Where to Go from Here

Hello. My name is H.. I too am a single mom. I live at home right now. My job doesn't pay me enough to move out. But there are places out there that do what is called cap income houseing. You can call The Virginia Income Houseing Athority. They will send you a list of all the places that are. The can even help you buy a home. I hope you find what you are looking for.

I'm so sorry things aren't working out for you. I became a single mom about 6 years ago. I had a job and alot of bills, but we moved into a small apartment that I could afford and I ended up declairing bankruptsy. I had to rely on my friends alot for a few months, but I got through it. I know you are probably worried about making ends meet and not having bad credit in the end, but focus on the basic needs of you and your children first. If the fighting is effecting them that much any change will be an improvement. They aren't worried about how big your home is or about cable TV. It helps if you downsize. Maybe a smaller car with a smaller payment or something like that. There is a web site called singlemom.com that may have some helpful resources for you. You will get through it. I did and am re-married now and surely will stay that way for a long time. Even though I am happy, one always has to have a back-up plan. If you have any questions you think I could help with shoot me an e-mail at ____@____.com Hang in there!!!! You'll find a way.

I really feel for you. I know how you feel, I am a mother of two boys,10 and 12. I went through the same situation when my boys were 1 and 3. The only thing difference is me and my kids father luckly were not married and his was physically abusive. First thing is you should call your local Social Service Dpartment and talk to a family social worker. Tell her your situation and yor plans and ask her what steps you need to do and who you need to contact to make sure you and your children will be okay. Also I wouldnt put your goals so high as to finding house to move into but maybe a cheap apartment or a mobile home. When I had first got the notion I was going to leave him I started looking for a place before I told him. I ended up finding a three bedroom mobile home that and owner was selling for $5500.00. By no means did I have that type of cash, but I talked to the couple who owned it and explained my situation and they were very friendly and decided to let me do payments . With the lot rent only being $350.00 and then paying $200.00 a month for the trailer, it was still cheaper than renting and apartment. I felt weird moving into a trailer but I lived there with my boys for 10 years until I just bought a house about 6 months ago. I also applied for foodstamps and medical for my kids after I had signed the lease. It was the best move I ever made. And have never regreted the hard times I had to go through in the beginning on mine own as a single mother. Good luck, I hope your life falls in to its right place.

Not sure the situation with the children. Your written request said there were three children. Two that are his and one from a previous. I am assuming the two that are his are yours too? And the one from previous is from his previous marriage?

If you feel you need to leave and if you can find support from family I would step out and ask for help. If you do not have anyone you can count on to help then know that your husband will have to help financially take care of your children whether that's co-pays at the doctor, half or all of the school costs, clothing, etc. Child support needs to be set up by the court system so it can be legal.

My mother over 35 years ago left with $17.00 in her pocket but she took us to Fla. to stay with An Uncle and Aunt. We were blessed to have somewhere to go.

There is probably assistance in your city you can count on to help you until you can get back on your feet. I would start by asking family then start checking the laws on child support.

If I do have the order right as far as which children are whose then you are not going to be responsible for all three. The children sound old enough to be able to go into an after school program or trade with another mom in the area if she watches your children at night until you get home you can watch hers on the weekends.

I know that in Fort Mill there are town homes past the fruit stand going toward Rock Hill on the right that are based on income and dependence. I helped place people there and they used to be very nice, of course that was about 8 years ago.

sent you a private responce......

also you should, if you haven't already, tell all your reletives (mom's, grandma, uncles, friends). i did that about three years ago and even though i wasn't that close with my relatives they ALL wanted us to live with them until we got back on our feet . . . i had no car, no job, thousands in debts because of the ex but my daughter and i moved in with my relatives and we got on our feet
we've been on our own now for 6mons

If you could find a financial counselor who could help you run the numbers and really give you a good picture of what you are looking at and what you will need. You will probably also get child support and possibly spousal support from your husband and might want to talk to a lawyer about that and your options. If you are able to get some help from him the numbers might work out better. I would also start looking for a job that has better hours and maybe pays more. Check with some local temp agencies to see if they have anything permanent and could get your name in the system for full time permanent job openings. They could set up interviews for you and you can take a little time looking. I would sit down with you husband and talk to him about what you are thinking and try to work together to make a transition smooth. You also need to think about the children and what they need too. It might be a good idea if you could see a counselor privately just by yourself to help you through this decision. My prayers are with you and I hope everything works out to the best.

Wow-I don't really know what to tell you. I used to volunteer for the Women's Resource Center in Hickory, NC. Maybe you could find a place with similar resources to help you. Please let me know if I can help!

WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT WHERE TO GO FROM HERE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW....IM NOT THE ONE LEAVING THOUGH.MY HUSBAND IS MOVING TO MARYLAND,AFTER 14 YEARS...I HAVE NO JOB , NO INCOME...I HAVE APPLIED FOR DISABILITY FOR MY BACK BECAUSE IT LIMITS MY ABILITY TO WORK...MY HUSBAND AND I ALSO LIVE WITH MY MOM WHOM IS DISABLED, SO NOT ONLY DO I GOT TO FIND A HOME FOR ME BUT FOR HER AS WELL...HE PAID 1/2 RENT...AND HE GAVE NO NOTICE....THE SHELTER WANT TAKE US...

Could you go to the local DHR and ask them what you need to do? Id there a shelter in your area? Are you in a church family that may help? If not please consider getting the kids in church. It is so nice to have the Lord to rely on in times of need. He can do amazing things.

I too am a mother with three kids,(18,15 &1)if I hadn't been such a wimp I woulda left my husband YEARS ago,the only thing GOOD to come from this marriage,in about ten years,is my baby girl.(I was doing my "wifely-duties!!!)I dont love him and haven't in quite sometime(I often wonder if I ever did),my financial situation is a MESS(everything was in my name)I dont work now(first time in about 20 YRS-and I dont have a babysitter),have no money & have to depend on him,his priorities are all screwed-up(I often told him,he's the only single married man I've ever known!!!)My idea in life was to have more,and to have more for my children(security,A definite ROOF over our heads,ETC.)than I did,to have something to offer them when they started out on their own,but if he JUST gets by,He's happy.Thing haven't and probably never will change,I feel STUCK and persistantly hopeless-no money,no credit,no family-'cept my kids,woman,if you have the ability to GET OUT and keep your head above water ,for now ,DO IT!!!Life is not supposed to be this miserable,can't be,I wouldn't wish this on my WORST enemy!If you find out any GOOD news,please let me know,Ifeel as if I'm at the bottom of an endless pit with no way out.