discussion. I think you can find books at the library written for children on the subject.

Good luck!

Hi M.,

My 2nd Grade teacher told my reading group that Santa was not real. I still remember how upset I was to hear that. But I still managed to believe in the magic of Christmas for years beyond that, because I have two younger sisters, and we wanted to recreate the magic for my youngest sister. She believed for many more years than I did.

I think it's probably okay to tell your daughter about the history of Christmas and Saint Nicholas, and about how the spirit of Christmas lives on every year, so in a way, Santa is still real and alive. It's the spirit of Christmas that matters, and sometimes there are miracles, so you can keep something of that wonder and magic alive for your daughter by keeping special traditions going. Maybe find ways for her to be a "secret Santa" to a child in need or something. I think she will feel included in a special understanding if you can tell her about Christmas in an honest, but meaningful way.

My son is 10 now - he had been asking since he was 7 and would ask more each year. This past christmas was really crazy with the questions. We decided to wait until after and then tell him. We have a baby that will be 2 this christmas so we figured he'd want to enjoy the santa thing on the other side from here on. When we told him he was really angry! he cant believe that we've been lying to him all this time, and is the tooth fairy and easter bunny a lie too? It was a horrible conversation! It has to be done though - i don't think there is any easy way to do it for some kids - other kids are like oh, ok when their parents tell them! My son was just in disbelief that we would have lied to him his entire life and always tell him that lying is bad! Good luck with your daughter! :)

A. Haddigan
www.babysitease.com

Children are all different! My step son is 13 and has known the "truth" since we got custody 5 years ago. He was told if he said anything to the other 2 he would not enjoy the same things the others did because Santa only comes to believers. My other son is 11 and he still believes as does my 9 year old daughter. I am not telling them either!!! My son has SEVERAL friends who still believe too and one actually gets very upset when other children say he is not real. I don't think you really need to tell the child there is no santa but I also believe this is a personal issue. One person sees it one way and another a different way. You have to decide what you want to do. My 11 and 9 year old will not hear it from me as I still enjoy seeing the excitement on their faces Christmas morning. Do we really want children to stop be children too soon? Good Luck with your decision.

Hey M.,

My children are 5 and almost 3. Both of them know the truth as I, personally, felt it wrong to tell my kids a lie. What I have done however is used something I got from the Largest Christmas store in the world called Bronners. It's in Michigan where I am from. They have a figuring of Santa bowing at the manger of Jesus. I've told my children that if they wish to believe in Santa that is fine, but as long as they understand that Christmas is about Christ and like everyone else Santa is a sinner. I read them a story about the figurine that I got with the figurine. Here is a link: http://www.bronners.com/1019196.html

The story of Santa is based on a real person. He was a toy maker that would deliver toys.

I try to stress the non-commercial side of Christmas. This is what I told my son. We believe that Christmas is Jesus' birthday. Since you give gifts at birthdays, and Jesus isn't here to open them, we give gifts to each other. Not everyone believes that, and so there were some kids that were sad because they didn't get presents too. So, a toy maker decided to start making toys for those children too. That way everyone gets a present and people aren't sad about it. So the character of Santa is the way people remember the toy maker. My son looked at me and said 'Oh, okay, that works.'.
M.

every choice has its downfalls. mine is 9 going in 4th also and she is very happy and excited about santa. i think i will tell her the truth when she looses that joy. i think i was told too soon myself as i was upset to be told. like i sorta thought but still enjoyed the idea of it so i didnt bother questioning it. one thing my mom did though was told me that there was no santa but that she needed help and thats why she was telling me. she needed someone to wrap the presants and sneeke the presants under the tree christmas eve. i liked that. i became santas elf.

I think this year or next is the right time to start. Depending on how religious you are, you could phase out Santa and phase in the true meaning and magic of the season - the birth of Jesus. There's at least one children's book out there showing Santa in the woods, explaining to the animals that Christmas isn't really about him. Can't remember the title, but it shouldn't be hard to find.

If you don't want to go that route, you could show how other aspects of the season can be magical. Go caroling at a retirement center or hospital, make fun holiday crafts, put in some time at Operation Christmas Child or a similar charity to show how good it is to give to those less fortunate.

There are ways to tell her the truth and at the same time preserve the magic of Christmas for her. Aside from focusing on the origin of Christmas (the Nativity story) you can also tell her that Santa Claus was in fact a real person (St. Nicholas) and find a history on the evolution of the holiday for her. Explain to her that Santa lives on as the spirit of Christmas giving and she's now old enough to be a part of being Santa. Find a way that the two of you can give this year. If you're a seamstress, you can teach her how to make simple fleece "beanie" style hats, simple mittens and scarves and then anonymously donate the fruit of your labors to a homeless shelter. Teach her to practice anyonymous acts of kindness and giving. Tell her that you're letting her in to the secret of Santa because you believe that she's a wonderful girl with a caring heart and she's ready to be a part of this wonderful tradition of secret giving.

Here's a link to a tutorial on a super easy and fast beanie style hat that would be a great project for you and her to do together if you're interested. Shelters are always in need of cold weather gear.

http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_sew-fleece-hat-minut...

There are a number of ways to go about this. It is a personal decision. Until my mother passed away last year I still got presents marked "From Santa." (I'm 55!) Even as kids we always remarked how Santa had Mama's handwriting! It was almost a joke. We always told our kids - "You stop believing, you stop receiving." And then there's always the "Polar Express." But when they got older and got serious and asked, we told them the truth, but added that there truly was a St. Nicholas and certainly the spirit of giving. God gave us Jesus on Christmas. What a wonderful gift!